Running in Your Direction
by stokette
Summary: The world as Rachel Berry knows it is falling apart and there is only one person who can piece what's left of it back together - Shelby Corcoran. AU
1. When a Heart Breaks

**Rachel's POV**

"Mom! Mom, I'm home!" I yelled as I walked into the house. "Mom! Mom?"

I went into the kitchen to grab some water. It had been an extremely grueling day of practice, but as usual I thrived. I am, in fact, Rachel Barbra Berry. Even at sixteen, I know I was born to be a star. I've always known and right now my star is shining bright as the female lead of Vocal Adrenaline, the best show choir in the nation. We are well on our way to winning our third consecutive national title and was I ever ready. We wiped the floor at sectionals and no doubt will do the same at regionals. I sighed thinking about it, what a waste of time, they might as well just give us the trophy and spare the other teams the embarrassment. Ok maybe that was a little harsh; no, not harsh, it's show business. That's what my boyfriend, Jesse St. James, male lead of Vocal Adrenaline, would say. Ex-boyfriend Rachel, he's your ex-boyfriend.

Jesse was like a drug; hard to quit and disastrous to take. I only recently broke it off with him when I found him making out with the head cheerleader in the choir room last week. Still, even knowing he had cheated on me, I was drawn to him. I couldn't help it. I mean especially with our on-stage chemistry. It was... magic, but I'm a professional. I can keep things purely platonic as we belt our hearts out to 'As Long As Your Mine,' can't I? Of course I can, it was my mother who eventually convinced me.

From day one she's been there constantly as my support, my rock, my own personal fan club, cheering me on in whatever I do. Well she cheers me on but then tries to convince me not to pursue a career in show business, but I think it's only because she's worried it might be a struggle. I smile thinking of my mom, Katherine Berry. The best mom in the whole world hands down. Okay, well maybe not the best. She could support my dreams… but she does support my activities at least. I can only think of one other person who could possibly be better… but she's not an option.

As I open the fridge, I laugh a bit, of course my mother knew me well enough that water was the first thing I would come for when I got home. I grab the note she had left on my water bottle

**Gone to the store. Be back soon. Love, Mom**.

I put the note to the side, grab the bottle of water and head to my room.

Sitting the bottle on my desk and taking out my cell I begin to text my mom

_~Chinese and Sound of Music?~_

It was our movie night and mom never cooks on movie night, it's good though. Instead we just sit back, relax, enjoy some fabulous take-out and watch a movie or two, usually a musical if I get my way. It isn't long before she answers back

_~Sounds great Hon! Be home in 20~_.

I fist pump, I always get my way on movie night. Smiling, I decide to jump in the shower and get into my favorite pj's so as soon as mom gets home we can start the movie.

Forty-five minutes later and mom still isn't home. I've called her twice and sent a couple of texts, but I've received no answer. Maybe her phone just died. That has to be it, I refuse to allow my over-active imagination to run rampant in my mind. Mom will be home soon. She'll apologize for taking so long and start spouting off about traffic and how some idiot driver decided he was going to drive abnormally slow just because of a little rain. I look out the window of our living room checking for passing cars - nothing. Sigh, where is she?

I'll be the first to confess to you right here and now that I am not exactly the most patient person in the world. So the fact that I'm now pacing in front of the previously aforementioned window shouldn't come as that much of a surprise. Finally, after what seems like an eternity I see lights pulling into our drive way.

"About time! Geez mom could you have taken any longer?" I say as I open the door only to find a woman other than my mother standing before me "I'm sorry I thought you were my mom."

The woman smiles and I notice a police car is parked behind her car.

"It's quite alright. My name is Rebecca Nielsen and this is Officer James Kelly," I look to her left somehow I had missed the officer's presence before. "Are you Rachel Berry?"

"Yes," I quietly say "Is there a problem?"

"Do you mind if we come in for a minute?"

"Of course, yes, that's fine" I manage to say even though all my senses are screaming at me to fall apart.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

As I hear the front door begin to open, I am bombarded by the sounds of pouncing feet and is that a sliding noise?

"Brent Joseph Corcoran you better not be sliding down the banister again!" I yell as I rush out of my office to find my four year old climbing off the stair railing.

Ladies and gentlemen meet Brent Corcoran, daredevil extraordinaire.

"Sorry mommy," he says sheepishly and I give a glare.

Not that it's really my son's fault sensing how it was his father, Charlie Corcoran, who taught him that little trick.

"Daddy! Daddy!" My daughter Vanessa screams as she jumps into Charlie's arms.

"Hey princess." He greets her, spinning her around and smiling all the while.

"My turn! My turn!" Brent jumps up and shouts.

"Ok Goof-ball, your turn" He gestures to our son, shuffling his hair. As he puts Brent down he reaches towards me and offers a kiss that I more than willingly accept "Evening beautiful." I swoon and begin to ask him how his day went.

It seems that all of a sudden I've forgotten the rant I had planned to give him on teaching our son a crash course in 'Give Mom A Heart Attack 101.' Sometimes I'm in awe at how he still has the same effect on me as he did when we first started dating eight years ago. Why, If you would have told me ten years ago that I would not only have ended up dating Charlie Corcoran but marrying him I would have laughed in your face. Crazy how love just jumps up on you like that.

Charlie and I met ten years ago when his management company bought out my, then, manager and all of his clients. I was more than skeptical at first having already been quite successful on broadway for four years, going by Shelby Lawson (my maternal grandparents name). It felt sorta like a slap in the face to find out my management wanted out, but Charlie was quite convincing when trying to keep my contract. Oh it wasn't romantic at first, far from it, but it surely didn't take long. A year later we were dating and then two years more we were married. Vanessa was born the year after that and then two years later came Brent. It was after Brent was born that I decided to take break from show business for a while.

Why not take a break? I'd already accomplished everything I had set out to do. I took Broadway by storm, even won a Tony for best actress in a musical. I've done a couple of movies here and there; had some TV roles. Now I was completely focused on one role and one role only - Mom/Wife. Of course I've been playing that role for a while now but frankly I just got tired of trying to juggle it all. The only way I was going back was if it was an offer I couldn't refuse. I smiled thinking to myself that Charlie would have laughed at 'The Godfather' reference and then would have went on to say that I was also still open for benefits and charities. Ok so maybe I am not completely giving it up all together. Let's just say I'm semi-retired. No, I'm on a break. Retirement makes me sound old. I am not old.

"Shelby. Shelby!" Charlie says waving his hands in front of me "zone out much?"

"Shut up." I playfully slap his arm.

"So what's for dinner?"

"I don't know. Something take-out, Charlie. Chinese, Pizza?"

"I thought the whole point of this retirement thing was to learn domestication at it's best?"

"Ha, ha very funny and I'm not retired."

"Excuse me semi-retired."

"I'm taking a break, I'm too young to be retired."

Welcome to the daily banter of Charlie and Shelby Corcoran.

"And the whole point of the break was to spend more time with my kids and husband... not necessarily just to learn to cook."

"It'd be a pl-us." Charlie sing-songs.

"How bout leave the singing to me and order us up a couple of pizzas." I spout off as I throw him the phone.

"But dear your retir- taking a break from singing."

"Nice save."

"You love me."

"That I do-o." I sing-song back as I go bounding up the stairs to find out where our children have snuck off too.

If there's one thing I've learned it's never leave a Corcoran child alone for any substantial period. Never.

A little while later and we are all gathered around the table eating pizza and laughing at Brent's new knock knock jokes he has memorized- no doubt my husband's doing.

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Old lady"

"Oh this one must be about your mother."

"Charlie Corcoran!" I fuss as the kids laugh, but I can't help the smile on my face. I give in "Old lady who?"

"Hey I didn't know ya knew how ta yodel!" Brent spouts out as we all laugh in return.

Good Lord Charlie really needs to teach him something better than these. I laugh anyways. He is my son after all. The phone starts ringing and I jump up to get it.

"Saved by the bell?" Charlie jokes.

"Only if your Zack Morris." He almost spits out his drink, almost. Next time, I'll get him next time I tell myself. "Corcoran residence." I answer.

"Yes may I speak with Shelby Corcoran please."

"This is she."

"Mrs. Corcoran, I'm officer James Kelly of the New York State Highway Patrol."

"Yes officer, how may I help you?" Charlie raises his brow at this and mouths 'What's up?' I shrug and continue to listen to the officer.

"Ma'am I'm afraid I have some bad news."

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

It was like my entire world was crashing around me. I couldn't breathe, couldn't move, and then I passed out. I woke up in a hospital room. I was being given oxygen, every thing was hazy. Was this really happening? It couldn't be. My mom wasn't... any minute she would...

"Rachel, sweetheart."

"A-aunt Shelby?"

"Hey baby." My aunt said as she brushed the hair out of my face.

She looked awful. Beyond awful, but she was here. If there was one person I looked up to more than, my mom it was my aunt Shelby. She was a Broadway powerhouse superstar. She's won a Tony and been in movies. I remember the first time I ever saw her perform it was breath taking.

She's always been there when it counted. I knew, even if I didn't act upon it, that no matter what I could call her and she'd drop everything and come running. Mom gets on me about it saying Shelby's a broadway actress and she has more important things to do that come to each and every one of my recitals. Aunt Shelby still makes it to each and every one of my performances.

Of course now she was on a break. I don't really understand why on earth anyone would want to take a break from Broadway but I guess it's different when you have kids. I love my cousins, don't get me wrong, but to give up Broadway for the Pipsqueak and the Munchkin? Not me. Nuh-uh.

"How ya feeling kiddo?" She said bringing me out of my musings.

I looked up at her. If she's here then maybe it's... oh God, please tell me...

"Tell me it's not true aunt Bee Bee."

"Oh honey." She coos, hugging me trying to offer her support.

I know I haven't called her Bee Bee since I was little but I can't help it. All of a sudden I felt little. She wipes at the tears that seem to be trying to desperately escape from her eyes.

"Baby they did all they could but there was too much bleeding." She paused.

It was getting to her. I on the other hand felt like a zombie or at least what I imagine a zombie would feel like if they actually existed.

"So she didn't um... she didn't."

"No, baby, she didn't make it."

She didn't make it. She didn't make it. My aunt's words rang throughout my ears. I knew logically that she was currently holding me, but I couldn't feel it. I barely even heard the muffled sounds of her crying. I watched as two other pairs of arms wrapped around us. My Bubbe and Zayde (It's yiddish for grandmother and grandfather). I closed my eyes and I still couldn't feel them and then it came to me, the reason why I couldn't feel. I was dreaming. I must of fallen asleep on the couch waiting for mom. This was a dream. My mother wasn't dead. I'll close my eyes and when I wake up she'll be there. I furiously shut my eyes. This is a dream. Wake-up Rachel. Wake-up!

I curled myself up into a ball and everyone besides aunt Shelby backs away. Wake-up Rachel. Wake-up. I must of started saying it out loud because Shelby grabbed on to me tighter, rocking me.

"Rachel, honey, it's not a dream. I'm so sorry baby, but it's not a dream. Kate isn't coming back."

"No. No. No. No." I said shaking my head. "No it's not true. I'm just dreaming. I'm asleep on the couch and when I wake up she'll be there. She has to be there."

"Oh baby." Aunt Shelby just kept holding me.

No this is a dream if she let's me go I'll fall asleep and when I wake up it'll have been a dream.

I push her away and shout "Get off of me! Stop lying! It's a dream!"

Shelby jumped back at my rage. Maybe it was a little uncalled for, but after all this is just a dream.

"It's not real. You're not real! Mom's gonna come wake me up and you'll all be gone. It's not real!" I yell.

I fall back into the bed in tears, away from them all. It's not real. This is just a really really really bad nightmare. Mom's not dead. She can't be. I feel a pair of arms wrap around me once again.

"Mommy?" I say barely above a whisper.

I get no answer but I somehow feel safe. I just know it's my mother who has me wrapped up in her arms. She's trying to calm me from my nightmare and when I wake up she'll be there. She has to be. I fall asleep.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

Rachel's finally asleep but I am under no delusions that it will be any better when she wakes up again. Actually I expect it to be worse. Still I can't seem to let her go. I know I was wrong not to correct her when she called me mommy earlier, but she was starting to calm down.

"Shelby, you need to eat something."

Leave it up to my mother to worry about wether or not I'm eating. My older sister is gone and you want me to eat? I don't say it. I want to. Believe me there is nothing more I'd rather do than find some excuse to tell my mother off, but no. Not here. Not now. Rachel needs me. Rachel is the one we should be worrying about.

"I'm fine ma. I'm not going to leave her. I can't." I say a little more sharply that I intended.

She just nods and leaves the room.

The hospital decided to keep Rachel for observation for the night. She hyperventilated twice and with the amount of grief she's going through... God I just wanna take her home. How can it help to keep her here? She hates hospitals. I'm not too fond of them myself. I sent Charlie home. He didn't want to leave but I think it was better for the kids. At least he has his parents to help him. Damn. Am I a bad mother? Should I be the one there with him right now explaining it to them? But how do you explain to your kids that their aunt is dead? I mean Vanessa is 6 and Brent is only 4... Oh God. My sister is dead.

I'm trying not to break apart. I don't want to wake Rachel up, but it's getting harder and harder. The more I think about it the more I don't want to believe it's true. But I know it's true. I take a deep breath. Be strong, Shelby, you've gotta be strong for Rachel.

"You don't have to be so strong, Shelby."

"Don't I?"

"She's asleep. It isn't gonna kill you to fall apart and let someone else take your burdens for a while."

"Isn't it Pop? Because I've done so many things, I have so many regrets. I have to be strong. I have to be strong for Rachel."

Before I knew it my father was pulling me up and away from Rachel.

"Let go. Shelby. You can't be strong for her if your about to break apart at the seams. Let go, then be strong."

He hugged me and I lost it. I completely and utterly fell apart.

"She's gone daddy. Kate's really gone."

"I know, it's so hard to believe."

We cried together. The only time I've ever seen my father shed tears. Kate was gone and as much as none of us wanted to believe it, this was real.

I cried into my father's arms. My mother sat on the opposite side of the room crying as well. When I had no more tears left to cry I took a deep breath and went back to my place on the bed holding Rachel. She didn't wake and I slowly released the breath I was holding. I needed to hold her. To be there. Whatever she needed, I was it. I had to be it. I needed to be it.


	2. Everybody Hurts

**Rachel's POV**

I never knew my dad. Mom always said not to worry about him. That he was just another dead beat and we didn't need him. I always thought she was right. I mean here I am sixteen years old and I'm perfectly fine with out him. It's my mom I'm not perfectly fine without. She was my everything. I know I talk a lot about Broadway and being a star and I know she didn't want all that for me… but still I thought she'd always be there.

When I woke up that morning in the hospital I instantly knew it wasn't a dream. I could of sworn that it was my mother that had been holding me but it must have been Shelby. It seems she hasn't left my side. As soon as I make any sort of movement she's there.

"Hey kid. Feeling any better?"

Of course I'm not feeling any better. My mother's dead. Hit by a drunk driver that decided she had no other option but to run a red light, hitting my mom in the driver's side door.

In loo of saying what I want to say I just shrug and she begins to play with my hair. I know she wants me to talk. I can see it in her eyes. I don't plan on it any time soon.

"The doctor will be in, in a minute." a nurse came in to say. I look at my aunt. I hate doctors. I hate hospitals and she knows it.

"So they can discharge you."

See who needs to talk? She can read my mind. Shit. She can read my mind. I frown a little at that. I'd rather it be that no one could do that. She looks at me funny, but continues to play with my hair. I hate how comforting it feels.

"I'm Dr. Younts." A man who looks to be about in his mid 50s says. "How are we feeling this morning?"

Like I was hit by a train seventeen times. Once again, however, I choose not to speak. He waits for a moment looking at me expectantly.

"She isn't speaking?" he replies to my silence. Duh! How about we give you a cookie?

"No. I think it's just a lot to take in." Shelby replies.

I roll my eyes. You think? She frowns at me. She really needs to stop reading my mind.

"Well then, it seems all is well and good. Her breathing seems back to normal and what not."

And what not? Who is this guy? If I were currently speaking I would most definitely be asking for a second opinion! He signs some papers and what not... oh God I need to leave this place and then he motions for Shelby to follow him out into the hallway. She gives me a look like she's asking for permission. You're the adult! I would scream if I was speaking, but I'm not, so I won't. I just nod instead.

Sigh. Does sighing count as speaking? If so then I'm screwed.

I can't really hear what Shelby and Dr. Younts are talking about but I don't even really care one way or the other. I'm sure he is currently giving her a reference to a therapist I don't plan on seeing. I get up to use the restroom and when I get back she is sitting back next to the hospital bed.

"You know we usually don't start sitting Shiva until after the funeral. So you don't have to take the optional vow of silence yet."

I wince at the word funeral and it doesn't go unnoticed.

"Rachel, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"It's fine. I mean it's not but whatever." Ok so I lied. The whole not talking thing wasn't going to work. At least not with my aunt. I still don't plan on saying much, just enough to get by.

Shelby looks surprised that I spoke. Guess she bought into the whole not talking thing. Guess I could've kept the silence going after all. No I couldn't.

"Still, I'm sorry..."

"Would you stop saying that." Sorry- my new least favorite word.

"I'm- ok." It's almost as if she was going to say it again but catches herself. "Ready to go?'

No, not if it means this is real.

"Sure."

She puts her arm around my shoulders and directs me out of the room. We take our journey to her car together in complete silence. As we drive home a thought occurs to me.

"What's gonna happen to me?" I question my aunt. Not that I think she really knows.

"Well I'm not exactly sure."

Told you.

"But you'll either go live with Bubbe and Zayde or come to live with me."

Please let it be with Aunt Shelby. I love my grandparents but ugh! I think Shelby saw my reaction because she's smiling a bit.

"Don't worry. I'm sure your mom didn't leave you with our parents. She loved you too much." She reaches over the console and grabs my hand.

I should be smiling, but it comes out as a half try. I just squeeze her hand in response. I really do love my aunt.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I can't be for certain, but I'm pretty sure that one of Rachel's smiles could cure cancer. Even though it didn't quite happen this time, the small lift in the corner of her mouth was enough. She's always been able to wrap just about anyone around her finger with a beam and there isn't any one of us, at least in the family, that wouldn't do anything to see it again.

Have I mentioned how thankful I am that she decided to talk? For a moment there I was certain we were all going to get the silent treatment. It may not be much but it's something. Certainly better than I thought today would start out.

As we pull in to her driveway the waterworks begin again. I rush as fast as I can out of my SUV to the passenger's side so that I can engulf her into a hug.

"I'm here. Ssh. I know I'm not really who you want right now, but you've got me. Ok?"

She nods into the hug but doesn't let go. "Promise?" She sounds so broken. So small

"I promise." If it's all I have to offer this child for the rest of my life, she's got it. I swear it from now until forever. I will do right by her. My promise seems to be enough because she's wiping her eyes now and moving toward the door. Just then my youngest comes high tailing it out of the door.

"Rae-Rae!" Brent leaps into Rachel's arms and lucky for her she was ready for him.

"Hey munchkin." She says softly.

"Mommy!" Now I'm the victim of daredevil Brent as he jumps up on me.

"Hey baby." I smile. How could I not?

"Aunt Shelby," Rachel says looking like she's about to break "Is it ok if I just go in my room for a while? I kinda just wanna be alone."

"Sure." I say though I am quickly wanting to retract. I'm left wondering if we should leave her alone. Just about then Charlie comes up to me.

"She probably just needs some space." he whispers into my ear. It's amazing how he can read me. I give him a nod and put Brent down who runs over to the TV to argue with his sister about what show they should watch.

"No running in the house!" My mother spouts from her place at the kitchen table. God do I ever not want to deal with my mother.

It's safe to say that you've probably noticed by now that we do not get along. No, Kate was her pride and joy. Kate was the angel. Kate didn't chase crazy dreams. Kate didn't give up her... I instantly feel horrible. I know it seems that all I have is bitterness towards my sister at the moment, however, it's not. I adored Kate despite the fact that our mother always believed she was better than me. Truth is she was right. Kate was better than me. Kate did her best to fix every mistake I ever made from kindergarten through adulthood. Sure I didn't agree with them all but still… who's gonna try and fix me now? Who do I have?

Once again Charlie is reading me like a book. He stands next to me and grabs my hand, leads me to the table so that we can sit down with my parents, and he never lets go.

Charlie. Charlie is who I have. And Vanessa. And Brent. And possibly Rachel. The thought makes me smile and I squeeze Charlie's hand letting go. Letting him know that I'm gonna be ok. Somehow, someway we all are.

Two more days pass. The funeral was hell. It was all I could do to pull Rachel out of bed to even attend and when she did it was like she was permanently attached to my hip. The second part I was ok with. Rachel was always very clingy. If it's what she needs now it's what she'll have.

The service was short. What a blessing that turned out to be. Never have I ever wanted to be someplace else so badly. It's still hard to believe that she's gone.

We were also finally able to meet with the lawyer. He confirmed what I had hoped for. I now have complete custody of Rachel Barbra Berry. All assets accumulated by my sister, other than what Rachel would like to keep, will be liquidated in a trust fund that Rachel will get once she turns eighteen. I look over at Rachel who seems lost, staring out the window. I reach for her hand and squeeze it. She turns to look at me but doesn't smile. We sign a few papers and then head back to the house.

When we return a meal is already there waiting on us. Of course my mother would make sure that we all sit Shiva. All of a sudden I'm not very hungry. I'd rather mourn in my own time, my own way rather than practice the cultural rights of my people. I was never a good Jew. My mother will be the first to tell you.

Rachel immediately darts for the door of her room. Well if she's going to hide again this time she's going to have a guest.

"Knock, knock," I say as I enter her room. "Mind if I join you?"

"It's fine." she says and rolls over onto her side. I sit down next to her and begin playing with her hair. It seems it's the only way of comfort that really gets through to her. Of course it's always been that way though. She snuggles into me and I smile.

"Wanna watch a movie?" She only nods. I get up and go over to the group of movies she has lying next to her laptop. "Funny Girl?" This time I get a smile. As long as she lives, Rachel Barbra Berry will never turn down the opportunity to watch Funny Girl. Neither will I. I pop in the movie and settle back next to her.

"Aunt Shelby?"

"Yeah."

"When I move in with you, I'm gonna have to change schools aren't I?"

"Yeah kiddo, afraid so, but McKinley has a decent music program. It's fairly new but I've heard wonderful things about it."

"It's ok. I'm not sure I'll really feel like singing."

"Oh, well that's up to you. I won't force you if you don't want to but I do think it would help you." I know Kate always wanted her to pick another career. She was a lot like our mother in that instance. I've always tried to support whatever Rachel wanted to do.

"Maybe." She shrugs.

I just kiss her forehead and we continue to watch the movie until she dozes off. She's been spending a lot of time sleeping lately.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Seven days of hell. Well at least that's what it might as well be. Bubbe and Aunt Shelby have been arguing non-stop. Shelby thinks we should go ahead and start packing up the house and Bubbe thinks we should continue to sit Shiva for the required amount of days. Honestly, I think Bubbe just likes to get under Shelby's skin. She isn't nearly as religious as Shelby makes her out to be. Even so, I agree with Aunt Shelby on this one. I mean it's not like staying here and sitting Shiva is gonna bring Mom back. I certainly don't think that any of us are taking any journey's towards "healing." At least today's the last day.

I'm not really excited about moving, but then again I'm not really excited about anything. I'm happy that, at least, it's Shelby I'm moving in with, but you know, I'm only leaving everything behind. Everything meaning the number one show choir in the nation. Not that I would have been much help at Regionals anyway. Music doesn't matter so much anymore.

"Hey Rach." My uncle Charlie says entering my room.

"Yeah."

"The Puckerman's are here. Noah wants to see you."

"Ok. Yeah. That's fine."

The Puckerman's go to Bubbe and Zayde's temple. I've known them for as long as I can remember. Bubbe used to joke around saying Noah would be the nice Jewish boy that I would marry someday. She doesn't anymore. Seems like Noah has garnered himself quite the reputation these days with the ladies. Guess we've both come a long way actually. From diapers to Bar/Bat Mitzvah's to high school. Half way to who we're supposed to be right?

I hear a knock on my door and I gesture for Noah to enter.

"So this is what it's like to be in Rachel Berry's room."

As much as I don't want to, I can't help but laugh a little. We've always joked about the whole "destined to be together" crap our grandmothers tried to pull since we were kids. I'm thankful though, he's the first person since my mom has died that hasn't come up to me telling me how sorry they are.

"Well all you really had to do was ask and you may have seen it a while ago."

"Really Berry?" He raises his eyebrows in a suggestive tone.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Noah! You know I didn't mean it that way!"

He laughs. We both laugh. I thought I had forgotten how to laugh.

"How's Jesse St. Jerkoff?"

Despite the fact that we don't see each other often, Noah and I have actually been pretty good friends. We live in different cities, go to different schools, but talk quite often. I conveniently forgot to tell him about Jesse.

"Turns out I wasn't really his type."

"Yeah? Is he blind or something?"

Did I mention we flirt a lot? Thats all it really is, flirting. We have no intentions of giving the bubbes the satisfaction of knowing they might have been possibly right.

"No, he just prefers cheerleaders now. At least I assume he does since I caught him making out with one two weeks ago."

"He cheated on you?"

"Yep."

"I'll kill him." Noah says as he moves to leave, but I grab his arm to pull him back. And that's why I "forgot" to tell him about Jesse.

"It doesn't matter. I'll be changing schools now so it's not like I'll have to deal with him."

"That's right short stack. You get to play on my turf now."

I smile as he nudges me. At least, I won't be alone at McKinley.

"Hey! We got a glee club now! Mr Shue, the spanish teacher, started it at the beginning of the year. It's actually pretty fun. Singing and shit. Just don't tell anybody I said that." Noah says looking around as if someone could have heard.

"Aunt Shelby put you up to that didn't she?"

"No. I mean, I'm in it so it's cool as hell you know?" I glare at him and he pauses "Ok so she partly put me up to it. She just wants you to be happy and she knows how much singing does that for you. And besides I really am in it so you could have more opportunities to chill with the Puckster."

"Puckster?"

"Yeah that's another thing. Everyone at school calls me Puck. It's bad ass."

"You know I still have every intent of calling you Noah right?"

He shrugs, "it was worth a shot."

We both laugh and then I start crying again. Noah doesn't say anything. Instead he just wraps me up in one of his bear hugs and lets me cry. He really is a good friend.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

"You could have told him to leave the door open." I scold Charlie as Noah enters Rachel's room.

"Oh come on Shelby. You really think he would try something now? Here?"

"We are talking about Noah Puckerman. Everyone knows about his reputation."

"And yet he's somehow been friends with Rachel since they were four and not managed to screw it up."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'm just worried about her. She holds herself up in that room day in and out and I'm just worried."

"I know. Hey, I know." Charlie says as he pulls me into a hug. "We're gonna get through this Shel. All of us. Rachel's gonna be fine. It might take a while, but she'll get there. You'll get her there."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Hey we'll cross that bridge when we get there." There goes my Charlie, once again reading my mind.

The next morning I was relieved to know that Shiva was finally over and that we could begin packing up everything to move Rachel in to our house. The hardest part by far was when Rachel and I started to go through Kate's things. I looked at Rachel who had just plopped herself on her mother's bed. It's not the first time she's entered the room, but I can tell this is different. This is where goodbye really begins. She gets up and moves to the closet. She moves some things around on the floor until she finds what she is looking for. Ah, I see, it's a box of pictures. She pulls one out and clutches it to her chest before she hands it to me.

"It's my favorite." She says at almost a whisper.

I look at the picture it's one of Kate, Rachel, and I when Rachel was about a year old. She was rolling around in the grass in our parents backyard, Kate on one side of her, me on the other. Pop took this. I'm slowly begin to realize that tears are forming in my eyes when Rachel gets up and climbs into my lap, clutching on as if her life depended on it. I just hold her and we cry together.

Three days later and Rachel has decided all that she wants to keep is packed up and ready to go.

"Aunt Shelby can I have a minute? Alone, I mean, in the house?"

"Sure kid." I say before getting into my SUV. A minute turns into fifteen and I contemplate going in after her, but just as I am opening my car door, she makes her way out the front door.

"Ready?" I ask her as she climbs into the car.

"No, not really."

"Want to take another minute?" Rachel shakes her head no and I sigh. "I'm here for you Rachel. Whatever you need ok?" She nods and I pull out of my sister's driveway for the last time.


	3. If I Could Turn Back Time

**Shelby's POV**

_********************************Begin Flashback************************************* _

_"Ok, okay! Are you guys ready for this?" I state excited to show Kate and Rachel the newest addition to the musical I'm currently involved in._

_"Are YOU ready for this?" Kate says taking Rachel out of her highchair. Rachel is covered in baby food so Kate goes to change her before I begin. _

_I gasp feigning shock, "I was born ready!" Kate only laughs. When she comes back into the room she sits in front of me with Rachel on her lap. _

_"Well get to it then!" She snaps. "Chop! Chop!"_

_"Ok," I flash her a bright smile. I'm practically giddy sharing this with them. "So just to give you the general idea of it, my character is in this performance space and standing in front of a microphone when I begin" I compose myself and just like that- I'm Maureen._

_"Last night I had a dream. I found myself in a desert called Cyberland._

_It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty..."_

_I continue on only for Kate to start laughing, which in turn makes Rachel giggle. Best sound ever. I smile._

_I feel like I'm rushing through it but I just want them to like it you know? I'm so proud of this musical and everything it stands for. Even if Maureen is a little crazy and a lesbian. Ma's gonna hate that. The thought makes me smile wider. I continue on until I'm almost done with the piece. As I sing leap of faith over and over, Rachel begins to bounce her head back and forth. She's so cute! Makes me just wanna squeeze her little cheeks! Focus, Shelby, focus!_

_"Only thing to do is jump over the moon_

_Only thing to do is jump over the moon_

_Over the moon - over the_

_Moooooooo_

_Moooooooo_

_Moooooooo_

_Moooooooo_

_Moo with me."_

_Rachel seems to really like this part I notice. She's even mooing along. Of course I eat this up and my smile gets wider and wider._

_"Then I encourage the audience to moo with me until a riot starts. Soooo... What ya think?"_

_"Well Shelby that is certainly... different." Kate says. _

_"Kate you haven't even heard the half of it! This whole thing is going to be revolutionary! Life changing I tell ya!" I express enthusiastically, "Rachel seemed to like it. Didn't you baby?" I gesture to the baby sitting on Kate's lap who is smiling and clapping, "Yes you did. Yes you did." I tell her using my baby voice as I pick her up and swing her around. I then begin to tickle her and she giggles. Like I said, best sound ever._

_"Rachel just likes to hear your voice." Kate dismisses as she smiles watching us play, "You really think this is the one huh? This is gonna be the big breakthrough role?"_

_"Kate it's amazing!" I state, emphasizing amazing. I swing Rachel onto my hip and she hugs me. Rachel may just be a baby, but I'm certain she gives the best hugs. "Jonathan has really outdone himself." _

_"Ma's gonna freak when she finds out you're playing a lesbian."_

_"Ma can kiss my ass."_

_"Shelby!" Kate reprimands. "Not in front of Rachel!"_

_"Sorry." I say to her, then look to Rachel, "don't say ass, baby."_

_Kate just rolls her eyes._

_**********************************End Flashback************************************_

"Earth to Shelby," Charlie says walking into the kitchen. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"Sorry, just remembering."

"Yeah," he says as he waits for me to continue. "About?"

"Kate... Rachel... Rent."

"Rent?"

"Yeah."

I was still kind of out of it when, I guess, he decided to just leave me to it.

"Well then, I'm just gonna go back to bed. You coming?"

I look at the clock. It's already 1:00 am. I didn't realize I had been sitting here this long.

"Yeah, um, I'll be there in a minute." I nod as he walks back toward the bedroom. I get up to follow him but then I hear the stairs creak. When I look up to see what could have caused the noise, I notice Rachel is walking down.

"Hey kiddo."

She jumps. "Aunt Shelby. You scared me!"

"I see that. What's up? Can't sleep?"

She shakes her head no.

"Me either." I say as I gesture towards the living room. "Wanna sit down here with me for a while?" She nods and makes her way to sit with me on the couch. Once she is settled down she quickly snuggles into me. We sit there in silence for a minute.

"I miss her." She says breaking the silence. It's barely above a whisper.

"Me too, baby." I say starting to play with her hair.

"I love it when you do that."

"You always have."

"Mom, didn't really ever play with my hair. Only you."

"I didn't know that." We sit there comfortably enjoying just sitting there together when I remember she's been working on decorating her room all day, "Hey, did you get your room the way you wanted finally?"

She perks up, "Yep. Wanna see?"

"I'd love to." I say as she gets up and practically drags me up the stairs. This is by far the most enthusiastic she has been since we finally got everything unpacked and settled yesterday.

We walk up to the room that once was our guest bedroom and before that my music room. Rachel stops at the door as to pause for dramatic effect.

"Ready?" she asks flashing me a smile.

"I was born ready, kiddo." The deja vu hits me quickly, but I ignore it.

Rachel's smile grows even brighter. She is obviously proud of what she's done. I've been trying to sneak a peek all afternoon. Especially, when I noticed the amount of time and effort she was putting into it but each time she has thwarted my attempts, stopping me saying it's not ready. Brent had informed me earlier that I wasn't ninja enough and that he had already made it in there twice narrowly escaping capture by the guards protecting the castle. My four year old watches entirely too much television. Vanessa, on the other hand, threw a tantrum when Rachel wouldn't allow her in. Something I was hoping I wouldn't have to deal with so soon. I see now, however, that Rachel and she are going to butt heads and often. I shake my head at the thought and return my attention to Rachel.

"Tada!" she says walking into the room spinning.

I walk into the newly decorated room. I had half expected it to be a replica of her old room but am pleasantly surprised with the change-up.

"I spent some of the money you gave me for the curtains and bedding on picture frames." She points to the framed playbills, albums, and pictures on her wall.

"You got these when you went with Noah earlier?"

"Yep. It's okay right?"

"Of course! I love them!."

"Really?"

"Absolutely. All this," I point all around me, "is very you."

"Thanks!" She says as she smiles at her work. I had no idea Rachel would turn out to be quite the decorator.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Aunt Shelby is looking around my room, smiling and it just feels great. We've always had this weird connection with music, movies, design, hell even our personalities are similar. Not to mention we look a lot alike. I can remember going out as a kid with her and people wanting to know when she had a kid. She would quickly notify them that I was her niece. She'd tell them how her older sister Kate and her would have been confused for twins if it wasn't for the fact that Kate's hair had more of an auburn tint and that she was slightly shorter. They would nod, smile and go about their way. I would be the tiniest bit disappointed that I wasn't her daughter. She was – is everything I want to be. She's had a fantastic career on Broadway and movies too. She knows Barbra Streisand. And me being who I am well, yeah, I wanted to be her daughter. Thinking about it now, though, I sorta feel like crap. All those times I wished and hoped to be Aunt Shelby's kid... if I'd only known how limited my time with my actual mother was... maybe I could have been a better daughter...

"I remember this one." Aunt Shelby says pointing to my Funny Girl vinyl, autographed by the one and only Barbra Streisand. "Do you remember when I gave this to you?"

"I do. I was nine and had a solo in my school's spring concert. I didn't think you were gonna make it." I smile as I begin to recall the event.

_******************************Begin Flashback***************************************_

_"And now ladies and gentlemen. Let's give a big round of applause for one special little lady: Miss Rachel Berry." The announcer states as I step onto the stage and make my way to the center. Just me and the microphone. The lights dim. Spotlight. Cue the music._

_"So long sad times_

_go long bad times_

_we are rid of you at last_

_howdy gay times_

_cloudy gray times_

_you are now a thing of the past._

_Happy days are here again_

_the skies above are clear again_

_so let's sing a song of cheer again_

_happy days are here again..."_

_After I finish the song, the audience roars and I flash my megawatt smile. Aunt Shelby says it's way better than any show face could ever be. Curtsy twice and I'm off stage. I'm so ecstatic that I don't even see her at first, but standing there next to my mother backstage is the one person I wanted to be here more than anything._

_"Aunt Bee Bee!" I squeal as I jump into a hug. "You came! I thought you couldn't make it but you're here!" _

_"Hey baby!" She says with just as much enthusiasm as I did. "Well I couldn't very well miss my favorite niece's big debut could I?"_

_"Aunt Shelby, I'm your only niece and this isn't my big debut. I've sang lots more solos." I begin to reprimand her when I remember, "Wait! I thought you were supposed to be in the city? Didn't you have a show tonight?"_

_"Well I did have a show, however, I got my understudy to cover for me so I could come watch you perform." She says bopping me on the nose. I hate my nose. I think it's too big for my face, but Aunt Shelby always says she thinks it's perfect just the way it is._

_My eyes went wide with shock. "You gave up a performance just to come watch me sing?"_

_"I sure did!" _

_"B-but it's Broadway." I'm still in shock._

_"Yes, but Broadway isn't you silly!"_

_"But still- it's Broadway." I dead pan._

_"Oh come here and give me another hug you goose!" She says and I quickly oblige. "I've missed you so much baby girl."_

_"I've missed you to Aunt Bee Bee." I wish she could come around more often, but I know she's busy with work. I completely understand that. I wanna be on Broadway someday too. Just like her._

_"You were so wonderful out there." She says and moves some of my hair out of my face._

_I give her one of my megawatt smiles. It's the super megawatt. Specially reserved for Mommy and Aunt Shelby. "I know." What? I was the best out there. No point in denying it! _

_She beams back, "And I am so so proud of you." She gives me another hug. I'm pretty sure it's because I give the best hugs. At least that's what she tells me._

_"Aunt Shelby?"_

_"Hmm?" She says still kneeling and holding my hands._

_"Do you think I'll be good enough for Broadway one day? Just like you?" _

_"I think you'll be better than me, kid. You're gonna take it by storm!"_

_"But Aunt Bee, only Babs is better than you." I say unable to believe that I could ever be better than my aunt._

_"Oh! Speaking of Mrs. Streisand..." She says brushing off my last comment._

_"What? What?" I question._

_"She asked me to give you something."_

_"No way!" I scream and begin to jump up and down. "What is it? Where is it?"_

_"Hold on." She laughs and turns to my uncle Charlie. He hands her a package which she then hands to me. "Here ya go." _

_I open up the package and there in my hands is an autographed vinyl of Funny Girl. I'm speechless. Barbra Streisand sent this for me? It's overwhelming and I begin to cry._

_"Rachel, baby, why are you crying?" Aunt Shelby asks._

_"It's just... I'm so... I'm so happy."_

_She wipes the tears from eyes and pulls me into another hug._

_"Can you tell her I said thank you?" I nuzzle into her neck and she plays with my hair. I love it when she does that._

_"I tell you what. Why don't you write her another letter and I'll see that she gets it."_

_"Okay." I say holding on to her just a little longer. It seems like I never get to see my Aunt Shelby enough these days and even though I do know why, I still miss her._

_************************************End Flashback**********************************_

"I was so proud of you that night Rachel. You did Barbra good."

I smile. "Aunt Shelby?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't know if I can do it any more."

"What's that?" She asks slightly confused.

"Broadway."

"Oh Rach, I think you can accomplish anything, especially Broadway."

"But what if I don't want to?"

"Then no matter what you choose to do, you will excel at it. I have the upmost faith in you and you'll always have me in your corner."

"Even if I decide not to sing?"

"Rachel, you do know I love you for who you are and not what you do, right?"

I give her a slight nod.

Of course I know, it's just I've spent my whole life trying to impress you and make you proud with my voice. Sure I loved it, but I started because of you. I wanted to be-you. Part of me still does. Truth is I still sometimes dream about being the daughter of Broadway superstar, Shelby Lawson and all that comes along with it. But I'm not and now I feel like crap again for even thinking it- again.

But I don't tell her that and I fake a yawn hoping she doesn't catch on to my deeper feelings.

"You're tired baby. Get some sleep ok? We'll be going to the school tomorrow to get everything sorted out." Good, she bought it. Ugh-school. No matter, I'll think about that later and push it to the back of my mind.

"Okay." I say and give her a hug good night even though I know I won't be sleeping. She leaves closing the door and the guilt begins seeping further and further into me. I loved my mother. God, did I ever! Why wasn't it enough for me? Why did I always want more? And even now- I still love and miss her. I miss her so much. It's still not enough and I hate myself for it. No, I can safely say that sleep will not come to Rachel Berry tonight.

"I'm sorry mommy. I'm sorry I'm such a horrible daughter. So very sorry." Speaking to the framed picture I have of her on my nightstand. I then grab my pillow and smother myself into the sheets of my bed. The tears fall and I don't even wish for them to stop. I don't deserve comfort or sleep. I'm starting to believe maybe it should have been me in that accident instead of mom.

I'm crying much harder now and I can't seem to control my breathing. Oh, God, I feel sick. I run to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach. I grab onto the edge of the sink after I've brushed my teeth. I'm still crying. Breath in. Breath out. A few more deep breaths and I have finally gotten it under some control. The tears are still falling but at least my system isn't going into overload again. Is this what it's going to be like? Will I always feel this way? I'm disgusted by myself. You should feel this way Rachel. You're a horrible daughter and you didn't deserve such a wonderful mother. Grabbing a wash cloth, I wet it and begin to wipe off my face. The tears are gone. I look at my reflection in the mirror- I look a mess. I turn off the light and go back into my room.

I make my way over to the nightstand and grab the picture of my mom, hug it to my chest, and lay down on the bed. I hope that if I ever do fall asleep, she'll be with me in my dreams. Please be in my dreams mommy. Give me another chance. I promise I'll be better this time. I promise I'll love you more.


	4. Popular

**Rachel's POV**

_Popular! You're gonna be popular! I'll teach you the proper ploys, when you talk to boys..._

"Ugh!" I growl at the alarm clock and smack the snooze button. "Shut up!" But snooze isn't gonna be good enough this morning so I snatch the plug out of the wall. "There. Much better." Before I killed the alarm I noticed it was 6:15am. I must have hit snooze the first time in my sleep. Yes I did end up falling asleep- an hour ago. This is bull. Screw registering for school. How much different can the Mount Pleasant school system be from Scarsdale anyways? New York is New York. I'm going back to sleep. I bury my head under my pillow trying to block out the sun coming through my window. It isn't long before exhaustion takes back over and I begin to fall asleep.

_"Rachel, breakfast is ready! Come down and eat! Don't wanna be late for your first day!" Wait. I know that voice. It's mom. Mom! I jump out of bed and run down the stairs practically leaping._

_"Mom!" I say when I see her in the kitchen laying out a plate of fruit for me on the table._

_"Good morning sleepy head! I can't believe you actually slept in for once." Tears form in my eyes. Oh my God. It's really my mom. I run up to her and hug her tightly. "Sweetheart, what's gotten in to you this morning? You act like you haven't seen me in weeks."_

_"I just.. I love you that's all." Is this a dream or did I just dream that she had died? They both seem so real. This is real. It has to be. She's here! It's real. It was all just a bad dream. I've got my mom back!_

_"I love you too Rachel. Come on now, sit down and eat so you can get dressed. We don't want to be late!"_

_"Okay." is all I can say as I sit next to her, as close as possible actually, and begin to eat._

_"So are you excited for today? New school and all?"_

_I'm a little confused, if her dying wasn't a dream then I wouldn't be going to a new school. Is there something I missed? Oh well better just go with it. "Actually I'm a little nervous."_

_"My Rachel? Nervous? Well that's a first. Why are you so nervous dear?"_

_"Just the thought of starting over I guess."_

_"Well you'll be fine my darling. Just fine." She says getting up and kissing my forehead. "Now go get ready! You're not the only one with somewhere to be. After all I have the responsibility of changing the world,"_

_"One preschooler at a time!" I yell running back up the stairs. I've only heard her say it a million times. As I walk in to my room, the lack of sleep from the night before hits me like a ton of bricks. I look at the alarm clock- 6:30am. I still have some time. I can take a 30 minute power nap and be ready to go! I lay down and fall fast asleep, happy that life is how it should be. My mom is alive and I'm never gonna take her for granted again!_

_"Rachel... Rachel..."_

"Rachel, honey, you need to get up. We have to go register you for school. Come on baby, get up."

"Five more minutes." I grumble... ugh... it's already 7?

"I've got coffee."

"Ok, okay Mom. I'm up!" I spring from my covers and out of the bed just in time to see Aunt Shelby turn around, eyes wide with surprise. "Aunt Shelby? What are you doing here? Where's mom?"

"Oh, Rachel." She says pulling me into a hug.

"No." I say pulling away. "It was real. She was here. She fixed me breakfast and told me to get ready for school but I was so tired that I decided to just take a small nap and..." Tears began to form in my eyes and she once again pulls me into a hug.

"Honey, you were dreaming." She says, tears also forming in her eyes.

"But it felt so real." I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. Like I've lost mom all over again.

"I know. I know. Ssh..." She tries to calm my tears. "Maybe we should hold off on school for a couple of more days?"

"No. No, there's no point." I numb myself and leave the comfort of my aunt's arms. Making my way to the bathroom I inform her that I'll be down in a minute.

"Ok. Well, what do you want for breakfast? I made waffles for everyone else but I know you can't eat them so I can fix whatever you want..."

"Fruit is fine." I cut her off by closing the door.

I finish getting ready and make my way downstairs.

"But mommy you always take us to school." I hear Vanessa whine.

"I know baby, but daddy is going to take you and Brent today so that I can get Rachel all settled in at her new school."

"It's not fair!"

"Vanessa. Drop the attitude now. I'm still picking you from school and tomorrow I will resume taking you to school as well. Just not today."

Vanessa stomps out of the kitchen towards the door, folds her arms across her chest and scowls.

"You've got a long way to go, Pipsqueak, if you think that was a successful storm out." I tell Vanessa after watching the scene unfold.

"Stop calling me Pipsqueak I have a name you know!"

"And to me that name is Pipsqueak. Face the music kid. You're stuck with me, which means you're stuck with the name."

Vanessa glares and then sticks out her tongue. I promptly return the gesture before walking into the kitchen. Shelby is fixing Brent's hair, apparently he tried to give himself a faux hawk this morning and it's already falling down. Perhaps Noah and I shouldn't have taken him with us the other day. God forbid Brent tries to be Puck Jr. I shutter at the thought.

"Hey Munchkin!" I high five him and he flashes me a smile. Then he looks at me with much thought.

"I'm ok with Munchkin. It's a perfect disguise to my secret ninja agent daredevil life." I can see he's totally serious and Uncle Charlie is giving me a look that says just go with it.

"Cool. Your secret's safe with me. I promise I won't blow your cover."

He wraps me in a hug. "Good to know." And then he's off with Uncle Charlie and Vanessa to school.

"Fruit's on the table." Aunt Shelby says pointing to the dining room. I nod and sit down. Aunt Shelby just kind of watches me while I eat before saying "Rachel, I think we should talk about what happened this morning."

"I think we shouldn't." I quickly reply finishing up my banana and getting up to throw away the peel.

"Rachel, I..."

"No!" I yell, "I don't want to ok? Not right now. Maybe after school or whatever, but not now. I'm dealing with it by not dealing and that's the only way I'm gonna make it through today so please, Aunt Shelby, can we just not do this?"

"Ok, fine." She says throwing up her hands, "But I think we should talk later."

"Fine."

The car ride to the high school is eerily quiet. Our argument over my dream this morning and how I reacted still lulling above our heads. I know she's worried, but I just... I don't want to bring up all these feelings right now. I'm numb and if I'm actually going to make it through today, I need to stay numb.

As we pull into the school I notice their sign: Welcome to William McKinley High School. Mount Pleasant, New York. Home of the Mighty Titans. "Great it's a sports centered school. Just where I've always wanted to go."

"Rachel it isn't going to be that bad. This is a really good school and like I've said before they have an up-in-coming music program. Actually it's run by a friend of mine and your mom's from high school..." She continues on, but I'm no longer listening. Excuse me if I don't really care at the moment.

We walk into the school and go straight to the principals office. Students are still walking around and most of them seem to be staring at us. So much for going un-noticed today. As my Aunt talks with thePrincipal and the guidance counselor, I decide I'd rather just wait outside the office.

Upon exiting I notice two students walking by. One of them a boy, stops dead in his tracks and gasps. "Oh my GaGa! Mercedes! Look! It's Shelby Lawson, Broadway diva extraordinaire!" He squeaks and points out my Aunt to the girl standing next to him.

"No way!"

"Totes way!"

They look WAY too giddy for their own good. I mean come on people you live in the same town as she does... you have to have seen her at some point.

"Kurt, what do you think she's doing here at McKinley?" The one called Mercedes says.

"You don't think she'll be joining Mr. Shue with New Directions? Do you? Oh dear, oh dear... I'm gonna pass out!"

"Breathe, Kurt, Breathe." Mercedes says fanning Kurt with her hand.

"Move it losers!" A burly looking jock says as he and his jock friends break their way through the two congregated in front of the office. I roll my eyes. Great it really is one of those schools.

Noah makes his way past the two bringing up the rear of the crowd. "You guys might wanna try and stay outta Karofsky's way today. He's on the warpath." He says unbeknownst to the jock ahead of him.

"Thanks for the warning, Puck." Kurt says in return.

"No prob." Noah says before his attention turns to me. "Berry! You made it!"

I laugh at his antics. "Of course I did Noah. Can't hide away from the world forever."

"Exactly. How long has Shelby been talking to Figgins and Pillsbury?"

"Too long."

"Wait! Puck! You know Shelby Lawson?" Kurt asks.

"Yeah. Her 'rents go to my Bubbe's temple. No big deal."

"No big deal? No big deal! But she's the greatest Broadway star of her time!" Kurt gasps out in shock.

"Hi there. I'm Rachel Berry. I just transferred here. Shelby Lawson is my aunt." It's never too early for a little shameless name dropping when the opportunity presents itself.

"You're Shelby Lawson's niece?" Mercedes jumps in, eyes just as wide as Kurt's.

"The one and only."

"I'm Kurt Hummel," the boy finally composes himself. "And this is Mercedes Jones." He gestures to the girl next to him. "Welcome to McKinley High. We'll be auditioning for the role of your two best friends."

"Hey, no fair! I'm supposed to be Rachel's best friend here!" Noah shouts.

I laugh. "No worries. There is most definitely enough Rachel Berry time to be spread around."

Noah smiles. "Hey I gotta get lost. It's kinda creepers hanging out in front of the Figgins. But you two got my Berry's back right?" I let the possessive term slide as he runs off while Mercedes and Kurt nod.

Maybe McKinley won't be so bad after all.

Shelby was done shortly after Noah left and Mercedes and Kurt said they'd be happy to show me around. Well Mercedes said it. Kurt just stood there in awe of my aunt. Shelby, convinced I was in good hands, left saying to call her if I needed anything and that Miss Pillsbury's office was open if I needed a break. What she meant to say was if I felt a break down emerging.

As soon as Shelby was out the door Kurt bombarded me with the questions.

"So what's it like living with Shelby Lawson?"

"I live with Shelby Corcoran actually. She only goes by Lawson if she's working or like on an interview or with "the public" or whatever. But I guess it's like living with any other guardian. I mean since she's taking her break from Broadway."

"Wait so Shelby is your guardian? Why aren't you living with your parents?" Mercedes asks.

"Dad's a dead beat who has never been around and my mom..." I hesitate, "she died in a car accident a few weeks ago."

The two become silent before Kurt speaks up. "My mom died when I was little. So if you ever want to talk or anything just let me know. Otherwise the subject will never be brought up again."

I nod thankfully. That's one bullet dodged.

"So where did you transfer from?" He continues.

"Carmel High School in Scarsdale."

"Hold up. Did you just say Carmel?" Mercedes asks. "As in home to the number one show choir in the nation: Vocal Adrenaline?"

"That's the one."

"So you were you in their show choir?" Kurt asks getting all excited.

"Yep, the former female lead of Vocal Adrenaline stands before you."

"Dear Liza! This is fantastic!" he almost yells. "You absolutely have to join New Directions. I mean we don't have the prestige of Carmel, but we're pretty good and dare I say with you on the team we could actually be great!"

"Sorry, guys, no can do." I give him an apologetic smile.

"But why? Is there some kind of loyalty pact or blood oath you had to take? Because I'm sure we can protect you from whatever..." Mercedes begins before I cut her off.

"It's not that... it's just." I hang my head a little.

"Say no more. When you're ready to sing again. New Directions will be waiting on you, arms open wide." Kurt says.

I smile thankfully once again.

The three of us end up having our first two classes and lunch together. However, I don't have one afternoon class with them seeing how as I am in advanced placement classes. I was on my way to the science lab when I was bulldozed over by an insanely tall jock trying to catch a football.

"Great, just great." I say to myself getting up off the floor. Who throws a football in the hallway?

"Oh. Sorry." the jock says. "You're so short I didn't see you there."

I can't quite tell if he is being sincere or cracking a joke, when he surprises me by helping me pick up the books I was carrying.

"Here, let me help you." He says with a dopey looking grin on his face. "I'm Finn Hudson."

"Thanks. I'm Rachel Berry." I take the books he hands me and neatly stack them on top of the one I was holding.

"Wait. Rachel Berry? As in Puck's Berry?"

I knew I should have corrected Noah's terminology earlier. "I assure you, Finn is it? That I am not nor have I ever been a possession of Noah Puckerman." I reprimand, but he seems to be a little confused.

He carries on anyways. "Hey Quinn!" He yells to a group of cheerleaders. One of the blondes turns around and smiles at him. She makes her way over to us flanked by two other cheerleaders, a brunette and another blonde. "This is Rachel; she is Puck's Berry!"

What the..? It's like he didn't even hear a word I said earlier? Before I can say anything else though the blonde offers her hand.

"Well Puck's Berry, I'm Quinn Fabray and this is Santana Lopez," she gestures to the brunette on her right, "and Brittany Pierce." She points to the girl on her left.

"It's quite nice to meet you all but as I was telling Finn. I am not nor have I ever been a possession of Noah Puckerman. Neither are we romantically involved in any way. We are predominately just friendsand I do not appreciate the chauvinism presented as being announced as belonging to another person."

"Geez midget talk much?" Santana says looking positively annoyed.

"So many words..." Brittany just looks dazed and confused.

"However you might feel on the subject matter, Berry, I wouldn't go around proclaiming it all, seeing as being known as Puck's Berry has safeguarded you amongst McKinley's elite. Therefore keeping you free from the daily slushy facials given to the bottom feeders." Quinn says grabbing Finn's arm. "Let's go shall we? Have a nice day- Puck's Berry." She says before they all walk off, Finn in tow.

"Well that was... interesting." I say to myself. Not really knowing how to take Quinn's last statement there. I guess I'll just have to text Kurt, Mercedes or Noah about it later.

The rest of the day goes off without a hitch and Shelby is waiting in her SUV to pick me up once school is over. I put my backpack in the back and then get into the front seat. I look back to say hi to my cousins first. Brent smiles back and then goes back to playing some game. Vanessa is scowling and seemingly still in an ill mood.

"Hey Pipsqueak, what's with the permanent scowl?"

"None of your business!"

"Vanessa!" Aunt Shelby yells and turns her head towards my cousin giving her a glare that sends chills down my spine. They must have gotten in to it before I had gotten to the car because Vanessa just turns her head and looks out the window. For a six year, she sure is turning out to be a bigger diva than Aunt Shelby and I put together and that is saying a lot.

No one seems to be in the mood to talk during the ride home and when we get there we all go our separate ways. At least it seems I've successfully avoided Aunt Shelby's interrogation about my day and what happened this morning.


	5. Baby Mine

**Shelby's POV**

As soon as we pulled into the house I got the distinct feeling that everyone under the age of eighteen was allergic to my car. I was just fully in the garage when Rachel jumped out to unlock the door, Vanessa and Brent close behind pushing her to let them in. Vanessa and Rachel, no doubt trying to avoid me and Brent... Well who knows what my little ninja-daredevil was up too.

I followed them into the house rolling my eyes as they fought over who could get up the stairs the fastest. I figured I'd at least give the girls the illusion of having successfully averted their way out of the discussions that we'll be having shortly.

Once they made it up the stairs I heard three separate doors slam shut. Wincing at the sound, I decided to give them some more time as I was currently trying to combat the headache that was stirring from mine and Vanessa's argument earlier. Her attitude really needs to stop. I understand that things are changing around here and it's a little much to get used to so quickly. But these temper tantrums she's been throwing will just not do.

Headache at bay and the allotted time expired, I trek my way up the stairs deciding to deal with Vanessa first. I knock on the door while entering her room, only to find she isn't alone. There, sitting on her bed is Rachel and Brent. Brent on one side of Rachel, Vanessa on the other, while Rachel displayed her laptop on her stretched out legs. To say I was surprised that Rachel and Vanessa were behaving civilly in the same room together would be an understatement. Still I believe, this may be yet another bump thrown in the road to divert me from speaking with the two. Nice try girls, but these talks are gonna happen.

"Ok guys, I need to speak with Vanessa so I need you other two to hop on outta here."

Three groans echo around the room.

"But the movie is just starting." Vanessa whines.

"Come on Mommy. Let us watch the movie. Please!" Brent says with a pout.

"Yeah Aunt Bee, it's Hercules. I absolutely adore the soundtrack and the Muses are just about to start-"

I cut Rachel off before she has the chance to put on whatever convincing face she was about to flash. "You all can watch it later, but right now I need to speak with Vanessa."

Brent pouts once more. "This bites."

"Sorry, Pipsqueak, we tried." Rachel says to Vanessa which causes me to give her a raised eyebrow. So, I was right, they were trying to prolong the inevitable.

As if he's had a burst of inspiration, Brent comes running back into the room. "Mommy if Rachel goes outside with me can I go jump on the trampoline?"

"Sure, I have no problem with that. Just be careful."

"Yeah! Woo hoo!" Brent fist pumps and leaves to run down the stairs.

"You could have at least had the curtsey to ask me first before you gave him the ok." Rachel sulked.

"Do you really have a problem with it Rachel?" I question.

"No, it's just the principal of the matter." She answers as she turns to follow Brent's path of destruction.

After the two had both made their way outdoors, I turn to my daughter.

"Okay, kiddo, you and I need to have us a long talk."

Vanessa and I talked for about a half an hour about her attitude and why she felt the need to be so snappy lately. Honestly I'm not sure how much of what I said has gotten through to her as her attention span was beginning to wear thin. As soon as I asked her if she understood that her attitude will not be tolerated, she immediately asked if she could go outside and play. I had half a mind to make her stay, but in the end I buckled and let her go. I'm sure our little talk will be enough for now. I almost groan at my own "for now" proclamation. And to think, the day isn't even over yet!

I still have to corner Rachel somehow and get her to open up to me. Every time I get so close... she let's me comfort her, starts to open up, then bam! Like she's slamming a door in my face she closes herself off. And it frustrates and worries the p...

I stop my inner monologue mid-sentence when I hear my phone ringing downstairs. I recognize the ringtone immediately as I make my way down. It's Amy. Amy McMichaels was an extra in Rent during my time as Maureen and has been one of my most cherished friends ever since. God, we haven't had a long talk in ages. She was unable to attend the funeral as she's been out of the country the last year. I miss the call, but decide to call her right back. She picks up on the first ring.

"Take me for what I am, who I was meant to be!" I laugh as she sings into the phone. Long ago she informed me that my ringtone will for ever and always be 'Take Me or Leave Me.' She's practically yelling now, though, and I wonder if she's been drinking or if she is just in that great of a mood.

"Sorry Am's, I was upstairs with the kids and had to come back down to get the phone."

"No probs, Mo-Mo. You called me back so all is well."

I laugh at her antics but I have to ask, "Have you been drinking?"

"No. Should I be? I can remedy that right now..."

"Ha! Well if you do how about having a couple for me."

"Ouch, that bad huh?"

"No, really it's not, circumstances and all... it's just..." My sentences are beginning to break up. I don't want to cry, but I can't seem to stop the tears.

"Hey, Shel," Amy's tone softens. "I get it ok? Considering the crap you've been through these last couple weeks, I'm surprised you're not a full blown alcoholic." She's joking again, trying to keep the conversation light.

I know Amy. Deep down she's too tender-hearted and it gets to her knowing I'm sad. So I push away my emotions and save them. We can have that conversation when she gets back state-side. "You know what, lets not talk about it now, how's... how's London?

"It's FABULOUS!" She shouts dragging it out. Then she goes on to account every detail of what's happened since the moment we last spoke. Amy has and always will be extremely- animated. When the conversation is done and we've said our goodbyes I look at the time and notice it's much later than I thought it was. And that I have missed a text from Charlie.

~Gonna be home late. Start dinner without me. Love you.~

I shoot him a quick text back and then head outside towards the kids.

"Alright guys, whatcha want for dinner?" I say clapping my hands together.

Vanessa and Brent are still jumping on the trampoline and Rachel is sitting in the grass engrossed in her phone.

"Chinese!" Vanessa shouts.

"No! Pizza!" Brent argues.

Neither stop jumping and Rachel acts like she hasn't heard a thing.

"Well... I was thinking about cooking something."

That gets their attention as they all look at me completely frozen in shock. Am I really that bad a cook?

"Actually, Aunt Shelby," Rachel says, the first to break the ice. "Why don't you spend some time with Pipsqueak and Munchkin here." She points to the two still frozen on the trampoline. "And I'll whip something up. Um... how about spaghetti for you guys and some spinach pesto for me?"

"Rachel that sounds great, but really there's no need I can..."

She cuts me off, "No, No, No. I insist. Why, I don't mind one bit and I'm sure the kids would just love to spend the extra time with you. Wouldn't you kids?" She looks to her cousins almost pointedly.

Snapping out of their trance they both start to pipe-up, "Yeah Mommy! Let Rachel cook!"

"Come jump with us!"

Ok. Fine. I get it. I'm that bad. "Are you sure?" I say directing my question to Rachel.

"Most definitely." She answers with a smile and waltzes into the house.

Dinner goes off without a hitch and I must say Rachel is an extremely good cook. Of course she would be… one of Kate's conditions for her being in music classes was to also learn other things, one of them cooking. When she asks to be excused prematurely, stating she had some homework she needed to get done, I go ahead and let her go. Our talk can wait for a little while, at least, until after I get the dishes done.

As soon as I'm finished Charlie walks in the door.

"Hey Babe, how was your day?" I ask.

"Much better now that I'm home." He gives me a quick kiss and then goes straight to the pot of spaghetti I was about to put in the fridge. "You cooked?"

"Rachel did."

He grabs a spoon and takes a bite. "This is really good."

"It was. She's such a good cook."

"Maybe she can teach you a thing or two."

I take the dish cloth I'm holding and playfully smack him across the arm. I can't help but smile, but then it drops "Well if she keeps avoiding any and all extended amount of time with me, then I'm afraid it isn't going to happen."

"She's still not talking specifics huh?"

"Nope and it's driving me insane."

"Just give her time Shel, she'll come around."

"But that's not the kind of person I am Charlie. I don't just give people time. I want things done and I want them now. She needs this. I know it and I'm-"

He cuts me off with another kiss. "Don't get yourself so worked up. I know you're worried about the kid. Hell I am too, but we can't push this."

"I know. I know." I grip the counter in front of me in frustration. "But I just can't stand to see her put herself through this, Charlie. She's torturing herself and... why won't she just talk to me about it?"

"It's only been a couple of weeks, Shelby."

"You think I don't know that?" I say harshly. Fighting with Charlie is not what I wanted, but I'm stubborn and well at least he knows that. "You think I don't think about it every damn hour, of every damn day that passes? She was MY SISTER for fucks sake!" Tears are spilling out of my eyes now, I'm shaking, and I'm so mad I could... I could... collapse. I start to slide down the counter, but Charlie pulls me up and holds me. "Oh God Charlie... she's not coming back. Kate's gone, she's gone and she's not coming back for us. She's not gonna fix things the way she's always does. And now, now I have Rachel and I have to fix her Charlie. I have to help her, but I'm.. I'm scared Charlie. I'm scared I won't be able to and-"

"Ssh. Breathe, baby, breathe." I take a few deep breaths and he continues, "Well figure it out, ok Shel? Me and you. We always do don't we?" Charlie Corcoran- my hero. I nod and he holds me a little longer before I try and compose myself. "Better?"

"Yeah." I nod. "Baby, I'm sorry I-"

"Don't be ok?" He cuts me off, "To tell you the truth, I've been kind of waiting on that to happen."

I wipe my eyes some more, "Do you have to always be so perfect?"

"Not perfect babe, just perfect for you."

I roll my eyes and swat at him for the second time tonight, "Ya big sap!" I joke.

"Yeah well this big sap is about to starve so I-" I cut him off this time with a kiss.

"Eat. I gotta go get the kids ready for bed and then at least try to talk to Rachel."

"Just don't push too hard."

"I won't." I say heading for the stairs.

I've finally gotten Vanessa and Brent squared away for bed. All I have to say is thank goodness for multiple bathrooms, cause if not this process could likely take all night. I read to Brent from one of his storybooks that he loves so much and get him all settled before going to check on Vanessa. She's already in bed but I go over to her anyway.

"Hey baby. Everything ok?"

"Yeah." She says quietly, "Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about today."

"I know baby, now hush and get some sleep." I kiss her forehead and go to turn off the light.

"Mommy?" I hear her say again.

"Yes, baby?"

"Will you sing to me?"

I smile. I have sang all over the world, to countless amounts of people and yet there is nowhere else on earth I'd rather be than home and no one else I'd rather sing to than my children. "Of course I can baby."

Vanessa snuggles into her covers while I make my way back to her bed and sit on the edge. "Close your eyes." I say gently and brush back her hair. Then I begin to sing.

"Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine..."

By the time I finished the song she's asleep and I make my way quietly out of her room. I look at Rachel's room and take a deep breath. Was her door open earlier? I thought for certain it was closed. I walk into the room and notice Rachel is sitting at her desk head in her hands.

"Rachel?" She's lightly sobbing now. I can hear it, though, she's trying hard to keep quiet. Grabbing one of her hands that's covering her face, I pull her over to the bed, sit her next to me and wrap my arms around her. "Ssh, baby." I say as I begin to rock her. "Ssh. I've got you."

"Please don't make me talk about her right now." She says and it's pitiful and broken. There's no way we are gonna have this talk.

"Okay." I say still rocking her, vowing not to let go until she makes me. Maybe this is just what she needs right now. After her tears subside I begin to play with her hair, she's still leaning into me so I'm still not going anywhere. "Wanna tell me how your first day at McKinley went."

To my surprise she nods and pulls away from me. She wipes at her tear stained face and proceeds to recount her day. She tells me about Kurt and Mercedes and how they were fangirl-ing over my appearance this morning which causes me to laugh. I'm flattered really, but I'm just a normal person. It just so happens that I have had an extraordinary job. She talks about classes and how further behind they are than she was back in Scarsdale. She informs me how apparently she is known all over the campus now as "Puck's Berry." I was about to comment when she told me how she set everyone straight. I'm not thrilled with the idea of her ever being "Puck's Berry" so it's good to know she wasn't either. Not that Noah isn't a good kid, it's just well, yeah- his reputation. She goes on and on till she has almost talked my ear off. I have barely been able to get a word in edge wise. As I'm about to comment on something she's said she interrupts me.

"And before you ask, no, I haven't thought any more of joining the Glee Club." She states pointedly.

"I wasn't going to ask."

"Maybe. But you still wanted to know just the same." She says before continuing, "It's not that I don't think I would be a good addition or anything. I'm certain I could bring them to higher levels than they've dreamed of reaching. It's just-"

I raise my eyebrow at her in amusement but motion for her to keep going. "It's just?"

"I don't know. I don't know why I don't want to join." Her expression drops.

"Rachel, I think you do, you just don't want to admit it. And that's ok, kiddo. It's ok to feel the way you do."

She sees the direction I'm taking the conversation in from a mile away and perhaps that's why she says nothing.

So I continue, "You'll join when you're ready."

"What if I'm never ready?"

"Rachel, you wanna know what I really think?"

She nods. "Yes."

"I think you are ready. You're just scared of what that might mean." I pause, "Rachel, you're a lot like me. Especially in the sense that you have this compulsive need to use music as your emotional outlet. Right now your emotions are screaming inside just waiting for you to sing them out, but by denying yourself that release you are only causing yourself more harm. You gotta let it out baby. You gotta sing it out."

She looks up at me nervously. I'm not sure she expected for me to be able to read her so well. "Aunt Shelby?"

"Yes?"

"Have you... have you sung it out yet? I mean your feelings about everything?"

Well damn, kiddo, you've got me there. "No. I haven't yet, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to... I... I was planning on maybe going out to the gravesite when her tombstone has been put down and maybe doing something then." I hadn't really told anyone about this and had planned to go alone, but maybe it'll be good for the both of us if we do this together. "How would you feel about joining me?"

"I think... I think, I could do that."

I give her a smile and kiss her forehead. "Good. I would like that very much."

She gives me a hug and I move to leave the room. "I love you, Aunt Bee Bee."

"I love you too, baby. Try and get some sleep tonight ok?"

"Ok." She says softly as I close the door.

Charlie's right. We're gonna get through this.


	6. You Don't Own Me

**Rachel's POV**

School seemed to be going well. I am doing my best to set everyone straight on the whole "Puck's Berry" thing. Especially Noah, who seems to think it's funny.

"Come on Jew babe! You know you love being the Puckmeister's woman." Noah is leaning up against the row of lockers next to mine with a smirk I would love to wipe off his face. That is if I ever felt the need to resort to violence. I know that Noah is the best friend I've got right now, but seriously this little joke of his is getting out of hand.

"Noah Puckerman! When are you going to get in through your mohawked brain that I am not your woman!" I say slamming my locker.

"You gotta at least admit, it was funny. I mean the look on your face every time someone calls you that- it's priceless."

"Well it's not funny anymore and I would appreciate it if you could help me set the record straight."

"What about what Quinn said?"

"I don't care what Quinn said, Noah. I can take care of myself."

"But- but-"

"No buts Noah. It stops now."

"Ok, fine. But if any one of those jerkfaces tries something-"

I cut him off, "You'll do nothing. Noah, I won't have you jeopardizing your future for me. I'll be fine."

He looks unconvinced but agrees anyway.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I should go catch up with Mercedes and Kurt."

"Alright. Catch you later babe!"

I shake my head. Noah will always be- Noah. I find Kurt and Mercedes waiting in the hallway in front of Mercedes locker. You know, having them as friends has been absolutely great. It's really nice to have something to distract me from- well just about everything.

After Mercedes put her books away we decided to be on our way to lunch but were cornered by a jock carrying the infamous slushy cup, one Dave Karofsky.

"Hey losers. How's loserville?" Karofsky says.

Well isn't that just sooo original?

He high fives another jock, who I've learned is named Azimio.

"Well if you're speaking of Mount Pleasant. It isn't quite a walk in the park, but I'm adjusting well." I state. "Thank you for your concern."

He's stunned for a moment before he continues, "Whatever, Streis-bands," That's actually a pretty clever play on words with, what has already become common knowledge, my love for Barbra Streisand and headbands. "I heard a little rumor that you are not actual Puck's girl which makes you a bottom feeder."

Think quick Rachel. What was that I over heard Charlie and some of his buddies discussing the other day, oh yeah! "Really? Hmm... I've heard a few things myself lately. You wouldn't happen to be the Karofsky that made all state in football this year would you?"

Ha! You weren't ready for that were you Dave?

"Um.. Ah... yeah actually I did make all state. Why would you bring that up?" he says looking confused.

"Oh well, I just heard my Uncle Charlie talking with his friend the other day. I think his name was Mannon. Elijah, perhaps. Or at least something close..."

"Wait," He stops me. "You mean Eli Manning?"

"Yeah that's the one! They were talking about different players in the area they thought had a chance at going Pro out of high school."

"And they mentioned me?" He said excitedly.

"Sure did. You must be pretty good."

"Holy shit dude, Eli Manning was talking about you!" Azimio says, "That's awesome!"

Now that the two were distracted I felt the need to really go in and make my getaway. I grab the slushy from his hand, "Oh is this a grape slushy? I love grape! You didn't get this for me did you?"

Dave looks at the slushy that is now in my hand. "Um yeah sure, whatever. It's all yours." Good cover Dave, good cover.

"Thank you so much! Well I gotta go! See you guys around!" I say motioning to Kurt and Mercedes to follow and leaving the football players to discuss their new found revelations.

"Great Garland in heaven, Rachel! You just talked your way out of a slushy facial!"

I smile, "Welcome to Name Dropping 101." I say. "If you ever plan on getting anywhere in show business learn to use it and use it often."

"Girl is good. Girl. Is. Good." Mercedes says as we make our way into the lunchroom.

We find a table unoccupied and Kurt and I immediately resume our previous discussion from this morning on this year's possible Tony nominees.

"Hair, most definitely deserves the Tony for best revival this year. It changed a generation." Kurt said.

"Kurt, though I do appreciate what Hair did for the rock-opera genre, I have three words for you: West. Side. Story."

"How can you say that Diva?" he started calling me that yesterday. "It's Hair that allowed Jonathan Larson to be able to even do Rent. Need I mention that is where your own aunt got her start?"

"And I'm thankful for that Kurt. I perhaps am more grateful than others would even be, but West Side Story is an iconic legendary tale of epic proportions."

Mercedes rolled her eyes. "Seriously you two! Find something else to argue about. This is getting old."

"Not until Kurt realizes I'm right."

Kurt scoffs, "Not until Rachel realizes I'M right!"

Locked in with gazes blazing, Kurt and I were set for a sheer battle of wills and then Finn showed up.

"Hey, Rachel, what's up?"

"Oh thank God!" Mercedes announces before Kurt pipes in.

"Why, hello, Finn. Mercedes and I are doing well. Thanks so much for asking."

Finn looked thoroughly confused , "Um, hi. Yeah I guess."

I tried my hardest not to laugh. "Hey Finn. Just debating with Kurt here on the merits of a timeless classic such as West Side Story. How can I be of assistance today?"

"Um..." he shakes his head, "Yeah that's great. Hey I was wondering about something?"

"What is it you were wondering?"

"Well, um, I was um talking to Karofsky and Azimio just now and they like said some things about your dad and ah Eli Manning?"

Bingo! So that's what this is about. "Actually it was my Uncle."

"But like it's true and stuff? I mean your dad knows, Giants quarterback, Eli Manning?"

"My uncle. My uncle knows him, yes."

"Cool, so they were like really talking about high school football?"

"Yes Finn, they were." I said starting to get a little bored with this conversation.

"Well um did like they ah say anything about ah anyone else um besides Karofsky?" he finally spits out.

"I'm sorry Finn, but I didn't really stick around to hear the entire conversation. So I really wouldn't know."

"Oh yeah well that's cool and all." he said a little bummed.

"Finn!" Quinn yelled from across the lunch room.

"Crap, scary Quinn, uh I better go." he says.

"Yes, well if I hear anything else I'll be sure to let you know."

His face forms into this dopey grin, "Thanks! Rach. That'd be like really cool."

"Finn!" Quinn yelled again.

"You should go Finn." I say pointing towards a very irate looking head cheerleader.

"Yeah I should." He says rubbing the back of his neck. "See ya around."

"See ya."

"Well that was certainly interesting." Mercedes says and I shrug before Kurt starts listing off why Hair is superior to West Side Story and we yet again resume our debate.

The bell rings and I part ways with my friends. I make my way to my locker, get my books, then head down to the science lab. I'm almost there when I am shoved into a row of lockers.

"Hey Man Hands!" Quinn says glaring at me.

I look down at my hands and scoff. In no way do my hands look even remotely manly.

"What's your problem, Quinn?"

"You are RuPaul!" she spits with venom. "How about staying the hell away from Finn!"

This is about Finn? But I don't even hang out with him. Sure he's come up to me a couple of times this week, but it's not like we spend all our time together. This has to be some mistake. "Quinn, Finn is the one who came up to me today. I assure you-"

"You think I would really believe anything you say?" she says with disgust. "So stay away from him!"

"Quinn I have no interest in Finn. Especially since he is off the market. I'm not that kind of girl." I have to admit that at this point the glare she is giving me is a bit frightening.

She spins to leave, leaving me with the illusion that the conversation is over. That's when it hits me. Like a thousands knives, I've just been slushied.

"Consider this a warning shot, Berry. Stay away from my man and that includes glee club. We don't need your mediocre talent bringing us down anyways."

No she did not just insult my talent! I go to say something back to her, but she's already left. Not to mention I'm still covered in high fructose corn syrup. Green apple. At least I know what I'll look like when I play Elphaba one day. I realize I've just been standing here inner monologuing when I hear someone come up beside me.

"D-d-do you have a s-s-spare set of clothes to c-c-change in to?" Tina says to me. We are in Anatomy together, but I haven't spoken with her much.

"No actually I don't. I'm afraid I wasn't expecting this to happen."

"Y-y-you must of gotten on Quinn's b-b-bad side."

"Quinn has a good side?" I joke making Tina laugh. "Hey Tina would you mind explaining to Mr. Jenkins that I won't be in class. I've gotta go clean up."

"S-sure no p-p-problem." she agrees and walks off towards our class room. I however turn around and make my way towards the nearest bathroom.

Once I was in there I tried my best to get the sticky substance off my face and out of my hair. My clothes, however, were ruined so I pulled out my phone to call my aunt. She picked up on the first ring.

"Rachel? Baby, is everything alright?" she says worry evident.

"Um well not really. I-"

"What happened? Never mind I'm on my way. Go wait for me in Miss Pillsbury's office ok? I'll be right there, baby."

"Aunt Shelby wait!" it was too late she'd already hung up. So much for getting a change of clothes.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I had just picked Brent up from school when I received Rachel's call. I had no idea what could've happened but if she's calling me it must be serious.

"Hey, buddy, we're gonna take a little detour first before we go home. Ok?"

"Ok." Brent said and began playing one of his games.

We arrived at McKinley only ten minutes later. With Brent in tow I made my way towards Miss Pillsbury's office. I could see that Rachel was indeed sitting in there so I had Brent sit on one of the benches while I went into the office. Upon entering I saw, Rachel, covered in some sort of green goo.

"Rachel! What happened?"

"Now Mrs. Corcoran I believe I can explain here." Miss Pillsbury chimed in. "It seems, Rachel, has fallen victim to a slushy attack."

I notice Rachel roll her eyes, obviously she isn't too concerned with it nor seems Miss Pillsbury.

"Someone purposefully threw a slushy at you Rachel?"

Rachel hesitated for a minute before replying, "Yes."

Turning to the guidance counselor, "I demand to see the principal at once."

"Yes, Mrs. Corcoran." she answered immediately and stands up to leave the room. Now? Now you seemed to be concerned? Really?

"Actually aunt Shelby," Rachel speaks up, stopping the bumbling guidance counselor. "I really don't think that will be necessary."

"Rachel, I will not tolerate any one who thinks they can bully you. No one has the right to just throw a slushy in your face. No matter what the circumstances!" I argue. Damn it Rachel I'm upset! Let me fight for you!

"You're right, aunt Shelby, but I would really like the opportunity to handle this on my own."

I should've known, but to say I was in shock would be a more than correct assumption.

"Honey, I know you think-" I try, but am cut off.

"No! I will handle this myself. And to prove it to you I will not be revealing the perpetrator so it won't do you any good to get the principal involved."

I know that look. Hell, I own that look. Rachel isn't going to budge on this and there is no point in trying to get her to. "Alright fine. I won't step in this time, but if it happens again-"

"I'll be sure to let you know. Trust me I will not be spending my high school career wearing animal print sweaters and argyle so that I may endure this treatment everyday. Now if you don't mind I would really like to go home so that I can take a shower and change."

"Sure. Wait with Brent and I'll just go sign you out."

Rachel nods and I say my peace with Miss Pillsbury before heading to the main office to sign Rachel out for the day. Our walk to the car was silent until a group of girls called out to Rachel as we we're getting in the car.

"Awe look, man hands had to call her mommy to come take her home! What a shame." the brunette cheerleader practically shouted.

That was it! I was officially seeing red, but I didn't have time to react as Rachel was already half way to where they were. I made sure Brent was in the car and turned to follow after her. I only ended up catching part of the conversation.

"And secondly, she's my aunt. Though I would love for my mother to have been the one to have come gotten me at this moment, but unfortunately I don't get that luxury since she now resides six feet under!" Rachel was fuming and honestly the three cheerleaders looked terrified. Rachel turned back towards me and then spun back around towards the girls one more time "Oh and I thought a little more about your glee warning from earlier, Quinn, and I can guarandamntee you that you'll be seeing Rachel Berry on a regular basis in the choir room from now on. Consider New Directions my top priority." and with that she stormed off to the car and a swell of pride pounded throughout me.

"Care to further explain what just went on?" I asked following her.

"Just clearing up a few misunderstandings."

"Those misunderstandings wouldn't have involved an ice cold beverage at some point would they?"

Rachel kept quiet and I had my answer. It took everything in me not to turn around and give those girls a piece of my mind, but I told Rachel she could handle this. So I'll uphold my end of the bargain, but let them try something else... Just let them.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Once I was all cleaned up and changed I went straight to Shelby and asked her to take me back to the school. She reluctantly agreed having to go and pick up Vanessa anyways. Getting out of the car I told her that I would get a ride home with either Noah, Kurt or Mercedes. I had business to attend to. Business in the form of New Directions.

After making a short detour to my locker, I stormed straight into the choir room and was pleased that everyone was in attendance.

"Mr. Shue, I would like to audition for New Directions." I stated interrupting the man.

"Rachel!" he said excitedly "Why of course, yes, ah do you have something prepared?"

I scoff, "A performer is always prepared." I flashed the sheet music I had grabbed from my locker. Another rule of mine so to speak: sheet music, never leave home with out it.

"Well then! Let's have us an audition shall we?" Mr Shue says clapping his hands together and looking out to the rest of the members.

We all headed to the auditorium and I handed my sheet music to the pianist. Who after a short introduction I have learned is named Brad.

"Make way for another broadway tragedy." Quinn said laughing with Santana and Brittany.

Their laughter rolls off my back. This is my element, this is where I am at my best. Here, in the spotlight, is where I am unstoppable.

"Before I begin I would like to take the time to dedicate this performance to all of those people who ever tried to tell me I can't do something."

"Alright Rachel." Mr. Shue says a little confused. "Begin whenever you're ready."

I look over at Brad and nod. New Directions here I am.

"You don't own me, I'm not just one of your many toys... You don't own me, don't say I can't go with other boys. And don't tell me what to do

And don't tell me what to say... And please, when I go out with you... Don't put me on display..."

By the end of the song most of New Directions had joined me on stage, singing and dancing along with their newly proclaimed female lead. Take that Quinn Fabray. Take that.


	7. I Dreamed a Dream

**Shelby's POV**

I awoke Saturday morning and looked at the clock- 10:00am. I honestly can't remember the last time I ever got to sleep in this late... Oh yeah that would be before Vanessa was born. I quickly found out the reason why when I looked on the nightstand and found a note:

**Took the kids out for a dad day since you and Rachel are going to the cemetery. Call me if you need to. Love, Charlie**

The cemetery. Why did I agree to that again? Oh yeah, to help Rachel... and myself. Speaking of Rachel I guess I should go see what she's up to. Probably impatiently waiting for me to get up. The girl never sleeps in- well at least she never used to before Kate passed away. But she seems to be getting into somewhat of a normal routine again. If you call getting up at 5am normal for a teenager. Then again she was born at 4:30 in the morning... I shake my head at that memory. Needless to say that was an unpleasant morning. Especially since she came a month early, scaring us all to death. Even in utero Rachel seemed to have a flare for the dramatics, Kate would later say.

It just so happened that I was living with Kate in Queens at the time. I had broken up with my then boyfriend, months before, and since our Manhattan apartment turned out to be- well okay it was actually always his Manhattan apartment- I was left with no where to go. Kate immediately demanded that I come and live with her. She said it would be better in the long run, she wouldn't be alone and it would be helpful for when the baby came. Kate always did have a way of rescuing me, but I guess looking back now she was rescuing herself as well.

I remember waking up that morning and not knowing who was having the bigger panic attack, me or Kate. It makes me laugh just thinking about it. In the end, we both sobered up to the idea that whether either of us were ready or not, there was about to be an extra addition to our little household.

Rachel almost died that day, did you know that? The umbilical chord got wrapped around her neck and the doctor thought he was too late. He started apologizing and Kate started yelling at him not to give up on her. I was in tears trying to hold on to Kate, but Kate pushed me away. She said no one in that room was allowed to give up. Not her. Not me. Not the doctors or nurses. Not the baby. That's when one of the nurses saw her move, Rachel that is. Just a little bit. It was so minuscule that it could of went unnoticed but it didn't. She saw her little finger twitch, notified the doctor and the rest is history.

That's also how Rachel got her first name. Nurse Rachel Wesley saved our Rachel's life. She took what Kate said to heart, looked for any signs that Rachel could make it and she found it in the small movement of a hand.

Rachel forever changed our lives that day. We all became different people to an extent. Things that were important to us before didn't seem so monumental after all. It didn't matter what mother said about neither of us being married. How Kate only had a teacher's salary or that I had still yet to make it on Broadway. It didn't matter that our parents chose not to come to the hospital to see Rachel until the next day or that they chose that time to say that keeping Rachel would be a mistake. Maybe we we're each giving up a part of our lives but we were sisters damn it. We could do this. We could do this together and I never, once, regretted the time I spent with them. In fact, those two years I spent living with Kate and later Rachel, still hold some of my best memories. Though they also hold some of my worst. No, I don't regret the time I spent with them, only the time I've ever spent without them.

Shaking my head of my reminiscing, I look for Rachel downstairs but I don't find her there. She must be up in her room. No doubt planning ways to bring New Directions to greatness. I'm so happy she changed her mind about joining. There is something about hearing her sing that makes you feel like all is right in the world and honestly I was a little afraid of never hearing that sound again. She doesn't think so, but she's better than me. I've always thought so. She may have grown up thinking that I hung the moon (as Kate had time and time again told me), but if I indeed did hang the moon then, the moon's name is Rachel Barbra Berry and it shines brighter than any star I've ever seen.

I knock lightly on Rachel's door before entering and the sight that I see breaks my heart. Rachel is sitting on her bed, arms around her knees, and tears falling from her eyes.

"Oh sweetheart," I say rushing over to her, wrapping her up in my arms. "What is it?"

"She was here again." she said quietly, "Like my other dream only instead of school we were going to go to the city and see one of the new musicals. It just- it felt so real, Aunt Bee. It felt so real and I wanted it to be real."

"I know baby," I say. What else could I tell her? What was I supposed to say? "I wish it were real, I wish it were real too."

Rachel clings to me even tighter at those words and just let's it all out.

"I feel so horrible Aunt Bee Bee. She was the best mom ever and I just took her for granted. What if she thought I didn't love her? I was such a brat and I-"

"Rachel!" I stop her, "Don't even say it, honey. Kate loved you more than life itself and she never once thought you didn't love her." I say holding Rachel's face in my hands so that she could look at me. "You were her everything. She loved you exactly the way you are and wanted you to have all you could possibly imagine, baby girl."

More tears began to well up in Rachel's eyes, "B-but I told her, that week before she died. I told her, she was boring. I said why couldn't she be more like you. I could see the hurt in her eyes but I didn't stop and I kept lashing out at her and I never apologized. I was horrible."

"Ssh, you were not horrible Rachel." trying to come up something to say, processing this new information. Rachel wanted Kate to be more like me? Shaking the thought away I refocus on Rachel, "Baby, sometimes... Sometimes we say things. We get angry and in the heat of the moment we just say them. We don't mean them but we say them anyway."

"But that's just it. I meant it. I meant every word. I wanted her to be like you so that we could actually have something in common for once. So she could actually understand me because despite her support she thought it was all impractical. She said so all the time." Rachel was rushing through her thoughts now completely without filter. "She once told me if I was really going to go after some crazy dream that I at least needed a fall back! If she really believed in me-"

I cut her off, "Rachel, look at me." Rachel had turned away from me during her rant. She reluctantly turned back around. "She did all those things to protect you, sweetie. It wasn't because she didn't believe in you."

"But you always encouraged my dreams. You've never doubted that I was gonna make it."

"Honey, it's a lot easier to encourage someone's dreams from afar." I sighed. Kate always told me that Rachel sort of had this idealistic hero worship of me, I never believed her until now. "But when you live with them everyday, and you watch them struggle. You find you want better for them. Kate watched me struggle to attain my dreams. There were some days in the beginning that I didn't have food to eat or was wondering how I would pay rent. She just didn't want to see you go through that, that's all sweetheart, it wasn't because she thought you couldn't make it." I paused. "It was easier for me to encourage you because I never planned on watching you struggle."

Rachel looked up at me in shock, "You mean you didn't plan on being there for me?" she said confused.

"What? No darling, that's not it at all! Of course I planned on being there for you. I've never intended to watch you struggle because I was never gonna let it happen. I was going to make sure you didn't go through that struggle." I said trying to clear up her confusion. "Rachel, you'll never have to worry about going hungry and you'll always have a place to live while you reach for your dreams. I'm going to make sure of that. Kate couldn't promise you that on a teacher's salary but she failed to recognize that I would promise that. I had promised it since the moment you realized you wanted to be on Broadway. As long as I had the money, you would be able to live your dreams."

Rachel had new tears in her eyes, but this time she wore a smile. "Shouldn't your money go towards Vanessa and Brent? I mean I'm just your niece."

"Rachel, what has ever given you the idea that I don't love you as one of my own?" I smiled playfully at her, "I've been there for you since before you were born, how silly of you to think I could ever push you aside now! Besides kiddo, I don't know if you noticed but I have had this really successful career. And Uncle Charlie, well, he hasn't done so bad himself," I wink at her. "So I'm pretty sure we got all three of you covered."

I kiss her forehead and Rachel pulls me into a bone crushing hug. "I love you, Aunt Bee."

"I love you, too, kid. So so much."

The rest of the morning went by rather quickly. Charlie was still out with the kids and Rachel and I had yet to venture to the cemetery. After our conversation this morning I was wondering if it was even a good idea to go. Things were already so emotionally trying today. Of course it's a good idea Shelby! I reprimand myself. You both need this release. It's a part of saying goodbye. How can you heal with out trying?

"So..." I begin, looking at Rachel who is sitting across the counter from me in the kitchen. "Do you know what you want to sing today?"

Rachel nods, "Yes, do you?"

"I do."

Silence.

"Well then we should go." I say and Rachel nods. This is not going to be easy- for either of us.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

"You ready?" Aunt Shelby asks as she parks the car.

"No. Not really." Can you believe I am actually starting to be honest with her? I don't know it's like this past week has been different. Sure I haven't told her everything yet. She doesn't know that I'm not sleeping much or that the last two nights Noah has snuck in my room so that I won't have to be alone with my thoughts. We aren't together, Noah and I, even though people still think we are. It isn't like that. He's my best friend. It just so happens that he doesn't really like talking on the phone so he comes over instead. It's not like anything is actually happening between us. I'm not ready to be in another relationship and what if it ruined our friendship? No, we're just friends and I am perfectly happy with that- and- and so is Noah.

"Well we could always try another time, if you don't feel up to it?" Shelby says breaking me from my musings.

"No, no we should do this today. We're already here." I answer.

"Okay then." She says and we both get out of the car.

Aunt Shelby comes around to where I'm standing and places an arm around me. It's comforting. Maybe I should be confiding in her at night instead of Noah. I mean she's constantly saying she wants to be there for me and I want her to, I really do. But- but I don't wanna take her away from Brent and Vanessa. I'm scared they'll start hating me because I took their mom away from them and I just couldn't take that. Aunt Shelby has her own grief to deal with anyways, she doesn't need me to be her burden and Noah, I don't even have to say anything. He just knows and shows up. I don't know how- maybe it's a Jewish thing. Okay, Rachel, now you're talking crazy.

Before I even realize it, we're there at her headstone. There it is- this is where my mom is now or where her body is because her spirit, I guess, is in heaven, if you believe in heaven. I think I do. We place the flowers we brought on her grave- deep purple iris'. They were her favorite. We both stand there while the moment lingers and then aunt Shelby begins to sing...

"I dreamed a dream in time gone by,"

How- how did she know the song I wanted to sing?

"When hope was high and life worth living."

I didn't tell her. I didn't tell anyone. I didn't even think of the song until this morning.

"I dreamed that love would never die,"

And then it hit me. I'll join her.

"I dreamed that God would be forgiving."

We'll sing this together. We'll do this together. So I begin to sing.

"Then I was young and unafraid,"

Aunt Shelby looks at me and nods to continue.

"And dreams were made and used and wasted."

She's smiling.

"There was no ransom to be paid,"

It almost makes this easier.

"No song unsung, no wine untasted."

She takes my hand.

"But the tigers come at night," She sings.

I echo, "But the tigers come at night."

"With their voices soft as thunder."

I look up at her as she continues.

"As they tear your hopes apart,"

And she nods for me to repeat.

"As they tear your hopes apart."

She wipes the tears from eyes that I hadn't even known I'd begun to cry.

"As they turn your dream to shame..." Not being able to hold it back I join her and we harmonize on the last word, until I take over completely.

"And still I dream she'll come to me. That we will live the years together. But there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather."

She grabs my hand again as we turn to look out across the cemetery and our voices join once again blending perfectly.

"I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living. So different now from what it seemed, now life has killed the dream I dreamed."

I can't hold it in anymore- the hurt, the pain, the loss- and it seems that neither can she. So together we collapse to the ground and cry, holding on to one another as if our lives depended on it.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I don't know how long we sat there together, but I just knew I couldn't let go. It wasn't just for Rachel anymore, it was for me as well. I needed this. God, how I needed this. And I can tell by the way Rachel holds on to me that she desperately needed it- perhaps more than she had ever lead on. I briefly wonder if Kate's watching. If she can see us. I wonder if she's with us, holding on too.

Rachel and I finally release one another and make our way towards the car.

"We chose the same song didn't we?" I ask and Rachel nods before we get into the vehicle and drive home wordlessly.

As I pull into the driveway and into the garage, Rachel grabs my hand.

"Aunt Shelby?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Thank you, thank you for encouraging me to do that."

"Thank you, Rachel. I don't think I could have actually done it without you."

"We make pretty good duet partners, don't we?" She smiles.

"We sure do, kiddo."

"We should do that again sometime, I mean, sing together. Not necessarily at the cemetery, but somewhere."

"You know, I think you're right. I think we should do that again and I have just the perfect place for that to happen."

"You do?" She questions. "Where?"

"Rachel, my dear, I think it's time I showed you the studio."

Rachel gasps. "THE studio? The building in the backyard studio? The one you don't let anyone else in to studio?"

"That'd be the one! What'd you say love? You game?" I smirk at her as her brown eyes fill with wonder and amazement.

"I- I- I would-" She stutters. "I would absolutely love to!" She squeals throwing her arms around me and giving me yet another bone crushing hug.

"Well let's get to it then, kid!" I squeeze her back.

"Okay!" She says with enthusiasm and then proceeds to drag me to my studio. I laugh at her excitement. I swear you would think it was her birthday, like she's dragging me to the present table because she couldn't wait any longer. Oh dear me! I hope I don't regret this. I really, really, really hope I don't.


	8. Sneakin' Around

**Rachel's POV**

"Is that really where she keeps her Tony?"

"What was it like?"

"What kind of equipment does she have?"

"I heard the mixing board is bigger than some of the major studios."

"Did you actually record anything?"

"You think she'll let us record anything?"

The entire glee club was going crazy over the news that this past weekend, I, Rachel Barbra Berry was granted access to the infamous Corcoran Studio. They had been bombarding me with questions and it was becoming a little overwhelming.

"Ok ok, are you guys gonna let me talk or are you just gonna keep the questions coming without giving me time to answer?" I answer only to get a collective "Sorry."

"First off, no Kurt, she keeps her Tony in a display case in the office. Secondly, it's amazing. It doesn't seem like much when you first walk in but when you finally get really into it- gah! She has all kinds of instruments in there, a full drum set, multiple guitars, soundboard's galore, and my personal favorite is the baby grand piano." I say smiling.

"Wait don't you guys have another baby grand near your sitting room?" Noah asks.

"Yes, but this one is different... It's simply extravagant. It's like it holds the key to all the secrets in the universe or something." I answer, "And that's not even describing the sound!"

"What about the mixing board?" Artie asks, "Did you get a good look at it?"

"Oh yes! And it's definitely the largest one I've ever seen. I didn't know you even needed that many channels for a home studio! Now as for the recording, no we didn't record anything because Uncle Charlie came home with Vanessa and Brent, but she said we would soon. We might even make it a weekly tradition!"

"Do you think she'll let us record anything?" Santana prodded. I was a little surprised that the Unholy Trinity seemed to be taking interest in my Aunt's studio seeing as we aren't even friends, but they were just as intrigued by it as the other glee members.

"I don't know really. I mean she told me I'm welcome to go in there anytime I want now, but she didn't say anything about bringing in guests."

"But she didn't say you couldn't, right?" was Santana's rebuttal.

"No." somehow I feel this may get me into some trouble somewhere down the line.

"Awesome." Brittany says.

"Ok guys but do you want to know the most amazing thing about her studio, besides the fact that it's a studio?"

"YES!" they all shouted.

"She has something she started when they first built it called her wall of inspiration. It has pictures of different musicals, written lyrics, family photo's, quotes; plastered all over the wall. But she got so into it that she expanded it to cover every wall now. Sure there is still space for more, but it really is inspirational just seeing it. She even has a letter to her in one corner, that Babs herself wrote on the wall a couple of years ago when they did that duet together!"

"Wow." Kurt said.

"Y-y-you are soooo t-t-the c-c-coolest person I k-k-know." Tina chimed.

"I don't know if I'd go that far. I mean after all, I am the coolest person any of you know." Santana began.

"It's so true." Brittany added before Santana continued.

"But maybe you aren't so bad, dwarf." Santana said. "What do you think Q?"

Quinn and I seemed to come to a little of an understanding in that moment. Though I half wondered if it was superficial or not and they were just planning some sort of epic revenge.

"Well..." But Quinn didn't get to finish as Mr. Shue came in and began our session.

"Okay guys! I hope you all had a great weekend but it's time to get back into the grind. And what better to do that then with a little healthy competition?" He said, "It's time to see what type of punch we are going to be packing for regionals. SO I am going to pair you off into two teams and we're going to have our first ever music duel!"

"Mr. Shue, what the hell is a music duel?"

"Well, Mercedes, it's pretty much just that- a music duel." Mr. Shue, seriously, you're a teacher, shouldn't you be able to explain it better than that?

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. Shue," I pipe in. "But a music duel is basically a battle of wits via music to see who can out sing who. Instead of using insults or violence you use a song. If the other person can not come up with a successful rebuttal or simply did not overpower his or her competitor's vocal abilities then that person is knocked out."

"That is it exactly, Rachel!" I nod at Mr. Shue.

"Though, however fun a music duel might be, I do think we should be focusing on set lists at this stage rather than silly competitions." I say feeling rather sure of myself on this point. I mean back in Scarsdale they've already perfected their routine for God's sake!

"What's a matter shrimp?" Quinn asked playfully, "You aren't afraid of losing are you?"

"What? No! Of course not!" I recover. "I have complete faith that my repertoire will carry me through to victory, I just think the whole idea is pointless."

"Well I don't!" Santana says. "It's time to find out what you wimps are made of... prepare to have your asses handed to you!"

"Santana! Watch the language." Mr. Shue said but nodded just the same as everyone but I agreed to his idea.

So much for whipping this team into shape I shrug defeated as Mr. Shue continues.

"Alright so I've already chosen the teams. You'll have the rest of the week to build your own music libraries. Each team can choose up to ten songs for entry into your library, but they must all be turned in by Thursday as that's when we will hold our duel in the auditorium. Ok so team one will be Rachel, Brittany, Kurt, Finn, Tina and Matt. Team two will be Quinn, Santana, Puck, Mike, Mercedes, and Artie."

Well all break off into our respective teams in order to start discussing strategy and song options. This is crap. We should definitely be preparing ourselves for Regionals by learning dance moves and numbers rather than having a music duel. Sigh.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

"Ugggghhhhh!" I said aloud throwing the pan in the garbage. I know I'm being immature but I am highly frustrated with this whole learning how to cook thing! That's the third pan I've completely ruined.

"Mrs. Corcoran, there is no need to be upset. We can just try again. You have put in so much effort-"

"Out! Get out!" I yell at the chef Charlie had hired to help me. This man's placating was not making it any better and not to mention he has given me absolutely no breathing room the entire day! I just want him gone. Out. Goodbye. Never more to return!

He practically ran out of the house. Good thing the kids were all upstairs.

Hi, I'm Shelby Corcoran. Meet me at my worst: when I can not make things go my way. Especially something I'm already supposed to have control over.

"Aunt Shelby?" Rachel timidly made her way down the stairs. She must've heard the yelling. Calm down Shel... the last thing you need is to take out your anger with yourself on her. "Is everything ok?"

"I'm sorry Rachel. It's just the cooking lessons haven't gone so well today."

She nodded. "Maybe he was just a bad teacher? I mean he's been here all afternoon and it took you all of two seconds to want to bite his head off."

I laugh mostly at just how well Rachel reads me. We are too much a like for our own good. Poor kid. "Yeah well I guess that's what I get for letting Charlie do the hiring."

"You know if you really want to cook that bad, maybe I could help you out?

"Oh Rachel, I'm not sure that would be such a good idea after what I just put that poor man through."

"Yeah, but Aunt Shelby, I'm not a mollifying ass." I laugh, I should be chastising her for language but honestly I just don't have it in me. "I'm blunt and I won't baby you about it. If you screw it up. You screw it up. There is always take out. And I can assure you I won't be breathing down your neck the entire time."

"You sure you want to do this? I'm already frustrated beyond belief."

Rachel walked around the counter and jumped up onto it next to where I was standing. "Sure. You can try the lasagna one more time and I'll tell you how my day went."

"Rachel, dear, not that I don't want to hear about your day, but how is that helping me learn to cook?" I ask.

"Simple. I'm going to observe what you're doing while telling you about my day and successfully distracting you from your inner vexations thus taking off some of the pressure involved."

I laugh yet again. I already feel so much better about this. "Alrighty then. Tell me about your day kiddo!"

Rachel began talking non-stop about glee and how she disagrees with practically everything Will is doing right now. Every once in a while she would make suggestions toward the cooking steering me in the right direction. So far so good.

"I mean seriously Aunt Bee! A competition amongst ourselves is not what we need right now!"

She's barely been involved with the club and already is this passionate about it- and she thought she wouldn't be able to sing much less join a glee club ever again. I shake my head, but am oh so happy that she is starting to come around to being herself again. She still has her moments but every day it gets a little better, for the both of us.

As I put the lasagna in the oven I realize that I hadn't gotten this far before and I smile- Rachel was right.

"Don't get so smug yet, Aunt Shelby. You could still burn it, you know."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence kiddo!" I say lightly pushing her arm.

"Just keeping it real." She smiles right back up at me. "Though I am certain it won't- I'm that good."

"Rachel. I did all the cooking."

"That you couldn't do before without me helping you out." She corrects pointedly.

I start to counter her remark when I just decide to drop the matter. If she wants the credit then she can have it. I am in much too good of a mood now. "Fine. You win." She beams yet again at the idea of winning at something. "Now go check on Vanessa and Brent for me. I'm scared we left them up there too long by themselves." Rachel nods and then bounds up the stairs while I try and clean up some of the mess in the kitchen.

Five minutes later and Rachel is chasing Brent and Vanessa down the stairs. "Stay out of my room!" She yells.

Crap. I knew this would start sooner or later. I was hoping for later- way later. Taking a sip of water I prepare myself for the worst.

"Mom! Rachel yelled at us!" Vanessa shouted. "And we weren't even in her room but for like two seconds!"

"Yeah mommy, we weren't messing with anything, honest. I just wanted to see how it was that Pu-." Rachel put her hand quickly over Brent's mouth.

"Shut it munchkin." She said and I raised my eyebrow curious as to what Brent was about to say. I'd have to talk with him later though because Charlie picked this of all times to walk in.

"Something smells amazing!" he said looking into the oven. "I guess that chef I hired was a good idea after all. See I told ya Shel-"

Rachel cut him off. "Actually Uncle Charlie. This ever so lovely lasagna you see before you in the oven there is of my doing. I rescued Aunt Shelby after she tore previously aforementioned chef into shreds."

"I did not tear him into shreds. I merely was unable to contain my displeasure with my lack of cooking ability and may have taken it out on him- a little." I corrected her. Okay so I was really just trying to make myself look slightly better. Just then the timer beeps so I turn slightly toward the oven and take out the lasagna.

"Mommy ripped his ass a new one, Daddy." Vanessa said as we both looked at her in shock. Where the hell did my six year old learn a phrase like that? Though I had a good idea as I noticed a certain teenager trying to make her escape back toward the stairs.

"Vanessa!" I chastise, but before I can continue Charlie steps in.

"Honey. I got this." He says to me before turning to our daughter and kneeling down to her height. "Where by chance princess did you learn that phrase?"

"Puck said it last night. Brent and I overheard him and Rachel talking in her room." she said and I whipped my head toward the stairs daring Rachel to move another inch.

"Yeah Mommy it's what I was trying to tell you before. I want to know how he got in there... is there some trick I don't know about? Cause we were listening through the crack in the door and we heard a loud thud," Brent says falling on the floor then jumping back up dramatically. "and then he was talking. But no way was he in there before cuz Rae-Rae was on the phone. I looked. Do we have a secret tunnel?" Brent's eyes went wide at the thought.

Charlie and I both look at Rachel then to each other. "Why don't you and the kids go ahead and start dinner, Charlie. Rachel and I need to have a little chat."

"What, about the secret tunnel Mommy?" Brent asks.

"There is no secret tunnel, honey." I say before gesturing for Rachel to continue up the stairs to her room.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Shit. One look from Aunt Shelby said it all- I'm dead. Or at least I'm as good as dead. I've never EVER seen that look directed at me but there it was. I laugh nervously once I get into my room. I know she's following me up here. Damn it! I just need some time to figure this out! Do I tell her the truth? Lie my ass off? God if only Brent and Vanessa hadn't heard us last night! Weren't they supposed to be asleep? Noah didn't even get here until after midnight. I told him he needed to be more careful climbing through that damn window, but no- "I've got it Jew babe." he said with that cocky ass smirk- I turn around quickly to see my Aunt Shelby enter the room. I am so dead. She looks upset? Disappointed? Pissed... absofuckinglutely pissed.

"Sit." She says rather calmly and it almost makes me shudder at the eeriness that now flows from the room.

I sit in the bay window closest to me. She can't kill me if I'm in full view to the neighborhood right? To say I'm terrified wouldn't even explain half of how I'm feeling I mean I've never done anything to upset Shelby before, at least not that I know of... I mean my mom yeah- lots of times but Aunt Shelby has practically let me get away with murder. Oh God! Does she know how to get a way with murder?

I realize quickly that my dramatic side has completely taken over my senses but I can't help it. She hasn't even said anything other than, sit and I'm already panicking.

She sits on the edge of my bed which is diagonal to the left of where I'm sitting. Is she waiting on me to say something? What do I say? Truth- Lie- Truth- Lie- Truth- Lie? I have no idea what is about to come out of my mouth but as I open up to speak she cuts me off.

"Don't- don't say anything just yet. Just- don't." She says holding up a hand.

I nod.

Aunt Shelby takes a deep breath before continuing, "Did I hear correctly downstairs, that Noah Puckerman was in your room- this very room last night?"

Gulp. "Yes." I suddenly find the floor much more interesting. I can't look her in the eye anymore- she's already burning holes into me as it is.

"Now, I don't remember him entering through the front door or his presence ever being announced so I'm assuming he snuck in. But what I'd really like to know, Rachel, is why the hell would he need to sneak into the house? And what was he doing in your room, without my knowledge?" Shelby was seething with anger yet somehow controlling it and that just made this whole thing that much more scary.

"Um..." I said nervously still choosing the floor as my focal point.

"Rachel, I'm giving you the chance to tell the truth here, every last bit of it. And before I decide how I am going to handle this at that, but the less truthful I believe you- the harder this will be for the both of us. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Aunt Shelby." I briefly think of using Aunt Bee Bee but my pet name for her isn't going to help me at this point. I know I have no choice but to tell her the truth if I intend to have some freedoms left, and I hate that it's just going to add hurt to the anger she already feels.

"Let's hear it then." she says once more in that eerily calm tone that is masking her anger. Can I just crawl into a hole somewhere?

"Well...um..."


	9. You Learn

**Shelby's POV**

I waited for Rachel to get her story straight. I realized very quickly that she was going to tell me the truth. There was just too much fear in her eyes. Who said raising a teenager was hard? Though, I probably just jinxed it.

After much internal debate, Rachel finally got on to explaining. "Noah was here because I can't sleep at night. I swear nothing happened Aunt Shelby! We just talked, that's it I promise!" her eyes were pleading with me to believe her and I caved. So much for scary Shelby.

"You aren't sleeping? Baby why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I don't want to worry you all the time. I shouldn't have to be your only priority."

"So you called Noah to come be here for you?"

"Yes. No. Yes. I mean I didn't ask him to come. I was texting him one night and he just came over."

"Rachel, how long has this been going on?"

"Since last Tuesday."

"So Noah has been, for lack of a better phrase, spending the night here for a week?"

"Well he's not exactly spending the night. I do eventually fall asleep, like maybe 3-4 in the morning and then he goes home."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Rachel, you should have come to me about this."

"Logically I know that. I just, I don't want to bother you so much."

I walk over to where she is sitting and kneel so that we are eye to eye. "Rachel Barbra Berry, you have not, nor will you ever be a bother to me. I love you and care about you so much. I want to be there for you, hell kid, I need to be there for you. But I can't do that if you don't let me."

"I'm sorry Aunt Bee Bee. I didn't mean to... I just... I just..."

I pulled her into a hug. She didn't need to finish her sentence. I already knew. But damn it, she shouldn't have had Noah here with out any consent like that and she needs to know it.

"I know, sweetheart. Listen to me ok," I said. "It has to stop now. Noah can't come over like that anymore."

"Okay." she said meekly.

"And from now on you are to come to me about all this stuff, okay? I don't care what time it is kiddo, promise me you'll come to me from now on?"

"I promise." she nodded.

"Good." I state getting up from where I was now sitting next to Rachel, "Now. You know I have to ground you right?"

She just nods this time. At least she knew she wasn't getting away with it all even though I really hate to punish her for this.

"So you're grounded for the rest of the week. No cell phone, no computer, no TV, no going out. No iPod-"

"Oh no please Aunt Shelby, you can take away everything else but please please please don't take away my music." she begged. "It's the only thing keeping me sane." saying the last part quietly.

"Fine." I say giving in, even though I know I shouldn't, "You can keep your iPod and you can also retain access to the studio. But if I find out that this is still going on- they're gone and your grounding will be much worse. You got me?"

"Yes." She pauses, "What about Noah? I mean I'll need to call him and let him know..."

"No need darling, I will be taking care of that myself." I said patting Rachel on the knee and watching as Her eyes grew extremely wide. No doubt she wasn't counting on that; this causes me to smirk just a bit. "That or I could have Charlie talk to him." Rachel visibly gulps and I can feel my smirk grow wider. "Okay. Well let's go downstairs and eat and then when we're done you and I are going to talk more about this not sleeping thing."

"Okay." she says quietly and I follow her down the stairs.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Dinner went off smoothly and Aunt Shelby's lasagna was a hit. Turns out my theories on helping her were dead on. Speaking of dead. I'm alive, yay! I think. I mean I know I'm alive but yeah should I be happy about it? Sometimes- I wonder. Shelby's punishment wasn't really all that bad. I'm only grounded for four more days and it's not like I really go anywhere or do anything anyways. The only thing I have any more is music and she graciously let me keep that. Sure I'll miss talking to Noah, of course he may willingly not want to talk to me after Aunt Shelby gets through with him and God forbid Uncle Charlie (who is quite possibly more protective than Shelby so yeah)... I shudder at the thought- poor Noah. He doesn't really deserve it. He just wanted to be a good friend. And he has been, but maybe this will force me to open up more to Aunt Shelby? Maybe- I've never heard a word that held a higher gamble.

I walk over to the sink and decide I should probably do the dishes. Aunt Shelby is going upstairs with Brent and Vanessa anyways to get them ready for bed, might as well try and get on the good side again.

"Brownie points huh?" Uncle Charlie says as he grabs a rag and begins drying. I don't say anything.

Uncle Charlie and I have barely talked since Mom died. I mean we were so close before that and he's always been like a father to me, but lately I've had no desire to really sit down and have a heart to heart with him.

"You know your Aunt Shelby and I love you as one of our own right?" he asks out of the blue.

I feel like my throat is constricting in and I just can't seem to form words so I nod instead.

"And you know that we'd do anything for you kiddo, right?"

I nod again. I believe my language skills are out of order.

"Then trust us, Rachel." he says and I put the dish I was washing down and look at him with confusion. "Especially your Aunt Shelby. She needs you just as much as you need her right now. She's pretty much put aside everything to focus on you and help you through this. She deserves your trust."

"I didn't ask her to." the words finally come to me, but they definitely weren't what Charlie was expecting to here.

"You didn't have to Rae. You'll never have to." he says and begins to walk away.

Anger boiled inside me, though not towards Aunt Shelby. Who does Charlie think he is? Lecturing me?! It's like years of pent up anger just exploded. I don't know why it came out or why it chose now, but I was about to let Charlie have it.

"And why should I trust anything you say?!" I say almost yelling. He whips around and now he is the one rippled with confusion.

"Rachel? Of course you can-"

"You took her away from me! You came along and wouldn't leave her alone until you had her! And you kept her so busy she didn't have time for me and mom anymore! She was our everything and you took her away!" tears were flowing freely now.

It was true though he had taken her. Before Uncle Charlie came along, Aunt Shelby was always around. At least as much as she could be. I had weekdays, weekends, vacations, holidays, and birthdays, you name it and she was there! But after Charlie creeped in… Sure she still called and she tried to visit and it didn't happen all right away. It started with having to cancel here or there and then I ended up lucky if I saw her at all. I mean she was still there for the important stuff but the everyday stopped and mom said it was because she had her own family. I was reduced from being the center of her attention to… Ugh!

"She was all we had!" Charlie was walking towards me, I think he wanted to comfort me but I pushed passed him and went upstairs. Slamming my door shut.

What is wrong with me? Why? Why did I just do that? Why now? Even if I've felt it was true for too long, Uncle Charlie makes Aunt Shelby happy. Am I that selfish that I wouldn't allow her, her chance at happiness if I could have changed it?

I feel like crap. Charlie has always been good to me. Even if mom said he is the reason Aunt Shelby started to distance herself from us when I was younger. He didn't deserve what I just threw on him.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

"Shelby, I need to talk to you." Charlie said as I came down the stairs. He was pacing back and forth and he looked so distraught.

"What happened?" I ask as he sits us down on the couch. I thought I had heard Rachel yelling earlier or maybe just close to yelling and then her door shut. I needed to know what happened with her and Charlie.

"I'm not exactly sure." he says wringing his hands together, "One minute I was telling Rachel she needs to trust us more with everything, especially you and the next minute she's yelling at me telling me I took you away from her and Kate."

"Oh, no." I dropped my head in to my hands.

"Shelby, you gotta tell her."

"How am I supposed to tell her that it was Kate that kept me away from her?" I got up and began pacing the floor. "How can I do that to her?"

"Kate's dead, Shelby."

"Exactly! How can I ruin Rachel's perfect image of her? To tell her that I wasn't allowed around her because I was encouraging her to follow the same lifestyle I led?! Especially when I've been trying to tell, convince her, that she can be anything she wants to be!"

"Just tell her the truth Shelby. She knows Kate didn't want her to be a performer. She'll understand. But if you don't tell her she is going to constantly have this newfound resistance towards me and it's going to tear us all apart!" he stresses and I know he's right.

"I should have told Kate she was being ridiculous. I should have tried harder. We were family. She wasn't going to lose Rachel to broadway."

"It wasn't broadway she was afraid of losing Rachel to, Shelby."

"That's ridiculous, Charlie... You think Kate was scared of me? Of how close Rachel and I were?"

"I do. Rachel's always looked up to you more than anyone else on this earth."

"Not anyone." I laugh.

"More than Barbra, Shelby." and I look up to him. Rachel looked up to me more than Barbra? It's like Charlie could see the question in my mind and he nods as the realization hits me.

"I couldn't have taken her..."

"I know."

"Rachel shouldn't look up to me so much. If she only knew half the things I've done. My stupid mistakes. Bad judgement calls. Things that I still regret."

"You'll tell her one day and I'm sure that she'll still look up to just as much." Charlie interrupted cupping my face in his hands. "But for now, you need to tell her why you pulled away from her. She needs to know."

I nod. "You're right. It's gonna break her heart but she needs to know."

"She does." is all he said and I slowly made my way to the stairs.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

"Rachel, honey, I'm coming in." Aunt Shelby says as She enters my room lightly knocking.

Wasting no time I immediately run into her arms. "I'm so sorry Aunt Bee Bee. I don't know what happened. I didn't mean to yell at Uncle Charlie like that! Is he mad at me? Are you mad a me? I'm so sorry!"

"Calm down sweetie. Take some deep breaths for me ok?"

I nod and try to control my breathing and the tears that had made their way back.

"It's ok baby," she said rubbing my back and trying to calm me down. "No one is mad at you. Just breathe and we'll talk all about this."

She moved us to the bed where I sat down pulling her next to me. I feel like such a child. For the life of me I just can't let her go.

"You-u should be mad at me. W-what I said was awful."

"But you believe them to be true?" she asks causing me to look up at her. Of course they're true, mom said so. Awful but true. I nod. "Rachel, hon, I need to tell you something and it's not going to be easy to hear..." she pauses. "Baby, it wasn't Charlie who kept me away from you. It was Kate."

"What?!" I didn't mean for it to come out so loudly but the shock overtook any control I once had.

"Honey, Kate was the one who didn't want me around you so much."

"No! She wouldn't do that! You're her sister! Why are you covering for him?"

"Rachel, I'm not covering for Charlie and you need to calm down and listen to me." she said firmly.

I instantly backed away toward my headboard, grabbing a pillow and holding it tight. I could see the hurt in Shelby's eyes at the loss of contact. But if before I couldn't let her go, now I can't even look at her. Would Aunt Bee lie about this?

"Rachel, listen to me baby, please." she said grabbing for my hand, but I pull it away.

"It's not true. She wouldn't have done that." I said quietly this time.

"I can explain it, if you like. I know it's hard to believe, but it is true."

I chose this moment to stay quiet. She eventually began again.

"The problems began so early on but really came to a head on your ninth birthday. Kate had decided earlier that year that she wanted to move further from the city."

"When we moved from Queens to Scarsdale?" I ask and she nods "I remember I was angry with her for weeks after that."

"You also became more determined than ever to get on broadway that year."

I smiled. "I definitely remember that."

She returned my smile but it quickly faded, "Well, I thought maybe that I could start seriously coaching you. I loved spending my extra time with you and you always soaked up every bit of information I had regarding my career. So I talked to Kate about maybe you coming and spending your vacations from school with me in the city. I could teach you things about the art that no one else could and I missed having the two of you so near. I was going through the worst separation anxiety, you were always my little sidekick." Shelby said laughing a little and then that too faded. "Kate said she would think about it and I confused that for a yes. I made all these plans and redecorated your room at our apartment as a surprise. Charlie thought I was insane, but I wanted it all to be perfect."

This caused me to be even more confused. I remembered nothing of it. I let her continue.

"Your spring break was getting close so I called Kate to arrange for your visit. Kate said she completely forgot about it and that you had made other plans with some new friends. I was heartbroken. I even suggested that maybe I come there instead. Kate didn't think that was a good idea. It would take away from your time with your new friends."

"Wait!" I interrupt. "Aunt Shelby I remember that year. And I didn't make any friends until my second year in Scarsdale. I wasn't with friends, we spent that week visiting Bubbe and Zayde."

"I know." Shelby tried to hold back her tears. "I found out about it after. I had called Pop to ask him about something and he told me the two of you had just left. I was in complete shock. I didn't understand why Kate would do that to me. Charlie said that maybe you had had plans but they got cancelled and maybe Kate thought we were busy. I wanted to believe that. I really did. I called Kate the next day and confronted her about it. She told me she didn't think it was a good idea, you spending so much time with me. She said that you needed to focus on other things than broadway 24/7. That singing and dancing were a great hobby, but you didn't need to base your whole life around it."

I shook my head at this new information as she continued.

"I asked Kate why she didn't just say that before, even though I thought the whole thing was ludicrous, you could have came anyway. We could have done non-broadway things. I lived in Manhattan, there were tons of things to do. That's when she told me-" Shelby said getting choked up.

"Told you what?" I prodded.

"She told me that she didn't think it was a good idea for you to spend so much time with me. That I was too broadway focused and that I would fill your head with dreams rather than realities."

"She said that?" I said in shock overload.

She nodded. "I became furious and we fought. I ultimately lost when she said her decision was final. You were her daughter and what she said went. She held me at bay after that. She wanted me to have as little influence on you as possible."

"But… she told me you were starting your own family…"

"She what?"

"She said, she said you needed to spend time with Charlie and that us being around you was a bother."

"No, sweetheart, not at all. You were never a bother. I… I…"

"She really did this." I said more to myself.

"I was at a complete loss, Rachel. I didn't known what to do. I was afraid if I pushed any harder Kate would decide that I shouldn't see you at all."

"But you were sisters. Why would she do that to you? Didn't she see it was hurting you? That it hurt me? I know it hurt her! I saw it all the time how she missed you! And you two were always so close!"

"Not until after Vanessa was born. It was then that she let down her guard again and allowed me back into your lives. Technically she apologized and from then on everything seemed ok but deep down I was still afraid she would do it again so I kept my distance."

"I don't know what to say."

"It's a lot to take in I know. I'm sorry I just dumped this all on you tonight, but I couldn't have you thinking so ill of Charlie. It crushed him when you said those things and you deserved to know the truth."

Crap. I owed Uncle Charlie a huge apology. "Aunt Shelby I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I know sweetheart."

"Thank you for telling me, though."

"Your welcome. You needed to know it."

I yawned as I curled back into Aunt Shelby and she played with my hair.

"Aunt Shelby?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do we still have to talk about my sleep issues tonight? Because I actually am really tired."

"No, darling. We can talk about them to tomorrow." she says as she moves to get up.

"Aunt Shelby?"

"Yes baby?"

"Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course I will, sweetheart." she says before turning off the lights and moving back into place. I curl back into her and she begins to lightly hum a tune I vaguely recognize as a lullaby, one I've heard many times before, I think.

It's so peaceful and comforting and I find myself falling fast asleep.


	10. Me Against the Music

**Shelby's POV**

Rachel seemed to fall asleep rather quickly. No doubt it was a combination of this emotionally trying day and lack of sleep. I made my way out of the dark room, quickly check on Vanessa and Brent and then head downstairs. I see Charlie sitting at the counter nursing a cup of water.

"Hey, baby." I sigh and wrap my arms around him from behind laying my head on his shoulder.

He turns around on the stool and pulls me closer. "How'd it go?"

"Better than I expected." I said reluctantly pulling out of his embrace. "She didn't want to believe me at first but the more I explained the easier it was to comprehend."

He nods. "So she doesn't hate me now?"

I laughed a little. From the moment he met her it was always extremely important to him to be well liked by Rachel. "No, she doesn't. Actually as soon as I walked in she started apologizing. I think she felt bad about her reaction towards you."

"Well, I'm glad she knows the truth now."

"Desperate to be cool Uncle Charlie again?" I joke.

"No. I think I'll have lost that title for good now."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, while you were upstairs having a 'heart to heart' with Rachel. I was on the phone having an 'I will hurt you if I have to' talk with Noah Puckerman."

I covered my hand over my mouth and let out a muffled "You didn't?"

"Oh I sure did. Noah's a good kid but he, like Rachel, needed to know that we have rules and that he does not want to break them."

Removing my hand finally I ask, "How did he react?"

"Well there were a lot of yes sirs and no sirs and won't happen again sirs." Charlie laughed, "then I took a leap of faith and told him that he has my trust. But if he breaks that trust, things won't be good. He made a few promises to me and that was that."

"Wow, Charlie Corcoran, I am impressed! You definitely get my vote for father of the year." I said pecking him on the cheek.

He chuckled, "Well I'm not Rachel's father."

"Biologically, no." I say as we make our way to the bedroom.

"I wish I was; I could have been around more. Done more. Rachel's such a good kid, but she's missed out on so much."

"Like Corcoran summer camping trips?" I dead pan.

"What?" he says questioningly "It a valid life experience."

"Rachel hates the outdoors, she'll gripe about animal rights when you go fishing, and if you think I'm high maintenance..."

"Oy vey!" He said face palming. It's the one Yiddish expression he's picked up from me through the years. "Still it's exactly my point if I'd had been around sooner she would have been much more well rounded."

"In your dreams Corcoran! She was born high maintenance, there is nothing you could have done about that!"

"Whatever." he pauses as we get in to bed.

"Night babe."

"Night Love."

We settle in after the long day and just as I think I'm about to fall asleep, "I still think I would have had more of a profound impact on her."

"Shut up, Charlie." I say as he laughed and pulled me closer so that we could finally sleep.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

I felt really bad for treating Charlie the way I did yesterday so I got up extra early and baked him some of my infamous Rachel Berry 'I'm Sorry' cookies. He loved them, packing every last one in to a container to take to work. That seemed to irk Aunt Shelby who said he should be sharing with the rest of the family, to which he held the container greedily saying "My cookies!" over and over again. It was quite a site seeing how playful the two get. One could only hope to be lucky enough to find a love like that. They are so perfect for each other it's scary.

The next two days seemed to fly by. Aunt Shelby and I talked about my dreams and offered to sing me to sleep every night if she had to (which I have taken her up on even though I feel childish for it). I was mortified to learn that Uncle Charlie did indeed talk to Noah. Though Noah said it wasn't so bad, it was clear Uncle Charlie's point was understood. Oddly enough I think Noah has this newfound respect for Charlie. He said no one's ever just outright said they trusted him before like that. It was very endearing. He also calls Charlie Chuck now because it rhyme's with Puck and well… yeah… I don't try and understand everything Noah comes up with.

And now here we are in the auditorium waiting for Mr. Shue to start this ridiculous music duel.

Three words: Waste. Of. Time.

"Ok guys, our first duelists of the Music Duel are... Matt and Mike!" Mr. Shue said giving them each five minutes to prepare with the team before going at it.

"Listen," I said motioning for everyone to huddle up. "We need to come in to this thing strong. It's all about song selection!" I look around at them all- Brittany is staring at the ceiling, Tina is looking at her nails, Kurt is rolling his eyes, Finn has this dopey grin, and Matt is texting. Great, just great, no one is listening.

"Time's up!" Mr. Shue announces. "Let the duel begin!"

Matt and Mike both made their way to the stage. In an interesting turn of events they both had chosen Michael Jackson songs. Mike sang "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough" and Matt sang "Got To Be Starting Something." Matt ended up beating Mike, marginally if you ask me, neither were up to par.

Next up was Finn and Noah. Finn chose Boston's "More Than A Feeling" and Noah decided on Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It." Noah won as Finn was unable to hit the high note at the end of his song.

The third competitors of the evening were Artie and Kurt. Kurt won easily with his choice

"Does Your Mother Know" from Mamma Mia! over Artie's Stevie Wonder choice "Signed, Sealed, Delivered."

Finally it was my turn. I walked up to the stage confident and cool, that is until Mr. Shue said I was up against Mercedes. We're both powerhouses. We flipped a coin, as the others did, to see who went first. Me. Chill, Rae, you got this. You were born to be a star. Shelby's been telling you that since you were in diapers. You gotta go out and hit hard. Intimidate the hound out of her and there is only one song that can do that.

I had originally planned to save "Don't Rain on My Parade" as my last song in the competition, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I sang it flawlessly and it did just exactly what I intended, intimidated Mercedes just enough to make her marginally less confident. Even with her song choice of "Think" by Aretha Franklin she didn't have a chance.

After us, were Tina and Santana. Santana beat her out with Blondie's "Call Me" over Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield."

The last to go for round one were Brittany and Quinn. Brittany sang "Dirty" by Christina Aguilera but got so caught up in dancing that she missed most of the words. Quinn sang "Escapade" by Janet Jackson and beat out Brittany.

"Alright, awesome guys! Round one is officially over! Moving on from Team One is: Matt, Kurt, and Rachel and from Team Two it's: Puck, Santana, and Quinn!" Mr. Shue said energetically. "Ok we'll start round two in our after school meeting!" he says just as the bell rings.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I know it's torture but I've spent most of the day looking through old pictures that Kate had. I don't know what I was hoping to find or if I was even really looking for something. Everything was captioned and dated on the back- Kate always was so meticulous.

I'm guessing she just never had the time to put these in albums. I ended up spreading them throughout our office- separated by year. And then I took a little trip to the craft store and bought a whole load of albums. Rachel was gonna love this! After all these were her pictures now. There were all sort of family pictures but most were of Rachel. So so many of Rachel.

Oh look here's one when she was three. She's wearing a tiara and twirling around in a frilly little dress. She found that tiara among some of my things when she spent the weekend with me once. It was from an off broadway show I had done recently and I didn't have the heart to take it away from her. She wore it for three months straight before Kate finally wrangled it from her.

Ha! This one is from right after she started ballet. She was convinced she was supposed to wear a tutu everywhere- not just to her class.

Awe! Oh my God! I didn't even know this picture existed! It's one of Rachel and I, she was about a month old. I must had fallen asleep in the recliner while trying to get her to sleep. We are laid back in that thing and both of us look so content. I'm going to have to copy some of these.

Here's one of Rachel holding Vanessa right after she was born. I have this one framed. It's still up in the Manhattan apartment along with the one of her with Vanessa and Brent right after Brent was born.

This one was the first time she ever went to the Zoo! She got so excited when she saw the monkeys. There were by far her favorite.

And then there's the ones from fourth, fifth, sixth grade, junior high and high school. The years where I missed more and more. The years I was afraid that if I over stepped my boundaries any I would...

I sigh and look at the clock. It's time for me to go pick up the kids. Maybe I'll take them for ice cream today. Rachel has glee this afternoon so we would have plenty of time. I close the door to the office and go to grab my purse and keys. Yes, I think some Rocky Road is definitely in order.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

"Ok who's ready for round two?" Mr. Shue says walking into the auditorium.

I eternally groan. This is pointless. I mean at least the songs have been shortened but even so, we should be using our time to prepare for Regionals damn it!

"Ok! First up let's have Santana and Kurt!" Mr. Shue said pointing at the paper with our names written on it.

Did he seriously just do pick a name any name? Ugh, again I say:

Waste. Of. Time.

Kurt and Santana both make their way to the stage. Santana wins the toss and chooses to go first. She smirks as she walks over to Brad and tells him her selection. Kurt walks off to the side of the stage as the music starts up for "Bad Karma" by Ida Maria.

"You better believe in karma baby it's gonna sting, the wheel of life's gonna do you in so I don't really have to do a thing. You took me outta my money, you messed up my love life and my career. You better believe in karma, guess it's gonna start getting weird right here!"

Santana is taking the duel to a whole new level. She's getting all up in Kurt's face as she goes into the chorus.

"Bad karma (oh, yeah) baby that's what you got, bad karma (oh, yeah) whether you believe it or not. The universe is gonna getcha you'll be scratchin' the seven year itch. You know what I think? Bad karma's a Bitch!"

As she sang through the rest of the song, I watched as Kurt seemed to grow nervous. Santana's stepped up the game and my competitive side is officially on fire.

Kurt had chosen "Bulletproof" by La Roux and though he did an amazing job, he just didn't have the on stage swagger that Santana brought and ultimately he lost.

Up next was Matt vs Noah. Matt won the toss and sang "Crazy" by KCI and JoJo. Why? I'll never know. He spent the entire time over doing it on the runs and was all over the place. By the time Noah got up there he wouldn't have had to do much to win it. Noah chose Steve Miller Band's "The Joker" and he milked it for every last word. And though I'm not certain, it seemed as if he was singing to me. Maybe, Noah really just has that effect on all girls. Yeah that's it. I laugh it off as silliness.

Up last in round two was Quinn and I. Quinn won the toss and sang Diana Ross and the Supreme's "Baby Love." She did really well actually, occasionally sharp perhaps, but well so when Mr. Shue told me to sing my song I decided to change it last minute. I'm not all broadway after all, I smirk to myself.

"You change your mind like a girl changes clothes. Yeah you, PMS like a bitch, I would know. And you over think, always speak cryptically. I should know that you're no good for me..."

That's right I chose Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold." Surprise!

"Cause you're hot then you're cold. You're yes then you're no. You're in then you're out. You're up then you're down. You're wrong when it's right. It's black and it's white. We fight, we break up. We kiss, we make up. You don't really want to stay, no. But you don't really want to go-o. You're hot then you're cold. You're yes then you're no. You're in then you're out. You're up then you're down."

I finished out the song with a stellar performance and took home the win of course! I wouldn't be Rachel Barbra Berry if I hadn't.

"Yeah! What a wonderful round two that was, huh guys?" Mr. Shue says and after my performance I can say that I am rather elated myself.

Perhaps this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"Ok. So our winners from round two are Puck, Rachel, and Santana! Now since Puck and Santana are on the same team, in order for Rachel's team to win the duel, Rachel will have to beat both of them!" Mr. Shue announces.

Piece of cake. I could do this in my sleep.

"What?" Santana yells. "Shouldn't we like automatically win cuz we out number her?"

"No, Santana that's not how the duel works. Rachel is still in this thing and she deserves the right to try for the win. It just means she has to out sing the both of you." Mr. Shue answers Santana's outburst.

Like I said: Piece. Of. Cake.

"Ok, now Santana, you and Puck need to decide who will face off Rachel first-"

Before Mr. Shue can finish Santana yells out, "Puck's going first!"

"Alright then. Puck it is." Mr Shue says and then flips the coin. Noah wins the toss and decides he would go first. Scaredy cat.

For the final round we were allowed to do complete songs and I knew I couldn't hold anything back. I couldn't afford the luxury of thinking that the others weren't thinking the same.

Noah grabs his guitar and walks up to the mic stand. The first chords ring out and I know I need to step up my game even further.

"She Was A Fast Machine

She Kept Her Motor Clean

She Was The Best Damn Woman I Had Ever Seen

She Had The Sightless Eyes

Telling Me No Lies

Knockin' Me Out With Those American Thighs..."

Noah finished out AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" and I have to say it really rocked. The only chance I had at winning now would be to sing something similar. I knew vocally I was better, but I needed to make the judges decisions clear and easy. And I had the perfect song. I walk up to Brad, notify him of the selection, and then make my way to center stage. Noah never saw it coming.

"Oh Tommy used to work on the docks

Union's been on strike

He's down on his luck...it's tough, so tough..."

I make sure to finish strong on Bon Jovi's "Livin' On a Prayer" and every one is left in awe. Yes, I'm that good. No need to hide it. It doesn't take long for Mr. Shue's panel of judges to decide that I won. I smirk to myself. Now I just have to sing one more song and I win.

Santana wins the toss and to my surprise picks a ballad. So that's how it's gonna be Santana? I say to myself. No holds bar? I can do that, you're on!

She walks up to the stage and I'm blown away as is everyone else as she begins to sing.

"He left no time to regret

Kept his lips wet

With his same old safe bet

Me and my head high

And my tears dry

Get on without my guy

You went back to what you knew

So far removed from all that we went through

And I tread a troubled track

My odds are stacked

I'll go back to black..."

Wow. Santana Lopez, I didn't know you had it in you. I know now that I can't hold back even an inch. Ladies and gentlemen, Santana Lopez pulled an Amy Whinehouse and went "Back to Black" and that can only mean one thing - Rachel Berry's gotta go back to broadway. I walk up and take center stage for the final time this evening.

"Oh my man I love him so

He'll never know

All my life is just despair

But I don't care

When he takes me in his arms

The world is bright, alright..."

I belt out the last note of Barbra Streisand's "My Man" from Funny Girl to a standing ovation. Yeah, I smile brightly. I've got this in the bag.


	11. Fathers and Daughters

**Shelby's POV**

Rachel came storming towards the car and all I could think was – uh oh. This was not good. She jumped in and slammed the door with a huff.

"Well I take it your day didn't go so well." I laugh a little at how flustered Rachel seemed to be.

"Mr Schue is an incorrigible infuriating pompous ass!" She says rather loudly.

"Rachel! Watch your language!" I fuss gesturing to the children in the back. Ok so I didn't think it was that bad. Maybe I need to have a talk with her about language, especially around Vanessa and Brent.

"Sorry. Pipsqueak. Munchkin." She turns and nods at Brent and Vanessa.

"I'm not a pipsqueak!" Vanessa yells, "I hate it when you call me that! Ugh!"

"Vanessa, there is no need to yell!" I say back.

"I'm not going to stop calling you pipsqueak so get over it, pipsqueak!" Rachel is turned around in her seat now and I'm pretty much waiting for one of them to pounce.

"Mom! Tell her to stop."

"No way am I stopping!"

"Both of you, chill. Now!" I finally yell myself. I see them both stick out their tongues out of the corner of my eye as Rachel turns back around. "I said stop it!" I pointed my finger to Rachel, then Vanessa. "You got me?" I look quickly to both of them and see them nod. Good now that that's over, "Now Rachel, what happened with Will?"

Rachel began to elaborate by telling me all about the music duel. She had gotten to how she had ended up against Santana and sang Barbra Streisand's "My Man" from Funny Girl.

"And I was sure I was going to win. I mean I was clearly the best but ugh! No! He had us as a tie? A tie? Can you believe it, Mom? A freakin' tie! I just uh- I just stormed out after that and..."

Rachel was continuing on but I was frozen, only barely able to drive. I'm sure my eyes are bulging out and I'm gripping the steering wheel so hard my hands are turning white. Did Rachel just call me Mom? I wait for her to break down or for confusion or for something, anything but she hadn't even realized she said it. She was still going on and on about what a waste of time the music duel was. I decided it would just be better to avoid the meltdown rather than confront it head on. But that wasn't going to happen...

"Mommy? Why did Rae Rae just call you Mom?" Brent asked and I saw Rachel tense up.

I didn't know what to say, I don't know what made her call me that, "Um... Well..." I try but for the life of me I can't seem to come up with anything. Words Shelby, use your words. I looked over briefly to Rachel and saw that she had closed her eyes trying not to fully panic but her knees were already shaking. One hand was gripping the door and the other her own knee.

"Baby, I think Rachel just made a mistake. She didn't mean to call Mommy, mom." I say finally able to come up with something. He seems to accept that as a viable answer and goes back to playing his video game. I look back at Vanessa and she seemed to miss the whole thing, having put on her headphones after her tiff with Rachel.

I glance back over again at Rachel and hear her let out a whimper and I wanted so badly to be able to pull over and just hold her. God only knows whats going through that head of hers. But even when we got to the house I never got the chance as she ran straight for the door, opening it up and running to her room.

It takes me a moment to get myself together and I follow up the stairs towards Rachel's room. I lightly knock on Rachel's door as I always do before entering only to find that this time it's locked.

"Baby, it's Aunt Shelby. Honey, let me in."

Nothing. I try and listen through the door but it does me no good. Rachel's room used to be my music room before we built the studio- therefore it's sound proofed. The only thing I hear seems to be some muffled shuffling. I could just pop the lock and enter, but really it's no use. I have no idea what to say to her and maybe this time it's just better if I give her some space.

Dinner time came around and Rachel still hasn't left her room. I tried going back up there to get her to at least come down and eat, but she still wouldn't talk to me. This was bad, really, really bad.

After dinner the kids went upstairs and that left Charlie and I alone for the first time in the evening.

"What happened?" He asked.

"She called me, Mom." I said quietly.

"She what?!" He says, eyes bulging out of his head.

"She called me, Mom. I think- I think it was an honest mistake. She just got caught up in the moment and was probably so used to telling Kate about her day that she momentarily forgot and called me Mom instead." I further explained.

"Wow. I take it, she hasn't handled it well."

"What gave you that idea? The locked door or the silent treatment?" I spat out sarcastically before recanting. "I'm sorry Charlie, I didn't.."

"It's okay, Shelby." He said hugging me. "It's been a really rough week." I just nod into his neck as he continues to hold me. "Hey I got an idea! Why don't I try going up there and talking to her? You're not the only parent in the house, I mean maybe I can help?"

"Really Charlie? You'd do that?"

"Of course I would. I mean everything that happens shouldn't automatically fall on you. We're in this together right?"

"Together." I smile. I really love this man.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

How? How could I have done that? I actually called Aunt Shelby mom. See and the thing I'm most worried about is that I'm not sure if I meant to do it or not. All these built up wishes and hopes and prayers, coupled with how great she's been and now I go and do something so... so completely idiotic.

And how could I do this to my own mother? It's not like I had this horrible childhood or anything. No, in fact, I've had everything I've wanted. Sure she didn't like the idea of me having a career on Broadway but she never once told me I couldn't join glee club or be in competitions. She still paid for dance lessons and she was at every recital cheering me on. Why is everything becoming so confusing?

I'm having a really hard time deciphering my feelings on why I would let that slip. I know I've wanted Aunt Shelby to be my mom in the past and now here I am with technically no parents, my mother passed and my father who knows where? Is it displacement? Am I just projecting my need for a mother on to Shelby now? Technically, she and Charlie are my parental figures, but does that give me a reason to just so non-nonchalantly drop Mom on her like that? Was it perhaps completely unconscious? I knew I wasn't talking to my own mother yet I still said it... I'm so pissed at myself and confused.

I hear a light knock on the door as it slowly opens. "Hey kiddo it's Uncle Charlie, can I come in for a minute?"

I had unlocked the door after Aunt Shelby went down for dinner. I needed time before but I knew if after dinner I hadn't figured this all out then really there was no point in keeping it locked because I probably wasn't going to figure it all out.

"Yeah. Come in." I say lightly and he steps into the room leaving the door open and sits on my desk chair.

We are quiet for a while before he speaks, "So look, Rae, I've got no idea what you're thinking right now about all this but I think you should know that it's ok that you called Shelby that. I know on some level you freaked and that's also ok, but she didn't- freak out I mean. Well kinda but only in a she's just worried about how you feel about it freak out... does that make sense?"

I nod. "I did freak. But...but I... I don't know why I said it. I've been up here trying to figure it out and I can't. I don't know if I did it because I'm missing my mother or because I want Shelby to be my mother or if it was just some unconscious habit resurfacing. I'm so confused."

"Well... I don't think we should really over analyze this Rae, I mean no one was hurt or anything. You've gone through a really tough time and well I have to say you've handled everything well, considering. So maybe the why doesn't matter so much, just as long as you're ok and ok with the fact that it happened."

I pause to think about this. Maybe Uncle Charlie's right. Maybe I am over analyzing it.

He continues. "Maybe we can just call it a mistake and move on? Unless you don't want to that is. Because if you want to over analyze and figure it all out. I'm right here and we can do this. I just think it's important for you to know that you don't have to. It only has to be this big deal, if you want it to be a big deal."

I laugh internally. I guess I'm so naturally dramatic that I didn't even think of that way. That this doesn't have to be some grand torrential fall from grace. It can just be what it is and be left at that.

"I think... I think I like that idea, Uncle Charlie. Just leaving it as it is and not trying to figure it out. It's so confusing... maybe it's just easier that way."

"Or maybe there is just nothing really to figure out?" he offers. "It's not supposed to be or when it is, it'll come to you. I don't know, Rachel," he laughs. "Maybe your Aunt Shelby is better at these talks than I am after all?"

I chuckle with him for a moment before offering a reply, "Actually you're not so bad." he smiles. "Hey Uncle Charlie, I'm really sorry about what happened the other day... blaming you and all." I say as I look down.

"Don't be."

I look up confused.

"Don't be sorry. It was a situation where you were misinformed. It wasn't your fault. Now you have a better idea of what was going on- of what went on."

"Still I shouldn't have behaved that way and I'm sorry."

"Well if you're not gonna let it go..." he jokes, "then I fully accept your apology."

"Thank you."

"Is there anything else you would like to talk about?" Charlie asks before getting up.

I think for a moment. Should I ask him? Mom always shot it down and even Aunt Shelby gives me the same regurgitated answer. I think... I think I will. "Actually Uncle Charlie, there is one thing I was wondering about."

He sat back down. "Ok. What is it?"

"I was wondering about... I mean..." I sigh this is always so hard to ask. I know my family doesn't feel so highly of him, but I deserve to know right? "What do you know about my dad?"

* * *

**Charlie's POV**

Well that was the last question I ever thought she would ask. After I get over the little amount of shock, clearly on my face, I began to try and answer? Avoid? Shit. They always beat around the bush when it comes to Edward. Hell, I don't know what I'm even allowed to say. You just had to pick one of the touchiest subjects around didn't ya kid? "Rachel, I'm not sure I can..."

"Please Uncle Charlie. Please." She begins to beg. "No one will tell me anything other than he's a dead beat, don't worry about him, but I have the right to know right? I mean he was, is my father and he may be a dead beat but I deserve to know something about him right? Right?"

I hang my head. In all honesty, she deserves to know... everything... and if it were up to me she'd already know, but for some reason secrets seem to be big when it came to Shelby, Kate, Edward, and Rachel. "Yes, Rachel, you deserve to know. But really sweetheart. It's not my place. Perhaps I should go get your Aunt Shelby and she can answer your questions."

"Don't bother." She said dejectedly, "She won't answer. She never does. Neither would mom. Mom would get mad when I asked and Aunt Shelby would change the subject as fast as she could. Looks like I'll never know."

Seriously, the guilt trip really? You do realize my wife is gonna kick my ass if I tell you. I mean we may be all lovey dovey, but make no mistake- Shelby Corcoran wears the pants in this family. She just likes for everyone else to think I do. "Alright. I'll tell you some of it ok? But I can't tell you everything. Your Aunt would have my ass on a platter. She'll probably put me in the dog house telling you what little I'm willing to say."

"Really Uncle Charlie?" She began excitedly. "I mean you're going to answer my questions? Really?" She had such hope in her eyes... I don't think any of them ever realized how little Rachel knew of her life and how much she craved to know.

"Yes, really." I sigh knowing I am gonna get an earful when Shelby finds out. Though she doesn't have to find out right away... "Look though... it might be best if we kinda keep this between you and me for a little while. Not forever, but maybe just not go straight to Aunt Shelby about your newfound information right away." I suggest.

Rachel smiles and nods. "I can definitely do that."

"Ok, cool. SO why don't I tell you what I know and feel like I can tell you and then you can ask any questions and I may or may not answer them..."

She looked a little upset with the last part, but I know there are some things that are absolutely not mine to tell. She finally agreed and I paused trying to think of how I was going to do this with out giving too much info away. With out letting the whole cat out of the bag... maybe just his tail.

"Ok, yeah, so your father..." This is really hard. Damn why couldn't they of just told her everything from the beginning. Well here goes... "Your father's name is Edward. Edward D... Well I should probably just leave it at Edward. Lets see... uh... he was concert pianist believe it or not. Pretty famous if you were in to that sort of thing, though not like paparazzi famous."

Rachel's smile seemed to grow even wider at that. Probably because Rachel is a very talented pianist herself. Though she hasn't thrown as much effort into it as she has voice. She could go far in either honestly.

"He's French. Originally from Bordeaux. His family owned a vineyard there, I believe. I'm afraid I don't know much of his background. Ah, he moved to New York in his thirties and that's where he met your mother, obviously." I chuckle nervously. I know I'm dangerously close to revealing too much, though I'm trying hard to give Rachel what she needs with out going overboard.

"It doesn't sound like he was a dead beat at all." Rachel says rather suddenly and maybe I've said to much already. "Was he like a drug addict or an alcoholic or something.?" She asks.

"No, he wasn't, at least not that I've really heard. The reason why your mother and aunt considered him a dead beat had to do with how he reacted to the pregnancy." I blow out some air knowing Rachel would realize what I meant and it would crush her.

And did it ever- like a ton of bricks. "He didn't want me, did he?" And that right there.. is the question no one ever wanted to have to answer. Just looking at how broken Rachel seemed, it broke my heart.

"From what I know of the story. No. He didn't want children at all." Rachel refused to cry, I could tell she wanted to but she seemed to compose herself quickly.

"Oh. Yeah, of course not I mean he would have been around otherwise, right?" It wasn't really a question so I didn't answer. "But thank you, Uncle Charlie. You've told me more than, well, anyone. I appreciate it. At least now I know... something."

"I'm sorry Rachel. I wish..." She cut me off.

"No. It's ok. It's a lot to hear but it's ok. I don't need him anyway right? I mean I've got you." She says with a small smile.

"Damn straight you do, kiddo," I get up to hug her. "Damn straight." I kiss Rachel's forehead and wonder if I did the right the thing. "Hey so um there is some of those veggie burger thingys for you downstairs. You wanna go eat something?"

She nods and we both head downstairs. Rachel heads to the kitchen and Shelby gets up from the couch looking as nervous as ever. I walk her into the office trying to stay out of earshot from all of the kids.

"What happened? Is she ok? Did you work things out? Charlie say something!" she rushed out.

"I will if you let me!" I shouldn't have said that, judging by the look she's giving me I am certain when she learns of the whole Edward thing there will be hell to pay. "Look she's fine. She was a little confused but then we decided that we shouldn't make a big deal out of the whole thing. She freaked out but now all is good."

"Ok." She says and seems to leave it at that before she turns back around toward me. "Is that all? I mean- is that all you talked about? Because you were upstairs for quite a while and-"

Leave it to Shelby Corcoran to figure out there is more to the story. So much for keeping the whole Edward things under wraps for a while. "No, look there is more, but um we should get the kids to bed before talking about it ok?" Please lets just drop this for now. Come on Shel... give me a little something.

"Alright. Is it ok though? I mean it's nothing serious?"

Fuuuuucckkkkk Shelby I say to myself frustrated at the fact that this woman can NEVER just drop a subject. "Kinda. Maybe. We'll just talk about it later. Scouts honor." She nods and seems to let it go for now but boy am I gonna get it later...


	12. You'd Be Surprised

**Rachel's POV**

I went upstairs after I finished eating and worked on some of my homework. Normally I would have already had it done but I was so upset and confused over what happened earlier that I didn't think of much else. It wasn't long before I heard a knock on my door and my Aunt Shelby entered.

"Hey." She said quietly. "You ok?"

"Yeah." I nod. I guess I haven't really talked to her this evening... and it's a little weird. Well really there is no guessing, we haven't talked since I called her mom. Yeah... still can't believe that happened, but it did and it's no big deal right? I mean I shouldn't worry about it.

"You sure, baby?" I look up to find Shelby standing next to me, leaning against the desk. She looks so concerned. I know I should say something but I can only nod. It's kind of weird you know? Calling some one else mom. It's like something's sort of changed now and I don't know what or why or if I can ever go back. "How much more do you have left to go?" She gestures to my homework.

"I'm almost done. Didn't have much to start with."

"Ok. Well, I... I can come back up in a little bit if you want?" She's really asking me if I think I can go to sleep on my own tonight or if I need her to stay. But with all of the confusion of the day I wonder if that may have been the problem all along. Maybe I shouldn't allow myself to be so close to Shelby. To treat her like my mother. I know she doesn't mind but she's not my mother. It isn't fair for either of us if I start allowing myself to act as if she is. Let's face it Rachel- you no longer have a mother. And your father, he, never wanted you so you might as well be an orphan. Little orphan Rachel. Too bad I can't use this to get a role in Annie or something. "Rachel?"

"Sorry, Aunt Shelby." I said shaking away my thoughts. "No. I think I'll be fine tonight. I'm already exhausted. Probably fall asleep as soon as I lay down." I regret it as soon as I say it. I know I won't fall asleep that easily. Even with Noah it didn't happen so fast. No, only Aunt Shelby seems to know the key to comforting me enough to go right to sleep, but I can't... I shouldn't allow it anymore. No matter how much I want to.

"Ok, well then I'll see you in the morning." Shelby says sadly then leans down and places a kiss on my forehead. "I love you, Rachel. Goodnight."

"Night." I say as she turns and exits out of my room, leaving the door cracked. I sigh to myself and continue with my work. Focus Rachel. Finish your homework, you've got all night to worry about everything else.

An hour later and I'm finally able to finish up. I was getting ready for bed when I first heard it.

"YOU DID WHAT?" It was faint but clear as day. Shit. Aunt Shelby knows. I walked over to the door and crept down the hall just to the edge of the staircase. I tried to listen closely but they must have been behind a closed door somewhere as I couldn't make out Uncle Charlie at all. Shelby must have yelled that pretty loudly. I heard a "HOW COULD YOU?" And a another "YOU HAD NO RIGHT!" Before it went quiet again. Poor Uncle Charlie. I didn't mean to get him in trouble with Aunt Shelby. I just wanted to know. I NEEDED to know about my father.

I felt a tug on my shirt and turned around. It was Brent. "What's going on?" He asked. This kid is like the lightest sleeper ever. "Why is Mommy mad?"

"Hey buddy? What are you doing up?" I ask trying to avoid the questioning. What am I supposed to say? Mommy's mad because Daddy told Rae something he shouldn't have? No. Maybe. No.

"I heard the yelling." He said rubbing his eyes. Just then Vanessa's door creaked open as well.

"Are Mommy and Daddy fighting?" She asked. Shit. Ok think Rae. What to do? What to do?

"Um, you know a lot of things happened this past week, right?" They both nod. "Well, all these things. They can be kind of, um, stressful. So mommy and daddy they have to talk it out so it doesn't get so hard to deal with." They seem to accept that answer, even though I totally just bullshitted them, I mean it may be partially true but I can't tell them everything that's going on. Hell, I can't even grasp it all myself. Still they look upset.

"Hey why don't you guys come in to my room and I'll read you a story and we can have a sort of sleep over?" They both smile and nod and run into their rooms. Brent comes back out with a blanket and a large storybook and Vanessa with stuffed rabbit. I usher them into my room shutting the door completely, taking advantage of the sound proof room. At least if it gets any worse, the kids won't have to hear it. It's the least I can do after causing all this mess.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I woke up the next morning with the worst headache imaginable. It had been a very long day yesterday and an even longer night. Charlie and I argued until well after midnight over the whole Edward thing. Logically I knew Rachel has every right to know about her father, but I still couldn't help feeling like not knowing was protecting her. At least when she thought he was a dead beat she could blame something, anything other than not being wanted.

After showering I went in to the kitchen. I figured I could start breakfast, get it ready, and then wake up the kids. But upon entering I found Charlie there already cooking away. I instantly felt like shit for yelling and taking all my frustrations on the matter out on him. He was just doing what he thought was right for Rachel and... I should have trusted his judgement instead of passing my own.

"Hey babe." He said turning around and offered a small smile. "We need to talk about last night."

"Yeah we do." I agreed. "Charlie, I'm sorry." He looked a little surprised and it made me want to laugh a little. It's a bit of a rarity to hear me say those words- admitting that I was wrong. "I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you. I just- I just wanted to protect her."

"I know Shel but we can't do that forever. Rachel's not really a kid anymore and she deserves to know the truth."

"I know." I said, stray tear falling down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly when I hear three sets of footsteps coming from the stairway.

Our daily good mornings are shared and I notice Brent and Vanessa seem extra clingy to Charlie and I. Shit. They must have heard us last night. I look at Charlie and he nods. He can tell too. I have the kids go sit in the dining room and tell Charlie to have a seat and join them. Then make my way back into the kitchen to dish out the food. Rachel gives me an inquisitive look before getting up herself and following me.

"They didn't hear everything." She says. Is everyone in this house fucking psychic? Or are we all just that readable?

I just nod, not saying anything. What am I supposed to say? Obviously Rachel heard the argument too.

"I had them come into my room so they wouldn't have to. It's the least I could do after causing so much trouble." She fills up a plate and moves to take it into the dining area but I stop her.

"Rachel, this isn't your fault sweetheart. We- I- Kate or I should have, should have been the ones to tell you about your father. You shouldn't have had to ask Charlie and I shouldn't have yelled at him for it." She put the plate down and latches on to me in a hug which I graciously accept.

"Still I'm sorry. I don't want to cause you and uncle Charlie any trouble, Aunt Bee."

"Oh baby," I say holding on as tight as I can. "You are not causing trouble, do you hear me?" She nods. "I shouldn't have gotten so mad about it all. I just wanted to protect you. I thought I was."

"I needed to know, Aunt Bee Bee. I just needed to know." She muffles lightly into my shoulder.

"I know baby, I'm sorry. I know. And I promise we'll talk more about it later ok? I just need to prepare myself for it a little. I don't exactly have kind or even neutral feeling's towards your father so it's a little hard to speak about him. Especially to you." Rachel nods again and I run my fingers through her hair before pulling out of our hug. "Now let's go eat so you can go get ready for school." She groans and things, if even just for a moment are back to normal. Though, I'm not sure normal is something I believe in anymore.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Friday. Thank God! Just one more to go and I'm free, well free as I can be being grounded still. I think to myself heading down the hallways of McKinley to my final class. I hear someone call my name and I turn around.

"Rachel! Wait up!" Quinn says running up behind me. Great what does she want? I'm still a little weary of her even if nothing bad has happened the rest of the week. She could still be secretly plotting my demise right?

"Hey Quinn what's up?" I stop begrudgingly and pray to whatever deity that's listening that this will be quick.

"I was wondering if we could talk for a minute? I promise I'll make it fast." She says and I nod. She pulls me into the closest empty classroom and I visably gulp. I hope she didn't see that. The last thing I need is for Quinn Fabray to see any fear in me whatsoever.

"So what is it you wish to speak about, Quinn? I do have class you know."

She winces and looks at me, is that? Apologetically? "I know I'm sorry it's just I was afraid I wouldn't see you after class and I've been trying to catch up with you all day."

"Is it that important?"

"Yes." She says quietly. "Look I don't do this often, but I need to apologize to you." To say I was shocked wouldn't even half cover it. She notices but without pause continues as if she didn't. "I was talking to Puck yesterday and he told me what happened with you and Jesse. Rachel I'm sorry I accused you of going after Finn. I realize now that you're not that kind of girl and that you were just being nice to him. In fact, I also noticed that Finn seemed to be the one to pursue you."

"Well, thank you Quinn." I manage to get out. "I accept your apology and am glad you now realize that my intentions were true all along."

She nods and smiles giddily. "So you think we could maybe start over? You know- less angsty this time?"

I laugh a little and nod. It would be nice to have another friend and well, I certainly don't want to be on Quinn's bad side ever again. She laughs before extending her hand. "Hi, you must be new here. I'm Quinn Fabray."

"Hi, Quinn." I say returning the gesture. "I'm Rachel Berry." We shake hands and walk out of the classroom.

"So Rachel... there's one more thing..."

"Oh?" I ask becoming a little worried. Was this all some sort of joke? I do not need another slushy facial.

"Yeah um... I... well... you and Puck. There's nothing going on there right?"

"No, Noah and I are just friends why do you ask?"

"Well once I realized Finn seemed to have wayward tendencies, I dumped him."

"You dumped Finn?"

"Yeah and Puck and I well. Well, we've been hanging out a lot lately and I know that he usually spends a lot of time with you. I guess what I'm saying is that I just want to make sure there is nothing going on with you two because I kind of like him."

"Oh." I pause. Quinn likes Noah?

"Yeah. I just didn't want to ruin our whole starting over thing by coming in between you and Puck."

"Of, of course. Well um..." I still can't wrap my head around this. "Nothing is going on between us. Like I've said before Noah and I are just friends."

"So you'd be cool with it, if he and I went out."

"Of course. Yes." I say though I don't find myself quite convincing and I begin to wonder why.

"Awesome! Thanks Rachel." Quinn brightly smiles. "I'll see you around." She says and bounces off down the hallway.

I make my way into the classroom and spend the entire time pondering this new information. Quinn likes Noah. Quinn wants to date Noah. I just gave her permission to do so. Before I know it class is over and I have no idea what was done or said. I gather my books and make my way to my locker to get my things when I am abruptly lifted off the ground and spun into a backwards bear hug.

"Hey! Jew babe! I haven't seen you all day!" Noah says putting me down.

"Noah was that really necessary?"

"Yes! I missed you!" He grins and my heart skips a beat. Wait... My heart skipped a beat?

"Yes well, with this grounding and all." I say trying not to think about the fact that I've become a little nervous.

"Shit yeah. I can't wait til that's over! I mean how am I supposed to go a whole week with texting and talking to my Jewish princess constantly. It's insane!" He's joking right? I mean of course it's flirtatious but it's flirtatious joking right? I've never really thought about it and I feel... I feel...

"Um yeah it's over Sunday so I should get my phone back then." Why am I so nervous? It's just Noah! He's your best friend Rachel!

"Awesome! Well I gotta go Jew babe. I promised Quinn I would meet up with her, but call me as soon as you get your phone back k?"

"Yeah. I will." I smile and he grins back, then turns and runs off. Quinn. He's going to see Quinn. And all of a sudden I feel...

Oh no. No, No, No!

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

"Aunt Shelby, can I talk to you?" Rachel asks as we walk into the house.

"Sure, kiddo," I say watching as Brent and Vanessa run outside towards the trampoline. "Can we sit outside on the patio, though, so I can keep an eye on the kids?"

"Yeah that's good. I just really need to talk to someone."

"Ok," I say curiously as we walk outside. "What's up?"

"I think I like Noah Puckerman."

"Well, Rachel, I would hope you do since you two seem to be practically best friends."

"No, Aunt Shelby... Like, like-like Noah."

"Oh," I say as realization hits me. "Oh!" I certainly didn't see this one coming.

"Yeah." She says downheartedly as she begins to tell me of the earlier events that transpired between her and Quinn and then her and Noah. "And now I just don't know what to do. I mean I think I have feelings for him but I gave Quinn my blessing so to speak and..." Rachel trails off.

"Well, honey, they haven't started dating yet, I mean, could you maybe talk to Quinn tell her you changed your mind?"

"I don't know." She says frustratedly. "I don't even know if I want to date Noah. I mean what if this isn't what I think it is? What if I'm just afraid to lose our friendship or something?"

I sigh. I am so not ready to be handing out relationship advice to Rachel. I guess this is supposed to be the moment where I realize, like Charlie said, that Rachel isn't a kid anymore. But this is hard, I mean on some level she's always going to be Kate and I's baby girl and...

"Maybe you should figure out exactly how you feel before you jump into anything?" I offer.

"What if I wait too long and I'm too late?" She says after some contemplation.

"Honey, I don't think I can give you an answer for this."

"I know. It's something I guess I just need to figure out."

I nod sympathetically. "But I'll be here for you whenever you want to talk about it. And maybe when you decided how you really feel I will be able to offer some advice?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." She smiles. "Thanks."

"No problem kiddo." I smile back.

"I'm gonna go get a jump start on my homework." Rachel says getting up and heading to the sliding glass doors.

"Oh, baby, do yo mind bringing me the mail? I sat it down on the counter."

"Sure. No problem." Rachel says heading indoors. She returns shortly handing over said mail. "Here ya go!"

"Thanks kid." I smile and she goes back inside.

I sort through the mail and notice a thick envelope from Kate's attorney. I wonder what this could be. I pull out the contents and notice the letterhead and a message saying:

_To Mrs. Shelby Corcoran:_

_Recently we were going through our files and noticed that the following attachment was not delivered to you during our proceedings following your sister's passing. I would like to take the time to apologize for any inconvenience. Per instructions from your sister you were to receive it immediately in the event that she had passed. However, it must have been misplaced within our records. Please accept my personal apology and if there is anything that we may be able to do for you let us know. Once again I am sorry for our lack of professionalism and would like to extend my deepest sympathy for your loss._

_Sincerely,_

_Joseph Catharta, Esq._

I put the attorney's letter to the side and began to open another envelope addressed to me. To my shock, I held before me a letter from Kate. It was handwritten and I immediately wanted to cry. I held myself together though figuring I could fall apart later. Much later, like after the kids were all asleep. I even thought about waiting to read it till then, but curiosity got the better of me. Checking on the kids once more who were still jumping away, I looked down and began to read the letter Kate had written to me.

_To my darling baby sister,_

_If you're reading this then it's safe to say that I have passed on out of this life and you now have custody of our Rachel. Custody of her, should I pass, isn't something we've talked of before so I know it may be strange to you that it happened. But there are some other things that I need to tell you, Shelby. Things I've never allowed myself to say for fear of losing your love._

_Shelby, I'm sorry. I know as your reading this you might have become confused and that's natural because I've never told you what I'm about to say. And the reason I've never told you is because I'm a bitch, Shelby. I know you think I'm this rock and a person that you could look up to but I'm not. I've been a selfish, heartless, bitch to you Shelby and its something I will never forgive myself for. Even as I write, I could be taking the opportunity to call you up and tell you everything but I won't. I won't partly because I'm scared, but mostly because I'm selfish._

_Shelby I lied to you. I lied to you that day you came back from your two week long in depth workshops for Rent. You hadn't had the chance to come home and I took advantage of that and I'm such a horrible person._

_Do you remember that day? I'm sure you do, of course how can one forget the day they lost their daughter? Or at least the beginning of that loss._

_You came back so happy so excited to see Rachel, your baby girl. You had missed her so and you practically ran in the front door and scooped her up, spun her around, and peppered her with kisses. She laughed and laughed and then she called you Bee Bee. You quickly corrected her and said "No, I'm Ma-Ma." and Rachel pointed at me and said "Ma-Ma" and then you and said "Bee Bee." I'll never forget your face that day, every ounce of happiness left and you looked so- distraught. Of course I immediately jumped in and tried to dismiss the whole thing saying Rachel just must be confused- that it was a mistake._

_But Shelby- it wasn't a mistake. In the two weeks, you were gone I had taught Rachel to call me mom. At first it was an accident. I was trying to teach her to say Mama using a picture of you and she got mixed up. But then it was like I don't know what came over me because it felt so good to hear her call me that. Even though at the same time it felt so wrong. I guess, I guess part of me at first didn't think I was hurting anyone. You weren't there, I was and I loved Rachel. I loved her as my own._

_It didn't make it right Shelby, I was very aware of that afterwards but I couldn't stop it. I let myself get used to the idea of Rachel being my daughter. When I went out to the grocery store with her and people would tell me what a beautiful child I had, I didn't correct them. And then, then I thought about when you came back and how I would lose that. It terrified me Shelby and I just lost it completely._

_So I spent all my time for the rest of those two weeks teaching Rachel two things. One, to call me Ma-Ma and two, to call you Bee Bee. It was so wrong of me Shelby, I know that now but I couldn't convince myself of it then._

_Then, then you did exactly what I was afraid of, you took Rachel away. And I was miserable. I thought for sure you'd figured out what I had done and you hated me and I would never see you or Rachel again. Until you showed back up a week later. Tears pouring down your face and Rachel in your arms._

_When Rachel looked at me lunging for my arms and calling me Ma-Ma, I should have felt horrible. I should have corrected her but I took her and I was just so happy to have her back that I didn't even consider how you were feeling._

_I didn't let it sink in till much later, what you said that night. You said, "She won't call me Ma-Ma. I don't know if I can do this? She's so young and already, am I this horrible?" and then you fell apart completely after. In that moment you gave up, and I, I let you. I let you sign away custody of your daughter to me later that year and allowed you to believe that you couldn't be her mother. That she didn't want you to be her mother. Convincing you that you had dreams that were bigger than that and there might not be room for her in them. Before- you thought you could do it all. You wanted to do it all and then, then you were willing to give it all up for Rachel, but I wouldn't let you. I wouldn't let you be her mother. I took that from you and all because I'm a selfish, heartless bitch. I couldn't have children of my own so I took yours. No better than a kidnapper, actually much worse._

_God, Shelby I had so many chances to make it right but I would never allow myself. The longer I let it go on the more afraid I became. Afraid of losing you both- forever. I saw the pain in your eyes as you watched her grow up. I knew you regretted it more than anything, but I did nothing. And then when she became so attached to you later it's like I never felt any guilt at all because I did it again. I did it all over by taking her away from you again when she was nine. I tried to justify it. I thought well- now you had Charlie. You could have other kids. I would never have anyone but Rachel. It didn't make me any less of a horrible person though. And none of it did anything to ease my guilt of it all in the end._

_So I'm writing you today Shelby, not to ask for forgiveness. I don't deserve it from you. I'm writing because I know you. I know that even though you now have custody of your own daughter, you still haven't told her who you are. And you haven't done that out of respect to a sister that doesn't deserve anything you could give her._

_Am I right? I know I am._

_Shelby, you don't need my permission to tell Rachel, that you are her real mother. More of a mother than I could ever consider myself to be. But I'm giving it to you freely, perhaps the only thing good I've done for you in the last sixteen years. Tell her Shelby, tell her everything. Tell her what I've told you. I know you're afraid. I know you think she'll hate you and she may be confused at first but Shelby, Rachel adores you. She'll come around. She'll see it when she looks back. She'll realize how you always put her first- something I never really did. She'll know and she'll accept it. She loves you Shelby. I think a part of her may already know you're her mother, but she's too afraid to admit it to even herself. Or perhaps she's afraid to say it out of fear of hurting me. But none of that matters, all that matters is that you tell her._

_Tell Rachel, tell her everything and you'll finally have what you've both deserved from the beginning- each other._

_~Kate_


	13. I Run To You

**Shelby's POV**

After reading the letter, I told the children it was time to go inside. Both ran upstairs, but I could only muster the energy to go into the office. I laid the letter down on the desk and sat in the chair. Rachel came in about ten minutes later asking about dinner. I told her to order a pizza.

"Aunt Bee is everything ok? You look... you look upset."

"Everything's fine sweetheart." Lie. "Just fine." Another lie. "You don't mind ordering the pizza's do you?"

"No of course not." Rachel moves to leave but turns back around. "Are you sure you're ok?"

I nod and force a smile. "Just a little headache. I think I'll take some aspirin and lay down for a while."

"Ok." she says softly and leaves the room.

Picking the letter back up I walk into the bedroom.

"Honey, I'm home!" I hear Charlie yell through the house. Rachel tells him I'm not feeling well and that she's ordering the food. Before I know it the door is opening.

"Rachel says you aren't feeling well?" He says walking over to the window where I'm standing looking out at nothing in particular. I don't answer. I don't know how to. "Shelby? What's going on?" I hand Charlie the letter and he begins to read. After what seems like a lifetime he gets up and pulls me into a hug. He doesn't say anything and I'm thankful. For once in my life, silence is everything. He moves me over to the bed and has me lay down. Kissing my forehead, he pulls the covers over me and then leaves the room closing the door.

I fall asleep with out much protest and by the time I wake up it's already morning. I get up making my way out of the bedroom and notice Charlie sitting in the office. I close the door upon entering and sit in one of the lounge chairs across from him. We sit there in the silence before I finally am able to use my words again.

"Part of me... Part of me understands exactly why she did it." Charlie nods but lets me continue. "She lost Hiram, then she found out she'd never have kids, and then I get pregnant. She was so happy for me you know? And I... I was scared to death. I was afraid to be a mom, but she said I could do it. She said we'd do this together. She talked me into keeping Rachel. And the love she had for my child from the very beginning... She calls it selfishness. But I was the one Charlie, I was the one who wanted everything. I knew when I went into that audition that if I got the role that meant less time with Rachel. But I went anyways."

"Shelby," He interrupted.

"No, please let me finish." I hold my hand up and he closes his eyes momentarily. "When I got the call back... I was so... excited. Elated even. All I could think about was this was the one. This was it. I was going to make it and then I looked at Rachel, who was asleep in her crib and thought how the fuck am I gonna do this? You know what I did that night?" Charlie shakes his head no. "I went out to celebrate with my friends and Kate stayed home with Rachel. Kate was more of a mother from the start then I ever was..." I begin to cry.

"You were young Shelby."

"That doesn't fucking matter Charlie! Kate was young too but she was ready! That's all she ever fucking wanted was to be a mom."

"She deceived you."

"And what harm did that really do? Huh? Because last time I checked there was a sixteen year old upstairs who was raised by an amazing woman with no help from me! She may having fucking deceived me Charlie but letting Kate adopt Rachel was still the right thing to do!" Little by little I am breaking down and I know I need to get my act together because it's a wonder the kids haven't heard everything already. "It hurt me because I wanted to be that for Rachel, but I don't think I could have ever given her what Kate did. No matter how everything was done."

"You are a wonderful mother Shelby."

"Now, maybe, but then? I was just as selfish as Kate, until I decided to let her raise Rachel. That's the day I started caring more about Rachel, than myself." I took a deep breath.

"So... are you going to tell her."

"No."

"What? Shelby! Come on! At some point you've got to tell Rachel, you're her biological mother."

"And I will. But this?" I said taking the letter over to the filing cabinet and placing it in. "This never existed, Charlie. I will not taint Rachel's view of Kate. Kate was a good mother and she deserves to be remembered that way. So please promise me, this stays between us?"

"I promise."

"Even if Rachel starts asking questions once she knows the truth about me?"

"I said I promise, Shel. I swear, not a word."

"Good. I'm going to go take a shower and try and pull myself together."

"When are you going to talk to Rachel?"

"I don't know... I need some more time. She's goes to be upset enough as it is and I just..."

"But you are going to tell her right?"

"Eventually." I say before leaving the room. Eventually, I will tell her, but not today. Not now. I can't. I just can't.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

"Turn down the lights, turn down the bed

Turn down these voices inside my head

Lay down with me, tell me no lies

Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me…"

As the last note of Bonnie' Raitt's 'I Can't Make You Love Me' rings out into the studio before I hear clapping begin. I turn around and am elated to find my grandfather, smile a mile wide.

"Zayde!" I yell running into his arms.

"Hey there Little Bit!" He said pulling me into a hug.

"Not that I'm not ecstatic to see you, but what are you doing here?" I ask.

"Well, Shelby said you'd been in here practicing all day and sensing how I wanted to see my oldest grandchild..."

"Zayde, that's not what I meant." He began to laugh.

"You're grandmother decided she wanted to join you all for dinner. I'm afraid I was just a pawn in the surprise visit."

"Bubbe's here too?"

"Yep, she's helping Shelby in the kitchen." I raise my brow at this. It's no secret the two do not get along.

"Helping?"

"Yes, helping. Why don't you go give her one of those infamous Rachel Berry hugs. I am sure both of them will welcome the interruption."

I laugh and make my way from the studio to the house. Zayde follows but stops when he is tackled by Brent and then Vanessa while Uncle Charlie falls over with laughter. I smile and think of how much I love this family. They really are the best.

As I close the sliding door I hear Bubbe and Aunt Shelby going at it in the kitchen. It really never ends with those two. They are always at each other's throats.

"Well I don't agree with it." Bubbe says.

"She's my daughter!" I hear Aunt Shelby retort back. Are they fighting about Vanessa? Wonder what happened? I lean in a little closer to the kitchen while trying to go unnoticed. Yes, I know I'm eavesdropping but this could be very useful information.

"A daughter whom you gave up all rights to!"

Ok now I'm confused.

"Seriously Ma? Are we going to go back to this? Will you hold this over my head the rest of my life?"

"You will tell Rachel nothing."

They're talking about me now?

"You know what Ma? If I wanna tell Rachel, I'm her biological mother, you can't do a damn thing about it. She's my kid. I may have given her up, but I have her back now and if I want to tell her I will!"

What the hell? I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach. I lean forward to get a better grip on the nearest end table only to knock over the vase displayed on it. It falls and loudly crashes into the floor. Bubbe and Shelby come rushing out the room and both turn white as ghost upon looking at me. No one says anything and I feel glued to the floor.

"Baby, what did you hear?" Shelby says. Her voice is shaking with worry.

I shake my head and suddenly feel sick to my stomach. I manage to unhinge my feet from the floor and do the only thing I can think to do- turn around and run up the stairs as fast as I can.

I hear her call out to me, "Rachel, wait honey, please I can explain." But I don't stop. Instead I slam my door shut locking it. As soon as I'm in I grab the nearest trash can, emptying the contents of my stomach.

Shelby... Shelby is my mother? I'm shaking terribly. This can't be right... I'm in complete shock. I barely recognize the pounding on my door. Shelby's pleading.

"Baby, sweetheart, please open the door."

Fuck this. I look to the window that Noah had used to climb in and out of my room. If he can do it- so can I. I open it up. Fuck this is high. There are two limbs across from it. I reach for one and step out on to the other. I fucking hate heights. Quickly, I make my way across the branches on to the tree and down to the solid ground. And then, then I run. I don't know where I'm going. Just that I need to get the hell out of here and fast.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

"Rachel open this door now!" I yell. I've been banging on the door but she won't answer and I need to talk to her. I need to explain. Damn it! Why did my mother have to fucking do this now? Why did Rachel have to walk in? Why do I have to be this fucking failure of a mother to her? Tears are streaming down my face and I'm in full on panic mode. This is worse than possibly anything that could have happened. This is the worst case scenario. I run back down the stairs where I find my husband, father and mother. Thankfully Brent and Vanessa are still outside playing.

"Did she hear? What does she know?" Charlie asks.

"She won't fucking open the door and I don't know. Oh God Charlie. I can't. It's awful. Why won't she open the fucking door and let me explain?"

"It's alright Shel. I'll go get some tools and we'll have the lock off in no time ok. Just calm down. You need to be calm." Charlie says heading into the office where he keeps a small toolset.

"Shelby... Shelby I'm sorry I didn't know she was there..."

"Of course you didn't know she was there Ma! You wanted to keep the truth from her, remember?!" I yell perhaps a little too harshly. Just then Charlie comes back with the tool box and we head upstairs. He gets the lock off in no time and I rush into the room.

"Baby, I'm sorry. Baby? Baby?" I look around the room but Rachel is no where to be found.

"Shel.." Charlie calls and then points to the open window.

"No. No, no, no." I collapse to the ground completely distraught.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

I find myself standing at the only place in Mount Pleasant I could have gone.

"Rachel?" Noah says as he answers the door. I lunge into his arms and begin to cry. "Hey, hey..." he says "what's wrong?"

"It's Shelby... she's... she's my mother."

"What?" He spits out.

"She's my biological mother. They've been lying to me. All this time. All of them."

"Shit, babe."

"Noah, I need... I can't go back there."

"You can stay here. It's no problem. Mom is out and Sarah is staying at a friend's tonight."

"They can't find me. I just... I can't... They'll look for me here and..."

He stops me and grabs my hand dragging me out the back door. At the edge of the backyard is a worn down looking old treehouse.

"I know it isn't the best option, but they'll never look for you here. And you can stay as long as you need to. I hide out here sometimes when I just need to get away from everything." We climb up the stairs into the tree and he wraps me in a hug.

"Noah, you can't tell them I'm here. They'll come and they'll ask."

"I won't ok?"

I nod and he holds me a little longer before I make him go back inside. He wants to stay I can tell but if they come looking he needs to be inside so he can tell them I'm not here. I find a blanket folded in the corner and wrap myself up in it and begin to cry.

Why? Why would they lie to me?

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

Two hours later and still nothing. Rachel hasn't come home and worse yet she doesn't even have her cell phone with her. She could be anywhere. We finally decide she isn't coming back on her own accord and begin to search. Charlie's parents came and got the kids. My father, Charlie, and I went out searching while my mother waited at home in case Rachel does return. But after searching everywhere we could think of we came up with nothing. She hates me. She must. Oh God, why did it have to happen this way?

As we walked back in Charlie immediately grabbed his phone and called the police. It was the only way we would find her now. Shit, what if she's hurt? What if someone has taken her?

The officer's are present in no time and get a detailed description of Rachel, assuring us they will have her home soon. God, I hope so. At this point I'm not even mad that she ran, I'll just be happy to know she's safe.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

I feel like I've been in this treehouse for fucking ever. Noah had brought one of his two way radio's out so that I wouldn't have to be completely alone. He didn't understand why I was still out here when Shelby and Charlie had already come by. They could still come back though. I can't risk it.

"Um Rach,"

"Yeah Noah?"

"Two cop cars just pulled up."

"Shit."

"Maybe you should just go home? I mean if Shelby's got the police involved now..."

"Can't do that Noah... besides it's not my home. Thanks for everything, but I gotta go."

"Wait! Rach!" I heard Noah yell into the two way but I was already out the treehouse.

I slipped through the bushes, trees, and yards over to the next street where fate just happened to be on my side in a bright yellow taxi. Thankful that I had brought my purse. I told the cabby to take me to the bus station. I needed to get out of this place- this whole town felt like it was suffocating me.

I knew the bus ride wouldn't be too long but unfortunately for me I had nothing to keep my mind occupied. My iPod was sitting on the desk, back in my room and well I still didn't have the privilege of having a phone back. Bet Aunt Shelby is kicking herself for that one...

Do I still call her Aunt Shelby? Just Shelby?

…... Mom?

Things like this are exactly what I didn't want to think about right now and exactly why I needed to get away. I need to think about all this and I can't do that if she's hovering over me. I need to be alone, but the thoughts- the thoughts they consume me...

If it was all a lie, then was everything fake?

No, she cares too much...

Fuck it. I DON'T CARE- she lied, they all did and right now I just wanna be as far away from them as I can- How could I ever trust them again? How could I go back there? It doesn't seem right, it doesn't feel right and yet the one thing I want more than anything?

Shelby.

But I can't- I... just... can't. It wouldn't be right to go back now. To run into the arms of the one person who was supposed to always be there for you...

Then why is it that you want to so badly?

...Because she's the only one besides Mom that's ever been able to comfort you, to make you feel safe, to make you feel loved.

But she lied.

So did Mom.

And Charlie, and Bubbe, and Zayde, and God only knows who else.

And that's why you can't go back there, Rachel. You need to figure this out. Get a grip on it. Yeah, I need to... I need to...

I just need to go somewhere that doesn't feel so- tainted.


	14. I Can't Make You Love Me

**Shelby's POV**

We're all sitting at home, per police request, waiting on any word that Rachel has been found. My mother, who has decided she will no longer sit with us, is ferociously cleaning the kitchen. The phone rings and Charlie is quick to answer. I worry my lip, hoping, praying, to hear some kind of news. Please, please, please God, let us find Rachel. Charlie hangs up the phone.

"That was Will Schuester."

"And?" I ask. Come on Charlie, spit it out.

"He's pretty sure Rachel boarded a bus downtown."

"What?!" My mother yells rushing from the kitchen.

"What makes him think that?" Dad says.

"He thought he saw her in one of the buses pulling out as he drove into the station. So he asked around and a young girl matching Rachel's description had in fact bought a ticket and boarded that very bus."

I slink back into my chair. She's seriously running away? Rachel wouldn't do this. I mean I know she's upset, she has every right to be, but she wouldn't run away permanently. I had figured all along that, though he denied it, she was somewhere hidden with-in Noah Puckerman's house. But getting on a bus?

"Which bus? Does he know where it's heading?" My father asks.

"The bus was making several stops. Manhattan and a few of the townships along the way."

"You don't think she's going into the city do you?" Mom asks worry evident. "She wouldn't go all the way into Manhattan alone?"

"There's no way to tell really. She could get off at any one of the stops, board another bus even. Will said one of the stops along the way is also the airport so- yeah- she could really be going anywhere."

Think Shelby. Where the hell would Rachel go? Immediately, it hits me; I get up grab my purse and keys. "You said the bus is stopping at a few of the townships on it's way into the city?"

"Yeah that's what Will said." Charlie answers.

"Is Scarsdale one?"

"I believe Will did mention it stops in Scarsdale."

"Shelby? Where are you going? It won't do you any good going to the station now." My father says.

"I'm not going to the station, Pop. I'm going to get Rachel. I know where she's headed."

"I'll come with you." Charlie says taking the keys out of my hand. It's a good thing. I'd be a messtrying to drive right now. "Do you mind staying here?" he asks my parents.

"Not at all." My dad says.

"We'll call you as soon as we get to her." I say as Charlie and I are almost out the door.

"So where is she going?" Charlie asks as he starts the engine.

"Home. She's going home."

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

As the bus pulls into the station I am the first one off. I decide to walk instead of taking a taxi. I know why I'm here, but perhaps I should just wander and let my legs take me where fate leads? I know... I'm SO dramatic. But it's not like I really have anywhere else I need to be. Other than possibly home, letting Shelby explain things to me.

NO.

I don't wanna hear it. I don't care what she has to say. None of it is a good enough reason to lie to me. None of it.

It doesn't change the fact that she loves you, Rachel.

Oh really? She loves me? Then why did she give me up?

I don't know maybe you should ask Shelby.

AHHHH!

My inner monologue is driving me crazy. I just want to go back to how it was. Why can't we go back to where things made sense? Why?

Before I know it I'm standing in front of the fortress that for the last seven years I had called home. There's a family inside eating dinner. Laughing. Of course the house already sold. It was a nice house. It used to be home. But where was home now? Where am I to go? Do I go back and face the music? Damn it. Things were so much easier when Mom was alive.

Mom... Do I even call her that now? God, Rachel, isn't this what you always wanted? For Shelby to be your mom? Well now she is and you, you ran away from her. You just up and left without giving her a chance to explain. The one thing she was begging of you.

I fall to the ground, wrap my arms around my knees, and begin to cry. I feel so alone. I've never felt so alone in my entire life. The tears come harder and I just wish someone, anyone would come and save me. Just take away all the hurt- all the pain, even if just for a moment.

Do I even have anyone now? Now that I've run away from it all? Shelby. Shelby, would comfort me. But would she even think to look for me here? Does she know me as well as I think she does?

"Excuse me, Miss?" a younger looking man says. I look up. It's the man from inside the house. My house. No, not your house anymore Rae. "Are you alright?"

"I-I'm sorry." I said through my subsiding tears. "I didn't mean to disturb you. It's just I used to live here."

Realization washes over his face and it saddens. "You must be Rachel"

Do I know this man? I don't recognize him. I nod anyway.

"My name is Andrew Carmine. We, my family and I, closed on the house just yesterday."

"How do you know my name?" I ask and he laughs a little nervously at himself.

"I'm sorry. I should explain. A woman called about fifteen minutes ago, she was looking for you. She said you were upset and she was certain you were coming here."

"Shelby?"

"Yes, that's her name, Shelby." The man nods. "If you would like, you could come inside while you wait for her. We were just finishing up dinner, but there is plenty left over and..."

"No. No, thank you."

"Well you can't just stay out here. It's dark and I wouldn't..." He trails off when the sound of a car door breaks us away from conversation.

"Rachel." It's Shelby. She came. Somehow, someway, she knew I would come here and she came after me. She knew. She knows me. She's known me all along.

Andrew doesn't finish his sentence. Instead he nods towards Charlie and makes his way back inside. Shelby still hasn't moved, nor have I. She looks as if she just wants to wrap me up in a hug and hold me- forever. But only if I would let her. She's very aware of the distance between us. Not just in the physical sense, but the emotional as well. She's waiting for me to make my move and as much as I want to just run and jump in her arms, letting her tell me everything is going to be alright. I don't. No, instead I just go around her and get in the car. I can't talk to her. Not yet anyways.

I must have fallen asleep on the way back. Charlie has me cradled in his arms, we're going up the stairs. He puts me down in my bed and I am vaguely aware that Shelby has moved in taking his place. She brushes her fingers over my forehead gently moving my hair out of my eyes. I keep them closed. I don't wanna talk. She knows I am awake though. Strangely I can feel it. She sits down on the bed beside me, brushing my hair once more. I try my hardest not lean into it.

"I know you don't want to talk to me right now baby, or even, or even hear what I have to say." She says quietly. "But please know that I love you, so very much and when, and when you're ready, I'll be here and then we can talk." She kisses my forehead gently as she stands, "I love you Rachel, but please baby, don't run away again. It scared me to death not knowing if you were ok." And with that she walks out of my room, closing the door completely.

As I'm left alone, I can't seem to hold it in any longer and the tears come pouring out. I hate this. I hate this whole fucking situation.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I collapsed on the couch in the living room. Twenty-four hours... that's how long it's been since Rachel's said more than two words at a time to me. It's made me miserable and I know I deserve every last bit of it. I'm beginning to wonder now if my decision to conceal Kate's letter was the right one... Stop. Of course it was the right one. Rachel is already hurt enough and I just don't see how telling her that Kate deceived me into letting her have Rachel was going to be of any help... I took the easy way out of motherhood with Rachel and it's the one thing I regret more than any thing else- she only needs to know that Kate was the real mother. Kate stepped up to the plate when I didn't from the very start. Even in the delivery room... God I was so easy to give up and Kate, Kate was determined that we all fight for Rachel. She also needs to know, despite how selfish and scared I was, I so wanted to be that mother to her. I wanted every last bit of it. But I was a coward and I let my fear of not being good enough control my decision.

I guess the first thing people will assume is that it was my dream of being on Broadway that kept me from raising her myself. It was part of it, but yet, I had thought many times about actually walking away from Rent, raising Rachel instead. Perhaps become a drama or music teacher. I thought about it so many times, but I never did it. Why? Fucking fear. It wasn't fear of losing my dream, that I think I could of actually handled. No, I was terrified that I couldn't be a good mother. I sure as hell didn't want to be like mine, I had no idea what I was doing. And that fear- that fucking fear- of screwing it all up, it ate away at me day after day.

Guess it's sort of a self fulling prophecy after all? I mean that's exactly what I ended up doing right? I screwed everything up. Rachel hates me. Doesn't want to even talk to me, pleasantries aside. Charlie would try and correct me. Tell me I'm a wonderful mother and that Brent and Vanessa- they're proof. I love our kids. It's just not enough. It's not enough just to have been a good mom to two and then left the third out for someone else to look after. Because I was afraid- fucking fear!

"Mommy?" Vanessa breaks me from my thoughts as she climbs on to the couch cuddling into my side.

"Hi, baby." I pull her in tighter. I really needed this. There is nothing more serene or heavenly than holding one of your babies in your arms. "Are you alright? I know it's been a very confusing two days, but... you're ok, right?"

She shrugs. "I guess. So Rachel's really like my sister?"

Charlie and I sat Brent and Vanessa down and tried to explain everything to them without going into too much detail. I know they still don't quite comprehend everything and that it'll take time for them to. I just knew that I needed to avoid the chance of all of this happening again. Everything needs to be out in the open with everyone. If only Rachel would just talk to me.

"Sort of baby, I mean yes, she's your half-sister. Mommy's her biological mother. Do you remember what Daddy and I said biological means?"

She nods. "It means she came from your belly."

"That's right." I smile. "I didn't feel like I could take care of Rachel after I gave birth to her so I let Aunt Kate do it."

She nods again. "And this makes Rachel sad?"

"Yeah, honey it does."

"Why?"

"Well because Mommy and Kate... we didn't tell Rachel about it. So she feels..."

"Tricked?"

"Exactly. She feels like Mommy and Aunt Kate tricked her and it makes her sad."

"Maybe she wouldn't be so sad, if she just knew why?"

"Maybe, sweetheart, but she won't talk to me and let me explain."

"But if she just listens, she could be like my big sister and call you mommy too and we'd be this big family together." Vanessa pouts a little bit.

"Actually, sweetie, even if Rachel lets Mommy explain she may still not really feel ok with all of that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... Hon, it's a lot to take in. And I don't really plan on forcing Rae, to call me Mommy or act like anything other than a cousin to you or Brent. All that- all that is her choice. She gets to decide what role she wants to play in the family. Does that make sense?"

"Why wouldn't she want to be my big sister? I'm like the coolest six year old ever!"

My smile widens. "You are the coolest six year old ever, and if Rachel doesn't want to a big sister right now, it isn't because of you ok? It's because of Mommy."

Vanessa seems to accept that answer and we cuddle on the couch for a few minutes more before she says she is going back upstairs to go color.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Looking out the bay window, I watched as the rain pecked the glass. It seemed so fitting for the this whole mess- rain. I'd barely left my room today, only gracing the household with my presence at meals. I still couldn't find it in me to talk to Shelby. Deep down I know it would make the situation better, but I just- can't. I stand up from my perch on the window only to be startled by Vanessa who at some point had made her way in to MY room and is coloring on MY floor.

"What the fu-uuuddge Vanessa? What are you doing in my room?"

"Coloring." She says plainly.

"Obviously." I dead pan. "Why?"

"Because I told Mommy I was coming upstairs to color."

"No, why are you coloring in MY room?"

She shrugs. "I wanted to be in here with you."

"Listen Pipsqueak, I really think-"

"Why do you call me that?" She looks up at me inquisitively.

I'm a little taken aback. She's asked me not to call her that. Told me not to call her that. But she's never asked why. It causes me to let out a really long sigh. "Do you really wanna know?" I ask and I sit down on the edge of my bed.

She nods almost excitedly. "I do. I really do."

I pat the space beside me and she jumps up and quickly joins me. "The reason I call you Pipsqueak is because that was the name of my favorite stuffed animal as a kid." I begin. "When I was really little, like three maybe, your... mom, she was going away to London for a while and I was really upset about it. So she took me to FAO Schwartz and told me I could have whatever I wanted in the store."

Vanessa's eyes widened with gleam. "Whatever you wanted?"

"Yep, whatever I wanted and out of all the toys in the store I chose this medium sized stuffed mouse. She was all white and wore a purple tutu with matching ballet slippers."

"You could have had anything and you chose a stuffed animal." She dead panned and I laughed.

"Hey, don't knock it kiddo. She was a really cool mouse and I was really into ballet at the time." Vanessa smiles and I continue my story. "ANYWAYS, I got the mouse and Aun- and Shelby she told me that every time I really really missed her while she was away on her trip that I should grab the mouse and smother her with hugs and kisses and that she would feel them all the way in London."

"Rae, what does this have to do with the name Pipsqueak?"

"Will you let me finish my story?"

"Fine."

"I named the mouse- Pipsqueak. I have no idea where I got the name but that was her name none-the-less. So Shelby went off to London and whenever she would call she would tell me how she felt every last one of my hugs and kisses and that Pipsqueak was doing a really good job. I was amazed that it really worked and felt like my mouse must have been magical. So, even after Shelby came back I tookthat thing every where. Then I got a little older and just slept with it, sort like how you have your rabbit and Brent has his blanket." Vanessa nods but doesn't say anything. Right, I do have a point. "Well one day I lost Pipsqueak I had no idea where I put her. It was like she had disappeared and I was really sad. I looked every where for her, and in the middle of looking, my mom came and got me. She said we needed to go to the hospital and that Shelby was having her baby."

"Me?"

"You." I smile. "After you were born I was finally allowed into the room. Your mom was holding you and Charlie was going to lift me on to the bed so I could sit with her and get a better look at you. But once I saw Aunt Shelby I got so upset and told her how I lost Pipsqueak and that I was sorry and how was she ever going to know when I missed her now. And Shelby looked at me and told me she was sorry I had lost my favorite mouse" I pause, in the midst of after giving birth she still had time to stop and comfort me... I shake my head and continue "and then as I was laying up there in that hospital bed, your mom holding you, I took the time to really look at you-"

"And you saw how awesome I was?"

"And I saw how mouse like, you looked. You had these big ears and they were perfectly round and I mentioned it to your mom."

"You thought I looked like a mouse?"

"Not all of you, just your ears," I say giving one of them a tug, which she immediately covered after.

"What did Mommy say when you said that?"

"She said that your ears did kind of remind her of Pipsqueak's and then she thought for a moment and turned to me and said that maybe since Pipsqueak wasn't around anymore that we could give you all those extra hugs and kisses from now on so you could know how loved you were. I thought it was brilliant and that kiddo is how you got the name Pipsqueak." I finish.

"I can't believe you thought I looked like a mouse."

I began to laugh really hard. "You still kinda have mouse ears, Pipsqueak."

"Hey! It's not funny! I do not have mouse ears!" She pushes me. My only retort is to grab the nearest pillow and strike. Once I do, it's all on as Vanessa grabs one of the pillows off my bed and an all out war is started. I looked briefly to the door and noticed Shelby standing there, wiping the stray tears from her eyes. I give her a small smile before continuing my attack on Vanessa. I'm eventually going to have to let Shelby explain and I think, I think I'll be ready sooner than I thought.


	15. Out Here On My Own

**Shelby's POV**

I waited and waited and waited for Rachel to come downstairs Sunday night. I thought for sure after her talk with Vanessa and after that glimmer of a smile that maybe, maybe she was at least ready now to hear me out, but here it is Monday morning and- nothing. I got nothing.

At this point I'm not sure what was worse: having Rachel adore me as her aunt or hate me as her mother? I know, I know, I don't really get the title as mother do I? I didn't raise her, I was there but not every moment of every day. Kate will forever and always be her mom, and I'll be lucky if she even is able to accept all this.

I miss the sense of normalcy we had. It may have been built on lies but we were a family. We made it work. We had to. And now? Now I feel like a stranger to her. I feel like whatever relationship we had never existed. We might as well of come together sixteen years later having not met at all.

"Shelby." I jump at the announcement.

"Shit! Charlie you startled me."

"Sorry." He apologized.

"I thought you already left for work."

"I can be late. I don't have any meetings this morning. I thought maybe I could take Brent and Vanessa to school."

"Oh yeah, Rachel will loooove that."

"Maybe she will."

"I was being sarcastic."

"I know, but eventually she's gonna come around Shel. Rachel isn't going to just throw away the last sixteen years."

"She might. She has every right to."

"See that's where I think you're wrong, babe. Rachel has the right to be upset, but you're still you, Shel. And Rachel has always thought the world of you. Despite the fact that you were an aunt to her you always treated her like she was your own."

"Charlie..."

"No, Shel. Don't give up on her. Don't stop fighting for the relationship you want, just because you think you can't have it or don't deserve it. It's not the Shelby Corcoran I know." He pauses and I begin to really think about all of this. "You love Rachel, that hasn't changed. Just sometimes we do things to the ones we love and it's not ideal, but we think we're protecting them or giving them what's best. Rachel's old enough to understand that."

"God, I hope you're right."

He smiles and places a kiss on my cheek, "Shelby Corcoran, you are an amazing, fantastic, breathtaking woman, but more than that- you are the most loving and caring mother I've ever seen sans my own, and I love you for it. So please, please baby, don't question that- ever."

He kisses me goodbye and I hear him call out to the kids so that he can take them to school. I want to believe everything he says, I really do, but I just can't. "I'm not the woman you think I am, Charlie Corcoran- I'm just... I'm just not." I say aloud, closing the door to our bedroom and trudging upstairs to get Rachel knowing full well she isn't going to be happy that it's just the two of us in the car this morning.

I knock lightly on the slightly ajar bathroom door, "Hey baby, you ready to go?"

She sighs but chooses to answer, "Yeah, almost. Pipsqueak and Munchkin all set?"

"Actually Charlie took them to school this morning. They've already left."

"Oh." was all she offered as she tried to finish up straightening her hair.

"Need any help?" I offer, hoping, praying even, that she'll take me up on it.

"Ok." It's meek, but it's there , an open opportunity and I can't help but smile a little. Maybe Charlie's right, maybe Rachel will come around.

"How's the whole Noah situation? You thought any more about it?" I say attempting to make some sort of conversation.

"I haven't really had time. My mind's sorta been preoccupied with other things."

Instantly I feel like a jerk. "Of course, baby, I'm sorry, I-"

"Shelby." She interrupts. I've already resigned myself to being just Shelby now, no more Aunt Bee or Bee Bee. Those days are over.

"Yes, honey?"

"Could you... could you drop the pet names? I'm not exactly comfortable with them at the moment."

I feel like someone's stabbing me in the stomach over and over and over again. I only nod. Barely even, I can't call my own child baby anymore? I've always used such terms of endearment with Rachel. Always. How am I supposed to quit now?

I put down the straightener and brush through her hair with my fingers. "All done." I choke out.

"Thanks." She says. Our eyes meet in the mirror for just a moment and I feel so lost. In the moment, I just want to hold my baby and I can't. I can't and it's killing me.

Rachel looks away and the moment is gone. She side steps me and heads into her room to grab herbag. I let out a long sigh as I try my best to will away the tears. I can come back home later and break down.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

The ride to school was gruelingly quiet. Neither Shelby nor I tried for any sort of conversation. There wasn't even any music playing, just silence. She pulls up to one of the awnings to let me out and I get my things.

"Have a good day, baby." she says.

I turn around quickly, if I'm going to do this, I should do it now. I open my mouth to speak, but Shelby stops me.

"Look, Rachel, I know you don't want me use the pet names but I just don't think I can-"

"That isn't what I was going to say."

"Oh." she sounds surprised and sorrowful? "What is it then, honey?"

Again with the overuse of the pet names? I wasn't going to scold her before but I should. You know every now then I might could handle it but it's like she's over doing it or something. I don't know. I just I can't- I can't do this with her.

"Never mind." I move to walk away.

"No, Rachel please..." she continues on but I just shut the door. I look back briefly and perhaps I shouldn't have because Shelby's crying and now I feel like shit.

I make my way to the one place at McKinley that can offer me any kind of solace... The auditorium.

In all my years of performing, there is one thing I am glad I learned- how to work everything. I felt like, when I do make it on Broadway, there would be a lot of people working with me behind the scenes and I want to be able to really appreciate those people more... It's actually a trait I picked up from Shelby. She's that way. She knows the complete ins and outs of the business- from working the stage lights to the sound equipment to props. And now so do I.

At least it comes in handy for days like today when I just want to sing my heart out on the stage. I check the sound board, then hit the stage lights. The piano already in place, I take my seat and play the first thing that comes to mind.

"_Sometimes I wonder_ w_here I've been_. _Who I am, do I fit in?_ _I may not win_ b_ut I can't be thrown_ o_ut here on my own_. _On my own…"_

I hear some cheering and clapping coming out from the seats and try to look past the bright stage lights to see who it might be.

"I half expected you to be singing 'Mama Who Bore Me'" Kurt says as he and Mercedes make their way to the stage. "But I can live with a little Fame."

I laugh. "'Mama Who Bore Me' does seem to be a better fit huh?"

"Nah, girl that was good just like it was." Mercedes cuts in. "Though I could sing it better."

I glare at her and we all laugh.

"How you holding up Doll?" Kurt asks.

I had texted my two friends yesterday with the news of the Shelby fiasco. Upon, which I immediatelyreceived a three way call with Kurt hyperventilating and Mercedes trying to get him to breathe. After the initial shock was over they wanted to know every little detail, which is exactly what they got. Very little detail. Hell I don't even know the details.

And whose fault is that?

Shut-up.

"I'm holding." I say shrugging.

"You still haven't let her explain have you?" I shake my head no at Mercedes who just shakes hers back. "Girl, how are we supposed to know what the business is, if you won't let the business go down? I need details!"

I sigh. "I know you guys want to know the whole story. Believe me, I do to. I really do, it's just every time I go to talk to Shelby- I can't. It's almost like having a panic attack. The walls close in around me and I just- I gotta get out of there."

"Well that just sounds horrible." Kurt proclaims.

"I still want some mother fucking deets!"

"Mercedes, you hush! Can't you see that our friend here is hurting?" Kurt isn't really scolding her. I think it's more of the fact that he's picking up on my mood this morning.

"I'm sorry, Rach. It's just this shit is better than Days of Our Lives! And you know that show got some crazy shit that goes down!" she offers.

I accept Mercedes apology. After all, I realize how big this all is myself. I mean it isn't really just what I think is it? When this all comes out, what will Shelby's fans think? Will she even go public with the information or will it all possibly be kept from the general public?

Would Shelby hide me? She has all these years... Why not now? Just because I know doesn't mean she's probably any less embarrassed of it all right?

Because that's got to be what she is really feeling about the whole damn thing, embarrassment. Am I right?

I've got no idea.

Sigh.

"Rachel, where did you go?" Kurt asks.

"Sorry. I guess I've just been spending a lot of time in my head lately."

"That's totally understandable Diva, but don't be afraid to let it out some. Cedes and I got you covered."

I smile at them both. "Thanks guys. I really appreciate it."

Before our Glee session I went by my locker to drop off some books.

"Some one looks tired." Noah said leaning next to me on the lockers.

"Ugh, is it that obvious?"

"Only to me. If there is one person I know, it's my Jew Babe."

"I didn't sleep much last night or Saturday night."

"I figured you wouldn't. You should have called, I would've come over."

"Yeah because that went over so well the last time." I dead pan.

"Hey! It's not like it was my fault. You're the one who left the door cracked."

"Could we not do this right now, Noah? I'm really tired and I just want to get through the day, and then go home and nap."

"Not talk to Shelby?" I glare at him and he backs off, "Sorry, sorry. It's just if you'd talk to her then maybe you would have a better chance of sleeping."

"Talking to her isn't gonna change things."

"Maybe not, but it's a start." And with that Noah ducks into the choir room.

Since when is everyone on Shelby's side?

I take my seat beside Kurt as Mr. Schue enters the room. He walks immediately to the white board and writes one word: Emotion.

"Ok guys so this week I want us to focus on one thing and one thing only: emotion. It can be any kind of emotion said to any one or about anything. I just want you guys to really put yourself out there and on the line. It doesn't even have to be a singular emotion. Just take whatever it is you are feeling and put it all into the song. The greatest thing a performer can do is convey emotion and if you guys can do that, we are sure to win Regionals."

"Mr. Schue I have a song I'd like to share."

"That's great Puck! The floor is yours!"

I watch as Noah gets out of his chair and steps towards the middle of the room, picking up an acoustic guitar along the way.

My breath hitches when he looks me right in the eye and begins his pre-performance speech.

"This song is about a lot of things... It's about regrets over mistakes that were made, pleading for second chances, but mostly I guess it's about hope. Hope that it's not too late and that there is still achance."

Again I lose my breath. This can't be- about me? Noah begins his song and immediately I'm lost, lost in his eyes, lost in his- everything.

_"It's inside of three weeks_ a_nd I'm a boat out to sea_ w_ith no sails_…"

I'm brought out of my Noah induced haze by Quinn who leans down from behind me and whispers, "Some how I don't think this song is about me." she says. There's no malice in her voice and as I turn I notice the ghost of a smile. Still I feel it best to defend myself, just in case she's upset.

"Quinn, I promise there isn't anything going on."

"Chill Rach, I know there is nothing going on. But I think Puck is hoping otherwise."

I look to Puck and then back to Quinn. Noah continued to sing and I... I began to- panic.

_"A slow dance_, a_ last chance_ t_o tell you everything you need to hear._ _Because the phone calls_ w_on't let me look you in the eyes_ s_o I can tell you_, _Sweetie, _p_lease stay…"_

Quinn leaned back down as Noah finished up. "I asked him out the other day," she whispered. "In case you were wondering... He turned me down."

I turned to look at her once again with disbelief. Could it be?

No, I can't do this. I just can't do this right now. I can't handle this on top of- on top of everything. Why did Noah choose now to do this? I need him, but I need him to just be my friend. I can't handle a relationship added into the fiasco. Not that I'm even the right kind of girl for Noah to begin with.

Before Mr. Schue could discuss Noah's song further I asked to be excused. I didn't care how it looked at the moment- I just- I just needed to get out of there- and fast.

Mr. Schue graciously allowed me a pass and I headed to the nearest girls restroom. I immediately took out my cell and called Shelby.

"Rachel?" she answered on the second ring. "Is everything ok?"

"No. Can you please come get me? I can't be here anymore."

"I'm on my way, baby, I'm already in the neighborhood so go ahead and go to the main office and wait for me there. I'll be there soon."

"Ok." I said hanging up and thanking to all that was out there that she wasn't going to make me stay here the rest of the day.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

"Hi Evelyn, it's Shelby." I said to Charlie's mother over the phone.

"Shelby! What a wonderful surprise, dear, how are you?"

"I'm alright, but I could use a huge favor from either you or Joe."

"Alright, what is it?"

"Do you think you could perhaps pick up Brent and Vanessa from school today?"

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, well, I'm not really sure. Rachel just called and ask me to come pick her up from school early-"

"Say no more Shelby. And of course, yes, I'll pick up kids. Will Charlie be picking them up on his way home?"

"Probably. Thanks so much Evelyn. I really appreciate it."

"It's no probably at all, really dear."

"Well, I just pulled into the school so I better go. Thanks again."

"You're welcome. Anytime."

I hung up with Charlie's mom and walked toward McKinley's main office. I saw Rachel as I walked in, she was sitting across from the secretary looking rather upset. I shouldn't have let her go to school today. This weekend's events has probably just been way too much for her.

After signing the necessary form, we walked to my car.

"Thanks for coming." Rachel said quietly as I started the engine.

"You're welcome, swee- Rachel." stopping the pet names is going to be hard and I can't promise it'll stop for good, but if she wants me to then I need to at least try. "Are you all right?"

Stupid, stupid question Shelby. Of course she's not alright, she wouldn't have called otherwise. But instead of the sarcasm I was sure I would get I looked over quickly to see a very stoic Rachel.

"I shouldn't have asked that question. I'm sorry with everything that's going on…" I trailed off as I looked over to my daughter.

Rachel said nothing and just covered her eyes with one of her hands.

The rest of the drive was spent in silence and as soon as we reached the house, Rachel went for her room. I know I should probably give her some space, but my worry convinces me otherwise and I follow her up the staircase.

I enter the room and see Rachel curled up into a ball on her bed trying to keep herself from shaking.

"Oh sweetheart." I say sitting down on the bed with her, I don't touch her though, afraid in the moment that I may overstep my welcome.

"Can we-" she stutters out. "Can we just p-pretend all of this didn't happened for a little while? I c-could really benefit from letting you hold me."

"Of course baby, anything you need." no sooner were the words out of my mouth when I was practically knocked over by Rachel thrusting herself into my arms, sobbing.

Finally. Finally, I was holding my baby again and it- it hurt. It hurt so much. Everything, over the last sixteen years flooded my mind, all the heartache and pain. And all the shit Rachel is dealing with because of it. Because of me.

I cling to her, holding her as hard as I can without crushing her. Trying, desperately trying, to convey to her that I never want to let go. And to my surprise, Rachel holds on tighter.

Even if just for a moment, I hope that this is my sign that everything will be alright between us.


	16. The Truth

**Shelby's POV**

Rachel eventually cried herself to sleep. I just held her trying my best to soothe her whatever way I can. I know that this is all very hard on her and I can't imagine what she's thinking. I only wish she would have talked to me. Said something, anything.

Even though she's asleep now, I can't bare to let her go. Letting go is what got me in to this mess damn it. I won't do it again. I know I can't physically hold her forever, but geez I just... I want her to know I care. I need her to know it.

There's a lullaby I used to sing to Rachel when she was little. It was actually one my grandmother sang to me. To this day I have been unable to find the song anywhere- which leads me to the conclusion that my grandmother must've written it herself. It's fitting, that she wrote it. After all she was the one from whom I garnered my love for music. She sang it in Yiddish and it just- stuck with me. I've only ever sung it for Rachel. I can remember so many nights, after she was born, rocking and singing this to her...

_"shlof atsind mine kind` _

_shlof atsind bisl meydl _

_leygn dayn rosh arop un ru _

_`du mine shtern vel putsn oyf eybik un alts _

_sholem un gute nakht keyn`du" _

It roughly translates into: sleep now my child, sleep now little girl, lay your head down and rest, you my star will shine forever and always, peace and good night to you.

God, I've missed so much. The worst is knowing I'll never be able to make up for it all. Will she ever be able to forgive me?

"Shelby?" Rachel says blinking her eyes awake.

"Hi, baby. I didn't wake you up did I?" I willed my building tears away.

"No, how long have I been sleeping?"

"About an hour or so."

She nods and then sits up fully. I brush the hair away that is sticking to her face and she turns in aversion. I try not to, but I visibly wince and I know it didn't go unnoticed.

"Sorry." I offer.

She looks down at the pillow she now has in her hands and then looks back up at me. "I-" Rachel looks back down at the pillow.

"What is it baby?" I say placing my hand up under her chin and bringing her gaze back to me.

"I- I think I need a moment alone."

It wasn't something I was expecting, not after... She still doesn't want to talk?

"Do you mind?" She asks.

I shake my head, "Of course not." I say and then get up to leave the room. "I'll just be down stairs."

She nods and that's that- I feel like sliding down the door frame and breaking into a million little pieces, but I don't. I just stand there on the other side of the door, unable to move any further.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Fuck! Why did I just do that? That was the perfect moment to find out everything and I just- I just pushed her away- again. What a great daughter Rae, the woman holds you for God knows how long while you cry and sleep and then how do you repay her? You kick her out. Makes total sense.

But what about-

Do you want to know or not?

Of course I want to know, but-

No buts. You either want to or you don't. Simple as that.

I think I'm a little more complex than that...

It was at this point I realized that I was arguing with myself. Great, just great. As if I didn't have enough to worry about let's add insanity to the list of things.

It's normal to talk to yourself.

Is it normal to debate within oneself?

Valid point.

Ha! Take that subconscious inner monologue. I shake my head. I don't have time for this any more. I need to- I need to know the answers. And the only way to do that is to let Shelby talk. I get up and go to open the door, Shelby is on the other side. I'm certain she was about to enter back in.

"Need something?" I ask.

"Yes, um, well..." She stumbles over her words and I laugh inwardly. She's just as mixed up over this whole thing as I am. What is she mixed up about? Me, how I'm taking all this.

"It's ok. I was actually coming to get you." I stop her. "I thought maybe it's time we talked."

"Really?" She looked on the verge of tears.

"Really." I walked back over to my bed and sat down. Shelby followed closely behind. She sits down next to me.

"Are you sure you're ready? I know things have been really hard on you and-"

"Shelby?"

"Yes, bab- Rachel?" She's having a really hard time letting go of the pet names, I notice.

"Just tell me the story- start from the beginning and we'll go from there."

She nods and I grab my pillow, bracing myself in the security of it, as she begins.

"Well I guess I should start from the moment that I met your father, Edward. I was fresh out of college, working as a waitress for a catering company and at one of the bigger events I worked, Edward was hired to play. He- he was a concert pianist. After one of his sets he called me over and said 'Excusez-moi, mademoiselle, but can I get a glass of water, s'il vous plait?' I knew zero French at the time so when he said s'il vous plait- I literally thought he wanted his water on a silver plate. I came back announcing such and he broke out in laughter. I was so embarrassed and confused and angry even that he would be so rude to laugh at me for just doing as he asked; that is until he explained to me that s'il vous plait was please in French. Then I felt like an idiot and couldn't help but laugh at myself. I guess you could say we hit it off after that. Edward was fascinating to me. He was older than me by ten years and had this elegance about him. And he was French- which was very alluring. We started dating and it didn't take long before we moved in together. Our relationship moved so fast and I don't think either of knew exactly what we were getting in to, but we were in love. At least we thought we were. It wasn't perfect though. We fought and we fought a lot. We were both headstrong- too much to really be compatible. Instead of balancing each other out- we were more of a train wreck waiting to happen." Shelby paused seemingly reminiscing about it all before continuing. "We had been together for a little over a year, when I got pregnant. It wasn't planned. In fact, we were using birth control. Edward had told me time and time again that he didn't want children. He- he didn't have the best of childhoods himself and I think- I think the idea of being a father scared him. I was naïve enough to think that maybe I could change that one day, that day just ended up coming sooner than I had planned."

"What did he say when you told him?" I asked.

"He was angry. Very, very angry. He thought I had gotten pregnant on purpose to entrap him in to marriage. I couldn't believe he would think that. So we fought- terribly. The worst fight we had ever had. I told him to get the hell out and he said gladly even though technically it was his apartment. Before he left he went to his safe and got out six hundred dollars. He laid it on the table in front me and said 'Neither of us should be parents. Take care of it, Shelby.' Then he left.

"He wanted you to get an abortion?"

"He did and it was heartbreaking because I knew, I knew in that moment it was over between us. Because I would have never been able to do that. Even if part of me believed him that we shouldn't be parents, I couldn't- I wouldn't. So I did the only thing I knew, I called Kate. She came as quickly as she could and helped me pack my things. I left the money on the table along with a letter to him telling him it was over and explaining that I wouldn't abort my baby. I told him he didn't have to worry that I wouldn't ever ask him to be a father or even for support if I chose to keep it. Then I left and never spoke to him again."

"That was it? He even didn't try to contact you or anything?"

"No. He never tried to contact me. I moved in with Kate and then later decided I wanted to keep you. Kate was worried you would remind me too much of Edward- It wasn't easy for me realizing my relationship was bit of sham and she didn't want me to have to go through that every day. But, Rachel, when I heard your little heart beat and then when I first saw you- I knew, I knew I wanted to keep you."

"If you wanted to keep me then why did you let my mom adopt me?" I spat out harshly. Becoming angry at this new information.

"I-I'm getting to that, if you'll let me finish." She says nervously.

How can she say she wanted to keep me, when she didn't keep me? How? I try and quell the anger and hurt boiling inside of me so that she can continue.

Shelby takes a deep breathe then goes on, "Everything was great at first you know? You, me, and Kate we were, like, our own little family and we were happy. Kate worked as a preschool teacher from 8 until 12. I still did the catering thing in the evenings and went on auditions when I could. We decided if, when, I landed a role that we would figure out what we would do then. Who would take care of you and when and all that. And then I got the call back for Rent."

"So what? You just decided Broadway's more important now, here Kate, take my kid." I said successfully crushing Shelby.

"No! No, it wasn't like that. I swear, baby, I wanted to keep you. It just- it wasn't working. I was gone for longer periods at a time and then even when I was home I was memorizing lines and-"

"I get it, Shelby. Ok? You chose Broadway in the end blah blah blah." I said getting up pacing. Of course it was because of Broadway- can I really blame her? I would probably do the same thing!

"No you don't get it." She pleaded desperately, getting up and grabbing at my arms to still me. "I was gonna give it all up, baby. I was gonna walk away from Rent and become a teacher like Kate. I wanted to be your mom."

"Then what changed?!" I yelled pulling out of her grip and turning away.

"I came back after having been gone, working with the company, for about two weeks. I told Jonathan I couldn't do it, I missed you too much and I just couldn't do it anymore. He told me not to make any rash decisions to take a couple of weeks go home spend some time with you and figure things out. He said I was his Maureen and he wasn't ready to let go of me until I knew for sure. I told him not to expect me back- to find someone else, but he said that he was gonna wait. Two weeks sounded like a good vacation for everyone. Even I knew that wasn't how things went in the business, but then again Jonathan did things his way from the start."

"What happened when you came back?" My voice was softer this time, smaller even.

"You had learn to call Kate mom."

"What?" I turn whipped around to look at Shelby, disbelieving.

"It started as an honest mistake, but-" She pauses, she looks conflicted. "I was so upset. I knew I had made this horrible mistake being away from you for so long. I could feel it and then-" Shelby had tears running down her face and I couldn't help but let some of my own escape.

"So you gave me up because of that?" I was so confused and it hurt. I should've known it was something I did.

"No, I, it... It wasn't you, it was me, Rachel. I felt like a failure of a mother."

"So you just gave up completely then?"

"Not then." She said defeated. "I took you away first. Just me and you. I- I tried to teach you to call me mom, but I couldn't and you cried. You cried so much. I felt like I couldn't do anything right, like I wasn't good enough for you then. Everyone who ever doubted my ability as a mother, their voices rang throughout my head and I felt... I felt, Rachel I failed you. I wasn't there and I'm so sorry baby."

We were both quiet for a moment before she continued. "When I came home you practically leapt into Kate's arms and I realized that she had been more of a mother to you than I had ever been. So we talked and decided she would adopt and raise you as her own."

"Why didn't you fight harder for me? Did you not want me?" I was fully crying now and Shelby attempts to comfort me but I push her away.

"I wanted you, baby, I was- I was just afraid. I thought I had screwed up too badly, that I couldn't fix things. I was afraid I would just make it worse. I thought that letting Kate raise you would give you a better chance at happiness than you could ever have with me. But, baby, I was wrong. I knew it the moment I let you go that I had made the worse decision of my life and that it was oh so wrong and-"

"Get out!" I yell.

"I thought about getting you back." Shelby continued through tears ignoring my rage. "I consulted lawyers about my rights, but it never worked out and…"

"Get out! Get out! Get out!" I grabbed whatever I could and just threw it at her. Instead of running, like I thought she would do, she came up to me and wrapped me in a hug. I punched and pushed and tried to get away from her but she wouldn't let me go. "Get off of me! Let me go, damn it!" I yell again trying to break free.

"No!" She yells back. "I let you go once and I swear I'm never gonna do it again. I'm not running away this time, Rachel." She said her grip tightening, as if it were willing me to believe her.

I collapse into tears unable to take it all anymore. Shelby and I fall to the floor and she holds me. Eventually, I bury my head in her neck and hold on back. We stay like that until I can't seem to cry anymore. Shelby's grip loosens and I scoot away from her a little, she puts out her arm to stop me from scooting any further so I relent.

"I don't know where to go from here." I state. "You're not really my aunt anymore and I-I just don't feel comfortable acknowledging you as my mom."

"Of course baby, you've already got a mom. I don't want to take that away from you."

"But I don't have a mom, she's gone."

"Rachel, Kate will always be your mom."

I nod. "Do you even want to? To be my mom, that is?"

"More than anything." Shelby says. "I know you aren't ready for that Rachel, or if you ever will be. But if you decide you do want that from me- I'll be here waiting."

"And if I don't?"

"Then I would hope that we could somehow get back some resemblance of our former relationship. Some sort of guardian, friendship relationship."

"But you don't want that?"

"No, but it's what you want that matters Rachel."

"I don't know what I want." As soon as the lie breathes out of me I see her face fall. I want a mother. I want to let this all blow over and have Shelby as my mother. I hate myself for it so I lie. Like mother like daughter, right? We're all just a bunch of liars.

"Of course, you need time to think. That's completely understandable." Shelby tries to mask the hurt, but I can see it as plain as the day. She gets up. "I'm going to downstairs now, unless you want me to stay?"

"No, no, I think space is a good idea right now. I just have a lot of things going through my head."

She nods and offers a brief smile. Before leaving she stops and says "I hope one day that you can forgive me for all of this baby." And then she's out the door.

I crash into my bed, disappointed in myself. Because even though she's lied and even on top of everything, a part of me still just wants Shelby to hold me. Wants to be her daughter. Wants to forgive her so easily. But I force that part of me away. Is it right to trust someone again who has lied to you like that is it?

Is it?

But Shelby's all you've got now.

Doesn't make it right.

Nothing can make it right. So why waste all this energy on pushing her away?

Because it hurts.

It hurts regardless!

Maybe I should just forgive her, at least then I wouldn't be alone.

Can you do that after what she did?

I don't know, I really just don't know.

Fucking inner monologue. I really don't need this shit right now. I find my iPod, put on some music and bury myself in the blankets on my bed. Even after my nap earlier, I am still exhausted. Guess that's what happens when you don't sleep. I close my eyes and let the music whisk me off into another place and lull me into a deep slumber. To drained to try and do anything else. I could figure all this out later. Right now, right now I just need to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: The lullaby sung by Shelby is an original that I just came up with. It's to the tune of Love Me Tender.**


	17. Dreams

**Rachel's POV **

_I was walking, walking down the long white hallway. It seemed endless. No matter how hard I looked I could not see the door._

_"There is no door." a disembodied voice said._

_"Why am I here? Why is there not a door?" I ask._

_"Only you can answer the first and as for the last..."_

_"What? What? Tell me?"_

_"There is no door. There is a room should you wish to enter."_

_"If there is no door how am I supposed to enter the room?"_

_"You must ask. But be sure it is what you want because once you are in the room there is only one way out."_

_"Which way is that?"_

_"The way that you choose."_

_I began to grow frustrated with the voice. Why is it being so allusive? What is it's deal?_

_"And if I choose not to enter the room?"_

_"Then you will never know."_

_"Know what? What's in the room?"_

_"That is a question I can not answer."_

_"Because you've certainly answered all of the others." I say sarcastically, though barely above a whisper._

_"I am not meant to answer. Only you can do that."_

_How did it? I barely said that._

_"Because I reside in your mind and that is where we are."_

_"Holy shit!" it heard my thoughts. Wait I'm in my mind?_

_"Am I dreaming then?"_

_"Yes."_

_"So none of it matters?"_

_"It matters very much."_

_"I don't see how."_

_"Enter the room and you shall see."_

_"But you said there is only one way out, what if I don't like the way?"_

_"Then find another."_

_"But there is only one way!"_

_"So you think."_

_"It's what you told me!"_

_"And do you believe everything you're told?"_

_"Ugh! You are so frustrating!"_

_"I know you are."_

_"Fuck you! Take me to the damn room!"_

_Instantly and without reply I was in a room. The walls were grey and there was fog that was low to the floor._

_"Is anyone there? Hello!" I call out._

_"Rachel! Rachel I was so worried." Shelby said as she hugged me. "You've been gone for so long. I thought I'd never hold you again."_

_She was shaking. She really was afraid. "It's ok. I'm here. I'm here now." I try and console her._

_"Release my daughter." another voice came into the room._

_"Mom? Mommy!" I shout as soon as I see her. Immediately I run to her side and wrap my arms around her._

_"Hi, my darling." she hugs me back and I feel her warm radiate about me._

_"Rachel!" Shelby cries reaching for me, but my mother pushes me behind her so that Shelby can not take hold._

_"You. You have no rights to her." Mom says as she walks towards Shelby leaving me behind. "You gave her to me. You didn't want her."_

_"But I did I did want her." she pleaded as she dropped to her knees. "Please Kate. She is my child. I love her. I need her."_

_"You only want her because you can't have her. You will never be to her what I was. You may be her mother. But you will never be her mom."_

_I stepped back and watched as Shelby stood. As if she were drawing strength from the fact that I was walking further from my mom._

_"I can. I can be her mom. If she wants me. I will be her mom."_

_"No! You can't have her, I will never allow it!" Mom yells and then turns to me. Never have I ever been afraid of my mother but the look in her eyes, it was so desperate and Shelby she looked so... sad. "You don't want her do you baby? You only want me."_

_Shocked by the question I stumble over my words, "I-I don't know."_

_"What do you mean you don't know?" mom says and steps towards me causing me to step back._

_"I-I don't know if I just only want you. I-I mean I love Shelby too."_

_"Unacceptable!" mom yells. "You must choose!"_

_"No! Please Kate, don't make her choose! She can have us both!" Shelby pleads._

_"No! I will not have it!"_

_Shit. Wake up Rachel. Wake up! Scary mom is not the mom you want to dream of._

_"Kate, you're scaring her please!" Shelby says once again drawing Mom's attention to her._

_"You bitch! You think you can just come in sixteen years later and make it all ok? Make up all your lost time? Ride in and all is forgiven!" Mom shouted as she grew in size towering over Shelby who cowered in fear._

_"No, no! I know I can't just be forgiven. I just want the chance at forgiveness, please. Please don't take that away from me! Please don't take my baby from me!" she begged._

_The figure standing in front of Shelby was now cloaked. It stood ten feet over her easily. That, that figure, wasn't my mom. No way._

_"Run Rachel! Run baby! Run away!" Shelby screamed as a black puff of smoke started to drift around them both. A flash of lightening and Shelby was gone._

_"Shelby!" I yelled. No! Where did she go? This isn't happening!_

_The tall cloaked figure slowly turned. I couldn't see it's face but it tilted it's head to the side as it looked at me. I stood frozen in my spot until a hand grabbed mine._

_"Come on babe! We gotta get outta here! That thing's coming after you!" Noah said._

_"No! Shelby! I have to save Shelby!"_

_"She's gone Rae. We have to move!"_

_"No, she can't leave me! She promised she would never let go! She promised! She promised!"_

_"Rachel! We have to move now!"_

_But I couldn't move. Instead I fell to the floor and wept. The figure drew closer and closer. Noah tugged at my clothes and tried to make me move, but I could not. The hooded figure approached us and Noah charged at it._

_"Go away." it said and with a flick of it's wrist a black cloud enveloped Noah and he was gone._

_"No! Noah!" I yelled able to stand again. I charged at the figure and tackled it. It shrunk to a size no bigger than I. As we both fell to the ground it's hood fell and for the first time I saw who was under the hood. The person who took the place of my mom. Who made Shelby and Noah disappear. It was me. I was staring into my own eyes._

I jetted up out of my bed, cold sweat apparent. My breathing was ragged and my heart pounding with-in my chest.

My system was having an over reaction to my emotions. Fuck! Why am I so dramatic? I went to the sink and splashed some water on my face. Gathering myself back together I exited the bathroom to go back to my room, when I remembered I hadn't eaten that night and was I ever hungry.

I made my way into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I grabbed the styrofoam box marked Rachel and opened it. Thai. I grabbed a bottle of water before closing the fridge door and walking out of the kitchen. I had planned on taking it all back up to my room when I noticed the light was on in the office. Curious I walked through the living room and peaked my head inside. Shelby was sitting there looking through some papers. She looks up when the door creaks.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

"Rachel?" I say looking up to find my oldest daughter staring at me through the partially ajar door. My oldest daughter, did I just say that? I've so rarely allowed myself to think of her that way that it almost shocks me, but... I do love the sound of freely thinking it. Rachel Berry, Shelby Corcoran's oldest daughter and firstborn.

"Hey." she says quietly.

"Everything ok baby?" I ask putting down the papers and motioning for her to enter in to the room. She does and I notice the take out Charlie had brought home for her. I knew I should have woken her up to eat. Here it is midnight and she's just now eating dinner. I mentally shake my head, definitely not getting mom of the year.

"I..." she began. She almost seemed as she was questioning whether or not to tell me something.

"I should've woken you up earlier to eat. You must be starving. You can sit in here with me if you like?" I offered, hoping she would. Even if she didn't say anything it would still be something. She nodded and I instantaneously smile. But instead of a smile back I got a lowered head and avoidance of eye contact. Oh baby, I've screwed up so badly with you.

"What are you doing up?" she asks opening up the box and beginning to eat.

"Couldn't sleep." I sigh out. "I needed to find this press statement anyways."

"Press statement?"

"Yeah, about you being my daughter."

"Oh... you're gonna talk to the press about it?"

"If it's alright with you I am. I don't want to hide it, Rachel. I never did."

"Then why did you keep it from me?" Rachel asked, almost angry.

"It wasn't my choice." I said it before I had even thought of what I had said. Shit.

"What do you mean it wasn't your choice?"

I sigh. "Kate believed it would be better if you didn't know. I reluctantly agreed with her."

Rachel didn't reply. She just continued eating and we sat there in silence until she was done.

"When did you have the statement drawn up?"

"Just after Rent started getting popular. My manager at the time wanted to be prepared in case it was leaked somehow."

"Can I see it?"

"Of course." I smile and hand over the folder. "Finished eating?" she nods and I take her trash and head into the kitchen to throw it away.

"Shelby?" I turn around to see that Rachel had followed me into the kitchen. "What are these?"

I look over her shoulder at the folder in her hands and mentally slap myself. I hadn't want to bother her with those, I guess I'm just so tired I didn't even think about them.

"Those are custody papers." I said.

"But there are multiple copies with different dates. They all have my name on them. One when I was three, one when I was seven, nine, twelve, this last one was just six months ago."

I nod. "I told you Rachel, I've always wanted you."

"But you never filed them."

"Something always stopped me."

"Like what?"

I place my hand on her back and lead her to the couch. "Just after you turned three was when I first got the nerve to seek legal action to get you back. It was when I was considering a longer stay in London. I... I consulted my lawyer and he even thought chances were pretty good. We drew up the papers, but I wanted to talk to Kate first. That didn't go over well as you could imagine. She told me I was being selfish and asked how I could claim to be her sister and yet take you away from her. So instead I walked away." I picked up the next set."This one was when Charlie and I started dating. He loved getting to know you and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought, I thought the three of us could be a family. Charlie went with me to have the papers drawn up. He always wanted to be a dad. He liked the idea of being one to you, even if we weren't even engaged at the time."

"What stopped you that time?"

"My mother. She told me I could have other children. Kate only had you."

Rachel looked down at the next set from when she was nine. "This was after we moved wasn't it?"

I nodded, "Yes. I fought it for a while, at first, then I decided she wouldn't take you away from me. I wouldn't let her. She found out about it and begged me not to. She said she knew you would choose me and she couldn't live with that."

"So you just walked away?" Rachel said in disgust.

"Yes. I did. There's no excuse."

"And from when I was twelve?"

"Those aren't custody papers, neither are the papers from when you turned sixteen."

"What are they?"

"Petitions to the court that you be made aware of the situation and to open the adoption records. I felt you were old enough to understand the circumstances and mature enough to handle being told the truth."

"You wanted to tell me?

"I did."

"What happened?"

I pulled out two letters from just underneath each.

"Petition granted upon agreement of the adoptive mother." Rachel read aloud and then skimmed through to the bottom, "adoptive mother refuses agreement. Petition denied." She looks at the second one dated six months ago. "Petition granted upon agreement of the adoptive mother... adoptive mother requests records remain in current state. Why didn't she want me to know?"

"She was afraid of losing you Rachel."

"She wouldn't have lost me."

"Fear can make people do things we don't understand."

"There's more isn't there? More you aren't telling me about mom?"

"Rachel, I..."

"Is it bad? It's bad isn't it."

"It... It is."

"I don't wanna know." Rachel shook her head. "It's all so much and..."

I pull her into a hug and she graciously lets me hold her. "I know baby. But none of this changes the fact that Kate loved you, with all her heart." Rachel nods then pulls away. I let go though I don't want to.

I look at the clock and see that it's almost 2am now. "You're gonna be so tired tomorrow." I say pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"I had a weird dream earlier. It's why I woke up in the first place." she admits.

My face contorted into an expression of concern. "What was it about?"

"You. Mom. Me." Rachel leans in towards me as to rest her head on my shoulder but then stops herself and grabs the nearest throw pillow.

I try to remain un-phased. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No." She answers sharply.

"Oh... Ok." is all I'm able to offer. I hate that she won't talk to me, even worse I fear that she may never again.

"Would you... would you come up stairs with me and stay until I can fall asleep again?"

My heart leaps with joy. "Of course I will. I just need to put these back in the office and put away some of the other things I was going through. Go ahead up and I'll be there shortly." I smile. She says ok and I receive a small smile in return.

Quickly I take the folder into the office and place it on the chair. I still need that statement out. I try my best to quickly clean up the mess I had made before heading up to Rachel's room.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

As I went back upstairs the small smile that had crept up on my face with the knowledge that Shelby really had wanted me disappeared. Instead replaced by the words from my dream which now rang throughout my ears:

"You only want her because you can't have her."

"You think you can just come in sixteen years later and make it all ok? Make up all your lost time? Ride in and all is forgiven!"

"You may be her mother. But you will never be her mom."

Panic. I was officially panicked. Shelby wanted to be my mom and I didn't know if I could let her. It wasn't as easy as just saying the name and believing it truth. No, nothing's ever that easy.

But now, she was on her way up here Rachel, at your own request, to stay. To fill that incessant need of yours to be comforted to sleep. A role traditional played by a mother.

But she is your mother.

But she isn't my mom.

She wants to be.

It isn't enough. What if she changes her mind?

Shelby wouldn't do that. She loves you. You have to know that.

I don't doubt that she loves me. I-

You what?

Ugh! Enough! I'm not arguing with myself any longer! I'm going to sleep. I bury myself into my blankets and close my eyes. I knew Shelby was on her way up here, but... But I think it was a mistake to ask her. It's... It's too soon.

She walks in and flips off the light switch. I try and slow my breathing so it sounds like I'm sleeping. Please believe I'm sleeping. Please believe I'm sleeping.

"You were more tired than you thought huh baby?" she whispers bending down and gently stroking my hair. Good she believes it. I'm so gonna win a Tony one day. "Good night sweetheart." she says and kisses my forehead. She grabs the bedpost to help herself up and I grab her hand. Shit Rachel! What are you doing? She was leaving!

"Sing to me." I barely even recognize my own traitorous voice. Old habits die hard. Don't you dare open your eyes and betray yourself further.

"Ok." She whispers giving my hand a gentle squeeze. Why am I still holding it? Let go Rachel! Let go!

It's Shelby who lets go though and walks around to the other side of the bed and sits down next to me. I'm sure she's waiting for me to roll over.

Resist! Don't turn into her Rachel! Don't do it! I'm thankful that I've seemed to garner within myself some self control back as I do not move.

Instead Shelby does. She is still sitting but she turns more towards my back and begins playing with my hair. Curse you Shelby Corcoran and your comforting ways!

It isn't long and Shelby begins to sing. It's a familiar tune. I've heard her hum it so many times before, but it's the first time lately that I've heard the words. A Yiddish lullaby.

_"shlof atsind mine kind` _

_shlof atsind bisl meydl _

_leygn dayn rosh arop un ru _

_`du mine shtern vel putsn oyf eybik un alts _

_sholem un gute nakht keyn`du"_

It's beautiful and like a trance I find it lulling me away. Shelby finishes a repeat of the verse and then kisses the back of my head. She thinks I'm asleep again. She shuts the door and I let the tears I was holding escape.

Shelby's always acted like a mom towards me. A part of me once wanted her so desperately to be. Why is it that now that I find out she is, I'm scared for her to fill that role?


	18. Wide Awake

**Rachel's POV**

It had been the longest week ever. I had been hounded all week by Kurt and Mercedes about the story and eventually I did tell them. And if the looks the rest of glee club has been giving me lately is any indication, they now know as well. Sometimes I wonder if Kurt and Mercedes are really out to be good friends or just want to gossip about my- about Shelby's semi-celebrity status. As for Noah? We haven't even talked. Not once has he approached me; on one hand it hurts like hell, but on the other? I'm relieved.

However wrong it might have been, I had also been avoiding Shelby like the plague. At night I would listen for Shelby as she tucked the kids into bed. I knew I had two hours from that time before she would come and talk to me so I started going to bed early or at least I made Shelby believe that I was going to bed early. Then I would wake up extra early go for a run, get ready and make my own breakfast. The final touch? I was having Kurt and Mercedes taking me to and from school now. Each time I could see the hurt in her eyes, but still I said nothing. I just went about like normal or not like normal really. Because normally we would have some sort of conversation. It's like Monday we took two steps forward only for me to take three steps back. I know, I know, it's horrible how I'm avoiding her. But I can't stop myself and part of me hates myself for it but the stronger part of me is trying to figure out more ways to avoid her. Maybe I'm afraid? I don't really know, I just- sigh. No. I know it's fear. I am afraid- if I, if I allow myself any relationship with Shelby I will just out right forgive her. Nothing that happened will matter and-

What you'll have a mother again?

She's not my mom.

She could be. She wants to be. What's so bad about it, Rachel?

I just- I just can't ok.

"Rachel."

Look I told you no, so just drop it.

"Hey dwarf, Shue's been calling you." Santana says pushing my shoulder.

I look up to find that Mr. Shue is actually trying to get my attention. Wow, was I ever out of it.

Shaking my head I respond. "Sorry Mr. Shue, what was it you needed?" I asked. By the look of disappointment on his face it was clear that I should have been paying attention in Glee, it's just so hard when there is all this other mess going on.

The club laughs at my obvious confusion, but I really don't care. They can all go to-

"Well, Rachel, I was just saying that here it is Friday already and you are the only person who has yet to complete the emotions assignment."

Shit. You know I really DON'T feel like singing. Singing reminds me of Shelby now.

"Yeah, Mr. Shue, about that."

"Hold up! Are you telling me Rachel fucking Berry doesn't have a song to sing?" Santana says.

"Santana language." Mr. Shue scolds.

"No, I have a song. It's just that I don't feel much like singing and was wondering if I could pass on the assignment?"

A collective gasp was heard around the room and I just rolled my eyes.

"I'm sorry Rachel, but Glee club isn't about just showing up and singing when you want to, it's about expressing yourself even when you don't want to." says Mr. Shue.

That makes no fucking sense.

"Fine." I yell and stomp my way to the front. I knew it was childish but I just wanted to get this stupid fucking thing over with. Seriously.

Without my usual starting explanation I looked to Brad to start up the band. Why the fuck did I join glee club?

_"I'm wide awake_…"

I began singing Katy Perry's 'Wide Awake' and when I finished I opened my eyes and everyone was just staring at me. Was it that horrible? But before I could leave the room I was being surrounded by the entire glee club until I was engulfed in one enormous group hug.

"I can't imagine what you're going through Diva."

"We are here for you know."

"Yeah, totes here."

"Don't be sad, Rae."

"We'll help you get through this, promise."

I did something in that moment that even surprised myself. I let the glee club… my friends… comfort me.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

Amy and I were sitting in the kitchen catching up before the party tonight. A party I was not looking forward to but it's one we threw every year and despite the circumstances there is no way Charlie was letting me out of it. Besides there were some of the sponsors of the charity event I was doing in a couple of weeks coming and well... yeah no way I'm getting out of this. What's even worse it that Rachel has been avoiding me all week. Every time I try and talk to her something comes up. She's even riding to and from school with friends! Which I wouldn't mind so much it's just that I really want to be able to do those things for her? But more than anything I just want my baby to talk to me.

Amy was going on and on about London and I felt horrible when I realized I hadn't heard a thing she said.

"Shel?"

"I'm sorry Am's. What were you saying?"

"Wow this whole thing with Rachel really has you off you're rocker huh?"

"You have no idea."

"Why don't you text her and see if you can come pick her up? Maybe go out this afternoon just the two of you. I can watch the kids."

"She'll say no."

"Just try Shelby. Even if she does say no at least you'll be showing her you aren't going anywhere."

"Yeah. Ok." I said though not thoroughly convinced. I know Amy means well, it's just. I don't think there is anything I can do to make it right with Rachel. I don't think at this point she's ever gonna let me in.

You can't think like that Shelby.

Why not? Have I not tried everything? I've told her why. I've given her time.

It's only been a week.

The longest week of my life. Besides Monday, was... She let me hold her. We talked. What went wrong? What made her change her mind?

Give her time.

"Shel? Are you gonna text her?"

"Oh yeah right." I said shaking my head and pulling out my phone.

_~Hey baby, what do you say I pick you up from school and we can hang out this afternoon before the party? Just me and you.~_

The reply was almost instantaneous.

_~I was planning on riding home with Kurt. We were gonna go find new outfits at the mall since you said we could hang out at the party. It's still alright if he comes right?~_

_~Of course. :) Is he planning on staying the night or just for the duration of the party? Maybe I could tag along with you guys? I'll buy!~_

_~Staying the night. Slumber party yay! Lol. You already gave me money remember?~_

This was the most Rachel and I had talked since Monday and maybe I was pushing it but I didn't want it to end.

_~Oh yeah that's right duh! Lol.~_

_~I'll see you tonight when we get home. Besides can't take away the great Shelby Corcoran from her party planning now can I?~_

Is she being sarcastic right now? Or is it purely playful?

_~Baby you're more important than any party, you know that right?~_

_~I was just joking Shelby. I gotta go.~_

_~Ok, love you baby. You two be careful.~_

_~Jeez. It isn't the first time we've been to the mall.~_

_~Doesn't make it any less worrisome for me.~_

_~Fine. See you later.~_

_~Love you.~_

I didn't get an answer back. Come on Shel, don't take it personal. She's just not ready to say it.

She's said it to me a thousand times before.

That was different and you know it.

"Well?" Amy asked.

I just shook my head no and got up from the table.

"Shelby, I'm sorry." She said as I tried to hold back my tears.

"Don't be. You aren't the one that's screwed everything up."

"Shelby."

"No, Amy, it's true. I've fucked up royally and I don't know how to fix it."

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Kurt and I finished up at the mall and I checked my messages again. Shelby wanted badly to hang out again today, but I couldn't. I'm just- I don't think I'm ready.

Oh you're ready. You're just scared to death.

That too.

Besides who wants their mom hanging out with them at the mall? I shudder a bit. Did I just call her my mom? You've really gotta stop blurring the lines, Rachel. Pick a side and stick with it. She's either your mom or she isn't. There can't be an in between, it's confusing.

It isn't as easy as picking a side.

"Hey, where'd you go just now?" Kurt asked as he drove us to my house.

"Sorry, just this whole Shelby thing. I think it's driving me crazy."

He looked at me sympathetically. "I really wish I knew how to help you with this doll. It can't be easy. I mean if it were me- I'd be ecstatic at having broadway royalty as a mother, but then again that's just me."

"She isn't just broadway royalty to me. She never really was. I mean sure it was awesome. Especially since I was always so broadway obsessed, but I never really saw that public persona. She was still just- Aunt Bee Bee."

He nodded. "You said you used to dream about being her daughter. If it wasn't because she was on broadway, then why?"

"She- she was- she supported- she just got me, ok? Like nobody else. Shelby always got me. She knew me inside and out better than any one."

"Even your mom?"

"Even my mom."

"Then why not just forgive her? I mean I know maybe she doesn't deserve this instant forgiveness, but Diva, you're in so much pain and I don't care what you say- it isn't because of the situation- it's because you miss her. You miss everything you had."

A lone tear slid down my face as I looked out the window. I didn't say anything. I didn't have to- it was true. I wasn't really hurting over the situation anymore. I was hurting because I wanted my mo- my Shelby back. I wanted the comfort I always got from her. I wanted her to be the one to chase the hurt away. But I couldn't allow that. Why couldn't I allow that?

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

The party was roaring. There were producers, actors, directors, music moguls, wealthy patrons... you name it and they were present. And despite all the chit chat I was involved in I couldn't help but think about Rachel. We'd barely said two words since she got home. They ran upstairs and started getting ready. Both were excited about all the people who would be here tonight I guess. I looked through the crowd for them. Yeah they looked like they were having fun. They were still talking with Kristen Chenoweth and Sean Hayes eating up everything the duo had to say. It was fitting.

"I'd give the world to know what was going through that pretty head of yours." Charlie came up behind me and offering another glass of wine.

"Charlie Corcoran, are you trying to get me drunk?"

"I don't know... is it working?"

I smiled and took the glass of wine. "No. As much as I'd love to right now, I have two teenagers in my house that I would like to set a positive example for."

"Ah, well then next time maybe we shouldn't allow teenagers."

"Charlie." I chastised.

"What? I seem to remember drunk Shelby, being a very very fun Shelby."

I shook my head at his antics and put down the wine glass. "Looks like we have visitors." I said pointing to the staircase as Vanessa and Brent made their way down.

I made my way through the crowd after my children. I knew we should have had them stay at Charlie's parents house tonight.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

"Hey pipsqueak, munchkin. What you guys doing up?"

"We want to have fun at the party." Vanessa pouted.

"Yeah it's no fair Rae. You 'n Kurt gets to be here." Brent equally pouted.

"Well I don't think, mom, will be too happy if she sees you two are up and down here." I winced at the fact I just called Shelby mom out loud but no one said anything- thank God.

"Please Rae Rae just let us stay." Brent begged.

"Yeah, sometimes we hear singing and we just wanna see it for once." Vanessa added.

"Pleeeaaassseee." They both said. I whispered to Kurt and then looked through the crowd. Shelby was trying her best to get to us, but she was constantly being stopped.

"So what you're saying is that if you guys see one performance you'll go back to bed?"

They both nodded and Kurt and I smiled. "Well then you two, just happen to be in luck." He said as we sat them down in front of the piano.

"Are we really gonna do this Rachel?" Kurt whispered.

"Why not? You wanna get noticed right? This is an opportune moment Kurt."

He nodded and I went over to where the music was playing and changed the track- slipping in another disk. The momentary lapse got some peoples attention but for the most part everyone went about there talking. Well at least they did until the music started back up and Kurt and I began to perform our version of "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead."

When we finished all eyes were on Kurt and I. The crowd erupted with applause and cheers.

"Oh my goodness Shelby, it's like a mini you." I heard one person say.

"Well that was just the best little entertainment I've ever seen at one of these things." Said another.

"Oh, can we hear another? Please please?"

Before I knew it Shelby was standing before us. I thought maybe she would be made seeing how we sorta hijacked her party but no she was wearing the biggest smile I've ever seen.

"Ok guys, well there is your song." I said to Vanessa and Brent.

"Oh please, sing another Rae!"

"Yeah! Another!"

"Just one more." The two begged.

It was then Shelby's friend, Amy, spoke up. "Shelby! Why don't you and Rachel sing a song together?"

"Yeah!" Kristen joined in. "I bet the two of you sound just wonderful together."

"Oh I don't know." Shelby said and it hurt because for a moment I thought Shelby didn't want to sing with me. "I mean it's really up to Rachel." She looked at me hopefully.

"Do you really think I would deny myself the chance to perform?" I said drawing laughter from the crowd.

"Well I had to be sure." Shelby smiled. "What would you like to sing?"

"I don't know." I look to the crowd. "Any suggestions?"

"How about some Lady Gaga?" A man in the back called out as I sat at the piano.

"Very well. Lady Gaga it is." I smiled sitting down at the baby grand piano and then looked at Shelby. "See if you can keep up." I winked and began my performance of 'Poker Face.'

The crowd erupted once again once it was done. We worked flawlessly together. I looked over to her and smiled receiving one back.

"Well if that wasn't a most inappropriate duet between you two..." Sean said and the crowd began to laugh. Shelby and I just sat there at the piano as everyone began to go about their conversations again.

"Thank you." Shelby said.

I shrugged. "It was fun."

"Yeah it was."

Before I could stop myself I was hugging her and trying my best not to cry.

"Ssh. It's ok, baby." She cooed.

I pulled away reluctantly and nodded. Wiping at the tears that did escape. "I'll take the kids upstairs. I think Kurt and I are done for the night anyways."

"You don't have to that Rachel."

"No, it's ok. You enjoy your party."

"Baby..."

"Please Shelby." I whined. All of a sudden I was exhausted and I wasn't sure I could handle Shelby wanting to talk again or whatever she was planning.

"Ok." was all she said before getting up off the bench and leaving. All I wanted to do was cry now. Why was I still pushing her away? Kurt helped me up and we ushered the kids upstairs. They went to bed without any arguments, leaving Kurt and I to talk and talk we did.


	19. I Won't Give Up

**Shelby's POV**

It was Saturday morning and I was sitting in the office working out some more of the details of the charity event I was doing soon. I was just wondering when Rachel and Kurt would make it downstairs when I heard the distinct sound of someone descending the stairs.

"Leaving so soon?" I asked Kurt as I slipped out of the office.

"Yeah. I promised my dad I would be home today. Quality time and all."

"Oh that's nice." I smile at the boy. "Well have fun with your dad."

"I will." He said smiling back and opening the door. He turns though and it catches me off guard. "Mrs. Corcor-" He pauses remembering I told him to call me by my first name. "Shelby?"

"Yes?"

"She's really broken up about all this- Rachel that is."

My mood instantly drops. "I know, Kurt." I say stepping closer. "I just wished I knew what I could do, but it isn't something you can really get over is it?"

"No." He sighs. "She'd kill me if she knew I told you this, but- she misses you."

"She misses me?" I ask.

"She really does. It's just she doesn't know what you two are anymore." He pauses, "Just don't stop trying ok?"

"I wouldn't dream of giving up on her Kurt. I know I've made poor decisions in the past, but I hope one day she'll be able to move past them."

He nods and leaves. I don't go back in the office. I can't focus on work anymore. Not when all I can think about now is Rachel. I walk into the kitchen and plump down on a stool at the bar. How on earth am I gonna make this right?

"Shelby?" I look up to see Rachel. When did she get down here?

"Hey baby."

"Where is everyone?" She asks walking over to the fridge and grabbing a water.

"Oh, uh, Charlie and the kids left with his parents this morning to go on a camping trip."

"Oh..." She reflects. "Why didn't you go?"

"I didn't know how long Kurt was going to be here. So I suggested they go without us."

"You could've gone. I can stay by myself, you know."

"That's not how things work in our family, Rachel."

"Why not? Mom was ok with it?" She snapped.

"Well, Rachel, as you have so plainly put it before- I am not your mom." I snapped back instantly regretting it.

"No shit!" She yelled turning to storm out of the room, but I grab her arm spin her back.

"You do not talk to me like that!" I seethe making sure we are eye to eye.

"Why does it matter to you?" She looks away, hurt.

"Rachel, whether you accept it or not, I am your mother and I deserve your respect. I know with all the lying that went on you may not think so. But I will not allow you to treat me like I'm nothing. You don't have to forgive me, you don't have to call me mom, but you do have to respect me and the rest of your family."

"You mean your family." She says as tear falls down her cheek and I instantly melt.

"Baby..." I move in to try and comfort her but she backs away. "This is still YOUR family."

"Is it? Because I'm not so sure."

I move towards her and this time she doesn't move. I cup her face so she's looking at me. "We- Are- Your- Family." I say emphasizing each word. "We are your family, Rae." I pull her into a hug as she breaks down in my arms.

"Then why keep them around and not me?" She pushes me off of her and runs up to her room slamming the door.

Damn it! I say aloud while wiping my own tears away.

_Just don't stop trying._

Kurt's words rang throughout my ears. I won't give up on her- ever. She can push all she wants- She can run all she wants- I will still be there. Following through on my word, I ran up the stairs after Rachel.

"Rachel?" I say walking into her room.

"Go away!"

"Afraid that's not gonna happen, honey. I'm not going anywhere."

"Why? It didn't bother you before!" She spits out and I know it's a ploy to hurt me.

"It did bother me, actually, I just didn't let it show."

"That's right! Spectacular BROADWAY actress, Shelby Lawson. Some one, please, bring out another Tony!" Rachel bleeds out her sarcasm.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Rachel. I'm sorry we lied. I'm sorry I gave you up. I'm sorry that you don't feel a part of this family anymore!" Now I was the hysterical one with the tears. But how many times can you say you're sorry before someone believes you? "I'm just so damn sorry!" I fell to my knees unable to bear my own weight under the tears. "I know it's unrealistic to ask for your forgiveness or to accept things to not be different between us. I know it's unrealistic for us to even have any sort of relationship at the moment. But baby, can we please, please please please, just try."

The room is silent for what feels like hours before I finally hear a small whimper of an answer.

"Are you my aunt, my guardian, my friend, or my mother?" she asks.

"I'm whoever you need right now, baby."

"No!" She yells not liking the answer but then calms and regroups. "Who do you want to be?"

"I... I... I want to be your mom. I told you that before. I've always wanted to be your mom, Rachel."

"Why now? Is it just because mo-Kate's gone."

It's the first time I think she hasn't called Kate mom.

Don't jump to conclusions Shelby, it was more than likely just a mistake.

She started to say mom...

Drop it, Shelby! And just talk to your daughter. My own pep talk seems to get to me and I answer. "Rachel you saw the papers, I've always wanted you to know."

"But if she hadn't died... I still wouldn't know."

"Not because I didn't want you to."

"So why not just tell me anyway?"

I open and close my mouth several times. I don't know why I went through the courts, why I didn't just tell her with out asking any one- with out going through the proper channels... Maybe I thought it would ruin her life? Scared of Kate? Rejection? Never being able to see her again?

"A lot of reasons, I guess, most born of fear. I didn't want to lose what I did have with you." It's the only answer I really have to offer.

"Rachel?" I ask after a few minutes of silence. "Would I have lost you? Like I'm losing you now?"

"I don't know." She answers, "But Shelby?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't wanna be lost." It was that statement alone that pulled me off the floor and had me wrap my arms around Rachel. It was all I could really do in the moment. Hold my baby girl. Hold her like I should have been doing all these years but didn't. The simple act of being there.

"How do we fix this? Hmm?" I rock us back and forth.

"Be my mom." She says it so quietly I almost doubt I heard it. "Even if I don't call you mom. Even when I doubt you. No matter how I act- just- be my mom."

"Always." I nod, "Always and forever. I love you so much Rachel."

"I love you too, Shelby. And I- I forgive you." And I held on just a little bit tighter at the words.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

It was easier to say than I thought it would be. But Kurt was right, it wasn't that I had stopped loving her... it was just all the pain it- blinded me from that. It didn't mean that I had to forget it all happened or even totally trust anything, but just the simple act of forgiving was so freeing. From here we could move on right?

Move on to what though?

You told her to be your mom. Is that what you really want?

I don't know. It just seems easier to let her do her thing and me do mine.

Maybe we can just pretend none of it happened?

No. No, I can't do that.

Maybe you shouldn't have said anything then.

I have to forgive her. It isn't healthy not to, Kurt said...

Not that dumbass- the part about being your mom- that's what I'm talking about.

Oh.

"Hey," Shelby said. "What's going through that head of yours?"

"Just thinking about some things."

"Like what?"

"Honestly?"

"Honestly." She nods.

"I don't know what I want. All these years... I wanted to be your daughter and I know I told you to just act like my mom but-"

"Hey," She interrupts. "You don't have to be ready yet. I'm going to love you and treat you the same regardless. And I'm going to do whatever it is I can to make you feel like you are a part of this family. It isn't just me Rae; Charlie, the kids, even his family- we all want you."

"It's just with everything that happened- it doesn't feel like you did."

"I'm sorry, honey. I wish I knew how to just make it all better. I wish I knew what to say to that, but I can't change your feelings, anymore than I can change the past."

"I know."

"Hey you know, we could still drive out there? Go camping with them. I'm sure they would be so excited to see us."

I scrunched up my nose. "No thank you. Camping really isn't my thing."

She laughs. "Yeah mine either, but it'll be family time?"

"Maybe next time?" I offer. I really didn't want to spend the night out in the woods... unless it's in a camper- I can deal with that. "Wait- is there a camper?"

"Evelyn and Joe have one- but they don't usually take it on these camping trips. No... Corcoran family camping trip's have always been about roughing it." Shelby said with a little disgust and a shudder.

"Yeah- no thanks. Definitely do not want to rough it." I say with equal disgust.

"Maybe next time we can talk them into letting us take the camper. Would you want to go then?" She offers.

"Maybe." I shrug.

"Well what are we going to do until then, my darling?" She said bopping my nose. What am I six? I playfully push her.

"I don't know. Wanna go see a movie?"

"How about we do Netflix instead?" Shelby bargains.

Ugh. "Why can't we just go out?" I whine.

"Baby, you know I love you right?"

"Yeah..." I say confused.

"Whining doesn't look cute on you."

The statement causes me to pout.

"Oh but that does." She says playfully.

"Your not funny."

"Yes I am."

"No, you really aren't."

"Fine. Guess we really won't go out then." Shelby says getting up to leave.

"No wait! You're hilarious! Can we please go out?" I run after her and stop her.

"Will you do or say anything to get your way?" She shakes her head at me.

"Will YOU?" I dead pan.

"Ok, well you got me there kiddo. Get dressed we'll go out."

And I smile... I win.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

Rachel and I actually had a lot of fun Saturday and most of Sunday. We went and saw the new Kate Hudson flick and then went out for ice cream at this little diner down the street from the theater that has vegan options. Then we did some shopping. We both got some new outfits- I even caved and bought Rachel the newest iPod touch... She was sneaky with that one. I still don't know how she got me to say yes, in fact, I don't believe I said no the entire trip...

Damn it!

Well, anyways, all in all it was just a wonderful weekend. Like so many weekend's we had before. That was until Charlie and the kids got back, in which she immediately closed herself off. And here I am Monday morning sitting at Starbucks with Amy, trying to figure out what in the hell went wrong.

"I don't get it." I said. "We were fine and then poof! We are back to square one. Like none of the bonding ever happened this weekend!"

"Maybe it's too much of a physical reminder?"

"What?"

"Charlie and the kids."

"What would they reminder her of?"

"Of not being wanted."

"How Amy? Rachel and I- we've talked. I've told her over and over that I did want her."

"Look- I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but actions speak louder than words, Shel and you- you gave her up and then proceeded to get married and have two children."

"Am's I have always loved Rachel the same- treated her the same..."

"Yeah on visits and birthdays and holiday's. But they got you EVERY day."

I sighed defeated. Amy was right, but what was I supposed to do about it? "Is there anyway I can make her feel better about this?"

"Other than constantly reassuring her she is a part of this family- as a daughter, now, not just as some ward? I don't know. I don't think there is really anything else you can do." She frowned.

"Well, fuck."

"Shel, I'm really not trying to make you feel worse. I'm just trying to see Rachel's perspective. This can't be easy for the kid."

"I know, I know..." I said dropping my head into my hands and groaning.

"It's not easy for any of you, is it?" I shake my head no. "How's Charlie dealing?"

"By being Charlie." I said looking up.

"So throwing himself into spending time with the kids, work, his parents and letting you deal with it?"

"Dead on... No...It feels that way sometimes but I mean he's there and he is putting forth effort. He loves Rachel. I know he does. I think- I think he's just scared- Not of being a step-dad type figure... No he isn't scared. He just doesn't know where he stands with her right now and so he isn't sure how to act." I explain.

"I see... how about the kids?"

"Not much is different, though, for what time I've been trying to spend with just Rachel, Charlie has made up with extra dad time. So that's probably helped with their reaction to it all."

"That's it!" Amy proclaimed. "Shel, that's your problem. You guys need more family time! Go out together, have family game night or a movie night. Whatever- just do it together!" Amy suggested.

"You know before all this, we actually did have a family movie night. We have this little calendar with who gets to pick when-"

"Great! Just rework it and add Rachel in."

"God, Am's why didn't I think of this before?"

"Cause you're stressing yourself the hell out over all of this shit going on."

"Right."

"Look Shel, it's not gonna magically fix all this, but it's a step- a small step- but a step nonetheless in the right direction."

I smiled at her, "See this is why I keep you around."

"Ha! Try and keep me away Shelby- just try and see what happens!"

With that we both laughed and I didn't feel so dire anymore. "You know what Am's? Little by little I'm gonna turn us all into a family. It's gonna happen- it's just gotta happen."

"Maybe this time you'll win?" She sings.

I shake my head and laugh. "Amy- whatever am I going to do with you?"

"Buy me a plane ticket to Jamaica... I need a tan." She dead pans.

"Uh uh, no way! You just got back from London and I missed you way too much."

"Awe, Shel- I missed you too... come with me to Jamaica?"

And then we both laugh... Sometimes it's nice just to have your best friend around you know?


	20. What Hurts the Most

**Shelby's POV**

After I got home from coffee with Amy I decided to email Charlie about Rachel. I knew he had meetings all morning and that was going to be the quickest way to get a response. I explained everything Amy had said and was waiting to hear back.

_~Wow yeah Amy is dead on huh? Can't wait for family movie night again. That was a lot of fun huh? We just can't forget that little problem Vanessa has about when it's her turn or not... I don't remember who had the last turn :/ Anyways babe I gotta get back to my meetings. Love you! I'm gonna try to come home a little early tonight. Maybe we can start the movie thing tonight?~_

I answered him quickly and smiled at the thought of tonight being family movie night. Maybe we can help Rachel to feel more like family after all.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Noah was standing at his locker and I knew I needed to talk to him. I just had no idea what to say other than I missed him like crazy. I missed us and I really needed him right now with everything that was going on. I was about to approach him when my cell went off. Wonder who's texting me.

_~Hey baby, Just wanted to let you know I'll be picking you up today from school.~_

Seriously Shelby? We've been through this. I don't want you to pick me up.

_~Mercedes is taking me home later, remember?~_

_~Honey, I really don't want to argue with you about this~_

_~So don't.~_

I was starting to get really, really irritated with her.

_~Rachel Barbra Berry, I am picking you up from school today and everyday from now on unless I agree on something else.~_

UGH! SO INFURIATING!

_~Whatever Shelby.~_

_~Don't be mad, baby, I just want to spend time with you and I can't do that if you are constantly trying to avoid me.~_

Fuck you.

_~I have to go to class.~_

I didn't receive a reply and was thankful. I looked up from my phone. I needed to talk to Noah. It was now or never time. Only Noah was nowhere to be seen. Damn it!

"Hey Berry, what's up?" Quinn asked as I got my stuff out of my locker.

"Everything and yet nothing at all."

"We'll that's a loaded answer."

"I'm sorry Quinn, it's just I have a lot going on right now and-"

"Wanna talk about it?"

"You want to talk to me about my problems?"

"Berry I told you- everything before was just a big misunderstanding and I was having a rough week."

"I heard you and Finn are getting back together." I said trying to deflect.

"Maybe. I don't know. He keeps trying and I- Nice try Berry."

"Hey it worked for a moment."

"Yeah it did." She laughed. "So what's going on? Is it all this Shelby stuff?"

"Yeah and other things."

"Those other things wouldn't involve Noah Puckerman would they?"

I don't say anything. It's kinda weird talking to Quinn about him knowing she liked/likes him.

"Hey Rach, look, I don't really have a thing for him. I mean I did, but once I found out he only had eyes for a certain vertically challenged jewish girl- I kinda dropped them."

Ok I have to say, that did make me smile and then feel extremely guilty for some reason.

"I'm sorry Quinn, I swear I didn't know."

"I know that Berry, you were completely oblivious until he sang that song. Though I still think you felt the same way."

"I- I did. Only now, I think I waited too late Quinn. I know I avoided him at first but now I think- I think he's avoiding me."

"Well..." She thought for a moment. "Maybe I could talk to him? See what's up?"

"Really Quinn? You'd do that for me?"

"That's what friends are for right?"

"Yeah, yeah I guess so."

"Hey Berry, I gotta get to class."

"Yeah me too."

"See ya around later?"

"Yeah. See ya." I said and Quinn walked off.

"What was that about?" Mercedes asked as she and Kurt walked up to my locker.

"Nothing. Quinn and I were just talking about stuff."

"Look Diva, I'm all about some second chances but I'd be careful with that one. She's known as McKinley's Ice Queen for a reason." Kurt said.

"Maybe, maybe she wants to be different this year, Kurt" I said not understanding why they wouldn't want me to be friends with Quinn. Especially when she seems genuine. "We all deserve a do over right?"

"And that's why you've been so quick to give Shelby one?" He countered.

I hung my head. Kurt was right. It didn't make it any easier, but he was still right.

"Oh look at the time," I said looking at my cell. "Class will be starting soon! Don't want to be late now do we?"

They knew I was avoiding the Shelby topic and at this point I was thankful they weren't pushing it. Can school just be my Shelby-Free Zone please?

By the time we made it to glee that day I was exhausted. I still wasn't sleeping all that well despite what I was letting Shelby believe. I looked up when Noah enter the room followed by Quinn, she slowly shook her head no, telling me silently that she had had no luck. They sat on the opposite end of the room and I hung my head. Well this just sucks.

"Ok, guys," Mr Shue said walking into the room. "I know regionals is just around the corner but I have some big news. As most of you know Mount Pleasant's 150th anniversary is this weekend. Now I just got off the phone with the mayor and guess what?"

No one said anything.

"New Directions has been invited to perform!" He said enthusiastically effectively garnering everyone's attention.

The entire glee club started to cheer and ask questions. Getting excited about the prospect of a performance. Well almost the entire glee club, I really couldn't be bothered to care.

So I did what I did best these days. Completely zoned out. So much so that it was now already the end of the day and I was standing at my locker wondering where the hell my day went.

"Hey girl! Ready to go?" Mercedes asked as she walked up to me.

"Oh Cedes I'm sorry, I meant to tell you earlier. Shelby texted me and told me she was picking me up."

"I thought you guys had this sort of unspoken agreement about you needing space?"

"Yeah well, I guess it's null and void as of this morning." I slammed my locker.

"That bad huh?"

"Ugh! It's just seriously, I mean why now?"

"What are we talking about?" Kurt comes up to the set of the lockers.

"Shelby is picking Rachel up." Mercedes answered.

"Oh really?" Kurt says.

"Yes! And it's fucking stupid and I need my space! Why does she pick now? I mean we've been doing this for how long now? It works! I like having my space from her." I ranted.

"Um Rachel," Kurt stopped me. "Didn't you pretty much give Shelby free reign to be your mom the other day when you talked?"

"Shit." I said. "I'm so stupid! Why would I say that?"

"Maybe because you want her to be your mom?" Mercedes asks.

"NO! No, no, no. I didn't mean it that way." I said defeated. "I don't know what I want from her."

"Yes you do." Kurt supplied. "You're just afraid to admit it, Rachel. You know, I know it's a really shitty situation you're in but at least- at least you have a mom." He then preceded to make his way into the parking lot.

"Kurt wait." I pleaded.

"I'll talk to him." Mercedes said and I nodded. "You should probably go find Shelby."

I nodded again, feeling like shit. Sometimes I forget that Kurt doesn't have his mom anymore. I mean he doesn't talk about her at all and I- all I ever do is talk about mine. I mean technically yeah I did lose my mom just like him, but with Shelby, I think Kurt thinks she's my second chance and I just don't know how to tell any of them sometimes- maybe she's not?

Then again maybe she is and I am just too stubborn to realize it- or to allow myself to feel it.

I looked out across the car pick up line and found Shelby's car. Sighing I walked over.

"Hey kiddo, how'd school go today?" Shelby asked.

"Fine."

"How about glee?"

"Fine."

"Rachel, honey, I know you aren't thrilled about me picking you up today..."

"Look Shelby, it's whatever ok. Can we just go home?"

She looked guilty for a moment. "Actually I promised Brent and Vanessa ice cream today- soooo."

I looked back at the two, both seemed to be in their own world. Brent lost in video games and Vanessa in her iPod.

"Fine." I said with as much disdain as I could gather. "Could you at least drop me off first?"

"Rachel. That sorta defeats the purpose of spending time with you. Besides would it really kill you to tag along?"

I roll my eyes. "Obviously I have no say in my life anymore."

"Do what?!" Shelby said rather loudly.

Did I say that out loud? I... I... I... Fuck it. I'm really not in the mood to back track. "I said obviously I have no say in my life anymore. You know if I would have known that this is what I would be getting with having you as a mother- I'm not so sure I would've signed up so quickly."

I expected Shelby to push back. I expected Shelby to yell. Hell I even expected Shelby to ground me. I didn't expect what happened next.

"I'm sorry you feel that way Rachel." Shelby said seemingly trying to hold back her tears. "But I'm afraid whether you like it or not, you are in fact stuck with me. Stuck with all of us."

"Until I graduate." I pushed harder.

"No. No, Rachel, that isn't how it works. You are stuck with us for the rest of your life. So get used to it." That she said with a little more grit. A steely determination and if I wasn't so mad at her right now I think- I think I would have smiled. I wasn't temporary. Shelby thought of whatever it was we were building as long term. I didn't say anything else. Just pondered on this moment. Once again thinking, how much I just want to accept it all.

But so much has happened.

It has.

And yet?

And yet, I think I want more.

Don't jump in just yet.

I won't. I think I'm still afraid.

Afraid of?

Losing. Losing everyone.

It wasn't before long and we were at the ice cream parlor. As the kids rushed in and Shelby followed I hung back for a moment. She turned, noticing and walked back towards me.

"Rachel, just come inside."

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Shelby. For acting the way I did in the car."

She pulled me in for a hug and I let her. She kissed the top of my head. "It's not ok, but I understand. I love you Rachel. I know things aren't going to be perfect between us. I just, I want there to be something."

"There will be. Just give me time ok?"

She nodded and we both walked into the ice cream parlor together.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

After this afternoon's fiasco of an ice cream outing, I hoped things were going to get a little better. After all we were going to implement our family movie night tonight and I just wanted things to work. I wanted things to go right for once? Is that too much to ask.

When we got home my younger children ran upstairs without a care in the world. But Rachel seemed to take her time.

"Baby? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She said wiping a stray tear I wasn't meant to see.

I placed my hand on her shoulder.

"You shouldn't have given me up." It was said quietly and then Rachel promptly retreated to her room.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to break down. I couldn't. I couldn't because Rachel was right. I shouldn't have given her up. That's the only thing that could have prevented any of this.

Eventually Brent and Vanessa came downstairs wanting to spend time with me. I pulled out some of the craft projects I had for them to do and that's exactly what we did until Charlie got home. Rachel never came downstairs and I feeling that this was the time to give her space- never went upstairs.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

The afternoon went by agonizingly slow as waited and waited for Shelby to come upstairs after me. Until I realized she wasn't coming. The one time- I really wanted her to and she didn't. She didn't come after me to try and make things better.

Did I go too far this time?

You were only saying what you felt.

But maybe- maybe I shouldn't have. I mean she didn't come.

She was probably just trying to give you space. You've been begging for it all day.

But she never abides by that- she's always there. Always trying to comfort me- to make it better.

I sigh feeling I probably did push her too far today. Great now I've ruined my second chance… turns out I did want one after all.

Just then, Brent came barreling through my door.

"Dinner's ready!" He shouted and then ran out of the room as fast as he came. My little brother has way too much energy.

Wait did I just?

Don't. Don't over think it Rae.

Right I said to myself and making my way down the stairs.

Dinner was pretty quite. Ok no it wasn't. I think the correct thing would be to say that I was quiet at dinner. I really didn't know what to say. Charlie and Shelby both tried to include me into their conversations but I just shrugged it off. Still upset over- everything. After the table was cleaned off Charlie asked that we all keep our seats and I was instantly intrigued at what he was going to say.

"SO!" He said smile a mile wide. "Your mother and I have been talking and we decided this morning that we were going to start having family movie night again."

"Yay!" Brent and Vanessa both shouted apparently excited at the new development.

"Ok calm down you two, let Daddy finish." Shelby said with a smile. Which got much smaller when she looked at me. Great, yeah, I definitely crossed a line earlier.

"We think, that it is very important to spend time together as a family. So- since Rachel." I looked up at him when he said my name. "wasn't here before when we did this, just so you know Hon," He said looking at me in return. "We have this calendar we keep down in the movie room and each time we have movie night, a different person will pick. Shelby reworked it today to now include you and tonight is your night."

"Daddy no!" Vanessa pouted. "Mommy went last and I am supposed to go after Mommy!"

"Sweetheart, I just told you that Mommy reworked the calendar. It didn't include Rachel before and now it does. You'll go next week instead." Charlie answered.

"It's ok. She can go. I don't care." I said, really and truly not caring whether I picked the movie or not. Actually I didn't want to attend at all. I'd rather just sit up in my room. Spending time with them like this... was just going to be awkward.

"No." Shelby said looking at me. "It's your turn, Rachel and Vanessa can wait."

"But Mommy!" Vanessa said.

"I really don't care Shelby. It's fine. I have some stuff I have to do anyways." I trailed off moving to leave. Shelby looked- defeated.

"Family movie night aren't optional." Charlie said causing me to turn around. "And it's your turn to pick the movie Rachel, so you will pick the movie."

I looked at Shelby, my eyes pleading with her to let me out of this, but she wasn't budging. I instantlybecame angry again. "Fine. I'll pick the stupid movie." I said stomping down to the movie room.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I watched as Rachel made her storm out and Brent and Vanessa followed.

"So much for fun and happy family times." I said sarcastically to Charlie.

"Hey, don't do that." He said.

"Do what?"

"Don't bring it all down. Ok? I don't know why Rachel isn't happy about all of this. Maybe she isn't ready to be pushed into the family, but we agreed that she may never be if we try things at her pace remember?"

"I know. I just- I don't want her to hate me anymore than she already does, Charlie."

"Rachel doesn't hate you."

"I beg to differ."

Charlie came up to me and cupped my face in his hands. "She doesn't hate you. All this- it's just new to her. She's got to get used to the idea of really being apart of this family. The only way we can make that happen is by including her in everything. You can't ease someone into a family really. We just have to start being one- with Rachel included."

I nodded and we headed down to the movie room. Rachel was looking through our family movies we kept on a shelf down there and Brent and Vanessa were fighting over who sits where. Vanessa decided on sitting with Charlie in his arm chair and Brent with me on the couch. Rachel after deciding on Finding Nemo, sat the furthest from us as she could choosing the opposite side of the couch.

I spent the entire movie stealing glances at Rachel. She had her knees brought up to her chest, hugging them to her. So badly I wanted to just move closer, but with the way Brent was sitting with me there was no way I could move.

About half way through the movie. I noticed Rachel seemed to be getting pale. It was dark in the room, but I could tell. Something wasn't right. Moving Brent off of my lap I moved closer to her. I put the back of my hand on her forehead, but felt no fever.

"Baby are you feeling ok?"

She shook her head no and curled into me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I just don't feel good."

"Ok. Why don't you go upstairs and lay down and I will come check up on you in a little while." Quietly she got up and left the room. I moved back to my spot and Brent sat back on my lap. Charlie and I shared a look, silently communicating we would talk about it later.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

I made my way out of the movie room as quickly as possible without being over conspicuous.

I wasn't sick.

Not in the least.

But how do you tell your mother, seeing her holding her children, sitting next to her husband- the family she made without you... Hurt like hell.

But mostly because- you wanted to be the one she was holding.

But how do you just become part of a family that has a whole life without you?

Even if they want you.

Even if you want them.


	21. Good Girls Go Bad

**Shelby's POV**

I waited all of five minutes before I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that something was seriously wrong with Rachel. I picked Brent up and sat him back in the spot we were sitting. He remained unaffected- long as I wasn't blocking the movie. I leaned over to Charlie and told him I was going to check on Rachel. Making my way up the stairs I noticed the nagging in my stomach getting stronger and stronger. I opened her door and my heart broke at the sight I saw. There was Rachel laying on her bed, head buried in her knees.

"Rachel?" I said making my way to her, pulling her into me and trying to comfort her. "Sweetheart what's wrong?"

"You don't need me." she said.

"Rachel! Baby of course I need you." I chastised.

She shook her head no as she buried it into my shoulder. "You've already got your perfect family. I- I'm just extra baggage."

"Rachel Barbra Berry you are not extra baggage. You are my first born and I love you more than you can possibly imagine." I said cupping her face so that she would look at me.

She shook her head again. "I don't fit. I don't know what to call you, to call them. I don't know how to act anymore." she buried her head back into my shoulder.

"Rachel," I said playing with her hair. "Honey, you do fit. You are my daughter." I thought for a moment, how on earth could I explain this to her? Possibly make her see she belongs? "When Kate passed, all of my parental rights to you were restored. Giving me complete custody of you as your mother. That makes Charlie your step father and Brent and Vanessa your half siblings. Baby, we are your family. We want to be treated like your family. I know it isn't a model situation and we are coming in your life way later than we should have but we do want to be here."

"I want to be your family. But what if we've missed too much?"

"Do you think we've missed too much Rachel? Do you think we can't pull this off?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want it to work?"

She nodded. "Do you?"

"More than anything."

About fifteen minutes later we both looked up when there was a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" Charlie asked.

I looked to Rachel and she nodded. Charlie half smiled and moved to the other side of Rachel's bed.

"Hey kiddo." He said.

"Hey." Rachel said quietly.

"I just wanted to come up here and tell you that I love you. I know you and I haven't talked a lot lately and that's been my fault. I've been trying to give you and Shelby some space. But, I do love you. You know that right?"

Rachel held me tighter as Charlie spoke again.

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

She nodded and Charlie continued.

"You were seven. And quite a pistol. Shelby had you for a weekend and my dumb self had booked her for a photo shoot... I swear I thought she was going to chew my head off for taking time away from you."

"She asked me if I wanted to go home and I said no. I wanted to see what a photo shoot was like." Rachel spoke.

"That's right you did and I offered you a job as my assistant for the day. You took it so seriously. Like helping me and watching Shelby, was the most important thing on earth. You know, You were the best damn assistant I've ever had too."

Rachel smiled meekly.

"That was also the day I found out Shelby was your mom. You ended up crashing finally as the photo shoot went on longer than expected and on the drive home, Shelby told me the story. Shelby was always so closed off and after hearing that story I knew why."

"Why are you telling me this?" Rachel asked. Frankly I was curious myself.

"Because even if I didn't understand fully why she gave you up, why things were the way they were, I knew that even a blind man could see how much she loved you. How much she cared about you. Rachel- I know things aren't ideal. In fact they're pretty fucked up."

"Charlie!" I admonished.

"What? Shel. I'm just trying to be real with the girl."

I rolled my eyes and he continued.

"But even though things are confusing and scary- I want to make sure you know you are loved. That no matter what, Shelby loves you and I- well I fell in love with you that first day we met. I'd never met anyone like you- even Shelby couldn't compare to seven year old Rachel Berry." He winked. "And you'll always be the coolest kid I know."

Rachel's smile grew a little wider.

"Can I ask you a question?" Charlie said.

Rachel nodded.

"Do you think, it would be alright with you... If Shelby and I were your parents? I know Shelby is your mother biologically and legally and I'm your step father legally, but I want it to be ok with you. I know you might not be ready yet but I would like for us to all work toward that... Do you think we could do that?" he asked and Rachel nodded and then moved from me and hugged Charlie. It surprised us both but in such a good way.

"I'd like that." Rachel said. "I'd like that very much."

Now this, this was real progress. And my tears? Finally tears of joy.

Charlie and I left Rachel to go get Brent and Vanessa ready for bed. After that I went in once more to check on Rachel. I ended up singing to her and if I'm completely honest with myself, I absolutely love it. It's comforting to know that on some level Rachel needs me. I know I certainly need her. I feel like I've been walking around for the last sixteen years with a piece of my heart missing and now, having Rachel here... It's whole again.

Though even though she isn't admitting it, something is still wrong with Rachel. I know we've had breakthroughs and made progress but I also know we aren't there yet and both Charlie and I have a long ways to go to prove to her that we want her apart of this family.

Going downstairs I caught a glimpse of Charlie in the kitchen pouring two glasses of wine.

"Wine?" I said to him with a raised eyebrow. "What's the occasion?"

"Since when did we need an occasion to drink wine?"

"Touché." I said clinking our glasses together.

We both took long gulps before Charlie spoke, "We're going to be raising a teenager now."

"We are." I nodded.

"How mad do you think she'll be that we don't really know what the hell we're doing? I mean we have a four and six year old..."

"We'll figure it out."

"I wanna be a good dad, Shel."

"You are."

"Not just to Brent and Vanessa. I wanna be a good dad to Rachel. I don't want her to feel like we treat her any different than them."

"We are just gonna have to work on things, Charlie. It's a big change for us all and frankly we've dropped the ball. But I don't think it's too late. It's just going to take work and Rachel- we need to prove to her we want this."

He smiled a crooked smile a me, "When did you get so wise?"

"Hmmm... I don't know. Not that it's all that wise, I mean I had to screw up over and over before I got this far." I said placing my glass down and wrapping my arms around him and laying my head in the crook of his neck.

"That or... maybe... maybe you're just getting old?"

"Charlie Corcoran!" I said pushing away and exiting toward the bedroom.

"Awe come on Shel I was just kidding!"

I slammed the door for good measure. I wasn't really mad at Charlie, but he didn't really need to know that did he?

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Days had passed and things were falling into a very very weird routine. Charlie and Shelby were really trying and it was just- weird. I know that's the best word I can come with it? Seesh!

"But it's weird... I wake up, get ready and go downstairs, immediately I'm greeted by Charlie and Shelby. Both make sure they show some sort of affection. Charlie hugs me, Shelby kisses my forehead. We eat breakfast together, all five of us. Shelby takes us all to school. She drops us off telling each of us to have a good day. We go to school, she picks us up. She makes sure she spends equal amount of time with us all. The two of us make dinner, Charlie comes home, we eat dinner and then we spend time together as a 'family'" I said using air quotes.

"Rachel. That just sounds like you're normal average everyday family." Mercedes said as she, Kurt, and I walk down the hall to our class.

"That's just it! It's weird! We aren't your normal average everyday family. Hell we've barely just become a family at all!"

"At least they're trying Rachel." Kurt said rolling his eyes at my theatrics. It caused me to stop dead in my tracks.

It hurt. I know how Kurt feels over the whole Shelby thing, but that doesn't change how confusing this all is to me. How we went from what we were to what we are.

Don't get me wrong. It's nice. I like the way Charlie and Shelby are trying so hard... It's nice and I appreciate it. I do. But I'm hesitant to just accept it...

"Rachel? You coming to class?" Mercedes calls from down the hall. They didn't even notice I had stopped.

"You guys go ahead. I gotta go by my locker. I forgot something." I lied. I had no intentions of going to class. I needed to think. Somewhere where someone isn't going to judge me for feelings I can't help.

I needed to find Noah.

I looked everywhere. Over half the class period was already over and I still haven't found him. Maybe he didn't come to school today. I called him one more time before I decided to give up. Obviously I wasn't going to be able to turn to Noah to get help with all this.

It's my own damn fault. Sigh.

"Hi Rach!"

"Hey Brittany. What are you doing in here?" I asked confused as to why Brittany was hanging out backstage in the auditorium.

"Oh I'm waiting for San. She said to meet her here for lunch." she said sitting down on a couch that had been placed back there.

"Um, Brittany? Lunch is two classes away."

"Oh I know, but I didn't want to forget so I went ahead and came. So why are you here?"

"Oh I was just looking for someone."

"Puck's probably ditching."

"H-how did you know I was looking for Noah?"

"It's the way you look at him. Like he's your knight."

I turned away.

"It's ok though because he looks at you like your his princess. You guys could totally be a Disney movie."

I turned back to look at her and smiled. "You think so?"

"It doesn't matter what I think Rachel. Just what you and Puck think."

"Yeah." I turned again to leave.

"You can probably find him on the football field. He's been spending a lot of time there lately."

"Thank you so much Brittany!" I said smiling and beginning to run to the field.

God please let Noah be there. Please, please, please.

I felt like I was in a slow motion sequence of a John Hughes film. You know the part where the girl realizes she really wants the boy and is hoping it's not too late. That was totally what was happening. Only real life isn't always like the movies is it? Because as I ran on to the field it was clear Noah wasn't there. I sighed and made my way to the bleachers.

When my phone rang I was in such a hurry to answer hoping it was Noah that I didn't check to see who it was.

It wasn't Noah.

"Rachel Barbra Berry! Where the hell are you?"

"Shelby, I- uh- um-"

"I just got a call from the school that you were not in class but you were seen on campus by your first period teacher!"

"I- um- I-"

"So I'll ask again Rachel. Where the hell are you?"

I completely froze. Shelby was pissed, like really really pissed.

"Rachel!"

"I'monthebleachersofthefootballfield..." I raced out.

"Why are you on the bleachers instead of class?" she said anger still evident.

I had three choices: lie, hang up, or tell the truth. I chose to hang up the phone and turn it off. Then got up and went to class. Ten minutes later a student came into the class with a note.

"Rachel, you are to go to the principals office."

I heard a few Ooo's and some snickers even as I got up to exit the room. I walked down the hall at a leisurely pace. I knew this was about this morning.

"Miss Berry," Mrs. Easterling said as I walked into the office. "Principal Figgins is expecting you. You can go ahead in."

I opened the door; I figured principal Figgins knew I had cut class. I figured he would give me detention and a long talking. I didn't figure on seeing a very irate Shelby sitting in his office with him.

I stood at the door in shock.

"Miss Berry, please have a seat." Figgins said.

Still in shock, I didn't move.

"Sit Rachel." Shelby said with such authority I couldn't help but move from the doorframe to the seat next to her. But I didn't look at her. I couldn't.

"Miss Berry, I have called you into my office today about this morning's irregular attendance. Your mother has requested to be present during our meeting. Is there anything you would like to say about your attendance this morning?"

I shook my head no.

"You have absolutely nothing to say for yourself, Rachel?" Shelby asked.

Again- I shook my head no.

"Well then I have no choice, Miss Berry, but to give you after school detention this afternoon and Saturday detention for tomorrow."

"Principal Figgins, don't you think Saturday detention is a little harsh? This is Rachel's first offense." Shelby asked.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Corcoran but we have a strict policy about students and cutting classes. There is a minimum of two days detention and since today is Friday she will have to finish her detention tomorrow morning. That is unless Miss Berry can explain her reasoning for not being in class."

He was trying to give me an out. I shook my head no again.

"I see." Shelby said. "Rachel go wait outside the office for a moment. I need to speak with Principal Figgins."

I obeyed. I was already in a shit load of trouble with this for sure. No point in making it any worse. Besides I wanted out of that office just as much as she wanted me out.

I sat in one of the chairs outside the Principals office as I waited for Shelby to come out.

"Berry?"

I turned my head to see who was calling me.

"You going home early again?" Santana asked almost seeming concerned? No Santana Lopez doesn't get concerned. It's definitely not that.

"No. I ditched first and second. Got caught." I explained.

"Bad ass." she said with a smile. "Been in to see the Figs yet?"

"Yeah. Got after school and Saturday detention."

"Double bad ass. Berry, I'm impressed. Though we've really got to teach you how not to get caught."

I smiled. "How do you manage on doing that?"

"Haven't you heard? I'm a fucking boss."

I laughed and the door to Figgins office opened.

"I better jet Berry, but I'll talk at you later. We got business to discuss." Santana winked as she left the office.

Shelby looked at me with a puzzled expression and I just shrugged.

"Care to explain why you felt the need to cut class this morning?"

I shook my head no, nothing was going to get me out of trouble, what was the point in talking. For once my inner monologue decided not to argue with me either. A victory dance would be in order later.

"Fine. But be prepared to talk about it after school, Rachel. I will not tolerate you cutting class."

I nodded but still chose to remain quiet.

"Get to class. I'll see you when I pick you up after your detention."

I nodded and Shelby walked out of the school. She was clearly upset that I was giving her the shut out. I didn't really care. Like I said, what was the point in talking? Wasn't going to make a difference.

By lunch everyone knew I had detention. I didn't realize it would be such a hot topic.

Kurt and Mercedes were talking my ears off trying to find out any details on what happened, however, I didn't really want to talk to them either.

"Hey squirt!" Santana yelled, looking directly at me, as she and Brittany entered the cafeteria. "You're sitting at the wrong table."

The entire lunch room went quiet. Honestly I was a little confused myself.

"Santana's right." Quinn said and she stood from The Unholy Trinity table. "You should be sitting here." The three smirked as they sat down and then motioned for me to join them.

To the surprise of everyone in the lunch room, including Kurt and Mercedes, I got up and joined them.

"Hellz to the fucking yeah. Badass Berry has joined The Untouchables." Santana said slapping me on the back as I sat between her and Quinn.

Now this? Sitting at the most powerful table in the whole school? This felt pretty damn good.

* * *

**A/N: The first part of this chapter inspired a spin-off one shot written by Elizabeth Scarlette called "The Day I Told Him." If you haven't read it already please check it out. She did a wonderful job. s/8647803/1/The-Day-I-Told-Him**


	22. Don't Lie

**Rachel's POV**

I finished lunch with The Untouchables and was making my way to my locker to get my books for my next class. Badass or not I figured it wouldn't be wise to tempt fate by ditching any other classes.

"So you're some sort of badass now?"

I turned around to find the one person who had eluded me all morning and I found myself rather angry at him.

"Hello Noah." I nodded. Noah had moved in front of me so I had to sidestep him in order to get to my locker. "You're one to talk. Mr. Resident Badass of McKinley High."

He laughed. But I got the feeling it wasn't cause he thought it was funny. The tension between us was currently higher than the empire state building.

"Yeah well. I do what I want. Britts says you were looking for me? Trying to become a badass to get my attention?"

Arrogant son of a bitch. "I won't deny I was looking for you. However I had no intentions of getting caught."

"That's actually a pretty badass statement. So- you were looking for me? Now you've found me." he said leaning in much much closer than I could currently handle. I hadn't quite grasped how much I was physically attracted to Noah until now, now that he practically had me pinned up against the lockers.

"Mhmm." Seriously Rachel!? That's all you can say? I shake my head, hoping Noah didn't see the effect he was having on me. "I needed to talk to you... I needed my best friend."

"Well in that case," Noah said backing off just a bit and smirking. "What's up Jew Babe?" he said it so nonchalantly that it was almost like he was two different people. Noah Puckerman was playing games with me. And even though I probably didn't need this right now, at least it's a game I know how to play.

"Actually," I said stepping closer to him and lowering my voice. He visibly gulped and it made me smirk. "I should get to class." I said in my normal voice backing away smiling.

"What happened to Badass Berry?" He yelled as he smiled back.

"She's gotten in enough trouble for one day. Dontcha think?" I winked as I walked backwards down the hall then smoothly turned around. Swaying just a little bit extra.

What the hell are we doing to each other?

I don't know, but I think- I think I like it.

And just like that my inner monologue has made its return. I internally roll my eyes.

Is that possible?

Shut up.

After my classes I walk over to the detention room and am pleasantly surprised that I will not be taking this journey alone. No sitting in the room was in fact: Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, Quinn Fabray, and Noah Puckerman. I raised an eyebrow and Noah smirked.

"Well now that everyone's here, I can officially call this meeting to order." Santana said making me slightly confused.

"San, threatened the detention monitor earlier so we don't have to worry about teacher interruption." Quinn clarified for me.

"Yeah, she was gonna go all Lima Heights but he ran away." Brittany added.

"So this is a meeting about?" I asked.

"Did you not pay any attention at all during lunch Berry?" Santana said annoyed. "We are The Untouchables of McKinley High and we're inducting you into our little club."

"Noah's an Untouchable too?" I said pointing to the boy who had his feet propped up on another desk, leaning back studying the situation.

"No, Puckerman probably just got detention in order to get up your skirt. But we have no qualms with him being here." Santana said while I shared a look with Noah.

"So what makes you think I want to be in on your little Untouchables club?" I raised my eyebrow back at Santana. I wanted to know her angle but I needed to play my cards right.

"You sat at our table." Brittany said frankly.

"Look Berry. We like you. We are offering for you to be apart of our clique, we will only offer it once." Quinn stated.

"What's the catch?"

"Berry, Berry, Berry..." Santana said shaking her head. "It seems that you have dived in to the realm of badassness without so much as a lifeboat. With this we can help. Now isn't the time to question our motives. We just want to be your friend, teach you how to get away with said badassness."

Something was up- still it didn't seem like the idea was all that bad. The three had been there for me over the last two weeks and hadn't once taken anyone else's side but mine. Unlike some of my other so called "friends."

"So... You in or out?" Quinn interrupted my thoughts.

"I'm in."

"Good." Quinn said with a smirk.

"First order of business." Santana got up out of her seat. "Don't worry about Saturday detention tomorrow. We've got you covered."

"How are you planning on getting that done?"

"Easy. That's where Puckerman comes in." She said.

"At your service, my Jewish princess." Noah said standing and bowing. "I'll be fudging the records to show you were here."

"You don't have to do that. Shelby will be dropping me off here anyways. So I'll have to come."

"But you don't HAVE to stay." Quinn said.

"You can totally come watch us cheer! We're awesome!" Brittany added.

"Or you and I could hang out?" Noah waggled his eyebrows. God only knows what was going on through his mind. I shouldn't have played his little game earlier.

"I guess. I guess, I'll think of something." I didn't want to commit to hanging with Noah just yet. As much as I wanted my best friend back and possible more, I was beginning to wonder if that could even work.

"Good. Now second order of business." Santana said with an evil smirk. "I've heard you're having some family problems."

Noah's face dropped as if he was just now hearing about this.

"Santana, I really don't want to talk about that."

"It's fine, Rach. We aren't like that 'Gregarious Gossip Gang' you normally hang out with. You don't have to give us the details. However, we aren't above giving you a few-" Quinn pauses, "Suggestions, to help you deal with them."

"You're totes gonna be in trouble for ditching class." Brittany stated rather than asked.

"What are you suggesting I do?" I asked the trio before me.

"Take this." Santana said throwing a flip phone my way. I almost didn't catch it. Almost. "Once they've done their damage give us a text. I programmed our numbers in it for you."

"I don't know if this is such a good idea."

"Berry, do you wanna be badass or a goody two shoes? Because you can't be both." Santana stated.

"Take the phone. Text us. We will help you out. We're your new best friends after all." Quinn said as she moved to exit the room, Santana and Brittany in tow.

"You don't have to do any of this, Rachel." Noah said as he got up from the desk where he had been perched.

"I know." I said incredulously. "I do what I want." I laughed internally as I had pretty much quoted verbatim what Noah said earlier.

He smiled. "Badass Berry is going to be a handful isn't she?"

"Like you really care?" I stated and turned to walk away. But as soon as I had turned a hand was on my wrist spinning back around and lips crushing into mine.

The kiss ended and I whimpered at the loss. "I care more than you think." Noah said and then walked out of the room.

I sat back down for a moment, unable to keep my footing. What the hell was that kiss?

And can I get more of them?

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I was trying to wait patiently and remain calm while in the car waiting for Rachel to get out of detention, but I was doing so unsuccessfully. What the hell was she thinking skipping classes? She should know that would be unacceptable to me, unless, unless something is going on with her and then, then she should have spoken up about it. Let me help her. My thoughts were broken when I heard the door open and saw Rachel get in the car.

"How was your day?" I asked as calm as possible. Now wasn't the time to lose my cool. No I needed to wait until we got home for that.

"It was fine."

"Detention wasn't so fun huh?" I couldn't resist the jab, knowing there was no way Rachel enjoyed detention. I mean what kid likes detention?

"It was fine."

Well that threw me for a loop.

"Where's the kids?" Rachel said gesturing to where Brent and Vanessa would normally be seated.

"They're at the house with Charlie. He only worked half a day since we are having dinner with his parents tonight." I stated pulling out of the school lot. "You're still ok with that right? I mean Charlie's folks are dying to spend some time with you. They've always enjoyed your company in the past but if you aren't ready..."

She cuts me off, "It's fine."

She won't even look at me. I'll have to worry about that later. Get home first Shelby.

The rest of the drive home was eerily quiet. I pulled into our drive way.

"I'll meet you in your room. I want to talk about today." I said before she had the chance to run into the house.

Rachel went upstairs without a word. Some how my anger had calmed itself. Maybe it was Rachel's attitude. She was so apathetic and it had me worried.

The kids and Charlie were downstairs in our movie room playing some new game he had gotten them. I was just going to leave him to it and take care of Rachel's punishment on my own when he noticed I had come down.

"Ok you two. Daddy's gotta go talk with Mommy and Rachel for a minute. You'll have to keep playing without me." He said smiling putting down his controller. The kids seemed to be fine so we made our way into the living room.

"Did she say anything on the way home?" He asked.

"Not really. I mean I don't know what's gotten into her. It's not like Rachel to just cut class like that."

"So you definitely think something's wrong?"

"Charlie, you know this isn't like Rachel."

"I know it doesn't seem like something she'd do, but doesn't every kid cut at least once in high school?"

"I don't know do they? I certainly did."

"Me too."

"So how do we handle this?"

"Well you said the school gave her detention today and tomorrow right?" he asked and I nodded. "Well I guess grounded through the weekend?"

"Yeah that sounds good. God I hope she doesn't make this a habit. I really done like this whole punishment kick."

"So that's why you let our children get away with murder?" he joked.

"They do not."

"They do. But it's just as much my fault."

"Something else we need to work on." I sighed as we made our way up to Rachel's room.

I knocked before entering and Rachel was sitting at her desk doing homework.

"Hey baby." I said fully entering the room. "We need to talk about this."

She turned around in her chair but didn't look me in the eye.

"What's going on kiddo?" Charlie asked but Rachel's eyes and mouth showed no movement at all.

"Rachel, come on honey just tell us what's going on? It's not like you to just skip classes." I begged but got no response.

"Fine Rachel, you don't want to talk, you don't have to talk. But ditching your classes just isn't acceptable." Charlie said becoming irritated. Frankly I was back there myself.

"You're grounded through the weekend. Same deal as the last time, no computer, phone, tv, and you won't be leaving this house unless it's with us and to detention." I added.

She handed over her laptop and phone without protest. Making me think this has to be much deeper than I originally thought. But I can't force this out of her.

"We are leaving at 5 to go to my parents place." Charlie said to her taking ahold of Rachel's things. "Try to be ready by then, ok?"

Rachel nodded and we exited out the room.

"Ok, I agree something is definitely up."

"But what? She isn't saying anything?"

"We'll just have to wait it out, Shel. Maybe this family dinner tonight will help?"

"Maybe." I said as I took Rachel's things from him and placed them in the office. "Hopefully."

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Charlie and Shelby left my room with me having not said anything.

What? Am I supposed to tell them that this whole family thing is just a little weird right now?

Maybe.

No. I'm not. They are trying and I'm not going to take that away from them just because of the way I feel. No I will just wait till Noah and I finish whatever little game it is we are playing and then talk to him. Until then I could use a little distraction.

I picked up the phone I had garnered earlier and sent out a mass text to the three cheerleaders.

**_~Got what looks to be the usual. No phone, laptop, tv, no going out yada yada yada~_**

The reply was almost instant. I was surprised that it was Quinn.

**~Bummer, yeah that's pretty much the usual. So what are you gonna do tonight to escape the dreadful boredom that's bound to ensue?~**

And people say I'm verbose.

**_~I have to go to this stupid dinner with Charlie's parents. And it's probably going to be awkward and full of silence. I think I've had more than enough silence for the day, just so happens I'm not really thrilled about speaking to anyone I can speak to.~_**

**~Hold on. I'm with Britts and San now. We're gonna help you figure this out ;)~**

**_~Look you guys really don't have to. I mean I'll get through this. I'm sure you've got better things to do.~_**

**~We've got nothing better to do at the moment than help out a friend in need so just can it until we can come up with something.~**

Though I'm sure that text was sent with some disdain, it still made me smile. I'm a friend in need.

**~Okay, so I think I've come up with the best plan of action. San and Britts both agree. You need to fake sick.~**

**_~What?~_**

**~Come on Rach, are you telling me you've never faked being sick before to get out of something?~**

**_~No, not really. I mean I've said I don't feel good before as an excuse but I've never outright said what was wrong and surely they will ask? I can't fake a fever and fake coughing too much will strain my vocal chords. Plus I don't want them to end up taking me to the doctor!~_**

**~Geez Berry! You fake a stomach ache. Before they come to get you, go splash a little bit of water on your face then lay down. When they enter the room, wrap your arms around your stomach. You wanna be on broadway right? Use your acting skills! Just DO NOT overact or they'll know something is up.~**

**_~You've done this before haven't you?~_**

**~I'm the teenage daughter of two religious fanatics. Of course I've done this before!~**

**_~Do you think this will work? I mean Shelby knows me really well...~_**

**~Do you want out of the dinner Rachel?~**

**_~Yes.~_**

**~Then what do you have to lose?~**

**_~Point taken.~_**

**~Good now call or text us when you're finished. Oh and one more thing.~**

**_~What's that?~_**

**~Don't be afraid to use the M word.~**

**_~The M word?~_**

**~Mommy.~**

**_~Quinn, I don't know. I mean I'm not ready to call Shelby that and I just don't know.~_**

**~Rachel, there isn't a mom alive that can resist that word coupled with what they think is a sick child. It will clinch you the win.~**

**_~This isn't some game Quinn.~_**

**~Hey... I know that Rach. You're right. If you're not ready you're not ready. You don't have to call Shelby Mommy. It'll probably be enough just to pretend you're sick ok? :)~**

**_~Ok. :)~_**

I sent my last text and decided to send one more for good measure.

**_~Hey Quinn?~_**

**~Yeah Rach?~**

**_~Thank you.~_**

**~No problem. Now go ahead and start getting into character so we can come over and hang out! We are missing our 4th Untouchable.~**

My smile grew a mile wide. I still wasn't sure of their angle but maybe, just maybe, they didn't have one.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I went upstairs to let Rachel know it was time to go to Charlie's parents house. I entered her room to find her curled up in a ball on her bed. I thought maybe she had been crying again but upon further inspection she looked a little like she might have been sweating some and since it was practically freezing in her room- this worried me.

"Hey Honey," I said sitting next to her on the bed. "You feeling ok?" I placed the back of my hand on her forehead, no fever. Though she looks a little flushed.

She shook her head no. "It hurts." It came out as a whine and my heart clinched.

"What hurts baby?" I asked quietly, brushing back some of her hair that was matting to her face. I was now beyond concerned.

"My stomach." She said holding on to it a bit and curling even more into a ball if that was even possible.

"Is it cramps or..."

"No. Not cramps. It just hurts and I feel like," she winces a bit and I rub her back a little. "I feel I might throw up."

Shit. "Ok baby, hold on a minute ok?" I get up to go out of the room, but am stopped dead in my tracks.

"Mommy, it hurts."

Mommy? She called me Mommy. Like for real, it wasn't a mistake Mommy? I steeled myself, Rachel does not need you to go all water works on her just because she called you Mommy right now. She doesn't feel good- get yourself together!

"I know baby." I said walking back over to her. "It'll be ok. Ok? Mommy's here. Do you think it was something you ate?" I asked extremely concerned.

She shook her head no. "Everything I've had is vegan. I think there is a stomach flew going around at school."

I brushed my hand over her hair before leaving a kiss on her forehead. Still no fever. "I'll be right back ok?" She nodded but clinched her stomach harder.

I went downstairs and straight to our medicine cabinet.

"What's going on?" Charlie asked.

"Rachel isn't feeling well. She has a stomach ache and is complaining of nausea. Maybe you guys should just go ahead without us?"

"How bad do you think it is? It's not a reaction is it?" I could tell Charlie was concerned.

"She said something about a flu going around. I don't think it's a reaction. She doesn't have a fever." I paused. "She called me Mommy."

"Wow." Charlie said stunned.

"Damn it! Don't we have anything here for upset stomach!" I yelled looking through the cabinet and finding nothing.

"Here." Charlie said grabbing a small tube. "It's non-drowsy Dramamine. Should help with the nausea."

"Ok." I said taking the medicine and heading upstairs. I turned around though remembering she would need something to take it with. Charlie saw me and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and threw it to me. "Thanks babe." I called out after catching the bottle.

He just smiled and I went up to Rachel's room. "Ok baby, I got something that should help with the nausea." I said entering the room, but she wasn't in there. I heard the toilet in the hall bathroom flush and I knew she must have gotten sick. Before I could enter she was already coming out.

"Thanks." She said grabbing the pills and water.

"Here, lay back down." I said and ushered her into bed.

"You should go. Don't wanna be late for dinner." She said weakly.

"Oh, baby, I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna stay here with you and Charlie and the kids are gonna go on."

"No!" She said a little to quickly causing me to raise an eyebrow. "I mean you shouldn't miss out on family time just because of me."

"Sweetheart, you are my daughter. It's my job as a mother to be here when you're sick. So I'm staying with you."

"I'll be fine Mom." She said. "I'm just gonna try and get some sleep. I feel a little better since I threw up. I just need some rest."

She said it again. She called me Mom. I couldn't stop the smile this time.

"Really, just go ahead. I don't want you missing out. Vanessa and Brent will be sad if you don't go." She continued.

"Well..." I said hesitantly. "You do look a little better. "

"Hey, do you think you'll need anything while we're out?" Charlie said sticking his head in the room. "We are about to head out."

"Go. I'm fine really. It was probably just a one time thing or something. I don't think it's the flu at all. Just some fluke. I just need some rest that's all."

"You feeling better kiddo?" Charlie questioned with concern.

"Yeah. I'm just trying to convince Mom here that it's ok to go." Rachel was almost annoyed. She callsme mom but then there is this underlying attitude? It's probably just because she isn't feeling well. Besides you should be over the moon, Shelby! Rachel called you mom.

Charlie nods. "I'll go put the kids in the car." And then leaves, I guess trying to stay out of Rachel and I's little battle.

"Alright fine. I'll go, but if you need anything. Anything at all. If your stomach starts hurting again or you feel nauseas again or at any sign of fever or swelling..."

"I'll call." Rachel interrupted. "I'm really tired so I'm going to sleep now."

"I'm serious baby; if you think this could be an allergic reaction at all you call me."

"It's not a reaction. My stomach hurts, but it's not that kind of hurt."

I sigh. "Ok baby, get some rest." I kissed her forehead and then reluctantly exited the room. I made sure to turn off the light first and then headed downstairs and out the door. I'm really not sure about this at all. What if it some sort of reaction? She hasn't had one in years and if it is and I'm not here… this doesn't feel right. But it's so obvious she doesn't want me here.

"You ok?" Charlie asked as I entered the car.

"I guess... I guess it's just that I don't like the idea of leaving her here by herself when she's sick."

"Maybe you should stay then. You know my parents won't mind."

"No, no, Rachel wants me to go. She was adamant about it. " I said rolling my eyes.

"Alright then. Let's go."

I nodded though I couldn't shake the feeling that I was making a mistake. Stop Shelby, if you stay you'll just be smothering the girl. She wants you to go, you should go.

What if it's one of those times where she's saying one thing but means another?

Shit. I should have stayed.

No. She'll be fine. She's already feeling better and she'll call if she needs anything.

You sure?

No.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

I don't think I'm making the right choice. Maybe I should go back?


	23. I Caught Myself

**Rachel's POV**

I sent a quick text letting Quinn know that the plan worked. Not ten minutes later and my door bell was ringing.

"Sup Berry." Santana said entering the house followed by Quinn, Brittany, Noah and Finn.

"What are you guys doing? I thought it would just be you three?" I asked becoming a little nervous. Not that I minded Noah or Finn. It's just this was already getting out of hand.

"Relax. We'll be gone before they get back. Besides I brought some refreshments." Noah said with a smirk holding up beer and wine coolers.

"No. No. This can't happen, if Shelby comes back I'll be dead." I protested.

"Come on Rach. We aren't gonna get trashed, just loosened up some." Finn said with a smile.

"Please?" Brittany said with a pout.

"Yeah twerp, it's not like we'll leave any evidence." Santana added.

I looked to Quinn who just shrugged.

"Fine." I said giving in. "But you guys have got to be gone by 8 at the latest."

"Deal." Noah said kissing me on the cheek.

We ended up somehow making our way in Shelby's studio.

Noah was seated on a stool holding a guitar and Finn was seated behind the drums. I sat at the piano while Brittany and Santana were on the couch. Quinn had found another stool and had move it close to Finn. I am almost certain they are trying to work things out and get back together. Or maybe it's just the familiarity of it all?

After several drinks, everyone seemed to be feeling a little buzzed. Well everyone but Quinn who hadn't drank anything at all. She was busy trying to make sure all our trash made it back into the big black bag they had brought. It was extremely thoughtful of her.

"Hey! What the fuck are we doing guys? We are in a fucking studio shouldn't we a least sing something or some shit?" Noah yelled. He perhaps had been drinking the most out of all of us. Though still not quite drunk.

"Hell yeah!" Santana yelled back. "I'm so ready to gets my recording on!"

"Guys we can't record anything." I said laughing a little as if they were being silly.

"Why not?" Brittany asked.

"I don't know how to work everything yet." I frowned realizing I had spent more time pushing Shelby away than actually trying to get anything out of our relationship.

Did we even have one?

"Well I still say we jam out!" Finn said with a goofy smile and overt optimism.

We all smiled and nodded. After heated argument between Santana and myself we finally agreed on a song and Finn counted us off.

After our little performance of No Doubt's 'Sweet Escape' there was a celebration of high fives, laughs, and a whole lot of ego boosting. I turned to find Noah practically pressed up against me.

"I need to talk to you." He said in a hushed whisper.

"Ok." I said just as quietly and pulling him outside, not really caring what the others thought at all. Must be the buzz floating through my veins. I've only ever really drank once and it was out with Jesse and our VA friends. I don't know if you could count it because it was only a couple of sips of beer before I threw it out. I hated the taste, but these wine cooler thingies Noah brought are really really good...

"Hey." He said placing his hand on my cheek. "You okay?"

God, his hand is so warm. I nod leaning into him. I stumble a bit however and he steadies me.

"I shouldn't have let you drink so much. Should've known you'd be a light weight."

I scoff, "I'm fine. It's just really warm out here is all."

"And it being warm is making you so wobbly?"

"Is that your technical term Mr. Puckerman? Wobbly?" I raised my eyebrow at him.

He rolls his eyes at my failed attempt of deflection, but doesn't say anything. By now he has me backed up against the wall. It's so much easier to keep my balance now, of course that also might have something to do with my hand on his chest.

We gaze into each other's eyes for what seems like hours, though logically I know it couldn't have been more than a minute.

"Noah?"

"Yes?"

"Kiss me."

One kiss, became two, two became three and before we knew it Noah and I were lost in a drunken collision of tongues, teeth and lips.

So much for talking.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

It had barely been an hour since we left the house, but I still couldn't seem to get Rachel off my mind. I shouldn't have left. I tried texting her. Twice. No answer.

"Go call her." Charlie whispered leaning in towards me as we sat at his parents table. "It'll be ok once you can hear her voice."

"Excuse me." I said getting up from the table. Maybe Charlie was right, maybe I just need to hear her voice and that's all it will take for me to shake this feeling that something is terribly wrong. God, I'll never forgive myself if something's gone bad. I walk in to the living room and vaguely hear him tell everyone that I'm just checking up on Rachel.

I search for her number and hit the call button.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

Four rings.

"You have reached Rachel Berry future Broadway star. Unfortunately I can not come to the phone right now as I am probably somewhere cultivating my vocal talents. Please leave a message and I will get back to you at my earliest convenience!" The voicemail beeps.

"Hey baby, it's mom. Just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling. Call me back ok? Love you." I hung up the phone and headed back into the dining room.

"She alright?" Evelyn asked.

"She didn't answer."

"Maybe she fell asleep?" Joe chimed in. They are both such caring people.

"She did say she was going to, but... but she's a really light sleeper. I don't know."

"Oh Shelby!" Charlie says slapping his hand on his forehead. "We took her phone, she's grounded, remember?"

"Oh shi-oooot." I said catching myself. "Of course we did. I'll call the house phone. Silly me."

I can't believe I forgot Rachel was grounded already. I had been so worried about her being sick... I dialed the house phone and after six rings I hung up.

"Still not answering." I said hanging my head.

"Try back in a few minutes dear if she doesn't answer then, then we'll all get worried." Evelyn said giving me a half smile.

"Yeah Mommy don't worry. Rae Rae is tough. She can take care of herself." Brent said nodding as if that made it official.

The smile I gave him in return was totally fake. Rachel should not have to take care of herself. That's my job. It's my job to take care of her. I'm her mother. What if she needs to go to the hospital?

"Shelby?" Charlie looked at me concerned.

"I..."

"Go darling. Either Joe or I can drop Charlie and the kids off or he can borrow one of the cars. Go. Gobe with Rachel."

Evelyn didn't need to tell me twice. I kissed each one of my kids on the top of their heads and thanked the Corcoran's for such a lovely meal. Charlie walked me to the door.

"I'm sorry. I just have this feeling- and what if it's really serious?"

"It's ok Shel." He smiled and kissed me on the cheek. "Call me or text me and let me know she's alright."

I nodded and headed for the car.

It didn't take me ten minutes to get back to the house. Maybe I'm just over reacting. I mean I've been known to be a little dramatic at times.

A little?

Ok, a lot. But this is... this is different. This is my baby.

I noticed a strange car was parked on the street in front of the house. I'm going to have to get Charlie to talk to the neighbors about that. I mean there is plenty of room for them to park their car elsewhere.

I walk quickly into the house. I notice most of the lights are on. Did we not shut them off? Or did Rachel come downstairs for something?

I shake it out of my mind and head upstairs and straight for Rachel's room. The first thing I notice is that her door is wide open.

"Rachel?" I ask walking into her room only to find it empty. I walk back out and check the bathroom. "Rachel?" Still nothing. I begin to panic. Walking back in to her room I check once more. She isn't here. I begin to run through the house checking every room. She isn't here. Oh my God. She isn't here. Did she pass out somewhere in the house? How will I find her? Did someone kidnap her? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

As the panic raced through my brain I noticed the outside lights to the studio were on.

Ok Shelby, just breathe. Maybe she was feeling better and decided to hang out in the studio. I walk out through the sliding glass doors and make my way to the studio. I was about to enter when I heard-

Was that a moan?

I heard it again.

Rachel?

I turn the corner to the back of the studio following the sounds. And then I saw them. Rachel and Noah practically dry humping the shit out of each other.

OH. HELL. NO.

"Rachel Barbra Berry!" I yelled effectively scaring them. They jumped so far apart you would have thought they were being yanked from each other. They both looked like deer caught in headlights. I squinted my eyes at them. Yanking should be the least of their worries.

"Mom!" "Mrs. Corcoran!" They said simultaneously.

"What the HELL is going on Rachel?" I said grabbing her by the arm and pulled her closer to me.

"I should- I should go." Noah stuttered out.

"Yes. You should." The venom in my voice not going unnoticed by either of the teens.

Noah jumped back a bit and stuttered some more. "I'll just get everyone else first."

"EVERYONE ELSE?" I yelled turning to my daughter.

She nodded. "Their in the studio. J-j-just a few f-f-friends." Rachel said quietly.

Not letting go of her arm, I dragged her behind Noah into the studio only to find four other teens scrambling around collecting. Is that beer?

I pulled Rachel so she was standing in front of me with her friends and therefore blocking their only exit.

"Have you all been drinking?" I said my voice dangerously low. I was beyond pissed at this point. Immediately all six teenagers casted their heads down guiltily. "ANSWER ME DAMN IT!" I yelled causing all of them to jump back.

"I h-h-haven't." One of the blondes said. "I-I-I'm the driver."

Everyone else including Rachel looked anywhere but at me. Guilty by omission.

"OUT!" I yelled again. "ALL OF YOU OUT NOW!" I stepped to the side and pointed to the door. The teenagers wasted no time in leaving and honestly I wasn't feeling too bad with kicking them out knowing that they had a sober driver.

Noah and Rachel were last in line and I angrily cornered Noah up against the wall. "I don't want to see you in my house EVER again. DO YOU HEAR ME?"

Noah gulped then nodded frantically.

"Shelby, NO!" Rachel yelled out of panic.

So we are back to Shelby? What is this some kind of game Rachel?

"Don't you even think of protesting, Rachel!" I said pointing my index finger and walking towards her. "You have no right! NO-" I stopped myself. "Just no." I said trying to calm myself down. I was already seeing red. The last thing I needed was to really charge.

"GO!" I yelled at Noah and he scurried off after the others.

"SHELBY! DON'T TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT!" Rachel began to scream and moved to get in my face. I could smell the alcohol on her. Whether it was from drinking too much or from sucking it out of that delinquent I'm not sure.

"I'd watch what I say right now, Rachel!" I yelled back but not budging from my spot. Charging at me is not a good idea little girl.

Rachel huffed and rolled her eyes.

I grabbed her arm again and pull her out of the studio and into the house. Once we were inside I let go and yelled "Go to your room now! And I don't want to hear anymore protests!"

She glared at me and began stomping up the stairs. I was beside her before I even knew it and turned her around facing me. "You are pushing it Rachel! Do you hear me? PUSHING IT!" She pulled her arm out of my grasp and stormed off to her room slamming the door.

And though I was getting madder by the second I knew now was not the time to go in there and hash this all out. Suddenly I was very thankful we had the branch cut off that she used to sneak out of her room last and the knob on the door changed to one that is unlockable.

Why would she do this?

She completely faked sick.

God! Did she just call me mom to sell the part?

I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. I hadn't even realized I had started crying until they were rolling off my face. My phone was ringing downstairs and I knew it had to be Charlie checking up on things. I quickly made my way back down towards my phone. I barely made it in time.

"Shel, what's going on? I was about to leave. I called three times already and I-" Charlie rushed out.

I gasped out loud and the tears came full force. Rachel had lied to me. She wasn't sick. The more I thought about it the more I knew it was true. She lied so she could have friends over and drink of all things! She- She- She called me mom, but it was- it was...

"Shelby! Answer me! You're scaring me honey. Is everything alright? Is Rachel ok? Do I need to call an ambulance? Meet you at the hospital?" Charlie's panic snapped me out of haze.

"She lied Charlie. She lied to me. She said she was sick and then called me Mom, but it was a lie."

"Shelby what are you talking about?"

"I came home and found her making out with Noah Puckerman behind the studio. He and four other teenagers were here. They were drinking." I sobbed out. The gravity of the whole situation just completely fell on me and I was hurt.

"SHE DID WHAT?" I couldn't really tell if it was anger or just shock.

"Why would she do this Charlie? Why would she lie to us and then do all this?"

"Okay, babe. Just calm down. I'm leaving now. The kids want to stay with my parents anyway. I'll just borrow one of their cars and be home soon."

"Ok." I said quietly and hung up the phone.

She called me Mom.

She played me.

She completely and utterly played me.

It was then that the red came back. Anger welling up inside of me. How could Rachel do this? She's a good kid. She's better than this! I marched up the stairs. Like hell she was going to get away with any of it.


	24. Greatest Love of All

**Rachel's POV**

I was panicking, pacing the floor. No doubt I would wear a whole in it if I kept up my path.

What had I done?

Shit.

Did you see how mad she was?

Fuck.

Did you see how hurt she was?

Damn it!

Not gonna lie- pissed off Shelby- pretty damn scary. I think that's why I got the nerve to even yell back at her... to defy her... or maybe it's just because I am her daughter. Not that any of it matters. I'm in deep shit.

The door to my room swung open and there was Shelby again. Yep... she's still pissed.

"Sit." She said speaking eerily calm and crossing her arms.

"I'd prefer to stand." Where the hell did that come from? What are trying to do? Get yourself into even more trouble?

"Rachel, I am not playing with you- SIT DOWN."

I immediately sat on the edge of my bed. Finally, I'm able to get myself to act reasonably!

Shelby paced back and forth in front of me, pinching the bridge of her nose. I'm not sure how long it lasted before she finally pulled my desk chair over to sit in front of me. She wiped her left eye quickly. Was that a tear? Her eyes were red and puffy. She looked utterly exhausted. Much different from the raging bull she was just a moment ago.

"Why? Why did you feel the need to all this?" She asked quietly. She wasn't looking at me. I thought she would but she's keeping her head to the side, looking at the wall.

I don't know why other than I just didn't want to go tonight. Maybe I was mad. Maybe I'm just hurt. Maybe it was just because I could.

"Rachel?" Shelby was still quiet though she looked over at me this time. Well aren't we two broken peas in a pod? Our eyes met for a fleeting moment before I was the one that had to look away.

"I didn't want to go to Charlie's parents." It was the simplest explanation. I hoped maybe it would placate her into just giving me my punishment and leaving it there. I'm not sure I have the energy for more, but I would have no such luck.

"So you faked being sick, called me mom, and invited your friends over for drinks just because you didn't want to go to Evelyn and Joe's?" Her voice was raised again. The anger obviously returning.

"Pretty much." I sassed reacting to her rising anger.

"Did it ever occur to you to just tell us you didn't want to go?" She shook her head and continued. "Drinking, faking sick I can almost understand. Almost. But why call me mom? I need to- was it just to sell the part? Make it more believable to me?"

I didn't answer. I didn't want to. Half of my problems would likely just go away if I were willing to admit it. Calling Shelby mom was a mistake, but not the way Shelby thinks.

"Are you even just a little bit remorseful Rachel? Do you understand at all how much-" She cut herself off and got up from the chair.

I once again choose to remain silent.

She started pacing the floor again. She was getting angrier. I could tell by the way she paced, but there were tears now. Tears she wasn't trying to hide this time.

"How many more times are you gonna use mommy against me to get your way?" There was venom and hurt in her voice.

But I could have venom and hurt too. Has she already forgotten how she too had lied to me?

"How many more times are you gonna pretend we are the perfect family when we're not?" I spat it back.

Hoping my words would cut her to the core as the anger welled up inside of me. You started this Shelby! You don't get to play the victim! You hurt me first remember? Remember mom? I yelled inside my head. I was shaking now. Shelby looked at me. The hurt bleeding out of her eyes. I couldn't see her anger anymore. All I could do was watch her heart break in front of me. The very thing I was aiming for.

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry before you actually believe me?" She pleaded with me.

I rose from the bed and I couldn't stop the anger from boiling over. You hurt me first Shelby! You're the reason I'm so screwed up right now! You say you're my mom and you love me, but for how long? How long will it last? When will the fall out happen? You didn't love me enough to keep me the first time? Will you love me enough to keep me this time?

"How many times are you going to say you won't leave me before you actually do? I wasn't enough before, how can I be enough now?" I said it.

I said what I had been holding inside for weeks. My one true fear that I would never be enough for Shelby. The weight of everything bearing down on me was too much and I collapsed, legs buckling under me. I never hit the floor. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, Shelby was there to catch me and I held on like a drifter drowning at sea.

I wasn't crying. Everything was just too much and I was hollow. Shelby brought us to the floor as she stroked my hair. My head was buried in her shoulder and I was clutching to her as hard as I could. But I couldn't cry. I was waiting for Shelby's reaction. What would she say? Would it be more of her vacant promises that meant nothing only because I just couldn't believe they were true?

"Rachel," Shelby's voice shook. "I need to tell you something... something I didn't want to tell you because I- I didn't want to change your perception of- of your mother."

I pulled my myself away confused.

"I don't think it will help anything, other than the fact it's the last bit of truth I've kept from you, other than possibly some details about your father and when your ready, I'll tell you that too. I just- I just can't keep things from you anymore."

She looks me in the eye and takes a deep breath.

"I received a letter from Kate after she passed. I thought it would be in your best interest to keep it from you, so you didn't have to know how all of this happened. I wanted to preserve your memories of her in the best light possible. I'm going to tell you what the letter said, but it isn't to change your views on anything. It is simply because I don't want there to be any secrets between us and that starts with me telling you this and whatever else it is you want to know. I think at this point it's the only way I can begin to regain your trust and if you need to see the letter as well, I can get it for you from out of my desk."

I nodded anxious to hear what she had to say.

"In the letter Kate explained something that- that was very hurtful to me, but it doesn't change the fact that I still did what I did. I still chose to leave you in her care and I am still at fault for all of this, ok?" She doesn't wait for me to respond. "Kate taught you to call me Bee Bee and her Mom, when you were little. The story I told you of coming home to realize that I had lost my daughter... you didn't learn it on your own. She helped, she wanted you for her own- as her own daughter. So she did want she could to insure that. She... encouraged me to give you up after. She deceived me. Deceived us both."

It was a lot of information to process. How could Kate do that? Though Shelby's right it doesn't change the fact she still gave me up, but how could one sister do that to the other? She was coming back for me... leaving Rent for me and Kate... she practically kidnapped me away. Not psychically but mentally. I wished... I wished I could say that the woman who raised me wouldn't do that to me, wouldn't do that to Shelby. But deep in my heart, I knew it was true. I knew she was capable of such, she held me too close. She was always afraid of losing me.

"I-I can't go back Rachel. I can't do this over and make better decisions, but I can and do promise you that it will never happen again. I know it's something that you have trouble believing. I don't know how to make you see it's true. I'm not going anywhere baby- ever. You've got me. I want to be there for you." Shelby's gaze never wavered from mine. This was her, pouring out her heart.

"I want to be apart of your everyday life." She continued. "I want to take you to school and pick you up. I want to know how your day went- the good and the bad. Even if you think it's trivial I want to know. I want to be there for school events and recitals. I want to have days where it's just us two hanging out. I want us all to be together and do things as a family. I want to talk to you about clothes and makeup and friends and boys and music. I want to be there when you graduate. And I want to cry when I have to let you go off to college." I gave a small hurt felt smile thinking she was done, my gaze briefly dropping and then lifting again as to my surprise Shelby was still talking.

"I want to be able to call you everyday and try my hardest not to constantly visit you while you do go to college. Because I am going to miss not having you around. I feel like I'm missing a part of me when you're away. I want to watch you graduate college and then be there for all your auditions." My smile was slowly lifting at her words.

"I want to help you and give you advice. I want to be in the front row of every performance. I want to be there when you get married and have kids. When you get your first Tony. I want to be a part of your life Rachel. All of it. I want to be a part of all of it whether you want me to or not. And I'm going to hound and nag the shit out of you- because that's what Jewish mothers do right?" I laughed at her stereotypical assessment and it made her smile. Shelby was far from a stereotypical Jew, but she wanted this? She really wanted this?

"I'm going to fight with you because we are so much alike that we will butt heads. I'm going to fight FOR you because you deserve the world, baby. I'm going to always be in your corner to love and support you in whatever you do because I love you Rachel and I don't want my life to not include you. Because a part of me would be empty with out you there. I need you wether you need me or not and I won't give up on you. I'll never give up on you."

I don't know exactly when the tears began. Just that they did. I buried my head in my mother's neck. My mother. My mom.

"Mommy." I whispered not sure if she would even hear me.

"Oh baby." She said holding me even tighter. Closer to her.

It finally, finally felt right. Mommy. Shelby, she is my mom. She's always been my mom. I just never was able to call her that.

"I'm so sorry. So so sorry." I said over and over again as she rocked us.

"Ssh baby. We'll be okay. I'm here. Mommy's here." She repeated each time I would cry out.

I finally calmed down enough to separate myself from my Shelby's shoulder. I couldn't let go of her completely though so I grabbed her hand and held it.

"Come here." She said patting her lap. I can't even remember the last time I sat on her lap, but I didn't hesitate.

I sat on her lap sideways and laid my head on her shoulder so I was still facing her. She wrapped her arms around me and held me. She ran her hand through my hair once and then sighed.

"Rachel, I know a lot has happened tonight. Hell over the past couple of weeks, but you know I still have to address what you did."

I nodded staying quiet. I didn't expect to get anyway with anything. I still had acted royally stupid tonight.

"Ok so I'm going to extend your grounding for a week. I'm also going to take your iPod. If you have trouble sleeping I want you to come to me and we will figure something out."

I nodded again.

"Also I am going to revoke your studio privileges. You are not to go in there anymore unless it's with me or I give you permission. Do you understand baby?" She said it so soothingly that it didn't feel like a punishment at all, but I did feel horrible for betraying her trust. I know she had done the same to me but that didn't make it ok for me to do it too.

"I understand." I said sniffling.

"Ok, I think you should go ahead and get ready for bed. I need to go downstairs and talk to Charlie about everything. I'll come back up and check on you in a little while ok?"

"Ok."

"I love you, Rachel."

"I love you too, Mom."

I got up from Shelby's lap and hugged her again. She left and I went into the bathroom to wash my face. I looked like hell. I went ahead and went through my nightly routine of cleansers and then looked in the mirror again after washing. I still looked like hell. Blowing out a puff of air I shut off the light and left for my bedroom. Upon entering the hallway I saw Charlie standing outside of my door.

"I-I-I," I stuttered and started to cry all over, the thought of disappointing the closest thing I've ever had to a father hurt. "I'm sor-"

I didn't get to finish. Charlie wrapped me up in a hug and I cried even more.

"I'm not excusing what you did, Rachel. It was wrong, but I know you know that. I just hope you meant it this time when you called her Mom." He said.

"I didn't mean to, the first time that is. I didn't plan on calling Shelby Mommy, just to make it more believable." I pulled away from Charlie a bit so I could look him in the eye. "It just came out, honestly. I put myself in to that role and it felt natural. I know, I know it was wrong, but it just happened and I couldn't take it back, please believe me Charlie."

"I believe you." He said and relief washed over me.

"I mean it now though. It feels right." I smiled and wiped even more tears from eyes.

Charlie smiled back. "As long as you feel comfortable and mean it, that's all that really matters."

I hugged him again.

"Rachel, sweetheart why didn't you tell me you didn't want to go tonight? I would never force you to go. You've spent time with them before. I thought you liked them."

"I do like them. It's not that. I just... I've been feeling so disconnected from everyone lately and I- I don't know. I just felt like it was throwing this image of a perfect family in my face." I sniffled.

"I'm so sorry Rachel. It wasn't anyone's intention to do that. We just wanted you to feel apart of us." He sighed.

"You wanted it to be instant." I said pulling away again. "It's not like this is all something I can just accept over night. I want to. I wish it were so easy, but I've got all these feelings, all these insecurities and it's like they blur the lines." I tried to explain.

He smiled sadly. "I'm sorry for trying to push you Rachel. It wasn't my intention. I was just trying to make sure you felt you belonged. I never dreamed it would have the opposite effect."

"I know you meant well. You always do." I yawned.

"You're tired kiddo. We will talk about this more later..." He said then immediately followed up. "Unless you have more you want to talk about now?"

I gave a tired smile at his willingness. "No, I am really tired."

He nodded and kissed me on the forehead. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Night." I said turning into my room.

Charlie was a good guy. He's always been a good guy. He was a great uncle, who am I to say he couldn't be a great dad?

I've never really had a dad before. It'd be nice to have one.

I know Charlie would be there- He would be my dad. I had no doubt in that and if my dad really didn't want me, I would be perfectly happy having Charlie as a substitute of sorts.

But what about Edward?

Edward... I thought. What about my real dad? What was he like? Did we have anything in common besides playing the piano? Did he want me? I know he didn't before, but would he want me now?

I'd never really given much thought to the man, but now... now that I had Shelby, now that she was my mom... I had an overwhelming urge to know him too.


	25. Keepin' Out of Mischief Now

**Shelby's POV**

I woke up the next morning strangely grateful for everything that happened. I mean Rachel and I had an honest to God major breakthrough. She called me Mom and this time- this time she meant it. Of course I know that we still had a long way to go. But I still couldn't help but just feel how- WONDERFUL it all was!

As soon as I got up, however, all of that wonderfulness momentarily shifted away. Rachel had Saturday detention this morning. Saturday! For a first offense none the less! Had I been in my right mind at the time I might've fought the principal a little harder on the matter, but it's a little late for all that now.

I got up and made my way into the kitchen for my morning cup of coffee. One of God's greatest creations. I was graced with the presence of my three beautiful children. Rachel standing up by the counter cutting up some fruit. Brent and Vanessa sat there eating breakfast. No doubt courtesy of Rachel.

"Morning babies." I said voice still heavy with sleep and making my way to the coffee maker. The voices I heard back were magical.

"Morning Mom." All three said together. That's right all three of my children said good morning to me at the same time and all said mom. I'm almost certain my smile couldn't get any wider, and I haven't even had my coffee yet.

"Did you just call Mommy, Mom?" Vanessa asked looking over at Rachel. All of us knew that the turmoil between Rachel and the family hadn't gone unnoticed by either Brent or Vanessa, though they never brought it up.

"That I did Pipsqueak." Rachel answered. "That's okay with you right?" Rachel almost looked worried. I guess for her perhaps this was one of those moments of acceptance. Where she would either feel warmly accepted into the family and a part of it or if she would still feel disconnected and rejected.

"It's cool." Vanessa said nonchalantly and I worried about Rachel's reaction to that. Vanessa wasn't really the most animated person in the morning so her response could easily be perceived as less than receptive.

"Does this mean we get to call you our big sister now?" Brent asked and then stuffed a large spoonful of AppleJacks into his mouth. Milk was running down his chin and I shook my head as I grabbed a napkin and wiped it off.

"Brent, baby, I need you to take smaller bites okay?" I said balling up the napkin and throwing it away before I grabbed my cup of coffee and took my first sip of the day. He nodded as he chewed up his cereal and then looked back to Rachel for her answer.

"Yes, I am most definitely okay with you calling me your big sister." Rachel said with a genuine smile. I smiled at her answer as I walked over to her and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you for making breakfast for your brother and sister." I said quietly brushing some hair out of her face. "I appreciate it immensely."

"It's just cereal Mom. Not like I cooked or anything. You just pour it in a bowl and fill it up with milk." She said rolling her eyes but still smiling." She called me Mom again. That's twice already this morning. I tell myself I will not keep count over this and just let things flow naturally.

"I still appreciate the gesture." I smiled nudging her side with my elbow. She returned my smile and then sat down next to Vanessa with a bowl of freshly cut fruit. "Have you guys seen your Dad this morning?" I ask turning to the cabinet and reaching for a bowl.

"No." My youngest two chime together.

"How about you, baby? Have you seen Charlie this morning?" I asked Rachel who had just finished chewing a strawberry.

"Yeah, he left for a run about a half hour ago. He said he would be back before I had to be at the school though." I looked at the clock, Rachel had about an hour and a half before I had to have her at McKinley to serve her Saturday detention.

"Okay well we still have some time to eat and get ready. I'm sure he'll be back before we have to leave." I could see Rachel was becoming a little anxious at the thought of her impending detention. "It'll be okay, baby," I tried to offer some comfort. "It'll be over before you know it." Rachel just continued to eat, while I poured some of my Special K into the bowl I had gotten down. Brent and Vanessa were already finished and asking if they could go play outside. I told them to wait until their dad got back and then they could. They both groaned but went upstairs to play instead.

Rachel and I just sat in silence for a moment as we ate breakfast. I knew we should probably talk more about yesterday, but I also didn't want to constantly be bringing it up. I wanted us to move on from it all. I decided to settle on a neutral topic that could possible lead to yesterday if I deemed necessary. "Did you sleep well last night?"

Rachel didn't look up from her bowl of fruit and I knew it was a tell to the fact that she must have not. She picked at an orange slice, trying to break it in half before answering. It really only succeeded in turning the slice into mush. "Not really. I mean I sorta slept but…"

"Did you have a nightmare or something?" I prodded wanting to know why she wasn't sleeping. I was starting to become more and more concerned about her sleeping habits or lack thereof and was even beginning to wonder if she needed to see a specialist.

"No, no nightmare. Not last night anyway." So she has been having nightmares. I had expected as much. I really wish she would come to me about these things when they happen. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind for the moment as she continued. "I guess I just had a lot on my mind you know?" I nodded and waited to see if she would say more. She didn't.

"Well, honey," I began. "You've been through a lot lately. I mean with everything's that's happened and all this new information swimming around in your head, it's understandable that your mind would be so preoccupied. Especially at night, when it's quiet and,"

"And I don't have music to block it all out." Rachel stated.

"Oh no." I said at the attempt to guilt me in to getting her iPod back. "You brought that all on yourself." I got up to take my finished cereal bowl to the sink.

"But Mom!" Rachel whined. "I need music. I'm going crazy with out it!" She got up with her bowl as well and followed to the sink.

"I'm sorry kiddo but you should have thought about all of that last night before you tricked me into thinking you were sick and having your friends over." I turned around and began walking to the living room, Rachel was close behind.

Rachel sped up a bit so that she could get in front of me in order to face me and oh my God were those not the biggest puppy dog eyes I had seen since she was ten and trying to talk me into buy her a pony. Consequently said pony ended up living on one of the stables Charlie's family owns out in the country and had since then been donated to a children's camp for mentally disabled children (per Rachel's request when she realized she liked the idea of having a pony but not actually having to take care of one). "Do you really want to see your oldest daughter go crazy? Over a simple little thing such as music? Something that could be remedied right now if you ever so graciously wished it to?"

Oh she was laying it on thick. First a guilt trip, then by downplay, and finally throwing in an appeal for mercy. If there was one thing Rachel knew well- better than music even- it was how to play people in to the palm of her hand. Especially me. It wasn't going to work this time though. "Oh my darling," I smiled. "I would never want for you to go crazy over a simple little thing such as music. However, I believe that you, my dear daughter, have the most beautifulest of voices throughout the land. Therefore it should be easy to entertain oneself or perhaps even your gracious mother." I finalized my rebuttal with a wink. Rachel huffed and then stomped her foot.

"This so isn't fair. I'm never gonna get any sleep." Rachel threw herself on the couch and covered her eyes with her arm in a woe is me dramatic fashion. I rolled my eyes. Dramatics and tantrums- Rachel's final blow if you will.

"You could always try reading a book, baby." I said lifting her legs, sitting on the couch and placing them on my lap. "Oh! Or here's an idea! You could actually try talking about what's on your mind and seeing if that helps." Rachel peeked out from her arm, sitting up and cuddling into me.

"Maybe." She said as I began playing with her hair. "But music works so well and why knock it if it works?" She was trying so hard, but I couldn't give in this time. As an aunt it really didn't bother me so much to give into her all the time. Especially when our time seemed so limited together, but as her mother I needed to step up and actually act like a parent for once. This meant sticking to my guns on punishment. Besides it was way too early for her to be let off on good behavior.

"Nice try, love. But you aren't getting your iPod back yet."

"Pleaasseee." She drawled.

"No."

"With sugar on top?"

"No."

"What if I promise to be really really good and to refrain from all mischief from now on?"

"You better be promising that anyways, but that's still a no on the iPod. Now go get ready so I can take you to your detention." I said lightly smacking my hand on Rachel's thigh. Rachel pouted but got up and made her way to the stairs while I made my way back in to the bedroom to get ready for the day.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Well it was worth a try to at least get my iPod back. And in my own defense I really do have trouble sleeping, but Shelby was right. I made my bed and now I had to lie in it. I dramatically threw myself on to my bed. It seemed appropriate. I knew I needed to get ready to go but I figured I still had time for a little post 'get out of punishment rejection' wallowing. It was then I was alerted to the phone that Quinn, Santana, and Brittany. I could here it buzz inside the desk drawer I had placed it in.

**~Hey how bad did things go last night?~ **

It was Quinn. Part of me just wanted to be mad at Quinn for suggesting that I fake sickness in order to get out of dinner. But in the end I knew I was truly the only one to blame. It's not like she made me do it. Sure she suggested it, but I could have shot it down. I just didn't.

**_~Bad, but then not so bad? I mean I'm grounded and all that, but Shelby and I ended up talking and we said a lot of things that really needed to be said between us.~_**

**~Well that's good.~**

**_~Yeah.~_**

I waited for a reply and when I didn't receive one, I tossed the phone on my bed and started to get up to get ready for detention. Just as I was about to leave the room it buzzed again.

**~Rachel, I feel really bad for what happened. I didn't mean to get you in trouble. I thought- well with the way you talked about Shelby- I thought that she wouldn't come back. That she would just accept your word for it and not freak out over you being sick.~**

**_~It's okay Quinn. I didn't take into account somethings about my past health. And It's not your fault. I didn't have to listen. I chose to go through with it. I mean it sucks I got caught, but in the end I learned a lot about how much Shelby cares about me. I even decided I really do want to call her mom.~_**

**~Wow Rachel. That's a really big step. Are you sure you're ready for it? And I still feel at least partially responsible. It was my idea that Noah and Finn tag along. I should have kept it just us and then there wouldn't have been any alcohol or boys and maybe it wouldn't have been so bad.~**

**_~Really Quinn, it's ok :) And yeah I'm ready. I think I've been ready all along I was just afraid to admit it.~_**

**~I'm happy for you Rachel. I can't imagine going through all that you've been through and still be able to come out on top.~**

**_~Well things aren't perfect Quinn, but I think… I think maybe we could get close to it.~_**

**~That's cool. Hey um are you still gonna be coming to the school for detention? Because you won't have it. Puck kinda took care of that yesterday.~**

**_~Oh shit. I forgot about that. I guess I'll just have to find something to do while I wait around. Maybe the auditorium will be unlocked?~_**

**~It might be. If not bring this phone. I'm sure Puck would come pick you up ;) Especially after your hot and heavy make out session.~**

**_~Quinn Fabray! How did you know about that?~_**

**~I have ears Rachel and Shelby was yelling really loud.~**

**_~Oh.~_**

I sighed. Well so much for trying to figure everything out with Noah. I suppose the whole school will think we are a couple by Monday. Suddenly I wasn't sure that's what I wanted. I mean Noah is a really, really good kisser… but do I really want a relationship with him? I mean I was attracted to him obviously, but I don't know if I could see us falling in love. Really I just missed my friend.

**~Hey I gotta go. Cheerios practice. Coach Sylvester is trying to put us in an early grave. I'll text you later :)~**

**_~Okay Quinn. Have fun at practice and don't go dying on me. I think I'd miss my friend. I mean who are The Untouchables without our queen, the mighty Fabray? I'll talk to you later. ~_**

**~Lol.~**

**_~Bye Quinn, Oh Mighty Fearless Leader.~_**

**~LOL! Bye Rachel, Oh Faithful and Loyal Subject?~**

**_~Ha Ha! I think we'll have to work on a better name for me… Maybe I could at least be a Duchess or something with a little more prestige?~_**

I snapped the phone shut and got my things together to get ready. I was going to have to be quick seeing as how I ended up texting Quinn longer than I thought. You know… I thought maybe Quinn was up to something. That maybe she was purposefully trying to get me in trouble or use me in some way. But maybe she just wanted to be my friend and this was the only way she knew how?

I was able to pull off getting ready in a record amount of time. As we drove to McKinley I kept wondering wether or not I should tell Shelby about not actually having detention.

Are you crazy? You can't tell her? Not only will you get in trouble but so will Noah!

But we are supposed to be trying at being honest with each other? I mean she didn't have to tell me about what Kate did.

If you're so quick to be honest then why haven't you mentioned anything to her about the second phone you've acquired?

Gasp! I can't do that! I'd lose all contact with the outside world!

See! Exactly why we can't tell Shelby about the detention.

OKAY.

Ok.

Shelby pulled up at the drop off spot and I unbuckled my seatbelt. I was about to open the door when Mr. Schuester dropped by Shelby's window.

"Hi Shelby! Hi Rachel! What are you guys doing her this morning?" He asked.

"Hey Will, Rachel has Saturday detention." Shelby answered.

"Really? I was here to monitor detention today, but there is no one on the list."

"Really?" I said quickly hoping it came across overly excited rather than overly anxious.

"Really. You sure it was today?" Mr. Schue looked at both Shelby and I.

"Oh it was today." Shelby answered. "Principal Figgins specifically said today. Which I really don't get it being her first offense and all."

"Well there you go. Maybe he just decided to drop it." Mr. Schue smiled at us.

Oh thank God! Maybe I will get away with this after all!

"You think he would have at least called. I mean what if Rachel got all of the way in there without knowing? That is totally irresponsible." Shelby chastised and Mr. Schuester looked upset.

"They probable just forgot or maybe they called the wrong number or something. No reason to get upset Shelby. If anything, at least I was here to let you know so you didn't have to drive back up here to get Rachel?" He almost sounded nervous. I mean I can understand. Who wants to be the target of an angry Shelby Corcoran? Certainly not I!

"Yeah Mom and just think now we can go home and spend some family time together or something!" I piped in cheerfully. Hoping to distract her from asking any more questions about it.

She smiled warmly and grabbed my hand. "You're right baby."

I nodded and looked over to Mr. Schuester. "Guess I'll see you Monday Mr. Schue!" I put my seatbelt back on. Yes! No hanging around pretending to be in detention for me! I also might've done a little victory dance in my head.

"You mean tomorrow right Rachel?" He said.

Shelby and I looked at him confused. "Tomorrow's Sunday Mr. Schue." I said matter of factly.

"Yes." He was nervous again. "It's also Mount Pleasant's 150th anniversary celebration. We are performing remember? We've been practicing all week Rachel."

Shit. I forgot. I can't believe I actually forgot about a performance. Shelby looked over at me, a look of pain briefly crossed her face. Shit, she must think I didn't tell her on purpose. "I am soooo sorry Mr. Schue. I totally forget. I mean with everything that's going on and all- it must've just slipped my mind."

"Rachel. You have the solo." He chastised.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry."

"You are still going to be there right?" He was being to panic.

I looked over to Shelby, biting my lower lip nervously.

"Of course, she'll be there Will." Shelby smiled.

"Whew, I was worried there for a minute." He laughed nervously. "Maybe I should call for an emergency practice this evening, just so you can refresh your memory?" Mr. Schuester looked over to me again.

"Yeah. I think that would be good." I was so embarrassed. I am Rachel Barbra Berry. I do not forget about performances.

"Alright then. I'll give you a call." Mr. Schue said before walking off.

I hung my head. How on earth did I forget a performance? I know a lot has been going on but… I just don't do that. I don't forget performances.

Shelby looked over at me sympathetically. "Don't beat yourself up over this Rachel. Things like this happen. Especially when you have so much on your mind."

I really need to get a grip on my life. I thought as I looked out the window. If I can't handle all of this how am I going to handle Broadway? Or worse how will I handle the paparazzi once I make it famous on Broadway?


	26. I Feel Everything

**Rachel's POV**

The extra practice Mr. Schue scheduled ended up being extra grueling. I know he was worried I had forgotten all my parts, but still… It kind of reminded me a little of VA. The only thing missing was Red Bull and sun tan lotion. The combination of the two still makes me sick to my stomach. Stupid Pavlov and his classical conditioning.

I was however thankful that Mr. Schue didn't tell the rest of the glee club that I was the reason for our last minute rehearsal. As grumpy and now as tired as they all were I'm sure I would have never lived it down. It's quite possible it would have caused some sort of anarchy.

I was now sitting on the curb waiting for Shelby to come pick me up. It had been twenty-five minutes since I sent her the text saying we were done. It was late so I wasn't expect to have to wait so long. Noah offered to take me home, but I declined. I don't think Shelby is quite ready to see him anywhere near the house.

"Well, I'm at least gonna sit here and wait with you. It's already after 9pm and Schue was out of here quicker than a blink." He said sitting next to me.

"Noah I'll be fine. If my mom sees you here she will flip. Just go. She'll probably be here any minute." I argued.

"Sorry, Rach, but there is no way I am leaving my Jewish American Princess out here all alone. Shelby will just have to deal." Noah said wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I instinctively pulled myself closer, wrapping my arms around him into a hug.

"You know we are gonna have to talk about everything eventually." I said beginning to feel as if the situation was sobering.

"I know." He said quietly and the paused. "I don't wanna lose you."

"You won't lose me Noah."

"Won't I? I don't know if I can just be your friend anymore. We crossed a line and I- I don't know if I wanna go back." Damn it Noah I thought after hearing his confession. "We could try Rae, we could try to be a couple."

I pulled away from his warmth. "I won't be enough for you. I know things got… passionate last night, but that's- that's not really me."

"Is that all you think I want? Sure I have needs and all that, but Rachel- it's you. I can be different for you." He pleaded. I could feel my resolve slipping. Because a part of me did want to try. Deep down I don't feel it would work, but I'll never know if I don't at least try…

"I don't want you to have to be different Noah." That was a crock of shit. I did want him to be different, but despite what people think I am not willing to force him to change just for me.

"They say the best relationships are built on friendships right?"

I didn't say anything.

"Just- just forget it. I should have never acted on my feelings at all." Noah said as he moved to stand up.

"Don't be like that." I said standing up and forcing him to look at me. I don't know what it was I was looking for when I looked into his eyes, but I searched regardless. Noah bent down and kissed me. It was soft. Nothing like any of the others.

"Please, can- can we just try?"

"Okay." I said quietly and then moved to kiss him again. Our soon to be make-out session was interrupted however by a loud, very long car horn. We jumped apart and I looked over at the SUV that had pulled up in front of us.

It was Charlie. Shit. Though Shelby wouldn't have been any better. He immediately rolled down the window.

"Mr. Puckerman I hadn't expected to see you on this lovely evening." Charlie was at least trying to sound cordial but he was far from it.

"Yes Mr. Corcoran. I'm afraid I just didn't feel comfortable with Rachel having to wait by herself." Noah said matching Charlie's tone. I grabbed his hand and squeezed, feeling the tension lightening a little when he smiled back at me. "I'll see you tomorrow Babe." He said and I abruptly kissed him on the cheek.

"Tomorrow." I smiled up at him and then moved to enter the car.

"What was that all about?" Charlie asked.

"Nothing." I said not really feeling the need nor wanting to explain myself to Charlie at the moment.

"Riiiight." He nodded. "Listen, kiddo, I'm sorry I was late. I was trying to manage some things in the office and-"

I cut him off before he could finish. "I thought Mom was coming to pick me up?"

"She was, but it was late and the kids were going to bed and you know how they like for her to be the one to tuck them in."

"Yeah." I said quietly looking out the window. Of course. Of course they like that. What child doesn't want their mother? It's not like she could just drop everything and cater to all my needs. I have to share her. That's what being a sibling is all about right? The problem was that I really don't want to have to share her.

I couldn't stop the tears that overflowed out of my eyelids if I had tried. I did however try not to make any noise. I didn't want to out right sob in front of Charlie. Especially over something so small. It's not like he would take my side anyways right? I mean Brent and Vanessa are his kids. I'm not his. Of course he would want to look out for their needs first. I wiped at my eyes quickly willing myself not to look over at Charlie. He didn't need to know I was upset. Stupid emotions. Why couldn't I control them like I have in the past? What's wrong with me?

"Rachel?" Shit. So much for Charlie not noticing. "Sweetheart are you ok?"

"I'm fine." I sobbed out. "I'm just tired is all."

"Rachel-"

"I'm fine! Ok?!" I yelled. That seemed to shut him up and we were quiet the rest of the way home. Though my tears never ceased.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I made my way downstairs after finally getting Vanessa to sleep. Usually it's Brent and his hyperactivity that wants to stay up later, but tonight Vanessa just didn't want to lay down. I sang and then we read some of Alice in Wonderland and then I sang again. I'm wondering if she's feeling a little left out now that Rachel and I are working on building a better relationship.

Just as I reached the living room I heard the front door fly open. Rachel and Charlie must be home. I smiled.

"Hey baby, how did rehear-sals-go?" I slowed my question as Rachel frantically ran past me and up the stairs. Was she crying?

"What happened?" I asked Charlie as he came through the door.

"I don't know. I picked her up, she was talking with Noah, but she was fine. Then I explained why I was late and she asked why didn't you come, but she was still fine. Next thing I knew she was crying and then yelled at me when I asked her what was wrong." Charlie explained while pacing the floor and running his hands through his hair. "She wouldn't talk to me, she just looked away and then runs in the house as soon as we get here."

"Well she obviously isn't fine." I said pinching the bridge of my nose. "I'll go talk to her." I shook my head. What could have possibly happened that would cause Rachel to get so upset?

I made my way into her room. I didn't bother to knock. She could be mad at me later. For now I just really wanted to know why she was so upset.

"Baby?" I said walking to her shaking form. She was sitting in the bay window, sobbing.

"Go away." She said pathetically.

"No." I answered

"Please?"

"No. I need to know what's wrong sweetheart." I said sitting next to her.

"I don't want to talk right now."

"Why?"

"Because. I just don't ok?" She got up from her seat and laid down on her bed, curling into a ball.

I moved to sit next to her on the bed. I pulled her close so that I could hold her. If she wouldn't talk to me then maybe she will at least let me comfort her. Though it hurts that she won't open up.

"Ok." I finally answer as I begin playing with her hair. She finally relaxed into me instead of of the stiff form she once was. The sobbing has turned into light whimpers. I wish she would just talk to me. Not knowing what else to do I begin to hum her lullaby softly.

"You used to sing that to me when I was little."

"I did, my grandmother used to sing it to me. Therefore in turn I passed it on to you."

"Do you ever sing it to Vanessa and Brent?"

"No, just you. Brent would rather hear stories and Vanessa likes both, but I've only ever sung it to you. I guess you could call it your lullaby."

"But Bubbe Lawson sang it to you."

"Yes, she did and she sang it only to me. She did something different with Kate, though I don't know what. It was my lullaby and I chose to pass it down to you." I continued to hold Rachel, trying to convey to her how much I loved her just in that simple gesture.

"Mom?"

"Yes, baby?"

"When are you going to issue that statement? The one about me being your daughter?"

I pulled away and looked at my daughter in a slight confusion, not expecting the question. "Well, um. I wanted to issue it once you knew, but my publicist wanted me to wait. She reminded me of the field day the paparazzi were going to have with all this new information and she wanted to have us all be a little more prepared for it."

"But we haven't really been preparing have we?" Rachel was now the one who was confused.

"No not really." I sigh, "I think she is also wanting to wait until it's closer to the charity performance I'm giving. Since I was hoping you would be there with me." I smiled at the thought of having Rachel at a performance with me as my daughter.

"So it's all going to just be a publicity stunt?" Rachel became angry and moved further away.

"What?! No, baby! It's not- I mean it seems like- That's not the way I viewed it at all. It's just the way things are in the business, you'll see when you get on Broadway yourself. There is a time and place for everything and-" She cuts me off.

"Were you even planning on coming to the show tomorrow?"

"What? Of course I am!"

"What were you going to tell people that didn't know- how wonderful your niece is?" I could see Rachel was getting angrier by the minute, but nothing I did seemed to calm her.

"Baby, no! Of course not!"

"But then the truth could get out? The truth that you've been hiding for the last sixteen years? Shelby Corcoran's big secret!"

"Rachel, stop! You know I don't think of you that way!"

"Do I?" She said pacing the floor as far away from me she could get. I moved next to her to try and pull her into a hug.

"Baby please."

"Don't Mom. Just- just go." She said turning against the wall crying again.

"I love you Rachel. I'd gladly tell the world about you, if it were just up to me. But I don't get that option being a celebrity. There are all these channels and-"

"Please, just go. I understand. I get it. Your career always comes first."

"No, baby, no you-"

"GO!" She yells. "I'm sorry Mom, I just need to be alone."

So I leave because I have screwed things up with my daughter yet again. I can't ever seem to get anything right when it comes to Rachel! I'm so mad at myself! Mad at this stupid career I wanted so badly! Mad at how much now it controls my life rather than me controlling my life! Mad at just how royally fucked up everything is! I've metaphorically purchased Pandora's Box and opened it. Everything I do now causes chaos. And knowing that on the other side of the door my daughter is hurting and crying and doubting my love for her and it's all my fault- it's killing me.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

I wasn't exactly avoiding Shelby, but I wasn't exactly trying to be all mother/daughter with her either. I could tell it was hurting her. Sometimes I think she feels everything I feel. Must be a weird Mom thing. But I just couldn't push past my own hurt enough to care. One minute she says she wants me as her daughter and the next this? I mean does she really want me or not?

I shook my head as I got ready with the rest of New Directions for our performance.

She's here isn't she? Showed up to support you, just like she said she would. And it's not just her; Charlie, Vanessa, Brent, Bubbe and Zayde are here. Hell even Evelyn and Joe are here or as Van and B would call them Nanny and Poppy. Nanny Evelyn and Poppy Joe… not sure if I can go there yet no matter how great they can be.

Doesn't matter anyway. The only reason any of them are here is because it's Mt. Pleasant's 150th anniversary celebration. It has nothing to do with me.

Yeah keep lying to yourself.

"Hey Jew Babe." Noah said as he kissed my cheek. "I got what you asked for." He opened up the cooler full of Red Bull and I smiled. This may not be a competition but if anything I did learn one thing from my time with Vocal Adrenaline. Go hard or go home.

"Thanks, Babe." I kissed him on the lips quickly before gathering up my fellow glee mates and explaining to them the benefits of extra energy. In the back of my mind I hear Shelby giving a lecture on performance enhancers. I choose to ignore it.

We were all finishing up our Red Bulls when Mr. Schue came to get us; it was time to perform!

"Ladies and Gentlemen please welcome the ladies of New Directions!"

I walked in front of of Tina, Mercedes, Brittany, Santana and Quinn. We were all wearing bright yellow dresses and the Red Bull had more than kicked in so we were smiling profusely.

I began to speak rapidly "Thank you so much, it really is a pleasure. As we have all had the opportunity as small groups within a larger one to chose our own songs." I take a breath. "The New Directions girls have chosen a selection of songs that speaks of the nation as a whole during these troubling times filled with economic uncertainty and unbridled social woes, because if there's two things America needs right now, that is sunshine and optimism!" Pause for dramatic effect. "Also angels." Then I let the music of our mash up, 'Halo/Walking on Sunshine' say the rest. Between Mercedes' and I's high notes, amazing breath control and high intensity energy- we are perfection.

We finish and the crowd suddenly goes wild. But we quickly cleared off the stage as the boys followed with 'Shout it Out Loud" by Kiss. It was perfect! All I had left was my solo. The last hurrah if you will. The clincher… feel free to stop me any time. The main event. The show stopper…

God, I love Red Bull! Well as long as it's not mixed with the smell of sun tan lotion.

I looked out from my place side stage and saw my Mom. She was smiling so big and so was everyone else. I couldn't help, but get just a little giddy at how amazing this all was. This was nothing like performing with Vocal Adrenaline. It was different. It was better. No, it was ten times better. Though they've always supported me in everything I've done… I've never felt it as much as I do now. It's like it's radiating towards the stage.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Thank you once again!" Mr. Schue said loudly into the microphone. "And for our last performance of the night please welcome our very own Rachel Berry!"

The crowd clapped with thunderous applause as I walked on to the stage. I stood their in the center and waited for my music to start. But it never did. Instead some other music started to play. I tried not to panic. Show face! Show face! Show face!

And then I saw him. It was in the midst of my not-so-panic panicking. There he was: Jesse St. James. Vocal Adrenaline Jesse St. James. Cheater cheater Jesse St. James. EX-EVERYTHING Jesse St. James. He was singing, some how he had commandeered a microphone and was walking my way. Parting the crowds, making his way towards the stage.

He was singing Hello… Our song. The first one we ever sang together. The song he used to sing to me when it was just the two of us. And now he was singing it in front of everyone. It came to the part where I was supposed to join in and in an effort to not look like a total failure, I did. I joined him and we sang together. It felt so right and yet so wrong. So very wrong. What the hell was happening?


	27. Hurricane

**Rachel's POV**

"Cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do (wonder what you do). Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you? Tell me how to win your heart for I haven't got a clue, but let me start by saying… I love you." We sang out perfectly together. Facing each other, our on stage chemistry had shone through brighter than ever and as we ended the song Jesse linked our hands together. We took our bows and exited the stage. I didn't let go of his hand as he led us to a secluded spot- realizing much to late that that would be my gravest mistake of the night.

"Hey." He said quietly.

Struggling to come to my senses I finally looked him in the eye. "What the hell, Jesse?" I fussed. "What was that? What are you doing here?" Jesse smirked no doubt mistaking fire for passion. Of course they could actually be the same thing couldn't they? I lost myself again as he spoke.

"I came to see you, Rachel. I didn't think you would talk to me so I did the one thing I knew that would get your attention. I've realized how much of a mistake I made. I can't stop thinking about how I hurt you and I just want to make it right. I've missed you, Rachel. I love you. I've never stopped loving you." He explained caressing the hand I still hadn't let go. Remember when I told you Jesse was like a drug? Well, I'm pretty sure I'm trippin' right now. He leaned in for a kiss, but I dodged it just in time.

Snap out of it Rae!

"So you just took over my performance?" I hit him in the chest with my hand that wasn't linked to his.

"I- uh…" He stumbled.

"You cheated on me Jesse!"

Hit.

"It was a…" I didn't allow him to continue.

"You broke my heart!"

Hit.

"Rach…"

"You don't get to just come here and try and sweep me off my feet!"

Hit. Hit.

"Oww."

"You don't get to sing our song to me and force me to sing along to save face."

Hit, hit, hit.

"You- you…" I didn't get a chance to finish my rant.

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF MY GIRL!" Noah came steamrolling in only to be stopped by Finn and Mr. Schue. It successfully froze me. Oh God Noah! What must he think of me? I frowned and just watched the scene unfold.

"Back up it Puck, it's not worth it." Finn said trying to calm him down, but it didn't help. If anything it threw fuel to the fire.

"THE HELL IT IS!" Noah said back struggling against them trying to get to Jesse. He looked like a bull that was about to charge and Jesse was the one stupid enough to wave a big red flag.

"Excuse me, but I was under the impression that I was having a PRIVATE conversation with Rachel. You know the one I just sang an undeniably passionate LOVE song with." Jesse said making a show of the fact that our hands were still linked. Everything was always a show to Jesse St. James.

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Shelby walked right up to Jesse and I, closely followed by Charlie. She looked almost as angry as Noah. Though it wasn't the same kind of anger. No she was no bull. More like a Mama Bear protecting her young. Yes, she can be that scary.

"Ah Mrs. Corcoran, it's a pleasure to meet you finally." Jesse said dropping my hand to extend it to Shelby. She didn't accept his offered hand and instead leveled him with a glare. If she had been shooting death rays (you know from one of those super hero shows Brent watches), Jesse would have died about five times.

"I would say the same, but that would be a lie." She said coldly. "Anyone who finds the need to cheat on my daughter is not someone I care to get acquainted with." Shelby was the first person I called when I found out about Jesse's cheerleading conquests. I was so upset and didn't want to talk about it to Kate at that moment. I was hoping Shelby would just come and get me and take me to the city to see some shows, you know a nice distraction, but she was in LA at the time. She offered to fly home, but I wouldn't let her. God, looking back now I can see how I was really blind to how Shelby was always more than willing to drop everything to be by my side and I've been so cold and harsh on her lately.

Shelby came around to stand next to me. "Rachel, honey, are you alright? Did you know about this? Rachel? Baby, talk to me." She was bent down so that she could look me in the eye but my gaze was clouded over. It actually felt more like an out of body experience, this whole thing. Like I was watching from above. I've always thought I was a little bit psychic. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Shelby was easily getting worried, but I couldn't speak. I was frozen in my spot listening to all the different people fighting over me. Noah was still in the background trying to get to Jesse. Charlie was now helping Mr. Schue and Finn in trying to keep Noah from going to jail. And Jesse- he- he-

"YOU'RE SHELBY LAWSON'S DAUGHTER?!" Jesse yelled as Shelby's words finally sunk in. He dropped his smirk and spun around to face me. He must have spoken louder than I thought because all of a sudden we were being bombarded by local news crews and reporters. Shelby wasn't really on the paparazzi's stalk list so it couldn't get that bad right?

Charlie let go of Noah and came over to the people now surrounding Shelby and I. They were asking so many questions. Quickly before I even realized what was going on Zayde and Charlie's dad, Joe, came in to stand on each side of us. There were lights flashing and people talking about Facebook and Twitter.

I heard a large tackling sound and it snapped me out of my haze. Turning, I noticed Noah had just bulldozed through Finn and hit Jesse. Likely breaking something or at least seriously bruising if the sound was any indication. Mr. Schue, Finn, Matt, and Mike were working to pull him off of Jesse. I could see that the police were coming, pushing their way through the gathering crowd.

"Noah!" I yelled, but we were being consistently shifted away from the fight.

"Shelby, I need to get the two of you out of here now." Charlie turned around to speak to us. He was calm and collected in an outward appearance, but one look in his eyes said he was worried and going in to protection mode. He looked over at his father and my grandfather who both nodded. They each took our arms to lead us to the car. Shelby had her armed possessively wrapped around me as the reporters and towns people were following us. Some were gawking and some were just shouting but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I turned around to try and catch another glimpse at Noah, Jesse, and my friends, but my efforts were futile as the crowd swarmed us.

We were ushered into our SUV which had been pulled up by Charlie's mom, Evelyn. "Shelby, the kids are with your mother. She left with them just after the frenzy started. They should be at the house when we get there." Evelyn turned and said as Shelby and I climbed into the vehicle. Shelby breathed a sigh of relief at the news as Evelyn turned back around in the car and rolled down the window.

"Dad, Frank, and I will take your car, just try and get them to the house quickly. IF by chance there is already media there, keep going, do not stop and have Shelby call me." Charlie said to his mother. She rolled up the window with a nod and drove off.

"Mom, what's happening? Why is every one freaking out? How could all those people be interested in this? Mom? Mom!" I looked over to my Mom who kept quiet carefully contemplating her next words that she never got to speak.

"Honey," Evelyn said glancing quickly at me in the rear view mirror. "Up until this point, the biggest Broadway star of the last decade has been hiding her sixteen year old daughter from the media. And with the way you two were just so publicly ousted, you might as well be a couple of ten point elks in a field during open season."

My eyes widened in the realization. Was it really going to be that bad? I mean it can't be this big of a deal. Shelby isn't even usually on the radar so why would they care now? I mean I've heard horror stories about the paparazzi and the lengths they go through for a story, but surely this wouldn't be one of those situations? There isn't any way this will be a big blow up. Every one is just over reacting. Right?

Shelby quickly grabbed my hand as I became placid again and just stared down to the floor of the SUV. "It'll be okay baby. I'm going to call my publicist and work all of this out. Don't worry ok?" I just nodded as she rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

Evelyn was able to get us home safely and luckily the media had yet to show up. I ushered Rachel in to the house as fast as I could just in case we were followed. My mother was waiting at the door as we walked in.

"Oh good, you made it back safely. Tell me did it get much worse?" She said to the three of us. Looking desperately for an answer. Okay I admit it. This whole thing is big. Huge. It's one of the reasons I was going to issue a statement first. God! It wasn't supposed to happen this way! The absolute worst way possible to happen!

"In a word: yes. But I think it was handled the best it could be, Marian." Evelyn addressed my mother as I weakly smiled and kept pushing Rachel towards the stairs. Forget about the paparazzi and media bombs that were about to attempt to destroy my life one explosion at a time. My top priority is my child, my children. I needed to get Rachel secluded in a spot where she could feel safe and I could breathe a little more freely. My panic can set itself in later.

"Mommy?" Vanessa said sneaking a peek out of her room as we walked by.

"Hey baby. Everything is ok. Mommy will come tuck you in, in a minute. Ok?" I said brushing her hair and motioning her back into her room. She nodded and obliged. I followed Rachel in to her room. She sat herself on the bed. I am certain she is in a bit of a state of shock. Walking to the window I closed the blinds and shut the curtains. Most likely, and liably soon at that, our front street and yard will be swarmed with paparazzi wanting statements and photos.

"Keep these shut." I said pointing towards her windows. She nodded, but still kept up a mostly stoic facade. "Rachel?" I knelt down in front of her and tried to collect her gaze. "Baby, look at me." I brought my hand up to her chin and moved it so that our eyes were able to connect. "Things are about to get really crazy, but I don't want you to worry about anything. Okay? Charlie and I will take care of all of this."

"Okay." Rachel's voice was barely above a whisper. I couldn't tell if the overall shock had morphed in to fear or if she was still wrapped up in the chaos of this massive… hurricane.

I nodded. "I'm going to check in on Vanessa and Brent, then head downstairs to call my publicist." I looked at the alarm clock beside her bed, it was only 8:45pm. "I know it's early still for you, but I want you to try and maybe see if you can get some sleep."

It was her turn to nod and I got up from my perch in front of her. "If you need anything at all, come downstairs. I'll most likely be in the office." She nodded again and I made my way out of her room shutting the door and heading across the hall to check on my other two children.

Keep calm and just breathe Shelby.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Once Shelby left I got myself up and changed. I was a little confused as to why she wanted me to keep the blinds and shades closed on the window, but as I peeked out I saw why. People were slowly gathering outside our house. What the fuck? Is this for real? I looked out a little further, but I quickly dodged out of sight when I saw one man point upward to me and start taking pictures. Was this the paparazzi? How in the hell did they already know? How in the hell did they get here so fast?

Honestly it made me a little nervous knowing there were people in our yard waiting to take pictures and bombard us with questions. Well not us. Shelby. That's who they had to be after right? I mean I'm just the daughter. It's my mother who is the star. She's the one they will hound and bug and stalk. I kinda feel bad now for thinking she was trying to hide me. Maybe it was more of she was just trying to avoid the crazy.

I slowly snuck out of my room. I had an overwhelming feeling of just wanting to be near my mom. I couldn't just sit up in my room right now. There is too much going on. I peek down the steps and notice that my grandparents and Charlie's parents are sitting at the dining room table. They haven't noticed me yet and I would rather they didn't. I was a little afraid they would stop me from going to my mom.

They didn't look my way though and I turned the corner to head to the office. I could vaguely hear Shelby conversing with a voice I didn't recognize. When I looked through the cracked door I saw Shelby sitting on the loveseat that was in the room. She had a small table with her Macbook Pro sitting on it in front of her and there was a woman talking to her via Skype. Charlie was sitting at his desk in the corner nearest to the door. He looked up and it got my attention.

Charlie smiled meekly and motioned for me to come in the room. I wanted to go sit with Shelby, but I was afraid I would disturb her so I went to stand by Charlie instead.

"Charlie," I whispered. "What's going on? There are a ton of people outside and when I looked out my window they tried to take my picture. Are they paparazzi?"

"Yeah kiddo. That would be the paparazzi." He said with a sigh. I take it he didn't know that they had arrived. "Why don't you go sit with your mom? I need to go and make a few phone calls about that."

I nod and cuddle in next to Shelby on the loveseat. She wraps her arm around me and kisses the top of my head. The woman on Skype stopped talking as Shelby turned to me.

"Hey baby, you ok?"

I nod. "I just wanted to be down here with you."

She smiled and then brought me closer for a hug.

"I love you, Rachel."

"I love you too, Mom."

The woman on Skype cleared her throat and Shelby looked back up to her but didn't let go completely.

"Rachel, this is Melissa Ruiz. She is my publicist."

"Melissa, this is Rachel."

"I figured." Mrs. Ruiz said a little too coldly for my liking.

I kept quiet. I hadn't ever really met any of Shelby's "people" out side of Charlie and a few stylists.

"Now if we can continue," Mrs. Ruiz said looking at some papers. "I think it will be best Shelby if release your statement on the website first. Hopefully with that we can draw in as much fan support as possible. Of course, we may get negative feedback from them as well- but most likely they will rally for your support. The post will also automatically appear on Facebook and Twitter as well. Then I suggest we send it out to the media. They are going to be chomping at the bits for more, but this might appease them at least a little. Tomorrow, mid morning, will be the best time. Unfortunately it isn't going to help with the paparazzi attacks in the morning, but I'm sure Charlie is taking care of that. For now if they do ask questions, either don't answer or keep your answers simple. They want to draw a reaction out of you, Shelby, and that's the last thing we need."

Shelby just kept nodding along while she played with my hair. I had my head on her shoulder and for some reason I felt like crying.

"Now Rachel I need you to listen to me for a minute." Mrs. Ruiz said. "The shit has hit the fan ok? And things are about to get insane. When you go out from now on- I don't know for how long- the paparazzi is going to be trailing you. They are going to want to know your every move. They are going to yell and shout questions at you. They will invade your personal space. And under NO circumstances should you answer them. Do you hear me?"

I nod.

"They will say or do anything to get an answer. They are going to want to turn this around Shelby portray her as a bad mother- it sells more stories. But you can't give them anything that will fuel the fire. I know it's a lot to take in, but I need you to promise me that, Rachel."

"I- I promise." I said shaking slightly. Okay now I was scared. They will say or DO anything to get an answer?

"It's ok baby." Shelby pulled me closer. "I'll be right by you whenever we go somewhere and Charlie is looking in to hiring some bodyguards for a while. Just until it all blows over."

My eyes widened at the words bodyguards- would these people try and hurt us?

"It's only a precaution, sweetheart. It's mostly to make us feel safer around the frenzy. They will probably only be shouting and taking pictures most of the time. Eventually it'll calm down and as long as we don't engage them they will keep their distance." Shelby said looking me in the eye.

Well that made me feel a little better.

"Now Shelby," Mrs. Ruiz said again. "Are you interesting at all in having Rachel make any kind of statement?"

"No, not at the moment. I think it's too new for her and I want her to be ready when/if the time comes. If we need to go there then we will cross that bridge when we get to it."

"Alright. That's that then. I'll make sure everything is all good on this end and send you the finalized statement for approval via email in the morning."

"Thank you, Melissa."

"No problem, Shelby. It's my job." She said with a small smile and then the Skype session ended.

"Mommy?" I looked up to her and I know there were tears swimming in my eyes. I had no idea that all this could be so scary. Maybe it was the fear of the unknown or that fact that people would constantly be following me. Me. Not just Shelby. Maybe I didn't want to be famous after all.

"Ssh, it's ok baby." Shelby said rocking me. "It sounds worse than it is. I promise it's gonna be okay. It'll blow over in no time."

I relaxed in to the comfort and safety of her embrace.

"Come on, let's go downstairs to the movie room and watch My Fair Lady. I don't know about you, but I could use a little musical distraction and I think Audrey Hepburn will be just the ticket."

I smiled. "I would really like that."


	28. Paparazzi

**Rachel's POV**

It had been two weeks since the media hurricane began to wreak it's havoc upon us. Every day simple little things, like going to school or grocery shopping, became something I would dread. It wasn't really the paparazzi themselves. I had come to get use to them hanging around, and over all just being there. No, it was the actual questions that they would ask that would torture me.

"Rachel, how do you feel about having a Tony Award winning Broadway actress as a mom?"

"Rachel, how do you feel about Shelby abandoning you as a child?"

"Rachel, do you feel welcome in Shelby's family?"

"Rachel, what's it like going from an only child to having siblings?"

"Rachel, do you and Shelby get along?"

"Rachel, how does Shelby treat you?"

Rachel, Rachel, Rachel… I felt like I was going insane. The statement hadn't quelled the media's need for answers at all. At least on Shelby's part. They were purely after me. Wanted to know how I was handling things, if I had any insecurities, did I already exhibit diva like tendencies. Shelby and Charlie had more than on one occasion gotten in to the faces of a few reporters when they grabbed at me. They were trying to get me to turn around for a picture and well… Shelby going all Mama Bear on the media didn't help. In fact, if anything it made it worse. Now we had police escorts and restraining orders and… it was all so tiring.

My relationship with the family was strained at best. I tried not to listen to the reporters, their accusations and such, but it was becoming harder with each passing minute. Shelby was trying so hard to reassure me, constantly telling me how much she loved me and how much she wanted me here, but it was like all the thoughts in my head were blurring together creating a twisted line in where I wasn't sure what was the real truth anymore.

Our relationship wasn't the only thing that was flailing at the moment. I knew I was falling behind in my school work but I couldn't bring myself to care. I was consumed by the thoughts of when I would have to deal with the paparazzi next so school didn't matter so much any more. The glee club for the most part seemed like they were trying to be supportive, but none of them had experienced anything like this before so they too were sort of at a loss.

I wish I could at least say that I had Noah here to lean on to help me through it all, but Jesse's ass of a self decided to press charges sending Noah back to Juvie. And because of the damn media I'm not even allowed to go visit him. God, just thinking about it all makes me want to cry. I literally want to go hide under a rock somewhere and just cry from now until forever.

I took a deep breath to help me force back my tears. I simply could not break down here. I just needed to get through the rest of the day and then I could go home and break down. Granted Shelby would want me to talk about it, but she was just going to have to get over the fact that I'm done talking about it. It's not like it helps. I was beginning to wonder if maybe I should move out for a while. Bubbe and Zayde offered at the beginning of all this saying it might take away some of the strain, but Shelby had adamantly refused. She said it was because she couldn't bear to be away from me, but I wonder if it had anything to do with her image. I mean if I moved out the media would probably try and call her an unfit mother, right? But that's just horrible to even think, I know because I would miss Shelby. Hell I would miss Charlie, Van and B as well. So if I would miss them could it be so impossible for them to miss me? See what I mean about not knowing who to believe anymore?

It's almost time for glee and I really need to drop off these books at my locker so I take a detour down the next hall. As I approach my locker I get the strange feeling something bad is going to happen, but I shake it off because lately it's like I'm constantly waiting for another bomb to drop.

I open the combination lock and pull the door open causing a stack of newspapers to fall out of my locker. Why the fuck are their newspapers in my locker? I pick one up and inspect it further. It's not a newspaper… it's a tabloid.

_HEADLINE: SHELBY LAWSON'S WILD CHILD_

_Sources confirm Tuesday that all isn't as well in paradise as the Lawson camp would have us all believe._

_It was recently discovered that Rachel Berry, age 16, is the first born of Tony Award winning Broadway_

_actress, Shelby Lawson (known also by her married name as Shelby Corcoran). The secret had been kept _

_for the last sixteen years, until Lawson gained custody of her daughter after the death of her sister who _

_had sole custody before. Though the actress released a statement nearly two weeks ago confirming the _

_information, little has been released on just who Rachel Berry is. It has widely been speculated that _

_the teen is much like Lawson herself. She has won several singing, talent, and dance competitions and _

_is rumored to be an aspiring Broadway actress. But sources tell us that Berry is far from anyone's _

_angel. It's been divulged that the teen wears scandalizingly short skirts and isn't afraid to flaunt herself _

_among the school's population. Berry also, apparently, misses classes quite frequently. It has been _

_reported that the girl was recently given several detentions and a saturday school session after being caught _

_cutting classes. The girl also frequently parties with school friends, getting drunk at the family's home studio._

_And all that is just the icing on top of the cake. The biggest piece of news our source gave us was that Berry _

_is currently dating local high school student, Noah Puckerman, who has an extensive wrap sheet and is _

_currently spending time in a juvenile detention center for beating another student within an inch of his life. _

_The Lawson camp was contacted about the allegations but gave no comment._

Who would?

Why?

There were only a few people that could have known all of this…

I stormed my way in to the choir room, for once glad that I was late. Everyone looked up as I entered and once I was satisfied that all the attention was on me I began to lay into them. Throwing the papers that were in my locker on the floor in front of them I began to yell and scream. I couldn't believe any of them would do this, but there were things in that article that only glee club members knew. I told them I hope they were happy now that they had official ruined my life and if all they really wanted was to get rid of me all they had to do was ask. It wasn't until Mr. Schue came up behind me trying to calm me down that I finally stopped yelling. The tears began flowing freely now.

"You know what?" I said jerking my arm away from Mr. Schue. "Fuck you all. I quit." I began to walk away, but before I hit the door Mr. Schue tried once more to stop me.

"B-but Rachel, Regionals is only a few weeks away. We need you."

"It's so obvious to me now that you really don't." I say and run out of the room. I can faintly hear Santana begin to yell, but I don't care. I really just want to get the hell out of this school as fast as I can. I pull out my phone as run out of the front doors of the school.

"Hey baby, shouldn't you be in glee right now?" Shelby answers.

"Mom, can you come get me? I wanna go home."

"Rachel, honey, you've missed a lot of school lately and I think it's really best if you try and stick it out. There are only a couple of more.."

"Please Mommy." I beg and begin to cry.

"What happened?" Shelby sounds worried and a little frantic, I can hear her moving around now.

"Please just come get me Mommy. Pleeeeaaase."

"Okay baby, I'm on my way."

Shelby hangs up and I sit myself on the sidewalk unable to stop my tears. As I cry I hear them. They're like vultures and I'm just some helpless prey.

Click. Click.

"Rachel, what's wrong?"

Click. Click.

"Does this have anything to do with your boyfriend?"

Click. Click.

"Rachel, are you cutting out on classes again?"

Shit. I get up to try and move back into the building, but I'm surrounded by them now. It seems they currently don't care about the restraining orders that keep them off of school property.

Click. Click.

"Rachel, is yours and Shelby's relationship what drive you to drinking?"

Click. Click.

"Rachel how many times have you been in and out of rehab?"

Click. Click.

"Rachel, are the pregnancy rumors true? Are you carrying Noah Puckerman's baby?"

Fuck! Are they serious right now? I panic as I try to move through them, but no matter how hard I try it feels like I just get further and further lost in the crowd of people.

"Get away from her!" I hear someone yell. "You filthy blood suckers. Worse than mosquitos on the Florida panhandle! Go find some one else to leech off of!" She grabs my arm and pulls me inside.

I wipe at my tears frantically. Once I can get a clear view I'm almost shocked at who I see in front of me. "C-c-coach Sylvester?"

"Is that a question or a statement Miss Lullaby League? I think all the flash photography is numbing your brain, that or it's all the fumes off of William Schuester's hair gel."

"What are you? Why did you? How did you know?"

"God, you're just like the leeches now! Perhaps I should throw you back to your own kind?"

"No! Please don't. I'm sorry."

"Relax fun size, if I were going to throw you back to the wolves why would I waste time getting you away from them?"

She had a point, but I was too afraid to ask any more questions still. Instead I chose to sit on the bench lined against the wall. I really wish my mom would just get here already.

"Coach I checked the gym and the football field but I couldn't…"

"Quinn?" I asked surprised to see the cheerleader running our way.

"I found her out front Q, had to pull her from the snake pit." Coach Sylvester motioned to the front door. I watched as Quinn looked out to see the paparazzi looking in, still trying to flash her cameras.

"Come on," Quinn said trying to grab my hand, but I wouldn't let her. "It wasn't me Rachel, I swear it. I know what it's like to have people watching your every move and granted I can pull some pretty bitchy moves, but it wasn't me. If it was I would flaunt it, you have to know that."

For some reason I believed her and took her hand. "I'm not going back to glee."

"I know." She said. "Snix is dealing with them now. Coach said we can go in to her office for now." I looked over and Coach Sylvester who just waved us off as if nothing was said.

"Who or what is Snix?" I ask.

"Snix is Santana's alter ego… you know Lima Heights Adjacent and all that?"

"Rachel!" Brittany said running up to me and giving me a hug. I was so confused. I thought. I thought it might have been these three out of all of glee who would have done this to me and now I'm ashamed because they are the one's actually coming to my rescue.

"Britt, let her breathe." Quinn said prying Brittany away from me.

"Sorry, Rach, I thought we had lost you. I got lost one summer in the sewers and it was like super scary. You didn't get lost in the sewer did you?"

"No Brittany. Just mobbed by the paparazzi." I say almost laughing.

"Oh my gosh! Are you ok? Did they beat you up? Do you still have all of your money?"

"Mobbed, not mugged, Britt." Quinn tried to clear up. "Has San finished with glee yet?"

"No, she's pretty pissed. She said something about seeing if Coach Sylvester would teach her some of those interrogation tactics from Nam." Brittany shrugged.

"S-s-so you guys? Didn't have anything to do with this?"

"No Rachel. We didn't." Quinn said and now I really feel like shit. I didn't have time to apologize though as my mother can rushing by the door.

"Mrs. C!" Brittany yelled. "Rachel's in here."

Shelby came into the room and grabbed me up into hug. "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Melissa just called me about the tabloid. Baby I swear if I'd have known I wouldn't have sent you to school today? How'd you find out?" She was rushing everything out, but being in her arms just made me want to cry again and I couldn't get anything out. "Oh, sweetheart."

"Mrs. Corcoran?" Quinn spoke up and without releasing me I could feel Shelby lift her head to look at her. "The tabloids… some one filled Rachel's locker up with them."

"They did what?!" Shelby yelled and it was right at my ear causing me to cringe. "Oh, baby, I'm sorry." She tried to apologize but then looked back over to Quinn.

"Rachel went to her locker before glee and when she opened it they were there. She came into glee to tell us about it."

"Do you have any idea who did this?"

Quinn shook her head. She left out the part where I blamed the entire glee club and yelled out all kinds of obscenities and pretty much flipped my shit. Shelby nodded as well and then decided she needed to take me home.

Before leaving Coach Sylvester stopped her to tell her of the media attack on me early and Shelby looked as if she would cry. She thanked Sue quickly and ushered us out the door. As soon as we hit the open space we were bombarded by reporters. Sue followed us out though and used her megaphone to get them to back off throwing out threats of her days with the CIA. And there was also something about taking them out quicker than the Navy Seals did Bin Laden. That seemed to work really well. Coach Sylvester can be really scary.

We had to drive much slower than usual as we were being followed by the media in cars. They weren't exactly paying attention to the road and almost hit us a couple of times. Shelby was cursing and saying something about needing a police escort to go everywhere. She grabbed her phone and called Charlie. I was trying my best to keep my face shielded from the passing cars. Maybe if they thought they couldn't get a good shot, they would stop. Wrong.

We finally made it home. I was more than relieved to see that the police were at our house and keeping the paparazzi off our property. At least I could get inside with out being targeted with more questions. Once we had the door closed I collapsed in to Shelby's arms again, completely overwhelmed. She picked me up and carried me over to the couch and whispered constantly that she loved me and that I was safe. That eventually it would be ok. She talked about getting a fence put up and talking to the school resource officer about the media showing up there. She mentioned possible getting a bodyguard for me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think things would get this bad. I just laid there continually shaking until she began playing with my hair and humming my lullaby which finally calmed me enough to fall asleep.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I was at my breaking point. It took two hours before Rachel calmed down enough to fall asleep in my arms. I was thankful that Vanessa and Brent were currently at Charlie's parents house. I didn't want them to have to be, but when Rachel called me to pick her up and then Melissa called me about the tabloids- I just knew they couldn't be here. I hated it at the same time as well. I felt like I was always having to send them away. I know it was for their own protection, but still- I feel like a horrible mother.

Just then Charlie came through the door, livid as ever. He too was fed up with the media intrusions and just wished it would pass already. But it always gets worse before it gets better doesn't it?

"I can't believe them!" He yelled. "This is ridiculous!"

I immediately shushed him and pointed over to the couch where Rachel was still sleeping.

"Damn it. I'm sorry Shel." He whispered.

"It's ok. I don't think she'll wake up anytime soon. She hasn't been sleeping very well. She doesn't think I know, but I do." I say as he pulls me in to a hug. The tears begin to run down my cheek. I had tried to stay strong for Rachel, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. "What are we going to do Charlie?"

"I'll figure it out Shel. I'll call Melissa and the security team. We'll figure this all out."

I nod. "I'm so scared about how this is effecting her." I say looking over to Rachel. "She doesn't talk to me. She lets me hold her but never says a word. And then there is Brent and Vanessa; Charlie what are we going to do if the media starts going after them?"

"I promise, babe, I'm gonna figure this out." He tries to reassure me again.

"I'm supposed to be retired, on a break, whatever. This shouldn't have been this much of a blow up!" I say frustratedly. "I knew it would be big, but I never thought this was front page news. This isn't LA, it's New York. It's supposed to be quieter here."

"Melissa thinks it's just because nothing big is going on in Hollywood right now. Any day now something will come along to replace this and we'll just be second hand news. It'll blow over- we just gotta wait it out."

"How much longer are we going to have to wait? These are my kids Charlie! I could take it if was just me. But not when it comes down to my children!"

"I know. I know, Shelby. It's gonna be alright baby. We'll get through this. I promise."

"Mom?" Rachel says quietly from the couch. I wipe frantically at my tears and go over to her as she sits up.

"Hey, baby, come here." I say opening my arms as I sit next to her. She immediately accepts and cuddles in next to me. We at least haven't lost this. Even if she isn't talking to me, at least she is still clingy and wants comfort and contact with her mother.

"Mommy, I'm sorry. I know all this just makes you look bad and…"

"Stop right there," I say cutting her off. "Rachel, honey, this isn't your fault any of it and I could care less how it all makes me look. All I care about is how it's affecting you."

She nods. "I quit glee."

"Oh, baby, why?"

"I think it was one of them. T-t-that leaked the information to the press." She began.

I try and hold her a little tighter knowing it has to be killing her… even the thought of one of her closest friends doing this.

"They were the only one's that knew about some of the things that were printed so whether they went to the press themselves or told someone else who went to the press… it still has to be one of them." Rachel said getting upset. Eventually I got her to calm down again.

Evelyn and Joe brought take out when they dropped the kids back off at the house. Vanessa, Brent, Rachel, and I ended up curling up on the couch watching The Little Mermaid while Charlie was upstairs in the office on the phone with everyone trying to figure things out. Things just had to get better. Please God, I know I haven't put much faith in You in the past, but if there is any way you can make this whole thing blow over a little more quickly I would certainly appreciate it.


	29. Marilyn Monroe

**Shelby's POV**

"I want to speak to the press."

"No Rachel. Just no."

"Why? It's not getting any better and it could actually work! We could finally go places without being crowed by reporters! I'm tired of reading all their crap about me! Most of it's lies, Mom!" She whines.

Rachel and I had been arguing for days on the subject. Ever since all the negative articles had started to print- yes… articles. We've been bombarded with several a day now and it had only put more strain on us. Rachel had began to grow more angry every day. And I understand she wants the opportunity to defend herself, but I'm not sure if it just won't add fuel to the fire.

"She has a point Shelby." Charlie butted in.

"See! At least some one gets it- thank you Charlie." Rachel gave a nod to my husband and ok- did he have to do that? He hasn't said one damn word since the arguments began and now- now he pipes in.

"Are you crazy?" I yell over at Charlie. "They'll eat her alive! I will not subject my daughter to that!"

"Mommy, please!"

"Don't you Mommy me Rachel!"

"But what if it makes them stop?" She whined. Rachel has been so whiney today, I'm beginning to wonder if she and Vanessa have switched places. Shit. She's probably not sleeping at all. I'm going to have to talk to her about that tonight.

"And what if it doesn't Rachel? The paparazzi isn't something you can predict." And it isn't. If she did this- she would be opening herself up to a whirlwind of questions and I'm worried all of this has put too much strain on her already.

"Then we won't have lost anything, Mom. I can do this. I can handle it. Please."

"I will not take that chance. The cons out weigh the pros Rachel. No, is my final answer." I state and storm off in to the office slamming the door. I plop down over to my desk currently littered with tabloids and sigh over the headlines. They've gotten worse everyday it seems like. Not just the headlines. We've been keeping a headcount of how many reporters show up at our house daily, that number has risen too. Look at this crap!

SHELBY LAWSON: UNFIT MOTHER?

RACHEL BERRY ACTS OUT OVER ABANDONMENT ISSUES

RACHEL BERRY MELTDOWN!

SHELBY LAWSON LASHES OUT AT PRESS. TALKS OF LAWSUITS.

SHELBY LAWSON'S WICKED DAUGHTER

PREGNANCY RUMORS TRUE? IS A RACHEL BERRY 2.0 ON THE WAY?

HAS SIXTEEN YEARS BEEN TOO LONG FOR SHELBY LAWSON & DAUGHTER?

RACHEL BERRY QUITS SCHOOL GLEE CLUB, BUCKLING UNDER THE PRESSURE

I watch as each headline tries in some way to tear down our family and it pisses me off! Seriously how the hell did they even know that last part?! I hear my cell ring and answer while I push back the tears threatening to spill over. Rachel isn't the only one that all of this is affecting, but I need to be strong for my family.

"Okay, Melissa, what's the news?"

"Fans are rallying behind you. Recent posts show they are angry with the media backlash and taking to the social media to show their support. I highly advise you to get your ass on twitter and send out a thank you for continued support."

"Alright I'll get on that."

"Shelby," Melissa pauses. "Have you considered, by chance, having Rachel make a statement?"

"Not you too." I fussed in to the phone. Was everyone against me on this point?

"Shelby, I know you want to protect your kid, but it isn't like she hasn't seen the worst the media can do. She's already practically getting their worse now! Well besides physical altercations, but I don't think we will really have to worry about that. The threat of lawsuit is just too high with her being a minor. But anyways where was I? Oh yes, we could set up a separate twitter for her, have her make some well worded tweets- hell let the public get to know her."

"I don't know, Melissa, I don't like the idea of the media being able to so openly attack her like that."

"Shelby, they already are openly attacking you both. This could be simply a way to get her point of view out there, calm some of the storm."

"Won't they just say it's a representative tweeting rather than her?"

"Ok fine. You're obviously just looking for excuses now. What about a simple statement or maybe we can set up an interview with the two of you on a talk show or something? Shel… you're gonna have to give on something. They're sharks, they'll stick around till they are surrounded by blood if you don't spot them a fish."

"I hate that analogy."

"Truth is truth, Shelby. I deal with these people on a day to day basis. They are gonna stay put until you throw them a bone."

"Ugh! Which one do you think would be the most effective?"

"I'm not sure. Let me poll around and I'll get back to you on it."

"Ok, Melissa, thanks."

"Eh, it's what you pay me for." Melissa says before hanging up.

Great I put my foot down just to be forced to lift it back up! Rachel's gonna have a field day with that! My head begins to pound and I know if I don't take something soon I'll have a full blown migraine. I walk out of the office and go to my medicine cabinet. After taking some meds and spending a half hour laying down I decided I needed to talk to Rachel. Getting up I walked out in to the living room area, but she wasn't there. I checked the kitchen next and I found her and Charlie sitting at the bar. They both grow quiet when I enter and immediately I know they were talking about Rachel speaking to the media. Sigh. I should have known my word wouldn't have been the end of it anyway. Why is it that Rachel always has a way of getting what she wants?

"Shelby, you ok?" Charlie asks concerned.

"Headache." I say shortly and it causes Rachel to wince. I grab a water from the fridge pull out a stool, sitting beside Charlie and across from Rachel.

"Did you take any medicine for it?"

"Yes, Charlie. I did about a half hour ago."

"I'm sorry." Rachel says getting up to go. She looks distraught. "I shouldn't have gotten so heated with you earlier and now I've caused you a headache and..."

"Baby, don't go." I say stopping her. "You didn't cause my headache. The media camping outside of my house is causing my headache. Worry about my family is causing my headache, but none of this is your fault." I say and she sits back down. "Now, I would like to hear what it is you would say to the press, if you were to make a statement."

Rachel sniffled but had held back any real breakdowns. "Really?"

I smile and nod reaching across the counter to squeeze her hand. "Really."

Rachel, Charlie and I spend the next hour and a half discussing interviews and statements. Charlie suggests the twitter idea which makes me think that he and Melissa have been discussing this behind my back. I shut that down quickly no matter how excited Rachel got over it. I do not like the idea of people taking open shots at her where she could read them at anytime. I know, I know. She can do a web search and see all the same things, but I just can't shake the feeling that it would be bad news. At least her Facebook account is private.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

I can't believe Mom is actually considering this. I mean just this morning we were yelling and now, well she isn't all for it. She still doesn't like it, but she is at least giving it a shot! I know she thinks I'm just being stubborn, but I really do understand where she is coming from. The idea of talking to the media makes me a little apprehensive, but if this is what it'll take to get them off our backs, then this is what it takes. Plus, it gives me practice for dealing with them when I get on Broadway myself. I wonder if all this will hinder or hurt my chances? I mean of course it'll get my name out there, but what if the producers end up thinking I'm trouble? See- all the more reason to do this!

I'm broken from my thoughts when our doorbell rings and I move to get it.

"No, Rachel. I'll get it." Charlie says. Ok seriously, would it be that big of a deal if the paparazzi photographed me opening the door? I sigh because right now, yeah it would. I can't even go hang out with my friends or have them come here it's so bad. "Come in."

I run in to the living room hoping that Noah was here. He got out of juvie last night and texted me this morning saying he didn't care who he had to fight he was going to come see me today. "Tina?" Ok, that probably sounded wrong but I was shocked. What was Tina doing at my house?

"H-h-hi Rachel. I w-w-was w-w-wondering if we could talk."

"Um, ok sure." I said, but I was anything but sure. I mean Tina and I had classes together and there was glee, but we weren't exactly friends. Tina and I sat on the couch and I glared at Shelby and Charlie when they didn't move to leave. "Maybe we should take this to my room." I say motioning for her to follow me. I don't know what Tina wants to talk about, but she looks pretty nervous. Ok, she always looks nervous, but that's beside the point because she wouldn't have come here if this wasn't important.

By the time Tina had left I was livid! How could? Why? God! Could I not trust any of my so called friends? I guess maybe my anger might of frightened Tina because Shelby ran into my room shortly after she left.

"What happened? Why did that poor girl look like she was in tears when she left?"

Upon seeing my Mom I just lost it and started crying. I didn't understand. I didn't want to believe but I knew, I knew the moment Tina said who had sold my information to the media and who had given him the information to do it with, that she wasn't lying. Shelby pulled me into a tight hug and I wrapped my arms around her. None of my insecurities that the paparazzi had been feeding over the last week mattered. As childish as it may be, I just wanted my Mommy.

"Baby, what happened? Talk to me." She said as she moved us to sit on my bed. She began playing with my hair and humming lightly, which seems to work wonders on getting me to calm down nowadays, and my sobs began to subside. "Baby, please don't shut me out." Shelby said and it got my attention.

"I'm sorry Mom." I sniffled. I wasn't intentionally trying to shut her out this time, but whenever I thought about who had done this to me… the tears just welled up even more. "I d-d-on't…. I'm not t-t-trying to shut you out."

"Good, but honey what has got you all upset?"

"It was K-kurt." I said quietly trying to hold back the sobs that threatened.

"What about Kurt?"

I took a deep breath willing myself not to cry, still sniffling I pulled away from my mom and told her exactly what Tina had told me. "Kurt told Jacob Ben Israel about the party here and all that stuff thinking he would print it all in the school paper, but…"

"Jacob went to the paparazzi." Shelby finished and I broke down again.

"Why would Kurt do this? I thought he was my friend." I cried while Shelby tried to sooth me again.

"Oh baby." She cooed. "We'll get through this ok? I know I seem to say that a lot, but we will get through it."

I nod and try to wipe away my tears, but they just keep flowing. I swear I've cried so much the last several months… I'm surprised I haven't been hospitalized for dehydration. Okay, Rachel, you can do this. It's horrible, but not the end of the world. You can control your emotions. I took a couple of more deep breaths and was finally able to quell the waterfall… What? That's what it felt like. Sigh. What the hell am I gonna do Monday morning? I know me… I'm going to want to confront Kurt soon. There isn't anything I can do about Jacob, but Kurt… I thought better of him- guess I was wrong.

"Sooo… not worth my tears." I say to the empty room. Vanessa wanted mom to go watch some dance number she's been working on in one of her classes and I told her to go on. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to ask her stay. But that would have been horrible of me. I've been so selfish lately in that respect. The Pipsqueak and the munchkin are my siblings now and I need to learn to share my mom. I'm not use to this not being an only child thing. Sigh.

I look over at my phone that my mom ended up giving me back early. I've missed four more calls from Jesse and there are several messages from Quinn, Santana and Brittany (I gave them back the phone they had given me and told them to just use my phone number… I feel like there is enough sneaking around with all the media crap- So yeah…). Anyways, they had sent me several texts a piece but the one person I really wanted to talk to… the person that told me he was going to see me today… nothing. I searched my contact list and hit the call button when I got to Noah's name.

Ring. Ring. Ring. "Sup? You've reached Puck. Call me back, I don't check this shit."

Why isn't he answering? I frown and decide to call his house.

It picks up on the first ring. "Hello."

"Hi, Mrs. Puckerman. This is Rachel. Can I speak to Noah please?" I ask.

"Oh, hi Rachel." She sounds… surprised? "I'm sorry dear, but Noah isn't home. He left a couple of hours ago."

"Oh…" Where did he go? Why didn't he come here?

"You should try his cell phone sweetheart."

"Of course, Mrs. Puckerman. Thank you."

"No problem."

We said our goodbyes and I stared at my phone. I decided to send Noah a text.

_~Hey baby, I miss your voice! Call me or come over or something!~_

Does that sound too needy? Am I over doing it? We haven't really been able to use pet names too much. Well I haven't, Noah's always used them, but I haven't. Maybe it's too soon? I erase the text.

_~Hey! I miss you. Call me.~_

Yeah that's the one. I send it and wait for Noah to text me back. Maybe he just couldn't answer before. Or his reception was bad…

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

Vanessa finished her little dance routine to a standing ovation from Charlie, Brent, and I. She really has gotten so much better in her dancing. I don't think she was ever really in to it until this year, and of course, I have a feeling Rachel being here might have something to do with it. Vanessa's only ever been used to sharing me with Brent and now we've added Rachel in to the mix and- well I just worry is all. I constantly worry bout all my kids actually. But then again I guess it's like Ethel Murman said in There's No Business Like Show Business "You start worrying about your kids from the day they were born and you never stop."

Brent coaxed Charlie and Vanessa into playing Mario Kart on the Wii with him next and since that is sort of Charlie and theirs thing, I decided to go check up on Rachel. Before heading up the stairs I grab her laptop and iPod. I had already given back her phone and I know I probably shouldn't but she's just been through so much and I really think she's learnt her lesson. Maybe this can help her feel better about this whole situation. Hell, the paparazzi is punishment enough for anyone.

I walk into Rachel's room, she is sitting up on her bed, hugging her pillow and clutching her phone. She looks up when I put her laptop and iPod on the bed.

"I get them back?" She asks confused.

"Yes, just don't make me regret it." Rachel crawls across the bed and lunges forward hugging me. She pulls back and I think it's one of the most genuine smiles I've seen from her all week.

"Thanks Mom."

"You're welcome baby." She goes back to her spot, looks at her phone and huffs. "Okay, what's the matter?"

"It's Noah." She says quietly. "He said he wanted to come see me today, but he didn't show and now he isn't answering his phone." She pouts and I groan. I'm not exactly Noah's biggest fan at the moment, and he hasn't gone out of his way to sway me to his side either. So… ignoring my daughter? It just knocks him another notch down.

I sigh because I can't be all anti-Puckerman right now, Rachel needs support. Not for me to drag her boyfriend down into the mud- no matter how much I want to. "Maybe his phone died, Hon. I'm sure there is a good reason for why he hasn't contacted you."

Rachel raises an eyebrow, "Who are you and what have you done with my mother?"

I laugh, but concede. "Hey! I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. I remember having this talk with my daughter about being a little more accepting of her boyfriend and supportive of their relationship. She told me it was very important to her that I do so. And though, it may pain me to do just that, I am at least trying to follow through."

Rachel gave a half smile, then dropped it. "What if…"

"Baby, let's not play the what if game right now ok?" She nods biting her lower lip. "Come on," I say grabbing her laptop and sitting next to her. "Why don't we watch a movie on Netflix?"

"Ok," She says grabbing the computer and pulling the site up. She's been all too willing to go along with any distraction offered lately. You know if it weren't for those damn paparazzi we could actually go to the movies like normal people. I put it all out of my mind for now as it really isn't doing me much good. I just got finished telling Rachel not to play what if's, maybe I need to follow my own advice? "What would you like to watch?" Rachel asks.

I gasp playfully, "You mean I get to pick?"

"Hey, I've let you pick before!" I'm sure she meant for that to come out more as a playful shout, but it ends up being whiney. My poor baby, I know she's tired. Maybe she'll sleep better after we can figure out how to get the media off our backs.

"What like twice?" I playfully push her. She crosses her arms over her chest and pouts trying to hold back a smile.

"Mom!" I smile because- yeah- that never gets old. I love hearing her call me that.

"Ok, ok I'll pick. Genre?" I transfer the computer from her lap to mine and wait for her answer.

"Ummm something dramatic. No musicals though."

"What!? MY daughter doesn't wish to watch a musical?" I smile over at her again.

"I'm not really in the mood." She shrugs and lays her head on my shoulder cuddling in to me. I wrap my arm around her and kiss the top of her head.

"Ok." I say and begin to look through the list of movies. "How about My Week With Marilyn? I haven't seen it yet."

"Sounds good to me." She says and grabs her pillow giving her something to hold. You know I know she's sixteen, but if she hadn't lost that mouse I had given her then I am almost certain that is what she would be clutching right now. Though I've never really thought that she lost it… more like it was gotten rid of. But that's neither here nor there.

We get about half way through the movie when Rachel gets up, turns on her desk lamp and grabs a pen and notebook. I pause the movie.

"Rachel?" She's so into writing whatever it is she's writing that I have to call her name twice more and poke her to get her attention.

"Sorry Mom. I just got this idea I needed to write down. You can start the movie back I'm good." She says as she puts the notebook back on her desk and hits the light. Part of me wants to ask about this "idea" and part of me knows she'll share it eventually. I choose to just un pause the movie. If she doesn't come to me about it later, then I'll ask.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

After the movie I told my mom my idea and she was actually completely on board with it. She even took me to the music store on Sunday morning to get the sheet music I wanted. It wasn't fun fighting the paparazzi. But we called the store ahead of time and since they weren't busy they agreed to close up once we got there so we could shop in peace. It's a ridiculous thing to have to do. I mean we aren't the royal family. Ok, mom may be considered Broadway royalty now, but still Broadway never gets this much attention. Hollywood must really be slow for news. After we got back home I went to sit down by the piano in our living room, but mom shook her head telling me no. I immediately got upset until she mentioned that it would be alright if I went in to the studio and practiced. Of course I was ecstatic and jumped at the opportunity. I think maybe she did it though because Charlie was trying to watch some golf thing on TV. Not that it matters. An in is an in and I got to go back in to the studio. I was all smiles. I'm going to conquer this song.

Mom had to force me to stop and eat twice. Yeah, I was that in to learning it. I knew I could play it well and just read off the sheet music, but that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to play it by heart so I could put all of my heart in it. Around 11pm she came back in once last time and told me I needed to go get ready for bed. I nodded and we closed up the studio. I felt confident anyways that I had this down pat. Not to mention I found myself extremely tired. I hadn't been sleeping much- when do I ever sleep much? Hopefully tonight that would change though. I needed rest. I had too much to get done tomorrow.

I needed to confront Kurt, and talk to Noah (he called me once today but I was mad at him for Saturday and didn't answer- he didn't leave a message or try and call me back. He didn't even text me). I was also going to get to share with the paparazzi tomorrow. It wouldn't be a question an answer thing. We decided against that, but I would be making a public statement about some things and hopefully them at least hearing from me will appease them enough to back off. So yeah, sleep? It really needed to happen.

I walked in to school Monday morning feeling refreshed yet slightly anxious. This was going to be a big day. Mom, Charlie, and her publicist, Ms. Ruiz were getting things ready for this afternoon. We met with Principal Figgins and he has allowed us the use of the auditorium so at least that is all taken care of. I decided to avoid Kurt and confront him later. I really wanted to talk to Noah first and find out what was going on. I looked everywhere but couldn't find him. By the time the first bell rang I had already accepted it would have to wait till later. No way was I skipping class again.

When I walked in to first I watched as Mercedes scowled at me while Kurt refused to even look my way. Santana noticed as well and glared at the two. I sat next to her and we chatted about how things were going, I told her I found out who sold me out and she immediately wanted to know, but the teacher came in and began class. It was probably better anyways, knowing how she is she would have become furious and probably confronted Kurt right then. I really needed to talk to her and Quinn even about that. I need to fight my own battles. I appreciated their support and sticking up for me over the last week, but it was high time I stood on my own and showed everyone who Rachel Berry really is.

Class went by very quickly and Santana cornered me and demanded I tell her what I found out. I told her to wait until lunch and we could talk. She wasn't happy but accepted and soon Brittany came up to her which calmed her down instantly. I swear Brittany has this magical charm over Santana and I wonder if there is more than friendship there. They've never come right out and said it but all you have to do is see the way they look at each other and it's kind of hard to miss. I sit with Quinn in my next class and it goes about the same as the first. She too is desperate to know the culprit behind the article and I tell her the same as I did Santana, that I would tell the three of them at lunch. I asked if she could get everyone to met me in the choir room since I knew it would be empty and she said sure.

None, of the Cheerios were in my next class because I now had a free period. I was supposed to be in an upper level Piano class that Brad was teaching to a select few students, but he felt I was beyond the level of the others and arranged for me to use the time to practice as I wished. Instead of going over the piece I was to perform later I chose to walk by Noah's class as nonchalantly as I could and noticed Noah was in fact there. Figures. He must have been avoiding me this morning. This can't be good. I go to my locker next and when I open it I notice a post it sticking right dead in the center. I couldn't have missed it if I tried.

_Hey Jew Babe_

_I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you,_

_But I can't do this._

_Noah_

I re-read the post it five times before it sank in. Noah was breaking up with me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I ran to the choir room where I sat until the bell rang for lunch. Quinn was the first to arrive. She immediately noticed my tears and ran to sit next to me.

"Rachel, what's wrong?" She asks as Brittany and Santana walk in pinkies locked. I hand her the post it and she steels her jaw and gets up.

"I'll kill him." She says coldly and stomps toward the door. I'm vaguely reminded of Noah saying the same thing about Jesse when he found out he cheated on me. It doesn't help my state of mind.

"Woah, there tiger! What the hell is going on?" Santana says stopping her.

"Puck fucking broke up with Rachel on a post it! That's what!" I watch as Santana's eyes turn just as cold.

"I'll help." She says.

I gather up my strength, wipe at my eyes, and stand. "Stop." They both turn around. "Forget about Noah."

"Rachel…" Quinn starts.

"I said no, Quinn. I don't need you two to go HBIC on him. I haven't even gotten the chance to talk with him!" I think my yelling surprises them and they soften and walk back over to me. Brittany places her hand on my shoulder and gets me to sit back down.

"We're sorry Rachel, it's just- that…"

"I know." I say to Quinn cutting her off. She thinks it's a douche move by Noah and that she can go talk him into his senses. But I want the chance to talk with him first.

"Ok Hobbit, so if we can't go knock some brain in to Puckerman; who the hell do I have to go Lima Heights on about the paps?" Santana asks.

"No one. I mean it was Kurt. He told Jacob Ben Israel and Jacob went to the media, but I don't want you to do anything."

"Are you fucking kidding me? There is no fucking way I will let Jew Fro and Porcelain get away with this shit."

"NO SANTANA!" I yell, Brittany's rubbing soft circles on my back now that seems to calm me though. "Just no. It's time I started fighting my own battles. I can handle this. I'm not even sure why you want to help in the first place. Hell, is this real? Are you even really my friends? Because one day you're slushing me and the next we're best buds" Brittany's hand drops and the other two hang their heads.

It was Quinn who spoke up. "I'll admit," She says. "I'll admit when we started our friendship with you it was tentative. It was more of a keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer kind of thing. I didn't have your best interest at heart when we first suggested you lie to your mom and virtually have a party with just us at your house, but when I actually got to know you that night Rachel… Let's just say you sort of bridged the gap."

"Yeah, midget, you have an uncanny way of growing on people." Santana said with a half smile.

"I do consider you a friend now and as your friend I really want to help you."

"Then be there for me Quinn. You guys too." I said looking at San and Britt. "It's good to know you are actually wanting to be friends with me as I have felt this was some sort of facade in the beginning, but I still can't let you fight my battles for me. Ultimately I need to be able to deal with things on my own. I would however love to have your support along the way and wouldn't mind some back up every now and then."

The three Cheerios smiled. "Group hug!" Brittany yelled causing us all to laugh, but we did hug and for once it felt real with them. They really were my friends. I pulled out my cell and noticed lunch would be over soon. I suggested we go eat and decided I would tell them about my plan for this afternoon in the cafeteria.

The rest of lunch went by so quickly that none of us really finished any food, but something was better than nothing. They loved my idea and were on board one hundred percent. They even said they would make sure the entire glee club including Mr. Schue was in the auditorium this afternoon. I told them that would be the biggest help of all and they smiled.

Classes went by fast and the faster time went on the more nervous I got. What I was about to do was going to be big. Perhaps bigger than any performance I had ever done. This was me virtually telling the world how I felt and what I thought. This was me finally standing up for myself. This was me, Rachel Barbra Berry and if the world didn't like it- if the glee club didn't like it- then that was their problem to deal with, not mine.

I gratefully got to the auditorium before every one else was set to appear. I smiled when I saw that Mom and Charlie were already there, along with Brent, Vanessa, my grandparents and the Corcoran's. Mom came over to me and hugged me.

"You ready for this baby?"

"I think so. I mean yeah. I'm still a little nervous."

"You'll do fine." Charlie said as Mom let go of me so that he could give me a hug as well.

"Thanks Charlie." I moved on to give my grandparents and even the Corcoran's hugs. I needed all the support I could get and was very thankful that they had all come out to show their support.

"Hey Brent, Van." I said walking over to my brother and sister.

"What no Munchkin and Pipsqueak?" Vanessa said curiously.

"Why do you miss it?" I asked playfully.

"Maybe." Vanessa said and then surprisingly hugged me. "I like Van too though."

"Good." I said trying not to cry. I hadn't had many moments like this lately with them. We've all been so lost in the confusion lately that well, maybe I've neglected the part about me being a sister. I guess that will have to change won't it?

Brent tackled us both with hugs making it into a small sibling group hug. "Do good Sissy." He said and well that was a first.

"I know I don't tell you a lot, but I really do love you two ok?" They nod and I continue. "The things I have to say, I'm saying it to all these other people. You two are perfect just the way you are." I wanted to make sure they knew that I wasn't upset with them; I hoped they wouldn't get confused by everything I would be saying later. They nod again and I let them go. Looking over I noticed that most of the adults have tears welled up in their eyes. I guess me beginning to accept this family has been a long time coming and all this just solidifies it.

Mom gets a call on her cell and comes over telling me that Ms. Ruiz will be bringing the press in shortly I nod and then notice Quinn, Santana, and Brittany leading the rest of the glee club here. I smile at them and they wave. Most of the other teens looked confused, especially since my family was there. Mr. Schue looked the most confused of all and walked over to us.

"Rachel, what's going on here?" He says neglecting to address my mother which I can see she doesn't appreciate it. She probably feels it's rude and well it is.

"Everything is fine Mr. Schue. If you will just have a seat I will begin shortly. I just have a few things I need some people to hear. I think in the end you may appreciate what I have to say." He nods still confused, but goes to sit anyway. I see Ms. Ruiz at the door and nod letting her know I'm ready for the media to be let in. I give my mom one last hug and then make my way to the edge of the stage.

The frenzy begins as the reporters make their way to their seats cameras flashing as they go. Luckily we hired some security personnel to come in and make sure they don't get out of hand. Once everyone is settled I walk on to the stage. I have to make myself ignore the flashing lights. If not they could easily be blinding. I grab the mic that is placed at the piano and walk front and center.

"Thank you all for coming today. I know it was short notice, but I'm thankful you all could make it as I have some very important things I need to say. Before, I begin though, there is something I would like to share with you that sort of has embodied how I've felt through this whole ordeal. I find on most days that I express myself best through music and today is no different. This is a song that came out recently by a well known artist named Nicki Minaj. I'm sure most if not all of you have heard of her. I would like to go ahead and thank you ahead of time for listening and ask that you especially pay attention to the words, as even though I have rearranged the piece to give it more of a classical feel, they still ring true to how I feel and play an important part in this meeting." I end my little pre performance speech and walk back over to the piano. Sitting down I place the mic back into the stand and take a deep breath before I begin to play.

"I can be selfish, be so impatient. Sometimes I feel like Marilyn Monroe. I'm insecure, yeah, I make mistakes. Sometimes I feel like i'm at the end of the road…"

I pour my heart into the perfomance. They wanted me. The real me. Well, now they have me. Emotions bared right in front of them.

"Call it a curse! Or just call me blessed. If you can't handle my worse, you ain't getting my best. Is this how Marilyn Monroe felt? Well, must be how Marilyn Monroe felt…"

Mom always said my performance was at it's best when it was just me and a piano. Sure, she said any other time was wonderful, but there was something raw about this that just compelled people to listen intently to what I was saying. I sure hope she's right.

"Take me, or leave me. I'll never be perfect believe me, i'm worth it. So take me, or leave me…"

I continued through the song until the end and then nodded my thanks to Brad and the small orchestra he had gathered together to accompany me. I grabbed the mic stand so that I was standing center stage again. Immediately the press had jumped up and began to throw questions my way but I ignored them and lift my hands for them to stop. Surprisingly they did and sat back down. I took another deep breath and steel myself for the speech I had prepared. I didn't need to read it. I knew what I wanted to say from the start so I began.

"First I'd like to say I'm not comparing myself in any way to Marilyn Monroe so please don't confuse this. I have merely suggested that I have an inkling of how she must have felt being nothing more to most people at large as the next headline rather than for the person she really was. I could go on and on about how I feel, but I will try and keep it as short as possible while still getting my point across." I take another deep breath as the cameras flash in my eyes.

"A couple of months ago I found out that the woman who raised me was not my mother. Instead, her sister, the woman I looked up to more than another person in this world was my actual birth mother. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I took it well or immediately accepted it. It came as a shock and caused me to feel like my whole life was a lie. I found it hard to trust my family, but I realized that even though there was this enormous lie that had virtually turned my world upside down, they were still that- my family. I have since tried my best to accept that and have begun to rebuild our relationship. Mom," I said looking over at Shelby who had tears falling down her face and was clinging to Charlie's arm. "You are still the most important and influential person I have ever had in my life. I still look up to you and yeah maybe we do fight a little bit more, but if anything though it's going to be a rocky road- and I feel like our relationship is going to come out stronger." She mouths that she loves me and I mouth I love you too back before turning to look at the audience as a whole again.

"There has been much speculation that I handled the news of my mother's identity poorly. Most of which is true. I did act out though it wasn't quite as bad as it's been portrayed. I initially ran away, then refused to speak, then lied, and drank. I will also state that my grades have dropped but not drastically. I may have not reacted in a way that is socially acceptable, however, I was just doing what I felt I needed to do at the time. I do not regret any of it. My mom once told me that part of growing up is making mistakes and learning from them. Consider all of this lesson learned." The media chuckles a bit at the humor in my voice so I pause to let it dwindle and then go on. "I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. It's life."

I took the next opportunity to address the glee club specifically. "I have decided recently that I will uphold my departure from glee club." The glee club gasped and I fought to roll my eyes. "Though I enjoy singing with you all I feel I need to concentrate solely on my family and school. I am however willing to sing with you at Regionals if that is what you want though. I'm going to leave this decision up to you all as if I join back on my own to help you and we lose you will say I sabotaged you and if I refuse to come back you'll say I abandoned you. I won't deny it, it's for my best interest that you decide what you would like for me to do. I will comply in whatever way, but only for Regionals. I feel I joined for the wrong reasons and probably too hastily and it essentially caused disruption among the group. For that I am sorry." I nod to Mr. Schue who seems a little solemn, but nods anyway.

"I don't plan to give up music all together." I say addressing the crowd as a whole again. "I can guarantee you all that you will be seeing me again. I would like to eventually follow in my mother's footsteps and perform on Broadway. When that day comes I will welcome you back with open arms should you choose to find it news worthy. Otherwise, I would like to ask if all of you could possibly please just tone down your presence. I hope that by listening to me today that you have gotten what you need to print your stories, but I also need to be able to have some sort of normal life right now and you all not giving me an inch to move is hindering that. I don't mind pictures or reporting on me. I do mind having to ask a shop to close it's doors so that I can buy sheet music. Obviously I know I have no control over it, so this is just me asking a favor of you today since I have openly agreed to having you here. I would like to thank you all again for coming." I nod and walk to the side of the stage where a security guard walks with me over to my mother.

I smiled when a good portion of those in attendance left. There were still some who weren't satisfied and tried to get to me, but security ended up escorting them from the building. Mom gave me a hug along with the rest of my family, all telling me how proud they were and such. I noticed the glee club was still here talking so I walked over to them.

"You don't have to decide now if you don't want to." I say garnering their attention.

"We have actually." Artie says rolling his wheelchair over. I looked over at the three Cheerios, who along with Noah, didn't seem to like the decision made.

"We decided to perform with out you." Mercedes piped in next. "I am more than capable enough to handle your solos." She held her head up high and I nodded and didn't refute. Whatever they wanted was fine with me. They all moved to leave, but I placed my hand on Kurt's arm to keep him there. He looked a little shocked, but stayed. I asked him to wait a moment and when he nodded I ran up after Noah.

Noah turned and looked almost distraught. I think maybe he regretted his earlier transgression, but didn't say so.

"I just want to know why." I said handing him the post it. "Do you think… would you be willing to come by mine later today?" Noah looked at the post it and nodded. He didn't say a word, just turned around and left. I walked back over to Kurt wiping away the tears that had now appeared.

"I know it was you Kurt." I said looking the boy in the eye. "I know you gave the information to Jacob and he sent it to the press. I also know that you had just thought it would be published in the school newspaper. I could be wrong, but I don't think you intended for it to get so out of hand. I just want to know why."

Kurt looked down and began to speak. "You left us high and dry to hang out with the Unholy Trinity of all people. I knew they must be using you for something but you didn't care. It was like Mercedes and I were nothing to you. I thought maybe you would turn to us when the story came out. I didn't mean for it to go as far as it went."

I nod. "I'm sorry for making you feel that way, Kurt. I didn't originally intend to seclude myself from you. I was just going through a rough time with Shelby and I felt as if you were taking her side. I couldn't handle the two of you constantly telling me I needed to make things right with Shelby when I wasn't ready. I also didn't intend to befriend the three Cheerios but it happened. And you were right in the beginning they did not have the best of intentions, but we are friends now."

"I'm sorry Rachel. I really am."

"Thank you. I forgive you Kurt, but I don't know if I will be able to trust that this won't happen again. Maybe we could eventually work towards that if is something you would like?"

Kurt nods. "I would, I do miss my friend."

"I miss you too Kurt, but I need some time ok?"

He nods and I decide to hug him. I relax when he hugs back and I think maybe we'll be ok.


	30. Blow Me One Last Kiss

**Rachel's POV**

We finally got home from the school, though we were still met with some media at the house it seemed like it was a little less. Good. Maybe they are all spending their time writing out an article about me instead of wasting time taking pictures of us walking in to our house. I mean seriously? It's nonsense, but then again I guess it just comes along with fame… I wonder if I am considered famous now? Famous by proxy maybe?

The whole family is in the backyard barbecuing of all things. I made Charlie swear he wouldn't cook my food anywhere near the poor chicken and beef that was slaughtered in vain. Yes, it's in vain. They could easily eat Vegan. If I do it, then so can they. It hurts me just to think of those poor defenseless animals. Being Vegan wasn't originally my choice, but I embrace it now. It's a part of who I am and I fully back PETA with all that is in me.

"Rachel!" My mom calls from the sliding glass door. "Noah's here!"

Sigh. I really was having a good time with my family despite my mourning the loss of the murdered fowl and bovine. I mean it's the first time we've all happily been together in God knows when. "Coming!" I yell and then get Zayde to push Brent on the swing in my stead. What? I'm allowed to play with my brother and sister!

Noah, looks nervous sitting at our kitchen table with Shelby. Well, good. He should. Maybe I should let her kick his stupid ass. Who breaks up with some one on a post it?

When he notices me his mood lifts slightly and I wonder if maybe he thinks he's made a mistake? Maybe it's just some sort of misunderstanding and he does really want to be with me? Come on Noah.. You're my best friend! How could you have done this to me?

Shelby notices my change in mood and steps over to me before I reach the table. "You gonna be ok baby?" She whispers not wanting Noah to overhear.

"I don't know, Mommy." I say so quietly she has to lean in to me.

She takes the moment to hug me and kiss the top of my head. "Do you want me to stay?" I shake my head no and she gives me a nod. "Okay then, I'll be right outside if you need anything."

I tell her thank you and she slips out the door. It's just me and Noah now, neither of us making a move to start any sort of conversation. I decide to sit across from him rather than beside. I don't know how this conversation will go, but I need that separation the table offers… especially since right now I wish I could kiss him and make him change his mind. Just one last kiss should do it right? That should make him see that I am worth it. I am worth the effort of loving.

He sighs before he speaks. "Hey." That's it? Hey. That's all I get?

"Hi." I say quietly deciding not to make this any easier on him. He wants to break up with me? Then he needs to do it- for real. And not on some fucking post it either.

"I'm sorry, Rachel."

My head jets up. "So this is real then? You're really breaking up with me?" I don't think I really let the hurt settle in until now. But Noah doesn't deserve to get to see me upset anymore.

He sighed and looked away from me. "I had a lot of time to think about it in juvie… I think you were right in the beginning. We should've stayed just friends. I shouldn't have pushed it, Rae. I wasn't thinking."

"So everything you said about wanting me? About giving it a chance? And making it work?"

Noah seemed to be getting angry, but it didn't feel like it was directed towards me. "Do you know what it was like for me? When that St. Douchebag was singing with you and then he had his hands on you? I couldn't control my anger. If they hadn't pulled me off of him… I don't know what I would've done… I've never been that angry before, Rachel. I just… I don't think… I don't think it's good for me?"

I couldn't say anything. I didn't even really see the fight. I knew he attacked Jesse, but… I don't know. This doesn't make much sense. Is he saying he cares for me too much?

"I never wanted to hurt you Jew Babe… I'm sorry."

And that was it. Noah vacated his seat and then exited the house while I was just left there…

Oh my God…

I just lost my best friend.

At some point I start to cry over it. Warm arms surrounded me and I knew immediately who it was, "Mommy."

"It's ok baby. I'm here." She moved me so I was sitting in her lap.

I sob a little harder. "He broke up with me."

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. Ssh." Shelby says combing her hand through my hair trying to soothe me.

"Why does everybody leave me?" It's so broken I barely recognize my own voice.

"Oh baby." She holds me tighter and I think she may be crying too now and it wasn't my intention, but I'm just so upset. I can't help it.

"Don't ever leave me again, Mommy, please." I bury my head in to her neck and cling to the back of her shirt. "It hurts. It hurts so much."

"I know sweetie, I know." She says as she rocks us a bit.

I shut my eyes as tight as I can and just listen to my mother breathe. I need her so much. I feel like such a child, but I do. I need her. Really she's all I have isn't it? When the day ends Shelby is all I really have and even she could walk away. She's done it before.

"I won't ever leave you again, Rachel. I promise, baby, I promise."

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

The weekend's finally here and Melissa sent over some of Monday's articles this morning with reactions to Rachel's speech. Most of them were positive and Rachel squealed when one reporter said that if Barbra Streisand and Beyonce had a love child her name would be Rachel Berry. We were even more elated to find out that we would no longer be front page news as Lindsay Lohan went in to rehab again and the paparazzi has a new target. Honestly it's refreshing to be able to go out my front door and see- no one. I even took Rachel to the mall around lunch time and it was like nothing had ever happened.

She seems to be getting over this whole Noah thing well. It broke my heart having her hurt so much. I was never one hundred percent on board with him, but he did make her happy. I think the thing she was upset about the most was losing her friend though. He has been there for her through so much and now, just like that, he's gone. He removed himself from her and you can be damn sure he's going to regret it. Rachel is such a wonderful person- I can't understand how any one could do something like that to her. Yes, myself included.

We're at the house now. I'm outside reading a book just laying in the hammock while Rachel, Brent, and Vanessa are all jumping on the trampoline. They've become so much closer lately- like it's finally sunk in… they're brother and sisters. I can't help but smile watching the three of them playing ring around the rosie and them jumping really hard once it's time to fall down.

"Ok, ok. That' s enough for me." I can hear Rachel say as she jumps down. She walks over to me with slightly wobbly legs and climbs on the hammock. She acts like for a minute she is going to try and tip us over.

"Don't you dare." I playfully glare at her. She just smiles and snuggles in to my side.

"Whatcha reading?" She asks and I move my arm around her so that I can play with her hair.

I mark my spot and then close the book so I can show her the front cover. "Home. It's Julie Andrews memoir." I say smiling down at my daughter.

"Can I read it when you're done?"

"Of course, love." I say kissing the top of her head. She snuggles into me again, but not for long as we are subject to a Brent and Vanessa sneak attack which knocks us all to the ground.

All of my children are rolling on the ground laughing as hard as they can and then I get it. The three of them planned this attack all along. I look over and glare at Rachel. "You set me up."

She beams back at me before trying to get up off the ground quickly. "I love you Mommy."

I cut my eyes at the three and jump up from the ground as fast as I can. "You three are so mine." I say and they all squeal laughing and running in different directions. I catch up to Vanessa first and grab her around the waste, tickling her as I go.

"No, Mommy, don't tickle me." She says laughing. "Help me Rachie! Help!" She shouts.

"Sorry Van! But as long as she's after you, B and I are good to go. Looks like you'll just have to take one for the team." Rachel yells from across the yard high fiving Brent.

Vanessa huffs and I stop tickling her. "Wanna be on my team?" She nods quickly. "You wanna go after Rachel or Brent."

"Rachel." She says and I nod.

"Go." I say and we both start running towards our targets. Rachel and Brent are squealing and trying to get out of the way. Rachel eludes Vanessa, but Brent doesn't have such luck as I grab him when he tries to run around me. I begin to tickle him the same as I had done Vanessa. "Do you give up yet baby?"

"No." He says giggling.

"No huh?" I put my hand on the back of his neck, just where his hair stops and start to tickle. He throws his head back and laughs loudly.

"No, stop, Mommy, stop."

"You give up yet?" I continue to tickle him while I wait for his answer.

"Yes. Yes!" He squeals.

"Good. You can be on my team now."

He nods and the three of us head towards Rachel.

"No! This isn't fair. Come on you guys. You can't jump ship now and be on Mom's team." Rachel says with a playful whine. She's backed up almost to the sliding glass door and I know she has a chance to get away, but if I can help it she won't. Before I have a chance to make my move though, Charlie comes through the door.

"What is going on here?" He asks looking from Rachel to the three of us.

"Charlie!" Rachel says jumping behind him. "You have to save me! They're trying to tickle me."

"Get her!" Brent yells and then the next thing I know we're charging Charlie trying to get to Rachel.

She jumps on his back though and he runs off through the yard screaming, "I'll save you my Princess!" In the best white knight voice he can muster up. It's so cheesy, in fact, that it causes me to burst out in to laughter along with all of my children. "Oh I see how it is." Charlie says playfully and begins jogging towards me with Rachel still on his back.

"Charlie! What are you doing?" She yells trying to get off of him, but he has a pretty good grip and she's already within my reach anyways. "No!" She squeals and I start tickling her. He lets her go and Brent and Vanessa join in. We're almost one big dog pile laying on the grass now. "Please stop! I give! I give!" Rachel yells and I pull her brother and sister off of her.

We all get up from the grass out of breath, but smiles on our faces. "That'll teach you to mess with Mom." I say looking over to Rachel. She sticks her tongue out at me and I grab her and pull her close. She squeals thinking I'm going to start tickling her again, but I just give her and hug instead. "Love you, baby girl."

"Love you too, Mom."

It was one of the best days we'd had in a long time.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

This weekend has been the absolute best! Despite everything that happened last week it's been so nice just to be here with my family. My family. The thought alone just makes me smile. Mom ended up taking Van out to a movie so they could have some alone time and with Charlie having to go in to work today to get some things done, it left me and B here to fend for ourselves. It's cool though because he's a pretty easy kid to entertain. We're in the upstairs play room in between his and Van's room and playing with all of his action figures. I have to be the bad guys of course, but I chalk it up to a good acting exercise. We are having so much fun that I didn't hear the door bell ring the first time. When it rang twice in a row the second time I looked over at B.

"Wait right here buddy and I'll go see who that is." He smiled and nodded once, his attention back to his toys. I get up and make my way down the stairs to see who's at the door. I groan when I look through the peephole and see that none other than Jesse St. James is standing outside my house. What is he doing here? I put on the best Shelby glare I can muster up and then open the door. "What are you doing here?"

"Is that any way to treat you're beloved ex boyfriend." Jesse says walking around me and in to the house. The nerve this boy has!

"Jesse! Just get to the point, I would rather not have you in my house."

Jesse seems to be taken a little back but then smiles looking around the house. "So, Rachel, are you home alone?"

"No. My brother is here. Why do you care?"

"Because I miss you." He says running his hand down my arm. It makes my stomach turn.

"Don't touch me!" I say swatting his arm away.

"Come on Rachel! You know you miss me. I miss you too. Let's just get over all this stupidness and just be together." He tries to kiss me but I move out of the way.

"Jesse, I'm warning you." He rolls his eyes though and tries again.

"Leave my sister alone!" Brent yells from behind me. I didn't even realize he was downstairs.

"B, buddy, it's ok. Jesse was just leaving." I say grabbing him and pulling him to my side. He looks really upset and I wonder if he's scared or something. He doesn't know Jesse so it's possible.

"Isn't he cute." Jesse says but it doesn't come off as a complement. "Why don't you run off little one and let me and your sister finish our conversation."

"She said she doesn't want to talk to you!" Brent yells again. Jesse almost laughs and before I know it Brent's on top of him, punching. I was more than shocked. I've never seen Brent act like this.

"Get him off of me!" Jesse yells trying to protect his face from Brent's swinging arms. I still can't believe Brent actually tackled him. I snap myself out of it and pull Brent off. He starts to calm as soon as I touch him.

"It's ok Buddy. We're ok."

Brent wraps his arms around me in a hug. "I'll never let anyone hurt you Rachie. Never. I'll always protect you." It sounds almost heartbreaking. Brent actually thought Jesse was going to hurt me?

"I know B. I know." I hug my brother back tightly. "Get out of my house, Jesse!" I yell still trying to settle Brent down.

"Gladly. And don't expect to see me again! You and your psycho family." That was it. I had had enough. I pulled Brent to the side grabbed Jesse's arm spinning him back around. He smirked and I slapped it right off his face and pushed him out the door. Slamming it shut I grab my hand. Damn, that hurt. I look back over at Brent and he is curled up behind me on the floor. He's shaking a little.

"Hey Buddy, it's ok. We're ok B." I say picking him up.

"He was gonna hurt you."

"No, Jesse wasn't going to hurt me B."

"He was… he had the same look in his eye that the Green Goblin has right before he turns in to the Green Goblin and goes after Spider-Man."

"Oh B." I say trying to rock him back and forth like Mom does. "I promise, Jesse may be a jerk, but he wasn't going to hurt me. He just thought he could barge in here and be my boyfriend again, but I told him no." I try my best to explain it to Brent and he nods seeming to understand.

We're still on the same spot on the floor when Mom gets back with Vanessa. Brent hasn't let me move.

"What happened?" She asks kneeling down beside us. I explain everything to her and she nods in understanding. "Brent, baby, come here." I watch as Mom picks him up and he attaches to her just as tightly as he was attached to me. "You are such a wonderful brother, protecting Rachie like that." She coos in his ear. "Next time you get scared though I want you to call me, ok?" He nods and she gets up to go sit on the couch in the living room with him. Shelby motions for Vanessa and I to join them and we do one on each side. She has Vanessa turn the TV on and we watch cartoons. Pretty soon Brent is feeling much better and laughing along with Vanessa at whatever it was Phineas and Ferb were up to today.

I lay my head on my mom's shoulder feeling awful about making Brent so upset. She leans over and kisses my forehead. "It wasn't your fault, baby girl. He just cares about you that much." I nod and Brent moves to sit in between mom and I.

"My brother, my hero." I whisper in his ear as he looks up at me and smiles. It's then I know that he's ok. My baby brother is something huh?


	31. New York State of Mind

**Shelby's POV**

I've been working between the office and the studio all week and have barely had time for Charlie and the kids. My charity concert is Sunday and honestly I'm just ready for it to be over. Not that I don't love doing these. I do and it's for a wonderful cause. All proceeds benefit the Kravis Children's Hospital at Mt. Sinai so like I said wonderful cause.

Actually raising money for this hospital is a little more than near and dear to my heart. They were the ones who ended up diagnosing Rachel with her allergies. Most people believe that Rachel's vegan lifestyle is her sole choice when actually she has a rare case of being allergic to eggs, milk, and several types of meat. None of which are rare alone, but it is pretty rare for any one to have an allergy to all. We were very lucky they found it early and prescribed a vegan diet for her- which she has had no problems since then- thank God. So I am more than happy to do this concert for their benefit- but that doesn't make it any less of a pain to organize. It just gets so hectic especially with only four days to go. Speaking of my eldest…

"Mom?" Rachel says standing at the door. "Charlie said you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah baby, come in." I tell her and motion to the love seat near my desk. She sits nervously, picking at the edge of her skirt and I wonder if she has done anything lately that would get her in trouble. I mean there isn't anything I know of, but from the way she is acting I wonder. I have been extremely busy this week. Part of me wants to address it, and part of me wants to write it off and just get to what I wanted to ask her.

"I'm not in trouble am I? Because I swear whatever it is- I didn't do it." She states quickly before I can begin and I raise my eyebrow. Maybe I should confront this subject now.

"No, but is there any reason you should be?" I ask hoping there isn't. Wait- would she tell me if there was? I know if it was me I would hide it from my mother at all costs… then again if there wasn't I probably still would've had the same reaction as Rachel.

""NO!" She says almost too quickly. "I mean not that I know of- I'm just covering my bases." She looks me in the eye when she says it and I have no reason not to believe her. This is a good sign.

I laugh a little and she visibly relaxes. "No baby, you aren't here because you are in trouble. But there is something I wanted to ask you."

"Oh? What's that?" I can tell she doesn't know if it's good or bad and so she's still a tad bit nervous.

"You know my charity concert is this weekend?"

She nods.

"Well, I was wondering if you would like to come with me and we can make a weekend of it? I mean Sunday will be rehearsals and sound checks and of course the show but Saturday will be all ours."

Rachel immediately jumps up out of her chair squealing and runs behind my desk and hugs me. I take this as a yes she wants to go- though I had no doubts that she would. "Really?! We're gonna spend the whole weekend in Manhattan? Just me and you?"

I smile and pull her to sit in my lap. I love the fact that she's not just excited about being in the city but also excited to spend time with me. "Yep. Just me and you kiddo and then you can be my date to the concert Sunday night. What do you say?"

"Yes! Of course! Oh my god Mom! This is going to be amazing!" She hugs me again.

"I'm glad you're excited kiddo." I say and then give her a kiss on the cheek. "I thought we could do some shopping Saturday and maybe go to a show? We can leave Friday when you get out of school since Charlie will be here to stay with Brent and Vanessa."

"Yay!" She says giddily. "Oh! Are we going to stay through Monday since I don't have school?" Her eyes are practically begging for a yes answer and I smile because yes I've already thought of this.

"Ma and Pop are gonna keep your brother and sister so we can if you want to." I know she wants to, but still it's fun to watch her excitement build. Rachel is so expressive and I just can't fully describe it, but I love watching her face contort with happiness.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes. I want to." She's nodding erratically and her smile is one of her signature mega watt smiles and just yeah- moments like these are what I live for- seeing my child this fantastically happy- it makes my heart swell. As a parent you always want to see your kids happy no matter what, but there is a little extra joy there when you are the cause of said happiness. It's amazing.

I laugh at her eagerness. I was hoping for such a reaction as this and honestly I'm just as excited to be spending this time with her. Sunday will be hectic but I've already worked everything out so that Saturday and Monday is ours.

"This is gonna be the best weekend ever Mom! Ah! I need to pack!" She says slipping off my lap.

"Rachel, honey, it's only Wednesday. You have plenty of time to pack."

She looks over at me scandalized. "Mother, you can never be over prepared." And with that she is out of my office and I can hear her bound up the stairs. I shake my head… she did not get that from me. That was all Kate's influence.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

New York City. I promise I'm not going to break out in to New York State of Mind or anything, but oh my god- I LOVE this city. It's where I was made to be AND I get to spend my time here with my mom, just me and her. I love Charlie. I love My siblings. But this- this is like when I was a kid and would stay with Shelby only now I don't have to pretend she's my mom because she actually is. And were going to see a show and go shopping and then there is her concert- I've never been behind the scenes this much to one of her concerts before. Kate was always afraid I would be in the way, even when Shelby insisted I wouldn't be.

Traffic was horrible as usual, but we did finally make it to the apartment. God, I haven't been here in so long. I wonder if they've redecorated. When we finally walk in I'm a little amazed because yes they have redecorated since I was last here and it looks amazing. Or maybe it's just the fact that I instantly feel like I'm home?

"Baby, I know we talked about going out to eat, but I'm tired what do you think of ordering in? There's that little Vegan place, not too far from here, that delivers?"

I nod because I'm pretty tired myself. Sitting in traffic does that to a person apparently.

"Ok well I'll call us something in."

I nod again and make my way to the guest room, well my room or so it used to be. I notice though once I walk in that it isn't anymore. It now has one twin bed and a set of bunk beds. I sigh and try not to think of this as a bad thing. They simply didn't just rearrange what used to be one of my most favorite rooms in the entire universe. They made it so it now accommodated three people instead of one. I guess it makes sense that Brent and Vanessa wouldn't want to stay with them in their room anymore so they had to give them beds to sleep in. Don't be selfish Rachel.

"Hey," Shelby says entering the room with a light knock. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah. It's just different."

She nods apparently understanding. "We thought about just getting a bigger place with more room, but neither Charlie or I ever thought all three of you would be here together that often."

It's my turn to nod and I begin to unpack my things.

"It's ok right? I know when you stayed with me this was always your room so-"

I look up at her and smile. "Yeah. I guess I just thought things would be the same, but then that's so silly right? Because things are totally different now."

"Oh baby," She says pulling me in to a hug. "I never thought I would get to have you like this. That we could be here as mother and daughter. I dreamt about it so much, but that's all it ever was and…"

"It's ok mom. I'm glad I know the truth. I'm glad I have you. It's hard thinking about the way it happened. I still miss her."

"I know honey, I do too." Shelby strokes my hair and we have this little moment and even though we are both hurting, it's like just what we needed. I need her and she needs me- it's simple and yet oh so complicated. "Hey, do you wanna maybe watch a movie on Netflix or something once the food gets here? We can just relax tonight?"

"Yeah. I'd like that." I say and smile, giving her one more squeeze. "Love you, Mom."

"Love you too, Rachel."

We end up camping out in Shelby's room watching movies until we're both asleep, and can I say that it's been really nice actually being able to sleep lately… I've really needed it. I still wake up at that ungodly hour in the morning, however, because my internal clock isn't going to give me that much of a break. I know Shelby will probably sleep a little more though and all of a sudden I get this brilliant idea. I go in to my room and get ready for the day. I leave a note for Shelby on her nightstand and then grab the keys and make my way out of the apartment. There's a Starbucks close by and it's calling my name.

As I'm walking out of Starbucks I'm stopped by an older man with an accent I can't place. Not that it's unusual for New York. We are very culturally diverse.

"Excuse me Miss, but I believe you left your phone." The man hands me the phone and, damn, it is mine. I never leave my phone behind- ever. I can't believe it.

"Oh my god, thank you! Thank you so much!"

"It's no problem." He says and waves it off. I smile at him and he gives a nod.

"Well still thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Have a nice day."

"You as well." He says and then we are both off.

Wow I can't believe I almost lost my phone. That was close. I unlock it and notice I have two missed calls from Shelby. Shit. I'm contemplating calling her back or just walking in to the apartment, but it's decided for me when my phone starts ringing yet again.

"Hello?"

"Rachel Barbra Berry! Where are you?!" She sounds really pissed, but I don't get what the big deal is… I mean I left a note.

"Chill mom I just went out to get coffee. The Starbucks is almost across from the building. I didn't think it would be such a big deal."

"Don't you tell me to chill young lady! I am the one that woke up this morning to find my teenage daughter missing!" Yeah, obviously she didn't read the note.

I'm already inside the building, but I decide to sit in the lounge area. She's definitely too mad for me to go back up right now.

"Geez I left a note! Did you even see it? It's on your nightstand." Ok maybe copping an attitude right now isn't for the best. I take a few breaths trying to calm myself down while I assume she is looking for the note. "Do you see it yet?"

"Rachel," She sighs. "You should have woken me up. I almost had a heart attack. I was one more unanswered call away from calling the police."

"Well I would've answered had I not forgotten my phone inside the coffee shop." I say quietly. "I'm just lucky someone stopped me and gave it to me."

"Honey, you need to be more careful. This isn't Scarsdale or Mount Pleasant."

"I know that. This isn't the first time I've been to the city."

"Where are you?"

"Downstairs."

"Well hurry on up ok? I still have to get ready. We'll talk about it more later." Shelby hangs up and I huff. She treats me like such a child sometimes.

"Parental problems?" The same man as before asks me. I jump when I hear him speak. I wasn't expecting for anyone to be beside me.

"Yeah, it happens." I shrug and though I don't think this man is going to harm me or anything I decide I should probably get back to the apartment.

"Well perhaps things will get better for you." He offers with a nod and a smile.

"Perhaps." I say back as I push the button on the elevator. The man doesn't say anymore but I do see one of the building employees approach him. He signs some papers and the man thanks him. I wonder if he's famous or something and I just didn't recognize him? The elevator opens and I step on to it along with a woman who is probably in her late twenties.

"Excuse me Miss, but do you know who that older gentleman is out there in the lobby?"

She nods. "That's Monsieur Dechaux. He owns the building."

"Oh, well, thank you." She said monsieur? So he's French then. Something's bothering me with this but I can't place it. I've never heard the name Dechaux before. Yet… I don't know.

"You're welcome." The lady says and the elevator opens to my floor. I step out and shake away the weird vibes. I take a deep breath before opening the apartment door hoping Shelby isn't terribly angry at me for leaving this morning.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

I wanted to be terribly angry at Rachel for leaving yesterday, but since she left a note I just ended up giving her a lecture on making sure she wakes me the next time she wants to go off in to the city. Whether Starbucks was across the street or not was irrelevant. Still the rest of the day went fairly well. We shopped most of the morning. I think Rachel practically got a new wardrobe. Then we went to see Anything Goes that evening; it was an all around fun day.

And now we are in the concert hall waiting to begin sound check and also to do a quick run through of some of the songs. Rachel is sitting on a stool on the stage and I'm to the side of the stage finalizing the set list order with the stage manager.

"Shelby," Ted, the sound engineer calls out to me. "We need to get a move on if you want to be able to run through these songs."

"Okay, okay." I say looking over at the list again. Something is missing and I can't figure out what. I know I need this sound check it's just… maybe I should have done this yesterday. No, you had fun with your daughter Shelby- you will not regret that. I nod once. "Ted, my daughter Rachel has a very close vocal range to my own. Can we have her run through a song and you can make any of the changes you need when we finish this up?"

"We can do that." He says.

Rachel is going back and forth between the two of us, I don't think she fully gets what's going on here. "Rachel, honey, why don't you sing Somewhere for us?" It's on the set list for tonight anyways. She nods once and looks over at the orchestra director to let him know she is ready.

"Rachel could sing this song in her sleep, I think she may have before actually." I joke with my stage manager Richard. He laughs and we go back over the list again trying to figure out what's missing.

"There's a place for us," Rachel begins to sing and neither Richard or I can seem to concentrate on the list anymore. She captivates with her voice- it's impossible not to listen.

"Somewhere, a place for us." I look around and every one else is just as entranced. They look awestruck and I swell with pride. That's my baby. "Peace and quiet and open air wait for us, Somewhere."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Shelby?" Richard leans over and asks.

"That we've found what was missing?" I reply back with a smile and he just nods giddily. Tonight will be perfect.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

"There's a time for us, Some day a time for us. Time together with time to spare." Mom sounds like an Angel doesn't she? I can't believe this is really happening. I'm really performing at her benefit concert with her! It's so- surreal! "Time to learn, time to care- Someday!"

"Somewhere, we'll find a new way of living." I sing out grinning from ear to ear at my mom as she sings back.

"We'll find a new way of forgiving. Somewhere."

"Somewhere." We both nod and turn to the audience as we sing together.

"There's a place for us," I hold out the 'a' a little longer and even I am in awe of how well our voices harmonize effortlessly. "A time and place for us, hold my hand and we're halfway there." Mom grabs my hand and I hold on tightly as we finish out the song powerfully. "Hold my hand and I'll take you there. Somehow, someday, somewhere."

The audience is up on their feet as we finish strongly both wiping tears from our eyes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, my daughter, Miss Rachel Berry." Mom says aloud waving her hand out, directing the attention at me. I curtsey quickly.

"Thank you all so much." I smile and then hug my mom, whispering my thanks to her again. She has easily made this one of the greatest nights of my life. Seriously, it could only get better if someone came up and offered me a Broadway role.

She whispers back, "You did wonderfully baby. Thank you for singing with me." I nod and hug her once more before making my way off the stage. She has a show to finish after all.

I stand at the side stage for the rest of the show. Mom is amazing. Watching her in her element. God, it's no wonder I was born wanting to do just this. The way she holds the audiences attention the entire time. The way she personalizes- everything. She's thanking all the hospital staff now for their working in diagnosing my allergies and I'm shaking my head because it's more than a little embarrassing. Telling the audience how I almost died twice and it was the quick and thorough work of the staff that saved me each time. Did she really have to go there? She's finally done though and walking to the side stage after her second encore. Yeah- my mom is totally that good.

I jump up and down and tell her how wonderfully she did and she just smiles then gushes that the duet was her favorite part. It isn't long though and we are whisked away to another part of the concert hall that has a banquet area. This is a fundraiser after all- she has to mingle. It's fun for all of thirty minutes and I become terribly bored. All these adults want to talk about is money and hospitals. Two things that don't really interest me at all.

"Mo-om!" I whine quietly when I finally get her attention. "I'm bored." Some of the people she was talking with laugh, but she just smiles.

"Henry, Elaine… I'll be back momentarily." She says and ushers me to the side away from the crowd. "I know you're bored baby, but I have to see this through. It shouldn't be too much longer."

"Can I at least go play on the piano back in the auditorium?" She looks like she's thinking hard about her answer.

"Okay, but take your phone and don't go anywhere else unless it's right back here ok?"

"Ok!" I say excitedly and make my way out the banquet hall. I know I should probably stay and get used to things like that- especially since I will be on Broadway one day, but it can wait. Today I'm bored and I have been dying to play that piano since I got here- it was just always in use.

I'm in the empty auditorium and I sit at the piano. I look out and nod to the non existent crowd, imagining every seat is full and every person is waiting on edge for THE RACHEL BARBRA BERRY. I play lightly and smile when I realize I've inadvertently chosen 'New York State of Mind' as my serenade. It isn't until I've finished playing and belting out the song that I notice I was never alone.

"You play beautifully. I knew your voice was phenomenal but I had no idea you were this talented with the piano." Mr. Dechaux says clapping.

I smile at him. "Merci monsieur."

"Ah et elle parle français aussi bien!" He says and I'm completely lost.

"I'm afraid I have no idea what you just said. I only know very basic French. Hello- Goodbye- thank you."

He laughs, but doesn't explain what he said- honestly I find it a tad rude.

"Would you mind if perhaps I accompany you on piano for your next song. It's sort of a hobby of mine." He asks after a moment.

I nod and get up from the bench. "Do you know 'The Way We Were'?" I ask.

"Very well." He nods with a smile and begins to play, but we don't get to finish the song as we are interrupted by my mother.

"Rachel!" She sounds really angry, but strangely not at me. "Come here, now." I rush over and wonder what has her so upset.

"I thought you said…" I begin but she cuts me off.

"I did baby, you're fine. You didn't do anything wrong ok? Just- would you mind going over to that bench and waiting on me? I need to speak with Mr. Dechaux alone." She says his name with such disdain that I can only nod. She smiles briefly and kissing me on the forehead as I move to sit.

But my curiosity gets the best of me and I get up walking closer to the side stage hoping I can hear what's going on.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hear Shelby yell.

"I live in New York, Shelby. Surely you haven't forgotten." Mr. Dechaux says smugly. I don't need to be looking at her to know she just rolled her eyes.

"Still a smart ass I see."

"Better than being a stupid one."

"Oh no, I think you've managed that as well."

They go back and forth for what seems like ages.

"Why are you here, Edward?" Shelby asks and I freeze. It couldn't be. No. He can't be THAT Edward.

"I came here because I wanted to meet our daughter, Shelby." It is- It's that Edward. My- my- my biological father. I couldn't tell you what was said next as everything started spinning and then- then it all went black.


	32. Madness

**Rachel's POV**

_I blink open my eyes slowly. What the hell happened? I was watching Shelby and my da- argue and then black. The back of my head is throbbing and "Shiiiiii-" I stop myself and look around. Shelby has been getting on me a lot lately about my language. Though if she's looking to blame some one for that she needn't look any further than herself. I remember when I was a kid- she had absolutely no filter. Shelby would say something like "Damn it!" and then Kate would scold her and Shelby would look at me, "Don't say damn it, baby." It went like that with every swear word in the book. "Shit!" "Shelby!" "Right, sorry, don't say shit, baby." Only problem was I was a baby that was learning how to talk so you can guess what one of my first words was… Sit. Only, it took my mom and Kate a while to realize that sit wasn't what I meant. Because sit was not Shelby's favorite word- but shit was. I remember the first time my mo- Kate. Kate. Kate. Kate. I remember the first time Kate put soap in my mouth for cursing as well. I pitched such a fit about how Aunt Bee Bee said those words all the time and well, lets just say I found myself that night at Shelby's apartment in the kitchen as both Shelby and I sat there with a bar of soap in our mouths. Neither of us were happy campers- though to this day I don't know how Kate got Shelby to go through with it… She had to have forced her someway right? What willing adult would sit there with soap in their mouth? I'm pretty sure it's the reason why mom only scolds me now if I slip up, rather than reverting back to soap- thank God!_

_I shake my head at the memories before I look around… Ok… this is not the auditorium I was just in. No in fact I- I'm outside. I slightly panic when I look around- NOWHERE in New York looks like this. The grass underneath me is a vibrant green and soft, almost like fur. There is a small creek rustling to my left, but instead of water- it flows with tiny golden- are those stars? The sky isn't even blue here! It's more of a lavender… and I faintly wonder- no, I know I must be dreaming again. I notice a line of trees and feel compelled to walk towards them… it's almost as if they are calling me. The trunk is grey as some bark would be… but it looks so soft and pillowy. I feel a sudden urge to lean into them and let them capture me whole and just as I do I'm hit with a small plastic sign - DO NOT LEAN ON TREES. "Sorry." I say aloud to no one in particular because I am most certainly not speaking to a tree am I?_

_"Maybe you are and maybe you are not."_

_"Who was that? Who is there?"_

_"Who is here? Who is there? Who is really anywhere?" Says a man who catapults himself off the tree branch. He looks strangely familiar… where have I seen him before? Oh yes!_

_"You bare a striking resemblance to Johnny Depp. But Secret Window Johnny Depp- not Pirate or Sweeney or Mad Hatter Johnny Depp." I say to the man. I sort of want to touch his face to see if he's real, but I hold myself back._

_"Oh do I? I wouldn't know. I've never seen myself before." He says._

_How has he not seen himself before! "You haven't?"_

_"Oh no, Rachel. I'm merely a figment of your subconscious. And I'm afraid only you can see the reflections in your mind." He leans in rather close to say._

_I can't resist anymore, now especially that his face is parallel to mine, poking his cheek, but I guess I left it there too long because he is now removing it. "Well take my word for it, you look A LOT like Johnny Depp."_

_"At least tell me… is he a striking fellow?"_

_I must have hit my head pretty hard._

_"Oh indeed you must! I suggest every one do it at least once!"_

_Ok this is another one of those strange dreams right? I mean- he can hear my inner monologue._

_"Not a dream."_

_"What?" I ask thrown from my musings._

_"This isn't a dream. This is your subconscious. We've already been over this, Rachel."_

_"But aren't dreams made up of your subconscious?" Ha! I have you now Mr. Confusing Johnny Depp Impostor! _

_"Heavens no! I have no subconscious as I only exist in your mind."_

_I think I'm getting a headache._

_"It's probably from the fall, love. Oh yes! Here we are!"_

_It's only then I notice that we've been moving the entire time. Not that we've been walking. We've most certainly been standing still, but I think- and I could be wrong here- the ground has been moving underneath us?_

_"Where?" I ask, confused again. _

_"Why here of course!" He states as if there should be no confusion at all._

_"No! Where is here?" I'm growing tired of this._

_"Now is not the time for philosophy, Rachel. I'm certain that nowhere can not be here because in fact nowhere isn't anywhere at all."_

_I'm perplexed._

_"I'd say your more tan, dear. Now enough with the chit chat. 'Fraid you must be on your way!" He says pointing to the inside of an elevator I know was not there a minute ago. He pushes me in and I stumble through the door._

_"But where is my way?" I ask as the doors begin to close. _

_"That's for you to know and for you to find out child!" He yells and the doors slam close._

_I think I've watched Alice in Wonderland too many times with Vanessa lately._

_"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma."_

_What the hell was that?! I say grabbing on to the support on the elevator wall. There is a slow melody I can faintly hear, a phasing sound and a deep bass. It's getting louder yet it's not over powering. I accidentally touch the wall of the elevator and it feels like goo, only it leaves no residue on my hand. I'm almost afraid to touch it again when a face appears next to me, scaring the ever loving shit out of me. That's right totes not afraid of what Shelby thinks of me anymore._

_"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma."_

_Shit. I've gone crazy or I'm dying. No! I'm already dead._

_"I, I can't get these memories out of my mind," One face says sticking out of the wall._

_"And some kind of madness has started to evolve." Another says._

_"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma." Says even another- I think there are five, maybe four faces randomly sticking out of the walls._

_"I, I tried so hard to let you go," The face has evolved into a… partial body perhaps… well it has hands now. _

_"But some kind of madness is swallowing me whole, yeah." Ok I'm pretty sure they're dancing?_

_"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma." Did I mention yet that they're changing colors? Oh God, I'm dead. I know it. I hit my head too hard and now I'm dead. Wait! Is the elevator going up or down?_

_"I have finally seen the light, and I have finally realized, what you mean… Ooh oh oh." See the moving, singing faces are talking about seeing the light. NO! I'm not ready to go!_

_"And now, I need to know is this real love, or is it just madness keeping us afloat?"_

_"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma." Ok that made no sense._

_"And when I look back at all the crazy fights we had, like some kind of madness was taking control."_

_"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma." _

_"Yeah." _

_"You know I think I've actually heard this song before." I try engaging the faces in conversation but they just keep singing and dancing (if you could call it dancing)._

_"And now I have finally seen the light, and I have finally realized, what you need. Mmmm…"_

_"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma." That's it! I have heard this song before! Oh thank heavens I'm not actually dead! Well… maybe. No wait! Johnny said I was in my subconscious so no right?_

_What's that? A guitar? That's definitely a guitar. It's playing itself. Well. As in it's playing itself well._

_"And now I have finally seen the end (Finally seen the end) And I'm not expecting you to care (Expecting you to care) But I have finally seen the light (Finally seen the light) I have finally realized (Realized)…. I need to love…. I need to love."_

_I'm gonna kill Charlie. This is from that new Muse cd he bought the other day and has been constantly playing! _

_God why didn't I recognize it earlier? _

_Oh probably because you were too busy freaking out about the faces coming out of the gooey walls singing to you._

_Yeah. I'm gonna go with that._

_"Come to me, trust in your dream. Come on and rescue me. Yes I know, I can be wrong. Maybe I'm too headstrong…. Our love is…"_

_"Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma… Madness" _

_And with that final line the four faces and sets of hands bow and the doors ding open. They gesture for me to move out of the elevator and I have to say, I am more than willing to comply._

_"I've always thought elevator music was boring, that was much better wasn't it?" I look down at the small child who is holding my hand._

_"Vanessa?"_

_"No, I'm Rachel. You're silly Aunt Bee Bee!"_

_Oh Holy Hell… Where am I now?_

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

"Rachel, sweetheart, please wake up." God, she's fallen hard. Her head isn't bleeding though. Edward went and notified some of the doctor's that were still here. They're trying to make sure she hasn't hurt herself too much. If she doesn't wake up soon they want to call an ambulance. They think she's only fainted, but she must've hit her head hard if she isn't waking up right? Right?

Edward pulls me back and I realize I'm in the way. "Don't touch me." I say jerking away from him. "If you hadn't come— this— this would never had happened!"

"If you didn't feel some incessant need to argue the fact that I have the right to know my daughter, then it would most definitely would not have happened!" Edward yells back. I turn from him because I can't deal with this now, not when my baby is lying unconscious on the floor! Part of me wants to tell him to leave… that he has no business, but I can't. I can't because it's something Kate would have done to me and as much as I don't want to see him- I know it's not right for me to push him away so I don't say anything. The other part of me wants to cling to him for dear life. That's the child we created lying on the floor… Half and half. She may look mostly like me, she has Edward's eyes. And she may act mostly like me… but she has this fire inside of her, a drive, a passion, a resilience beyond anything I've ever dreamed of- THAT is all Edward.

I can neither shun him, nor confide in him at the moment so I do neither. I find a chair and sit and watch and hope Rachel wakes up soon, hope no damage has been done physically, hope that I find us on our way home soon.

_***Begin Flashback***_

_"She won't stop crying. I don't know what's wrong Kate." I say over the phone to my sister. Rachel's been crying for what's felt like hours. _

_"She's a baby, Shelby. Babies cry." Kate says calmly._

_"I know that! God, Katie I'm not stupid."_

_"Did you try and feed her?"_

_"Yes, she won't eat."_

_"Change her diaper?"_

_"Four times… not that it needed to be ANY of the times."_

_"Calm down, Shelby. It isn't doing you any good to be upset."_

_"I think she has a fever… she looks pinkish? Should she look so pink?"_

_"Shelby, it's probably from the crying. Try to get to sleep. Sing to her. That always works."_

_"I've tried Kate! I've been trying." At this point I'm exhausted and scared out of my mind. What is wrong with my baby?_

_"Okay, okay. Look I'm leaving the diner now. Meet me at the hospital? Ok?"_

_"Yeah. Ok. Wait! Kate?"_

_"Yeah Shelby?"_

_"Do you think… do you think it's that bad? I mean enough for us to go to the hospital?"_

_"I don't know, but you've tried everything else and maybe she just has an ear infection or something ok? I'm sure she'll be fine."_

_***End Flashback***_

She didn't have an ear infection. She was allergic to milk. Once we switched over to a soy based formula… Rachel was good to go. At least until she started eating solid foods.

I don't know what made me think of that. Maybe it's because of the benefit? God baby! Please just wake up. I need you to wake up. I need you to be ok. I need you to wake up.

"Come on baby, wake up." I push my way next to my daughter and plead with her.

"Her breathing is fine, Shelby. She doesn't appear to have sustained any damage, but I think we should call in the ambulance. She's been out too long."

I nod over at Dr. Yassler, trying so hard to keep my tears at bay. "Call them, please." He nods and pulls out his phone.

"Come on baby, wake up for Mommy. Please Rachel, wake up." I feel a hand on my shoulder and I don't have to look to know it's Edward. I place my hand over his for a millisecond, but that's all I can do.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

_"Carry me Aunt Bee Bee? I no feel good."_

_"I'm not…" How do I tell myself that I'm myself? I mean I'm little, would I even understand?_

_Rachel this is your subconscious… it isn't real._

_It feels real. Well, it does now._

_"Please Aunt Bee Bee, my tummy hurts again."_

_Wait I remember this… I think._

_"Oh, come here baby." I turn around and there she is… a much younger looking Shelby. My mom. She looks so worried- panicked even. I watch as she picks up a three year old version of myself. She's holding me so tightly… how is it that I never knew?_

_"When's mommy coming?" My three year old self asks as Shelby carries me through the crowd of people. _

_Shelby's face falls just for a minute, barely enough for anyone to notice. "She'll be here soon baby. I promise." _

_"Why my tummy hurteds?" Manhattan. We're in Manhattan. Shelby's in such a hurry. Where are we headed? _

_"I don't know, baby. I don't know. But she's on her way. She'll meet us at the hospital ok?"_

_"No! I no wanna! No doctors!" I'm practically screaming._

_"Baby, you're sick. Please, please calm down." I look more closely at myself as I follow through the doors of Mt. Sinai. There are rashes all over my face and my hands. Shelby runs into the Emergency Room with me and begins talking to someone. I can't hear what she's saying though…_

_"It hurts." I look at myself and I think- I think she can see me._

_Of course she can see you… this is a memory, you aren't a time traveller. _

_"It hurts." _

_"I know, but you'll be okay. It's all going to be okay." I tell myself._

_"Damn it! My daughter needs a doctor now!" Shelby yells suddenly… She called me her daughter. _

_"Mommy." It escapes my lips just as it does my three year old self._

_"It's okay baby, Mommy's got you. Mommy's here." The younger me barely has her eyes open, her breathing is slowed… but I… I can see clear as day. It's Shelby that's holding me. It's Shelby who just said those words._

_"Shelby! I'm so sorry it took so long."_

_"Oh thank God, Kate! I didn't know what to do!" Kate extracts me from my mother and I feel… empty. This doesn't feel right._

_"It's fine Shelby. I've got her now. I'm sure you have somewhere else you need to be." Ouch… that was uncalled for. Shelby seems to think so as well. Why have I never remembered this before?_

_"It hurts, Mommy." _

_"I know sweetheart."_

_"I'm not going anywhere Kate." It's a whisper but stern. "She's my…"_

_"Shelby, if you're going to stay fine. But please…"_

_Shelby's looking at Kate like… like she's just been broken. That someone ripped my mother's heart out. How could Kate be so cruel? How did I never know? _

_Not another word is spoken as the two sit with me onto the waiting room chairs. _

_"Her fever is getting worse." Shelby finally says pushing back some of my hair and Kate clings tighter to me as if Shelby was trying to take me away._

_"Ms. Berry? I need some more information on your daughter." A nurse comes up to Kate._

_Kate hands me over to Shelby and follows the nurse to a cubicle. I'm surprised she didn't take me with her._

_"Look Aunt Bee, the grass is fury, the trees are pillows and the river has gold stars." My younger self says showing Shelby a picture that she drew, she's pulled it from the pocket of her coat._

_"It's beautiful. Can I keep it?" Shelby asks taking the folded up piece of paper._

_"Foreber and eber." The three year old says before laying her head back down._

_Shelby's trying not to cry. Hell, I'm trying not to cry._

_"Shelby, they're taking her back now." Kate says motioning for Shelby to bring me. They rush in, but I don't follow. No, I'm too focused on the man speaking with some doctors just to the right of my three year old self…. Edward Dechaux. Shelby and Kate… never even noticed. But I do… and he waves… not at me… well at me… just three year old me._


	33. Taking Chances

**Rachel's POV**

I woke up before the ambulance got there, but my mother insisted we go to hospital anyways. I hate hospitals and the last dream I had served to be a great reminder of why. But was that even really a dream? Or was it a memory? Honestly I'm not sure- maybe it's a little of both. I vaguely remember it happening, but I don't remember calling Shelby mom or Kate being such a… and I definitely don't remember Edward being there. Or do I call him daddy now?

Why does everything have to be so confusing? And why did he decide to show up now? I know for a fact Charlie had been talking with mom about adopting me and that would have been great, but now Edward's here and I…

I tossed and turned over and over again. It had been late when we finally left the ER and I had been exhausted. Mom, being a mom… insisted I stay in her room just in case, even though I was given a clean bill of health I think a part of her was worried I still might have a concussion or something. I looked over at the clock- 6am. There is no use in even trying to sleep anymore. Not when I can't stop thinking about that damn dream and Edward.

I threw the covers off of me and went in to the the living room. I had forgotten how many pictures of myself were here- like I was always such an integral part of the family. Though, this place always felt like home to me.

I sat on the couch with the intent of watching some television when something else caught my eye. It couldn't be- no- it isn't. I got up off the couch to look at the framed picture gracing the tv stand. I ran my fingers across the glass tracing the lines as the memory came back once again.

"The grass is furry, the trees are pillows and…"

"The river has gold stars." Shelby startled me as she finished my sentence. She gave a small smile silently apologizing for creeping up on me and then focused her attention on the picture still in my hand. "You gave that to me when you were three. You got really sick after devouring the happy meal you had begged me for. We knew you were allergic to milk and poultry… I never dreamed you would be allergic to beef as well. You were such a picky eater that you really hadn't had it up until that point. I had to take you to the hospital and I was so scared and Kate was working and…" Shelby let out a long sigh. "She finally showed up and before we had to take you back into the ER, you gave me that. I asked you if I could keep it and you said…"

"Foreber and eber." So It wasn't just a dream.

"You remember that?"

I nodded my head and put the picture down. Shelby had taken a seat on the couch and I chose to curl up next to her.

"You were such a creative child you know. You once told me that elevators were too boring and that it would make it so much more fun if they were allowed to put on a little show while you road them."

I chuckled as the first part of my dream came to mind.

"I can't imagine what it would have been like if you and Brent had been closer in age."

I out right laughed this time and Shelby joined me. Once our laughter subsided I snuggled in closer to my mom. The dream that I couldn't seem to forget earlier was slowly fading from my mind. I couldn't remember the little details anymore. Did I call her mom? Had I just imagined that that happened? No… I wouldn't have known. I wouldn't have. Was Edward there? Or has he been on my mind so much that…

It suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. Edward. "I… I want to meet him."

Shelby's grip tightened, but I didn't mind. Somehow I had ended up more on her lap than next to her. "I figured you would."

"Today? Do you think I can talk with him today?" I asked closing my eyes. Part of me wanted an answer, part of me wished this would all go away.

"I'm sure Edward would love that." She said softly kissing the top of my head.

"And you'll… you'll be there with me right?" I couldn't do this without her. I would never make it into the elevator.

"For as long as you need me, baby." Shelby held on tightly still for a moment longer. "Why don't we go ahead and get ready for the day and fix some breakfast; then I will give him a call?"

She asked and I nodded, but didn't get up to move just yet. "A little while longer?" I asked still snuggled into my mom.

"Yeah… we can stay like this a little while longer." She said and we spent the next hour, just like that.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

Rachel has always been clingy, but after finding out about me being her biological mom, things changed. Today was different though. More reminiscent of the past. She's barely left my side and though I love it, I also worry about what's going through that head of hers. She internalizes everything nowadays.

After sending Rachel to get ready for the day I decided to go ahead and call Edward, even though it was early, nerves were getting the best of me and I just wanted everything to already be set in place for Rachel. Sure I'm not totally 100% on board with her getting to know Edward, but I would never keep him away from her. I knew when I saw him that I couldn't. No, now was the time to put away our differences for the sake of our daughter… I can only hope that he means what he says. That he really wants a relationship with her. She deserves that much.

The phone call was quick and Edward cleared out his schedule so that we could meet him around 10am. We decided on going up to his apartment so that the conversations could happen in a quiet area and it also gives Rachel a chance to be in his home, hopefully helping in the process of feeling more comfortable with him while also getting to know him. I'm sure the place is extravagant. Edward Dechaux only ever accepted the best after all.

Rolling my eyes at that I decide to go ahead and get ready myself so that Rachel and I can at least enjoy a good breakfast before heading up to the top floor.

We were standing outside of our elevator waiting for it to open on our floor when I noticed Rachel's hands had begun to shake. Never in my life had I seen my daughter get nervous about anything so immediately I began to worry if she was maybe having second thoughts.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter?" I asked placing my hand on her shoulder. Rachel looked at me with fear in her eyes and I pulled her into a hug. "Hey, it's ok." The elevator dinged, but neither of us moved to enter deciding perhaps to take it the next time if at all.

It wasn't until the elevator had completely closed that Rachel finally spoke. "What if he doesn't like me?"

"Oh, baby." I said running my hands through her hair. "Of course he'll like you. Besides he found us, remember? He wants to get to know you. This is his choice. "

She nodded, but still made no attempt to move. "It's just I know I can be sorta over the top sometimes and well I… I really want him to like me. He's my dad and I…"

"Hey, it's ok. You know why?"

Rachel shook her head no.

"Because you, my darling, are the most lovable person on the planet and anyone who doesn't see that is a fool- related or not." She pulled back and shyly smiled at my words. "And he's going to love you, Rachel. You are his daughter. His ONLY child. And trust me when I say this- Edward wouldn't have fought so hard for you yesterday if he already wasn't invested in this." I kissed her on the forehead and that seemed to help her to steel herself as she pushed the button for the elevator again. Before entering it she grabbed my hand and smiled at me again.

"I love you, mom."

"I love you too, baby."

We entered the elevator and began our journey up. We only had two floors to go but I smiled when I heard humming. It sounded like something Charlie had been playing in the house all last week and then my smile faded just a bit. Charlie had been mentioning that he wanted to adopt Rachel, of course that is if Rachel wanted that. He's always loved Rachel as his own even though he wasn't really allowed to show it much and truth is- he's the closest thing she's ever had to one. Kate never would even mention dating or marriage after what happened with her fiancé, and then she adopted Rachel and that was all she seemed to care about was taking care of her. Charlie (besides my dad and maybe even his) was all Rachel really had. I remember Rachel used to even make Charlie Father's Day cards- of course it was probably because she didn't want to be left out of the celebrations, but still-

The elevator opened and we stood in front of Edward's door. It was time. We didn't even get a chance to knock as the door swung open when Rachel lifted her hand.

"Please, come in." Edward said holding the door. He was smiling more brightly then I had ever seen him smile before and I felt a small burden being lifted knowing now that I had definitely made the right decision in bringing Rachel up to see him.

Edward motioned towards the couch for us to take a seat and I noticed that Rachel seemed a little apprehensive in moving so I guided us making sure to not let go of her hand. We sat down and began some small talk. It wasn't until Edward asked Rachel about her interest in Broadway that she let go of my hand and became totally comfortable in her element. We sat like that for an hour as I became a wallflower watching my daughter theatrically describe every and anything Broadway. I admired Edward for his part as he seemed genuinely interested in everything she had to say.

My phone began to ring and, noticing it was Charlie, I looked over at Rachel silently making sure she was ok if I stepped out for a moment. She rolled her eyes and then nodded before continuing giving Edward his Broadway history lesson.

"Hello." I said making my way into the room adjacent from where Edward and my daughter sat.

"Hey, babe, how's it… how's it going?" Charlie asked nervously. I had called him earlier to let him know we would be meeting with Edward today and he had been very anxious for Rachel.

"Everything's going fine. Edward took my suggestion of asking Rachel some things about Broadway and now she is giving him the 101."

Charlie laughed. "Good. That's good." My heart fell because I knew he didn't mean it. Of course he wanted Rachel to be happy, it's just- he really does want to be her dad. He's been trying so hard and- "So she's ok then?"

I sighed. "Yeah. I mean she was nervous at first, but she seems comfortable now."

"That's all that matters then." And this time he meant it. I peaked my head out of the door to check on Rachel and noticed she was still all smiles so I felt it would be alright if I talked with Charlie for a little while longer while she and Edward chatted away.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Shelby had just ducked her head back into the room when I gave her another reassuring smile that I was ok and that she could continue talking with Charlie. I then looked over at Edward having finally finished my planned speech on Broadway. Yes, I knew he would bring it up as an ice breaker. I knew because I heard Shelby talking to him earlier and she had suggested it so I was prepared for this part. But the parts I wasn't prepared for were the parts I so desperately needed to get to. Taking a deep breath after a few moments of awkward silence between us I decided to just jump in head first.

"Why didn't you want me?" Straight and to the point. It was the only way to go.

Edward looked a little surprised, but not completely. "Let us not waste any more time shall we and get to the hard hitting subjects."

"Exactly." I said trying to send him my best Shelby glare. It worked too.

"Sorry, that was just my ill attempt at humor." He laughed awkwardly.

"It wasn't funny." There was no point in placating him- I wanted an answer- not a joke.

"You're right." He said clearing his throat.

"So if you could, please, just answer the question. I can… I can take it." Just get it over with please. Tell me why I wasn't good enough for you then and what makes me good enough now so we can all get this over with and I can go home to a real dad- one who has actually been around. What? So I've been contemplating calling Charlie dad now- there isn't anything wrong with that? I mean he wants to be my father. He is the closest I've got. Why shouldn't we just make it all official?

Edward nodded his head and fixed his gaze across my shoulder to the window looking out on the city. "Honestly?"

I nodded.

"I was afraid… afraid I was going to turn out like my father. He wasn't an easy man to live with. He had a horrendous temper and well… I promised myself as a teen that I would never have children so there would be no chance that I would turn out like him."

I softened my features at this knowledge, this- this does change things. I mean obviously he isn't quite the douche I had made him out in my mind to be, but I still had questions that needed to be answered. "Then… why… why now?"

"Well, simply put, my sister convinced me that I was nothing like our father. That and I've spent my life from the moment you were born watching yours from the outside. I've just been waiting for the opportunity to be allowed in."

"You… you've been watching my life?" Okay that's a little creepy, I must have made a face because Edward chuckled.

"Not… not quite like that. I- perhaps I should begin from the beginning- Yes?"

I nodded and listened as Edward began to share his story.

"It's true, it took me nine months to realize how grave of a mistake I had made. But I- I did realize it, Rachel. I was there- at the hospital after you were born. I heard from a friend of a friend that Shelby had gone into labor and I raced to get there in time, but I missed it. I did run into Kate though outside the NICU. I explained to her my mistake- that I hadn't wanted to be like my father- that I wanted to make it right with Shelby. I wanted to try and be a father to you. I loved your mother very much, despite the fact we had many disagreements, I did still love her. But Kate, didn't like the idea. She was very… protective of you and your mother. Kate started to bring up instances and hint that maybe I was more like my father than I thought. It was subtle, but enough to place doubt in my mind. Then she began to cite that I was hardly home, could I? Would I be able to change my lifestyle in order to accommodate a child- a family? The final blow was when she told me your mother had moved on. That she had found someone willing to help raise Rachel with her and was already forgetting about me. Why bring it all back to the surface if I wasn't 100% certain I was ready for a child? It wasn't till after she had conned your mother into giving away custody that I realized she too had conned me…" I could hear the disdain dripping from his words and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop! Just stop!" I yelled getting up from the couch and walking towards the door. Mom, ran into the room closing her phone and glaring at Edward. By the time she had turned to me the tears in my eyes were fiercely falling to the ground.

"What's wrong? Baby? What happened?" She pulled me into her arms holding me close.

"Rachel, please. You have to believe me. It's true. I did want you. It was Kate…" Edward walked to us.

"What the hell are you talking about Edward?!" Shelby yelled going into full Mama Bear mode. As Edward told his story again I felt some of Shelby's tears drop onto my shoulder. I tried. I tried not to listen again, but it was all too much and my tears had become a light sob. "I think we should leave."

"Please, no. I'm telling the truth, but ah… we can change the subject? Just stay." Edward begged as mom ushered me out the door.

She turned back before she closed the door, lowered her voice so that I could barely hear it and left him with one last thing. "I… I believe you, Edward. It's just… Rachel…. Kate… she raised her Edward. Things like that aren't easy for her to hear and I… I'm afraid I haven't helped much in downplaying what Kate did to me. Let her think it through- come to terms with it- then she'll come back around ok?" I watched as his hand momentarily grazed Shelby's as the door was closed.

But all I could think about was one thing.

Who the hell was Kate Berry? Because she certainly wasn't the woman that I called Mom for 16 years.


	34. Somebody That I Used To Know

**Rachel's POV**

"You know, if you are going to be hiding out at school, you should probably find another place… seeing how this spot is always taken."

"Listen here you egotistical bully… who probably belongs along with all those other kids on the bus in Forest Gump!" I said snappng my head over to the offender. I am stopped in my tracts however, when I notice that standing before me is none other than Noah Puckerman. It pisses me off to no end. "What do you want?" I say with as much disdain as possible.

His expression sobers at my tone and he looks… defeated? "Nothing. I'm sorry I shouldn't have…" He trails off and turns to walk away. Damn him and his lost puppy expressions.

"Noah, wait." I say feeling defeated myself. "There are more than enough bleachers to go around." I point around the football field, but then move over slightly. Noah smiles briefly and then sits next to me. We stay there in silence for a moment before he finally speaks.

"I'm an asshole." It takes me by surprise, but I take it in stride.

"And a jerk."

"Yeah I'm that too… God, what is it you ever saw in me? I mean- I'm a juvenile delinquent Rachel! I'm not the guy you bring home to mom and say wow what a catch. And selfish- damn it and self centered."

I frown because Noah isn't joking around- he's completely serious and I have no idea what would bring all this on. "You- you weren't like that with me, Noah, we're- we were different."

"But I was like that Rachel- I am like that." He said voice laced with sorrow and guilt.

"Noah, what are you talking about?" I have to ask because honestly, I mean yeah the break up was horrible but I never in a million years thought of him this way. Even though he broke my heart- he's still my Noah- my best friend.

"I wish I could go back, you know? Change things… I would have talked to you- told you why." He crossed his arms as he looked away from me for a moment.

Oh, so this is about the break up. Great just what I needed. I internally roll my eyes.

"An explanation would have been wonderful at the time, but honestly Noah- we don't have to dredge all this up, I have other-"

"I have a brother." Noah interrupted.

"What?" Okay, now that really took me by surprise.

"It's fucking crazy right? I found out in Juvie."

"Oh, Noah." God it's starting to all make so much more sense now and…

"I should have told you. But I pushed you away and I- Rachel I'm so sorry- I blamed you."

"You blamed me?"

"Yeah those stupid reporters were trying to get information on me because of you- because of us and they found out about my brother. My mom and I… we didn't know. They just bombarded us with all this information- and- we were blindsided. He's only like a year or two younger than me. So my bastard of a father was still with my mom."

I honestly don't know what to say. The tears begin to well up in my eyes because I thought- I thought all of this… this… shit was over and now…

"Please don't cry Rae. I don't blame you, not anymore. I was wrong to blame you. It wasn't your fault." Noah backtracked quickly.

"But it- it was, Noah… I just screw up everything and-"

"No, no Rachel- this isn't your fault. It's- it's my dad's for being such a douche bag."

"I'm so sorry, Noah." I say and for a moment I forget everything we are and wrap my arms around his neck pulling him into a hug. "I'm so sorry, this happened to you."

He embraces the hug and pulls me in tighter. "I've missed you. I've missed us… and if I hadn't been so stupid- I would still have that instead of feeling like the idiot that I am. Do you think you could ever forgive me Rae?" His voice is pleading, it's heartbreaking.

"I-" I pause for a moment before I realize something, "I already have Noah. I already have." We hold each other for just another moment longer before I pull away.

We sit for a moment in silence… I hadn't noticed before, but we're holding hands and even though it feels right- are we even ready to be in a relationship with each other again? I find myself putting the thought aside- Noah is still my best friend and I'll be damned if I ever let what has happened between us take away from that. "So a brother huh?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna talk about it?" I ask as gently as possible. "I mean I sort of know a thing or two about discovering new siblings… and even though it's a completely different situation- at least I could offer understanding?"

He shrugs. "Feel like skipping out?"

"Okay… yeah, I can do that… I just… I need to call mom or Charlie- yeah Charlie… I don't wanna, I mean we're just starting to…"

"You don't have to explain it Jew Babe. I understand." I smile. Everything seems ok like we were always going to be okay… we just needed to- we needed to be. Just be.

"Ok, hold on and I'll call Charlie." I say as he starts walking down the bleachers.

I open my phone and briefly contemplate calling my mom instead, but then she'll want to come pick me up and she'll want to talk and I don't want to do that so I go ahead with calling Charlie. He'll- he'll understand, I know he will.

"Rachel?!" Charlie says answering the phone. "Is everything ok, sweetheart? Why are you calling in the middle of school?"

I should have known Charlie would panic. "It's ok, Charlie- I'm not like, hurt or anything I just…" I pause trying to come up with the best way to say what I need to say so that he'll understand. "I think I failed my history test this morning. I- I can't seem to concentrate on anything. I've been sitting out here on the bleachers just trying to understand everything and-"

"Oh, Rachel, baby girl, I'm sorry." See- Charlie always understands. If I didn't have a dad…. I shake my head at the thought.

"It's not your fault." I say to him.

"I know, but I can't imagine everything you must be feeling right now- especially concerning Kate."

It causes me to sigh- I still haven't come to terms with why she would have done all this and- "I don't want to be at school any more, Charlie. Can I leave? Noah's here and he's going through some stuff too and we just want to talk. Is it ok if I go to his house and we talk?"

"Noah? As in Puckerman?" My eyes go wide- I forgot that Charlie wasn't necessarily 100% Puckelberry and well- I try to back track… God he doesn't think we're…

"Yes, but it's not like what you think Charlie-"

"Rachel, I don't know, you're Mother-" NO! Don't bring in Mom!

"Please Charlie! Please- I don't want to be here any more! I can't concentrate on school work. Please say it's ok. I'll talk to Mom later, I promise!"

"Rachel, I think you should call Shelby." No, no, no…

"No! She'll want to come pick me up and grill me on everything and I'm not ready to talk to her… she'll… she always defends her. Even when she's done horrible things to us- she defends her! I can't talk to her about this. I can't, please Charlie, please!" I'm upset and I am not sure if I am just that dramatic or that upset. Both I guess.

"Hey, hey… Calm down, kiddo. It's gonna be ok. Look, you go to the office and I'll call the school so you can sign yourself out. Then you go ahead and- damn- your mother is going to kill me, but you go ahead with Noah once you have. I'll call Shelby and let her know what's going on and then I'm going to come pick you up from Noah's in a little while ok?"

"Okay."

"Ok, go ahead on to the office now. I'm going to call as soon as we hang up."

"Thank you, Charlie."

"You're welcome, kiddo." We hang up and I make my way down the bleachers to where Noah is waiting.

"I have to go to the office and sign myself out."

"Ok, well I could go get my truck and wait for you out front?"

"Okay." He kisses me on the cheek before heading off and I think it's more out of familiarity than anything else. It makes me smile.

"Rachel?" I hear as I'm walking down past the cafeteria.

"Hey Quinn."

"I thought maybe you had left today. Since I hadn't seen you since First… are you… are you okay?"

"Yeah… I mean no, but I think I will be. Just a lot going on lately."

"Yeah, the whole family thing?" I smile remembering how when Quinn texted me that night I had bombarded her with all my junk and she just seemed to take it all in, commenting here and there… "I'm here for you-you know, if you need me. You can talk to me, Rachel. Last time I checked we are friends." Her tone is slightly teasing so I know she isn't too offended that I haven't talked to her lately.

"I'll keep that in mind, but hey um… I'm leaving for the day and have to get to the office."

She nods. "Fine. Leave me in this god forsaken abyss."

"Wow Quinn… that was really dramatic…"

"I know right? Guess I hang around you too much Berry." We laugh and it just feels so good to do that- Laugh.

Then the bell rings and we are both off on our separate ways. I never really thought, of all the people in this school, Quinn Fabray would end up being one of my closest friends. But then, I never thought my life would be what it is right now at all. It's crazy and completely out of control. It's worse than a soap opera, but it's still my life and I still need to find a way to - cope? With it all.

I shake the thoughts out of my head. Charlie has probably talked with the school by now and I need to get out of here as soon as possible. Quinn isn't too far off… this place pretty much is just another teenage wasteland.

* * *

**Charlie's POV**

It's a little after four when I finally reached the Puckerman house to pick up Rachel. Convincing Shelby not to go pick her up instead was worse than trying to get Vanessa to eat asparagus. Which in the end was the comment that made Shelby back off a bit. She just gets in these overprotective modes and wants to completely take over and well… I think in this case if what Rachel told me earlier is true that it would be best if Shelby didn't do that. Rachel is right though… Shelby will always defend her sister. No matter what she did, she was still her sister…. I... how can I explain that to Rachel? How can I explain Kate?

I shut off the car and made my way to the front door. I was greeted and then sent into the backyard… apparently they've spent the last couple of hours in Noah's old treehouse. God I hope they didn't- weren't… yeah I'm just not going to think about it. It's probably best.

"Hey Rach, Puck! You guys still up there?" I yelled… you know… just in case. I heard two yeah's, but noticed no one was coming down… guess that means I'm going up. I Peeked my head up through through the trap door only to find that Noah and Rachel were in what appeared to be an intense game of… Clue? "This doesn't really look like talking." I said only to be sshed by Rachel.

"Col Mustard with the rope in the Ball Room!" Puck says with finality and then looks at the cards. "Ha!"

"Damn it!" Rachel yells. "That's the third game!" Then proceeds to pout.

"Sorry Jew Babe, I'm like the master of board games or some shit."

"Yeah… I'm still convinced you cheated." Rachel countered.

"Hey guys," I said before this seemingly friendly argument ended up being less friendly and more argument. "I hate to break up all the fun… but Rach- it's time to go." Rachel's face falls immediately. She knew I was coming.

"I think… I think I'll head inside and see if Ma needs any help with something." Puck said and then used the fireman's pole to slide down. This place was like a kids paradise… perhaps I should build one for Vanessa and Brent… they would love- focus Charlie. Focus.

"Is Mom mad at me for leaving school today?"

So that's what the face was about. "Nah… she's just worried about you."

Rachel nodded but didn't say any more.

"You know…. We had to have a meeting with the school about all the absences though."

"You did?" Rachel bit her lip. She's a smart girl… she knows she can't miss so much school without a meeting eventually being called. I climb up through the trap door completely and sit next to her. Her head naturally curls into my shoulder and I put my arm around her. Rachel was always a cuddler.

"Yeah… Principal Figgins is worried about your attendance or lack there of. He said your grades are exceptional and he knows there are extenuating circumstances, but they can't continue to look past the missed days without there being some sort of consequences."

"What- what did you guys say?"

"Your mother was outraged of course."

Rachel laughed a bit and then cuddled more into my side. It reminded me so much of when she was little. When Shelby and I had first started dating. Shelby wouldn't give up weekends with Rachel just to work or go out on dates… if Rachel was with her and it was a necessity- Rachel came along. Shelby always called it a blessing that Rachel attached herself to me. I never knew why… maybe it was that first time I made her my "assistant" maybe it was all those trips to the zoo… "So… what happened?"

Rachel's question pulled me from my thoughts. "You have two options- you can either not miss any more school this year without a doctor's excuse or some type of bereavement. Or you can choose to be home schooled the rest of the year- which your mother is all for by the way."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Of course she is."

I laughed. "Hey now! Shelby just likes being around you- you know? She spent so much time being away from you…." I trailed off- not sure if Rachel was ready to go there or if she even wanted to with me.

There was a long silence and then I heard it- barely above a whisper "Why did she do it? Why did my m- Kate do all those things?"

Well wasn't that a heavy question… I sighed. "I'm not sure there is any one answer I could give you that would really help Rachel."

Her face fell again.

"But- but I'm willing to try kiddo. I can at least give you my opinion as why- it may not help."

"But it would be something."

"It would." I paused for a moment… trying to gather my thoughts. "Did Kate ever tell you anything about her life right before you were born?"

Rachel shook her head no. "Not really- I mean she told me stories of her and mom sometimes… but I mean she preferred to focus on the present I guess."

I nodded. "Yeah… that was pretty much Kate… you're mom… she said Kate wasn't always that way. She used to be very different. She was a little more care free- more like your mom actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. Shelby said they used to get into a lot of trouble when they were kids. Of course she insists that Kate was still the golden child- even when she apparently instigated it all. Shelby got blamed for everything."

Rachel laughed "Yeah, I remember hearing a few stories." She then got serious. "But what- what would make Kate do all that?"

"Well… best I can guess from what Shelby's told me… It had a lot to do with Hiram."

"Hiram?"

"Hiram was Kate's fiancé back before you were born."

"But she never mentioned him." Rachel's brows furrowed.

"No she wouldn't have." I said shaking my head. "He was in the military. Army I think… I'm not 100% sure on the branch. But anyways… it was Operation Desert Storm. Kate- she received a letter and visit saying that Hiram had died. She was devastated of course. It took Shelby a long time to get Kate to do anything. Then one day they were out shopping and there he was… with his husband- Leroy."

"Seriously?" Rachel asked eyes wide.

"Yeah, it was some crap… I mean from the way she tells it- I'm pretty sure Shelby almost tore his head off. It was Kate that stopped her."

"Why? I mean…"

"She said deep down she knew he was gay- she just wished he would have told her instead of having to fake his own death. Turns out he wasn't the only person who had been lied to. I mean there was his entire family you know?"

Rachel just nodded waiting for me to continue.

"Kate went back and talked to him later… turns out part of his family did know. His father knew and threatened to kill him if he didn't 'change his mind'"

"That's awful."

"It is and it's also why Hiram faked his death. His biggest regret was not letting Kate in on what was going on."

"But- but what does that have to do with what she did to Mom, what she did to me?"

"Well… I guess that- all that just changed her, you know? Shelby found out she was pregnant and Kate just latched on to that. She was so afraid of being left alone. I'm guessing when she realized she couldn't hold on to Shelby… she did what she did so she could hold on to you. It doesn't excuse any of it- but it is sort of a reason."

"It's not a good enough reason." Rachel said with disdain.

"Nothing would have been a good enough reason Rachel… but the fact is- it happened and now- now we are trying to get passed the fact that it did happen."

"Was it… was it all her fault? I mean Edward, Edward said…"

"Listen kiddo, I don't want to paint your dad in bad light or anything, but he and Shelby… they didn't get along you know? They fought ALL the time- when he was around. Because Edward had this bad habit of just disappearing… According to Shelby. But anyways… I think- I think Kate at least felt she had some good reasoning there. She was trying to protect you and Shelby. Now in his defense- maybe he had changed… but Kate was just doing what she thought she needed to do."

Rachel nodded again and then hugged me tightly. "Thanks Charlie."

"No problem kiddo." I said hugging her back. Rachel and I stayed that way for a moment until she sighed and asked me one last question.

"Do you think… do you think I should give him a chance? I mean- to be my dad or whatever?" It almost broke my heart. I so badly wanted that title in Rachel's life… but this wasn't about me- it was about Rachel.

"Do you want to get to know him?"

"Kind of… I mean it's a little scary but yeah I guess so."

"Then I think you should, Rachel."

She smiled and wrapped her arms around me once more. "You're the best, Charlie."

"No kiddo, you are. Now let's go home before your mother thinks we got lost somewhere."

Rachel just chuckled and nodded and began to head down the trap door entrance. I followed closely behind hoping I had done the right thing.


	35. Maps

**Shelby's POV**

"I swear if I have to listen to that song one more time…" I trailed off as Charlie came into the office. Rachel was baking cookies and much like my dear husband she likes to blast music when she cooks.

"Oh come on now, Shel, it isn't that bad." He says sitting at his desk.

"She gets it from you." I glare over at him. Normally it wouldn't bother me that Rachel is blasting music throughout the house, but having to hear the same song… over and over and over again…. It's driving me insane.

Charlie laughs, but then this sense of pride flashes across his face at the possibility that Rachel could take after him in any way- it's the little things like that, that make me love him even more than I thought possible. "Do you want me to tell her to stop?"

"No." I sigh out. "God, she may be making me crazy, but honestly this is the most like herself she's been since she moved in with us." I paused for a moment as the same song she had played at least seven times now started over again. "What the hell is she listening to anyways?"

"I do believe it's the Yeah Yeah Yeahs 'Hysteric.'"

"Oh dear Lord in heaven, help me."

"Well damn… she's brought you back to your religion."

"Shut it." I fuss back. "Rachel!" I can't take it any longer… at least change the damn song, or turn it down- geez Rachel, I know you are not deaf. "Rachel!" Charlie is about to roll out of his chair laughing and…. "RACHEL!"

The music softens and I hear Rachel run through the kitchen towards the office.

"You call Mom?" She peaks her head in the room- megawatt smile in place… How on earth am I supposed to be irritated with that?

"You think you could keep the music down for me baby?" I say any previous aggravation gone.

Her eyes go wide. "I'm sorry… was I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to have it so loud… I just really like that song and I… I'm sorry." She stutters through as if she is in some sort of trouble. She's been doing that a lot lately. Is that normal for a teenage in her own home? Rachel does consider this home right? I shake my head of the thought. Of course she considers this home.

"Oh baby, it's okay." I try and back track to make her feel more comfortable. God, when did all this happen between us? I mean… things use to be so… I don't know, but I do know that it wasn't my intention to make her feel bad- it's just too much longer and I'll be suffering from possibly the worse migraine on the planet. "Just keep it down?" I add gently.

She smiles brightly and nods before I hear her head back toward the kitchen. Maybe this is normal between a teenager and her mother. I mean- it wasn't for me and my mom, but Rachel isn't exactly me and I surely am not my mother. The music starts back up- the same song- just a tad lower on the volume. Yeah, like that is so much better Rachel. What was that two notches? Charlie does fall out of his chair this time as apparently I've said that last part out loud.

"I swear Charlie, if you didn't do this all the time! This is completely your fault! Putting ideas in my daughter's head!" I threw one of the magazines lying on my desk at him for emphasis. What good that did, I'll certainly never know… Him having to go and catch it and all.

"My fault?! I wasn't the one who gave her the album- you can thank her little friend Quinn for that." He shoots back playfully- he knows I'm not really mad- I'm not even really that irritated…. Just a little. "And can I really help it if I enjoy blasting a good song from the rooftops? We're a musical family… it's sorta what we do." He shifts through his desk drawer before throwing a pair of ear plugs in front of me.

"God, I love you!" I say dramatically beginning to put the ear plugs in.

"I'm sure God loves you back."

"Ass."

"I love you too." He says before leaving out of the office.

* * *

By the time I finish going through some work related papers and hosting a Q & A on Twitter, Rachel has finished the cookies she was baking. Thus, lucky me, ending the previously consistent stream of music.

"So who are the cookies for?" I ask walking into the kitchen were she is texting away on her phone.

"Edward." She says sheepishly. "I thought maybe he deserved some 'I'm sorry for finding out about you and then freaking out on you when all you wanted to do was meet me' cookies."

"So you've decided you want to see him again?" I ask cautiously.

She nods. "Yeah, I guess, I mean- Yes, I do. After talking with Charlie the other day and you last night… I feel like maybe I owe it to myself to give him a shot."

I nodded. I wasn't exactly comfortable with all this. Edward- he isn't my favorite person. But… our daughter- God, I hate saying that- our daughter wants to get to know him and I'd be a hypocrite if I stood in the way of that. "When were you wanting to arrange all this?" I promise, I'm trying to be more enthusiastic… Honest, I am.

"Well… um… he'sactuallycominghereinabouttwohours."

"Excuse me? How bout trying to slow that down a little?" I say with a chuckle still trying to figure out what she said.

"I said…" She pauses to take a deep breath. "He's actually coming here in about two hours."

To say I was shocked wouldn't cover it. "Do what?!"

"Mom! I know you understood me that time!" Rachel whined obviously not wanting to repeat it again.

"When did you talk to him?" I say doing my best to keep any anger out of my voice. I mean where the hell did she even get his number? Why didn't she come to me about all this? Am I the last fucking person to know? She's MY daughter damn it!

"This morning. That's why I borrowed your cell." Rachel said pulling her bottom lip between her teeth and then releasing it. "You aren't mad are you?"

I take a few calming breaths because how can I be mad? Would I have like to have known about all of this? Yes. Is it really going to change anything if I lash out about it? No. Being an adult sucks. "No, baby, but I really think you should have talked to me about this before you went and made all these plans."

"I thought about it!" She rushes to say. "I did…. I just thought well- it would be easier on you if I did this myself. I know he's not your favorite person." She looks down and begins to find a thread at the bottom of her shirt extremely interesting. And God, if that isn't the most pitiful thing I have seen all day…

"Oh Rachel," I said puling my daughter into a hug, she quickly wraps her arms around me. "Baby, Edward and I- it's no secret we don't really get along. But, honey, I am still your mother and I need to be involved in these decisions ok?" She nods. "It's my job to look after you and well, Edward comes along with that now too."

"Am I in trouble?" Her head is buried in my shirt so it comes out more muffled than anything but I hear the worry loud and clear. Why does it feel like we are both walking on thin ice?

"No, baby, you're not in trouble. Just next time talk to me first before you go making all these plans ok? Or better yet… I'll sit down with Edward and we can work out some sort of schedule- if you decide that's what you want?"

She nods quickly and then lays her head on my shoulder giving me another squeeze. "I love you, Mama."

I close my eyes and bask in the moment. It doesn't matter how many times I hear it… every last one is a moment to cherish it even more. "I love you too, sweetheart."

* * *

It's been three weeks since Rachel and Edward started meeting on a regular basis. He comes to town twice a week- and calls even more. Rachel- she seems happy. She seems to get along with him nicely.

I hate it.

I know- I know- it's wrong of me… I'm becoming jealous. Jealous of my daughter's father of all people. But it's becoming more and more clear that Rachel wishes to spend more time with him. This morning she asked if she could start spending weekends with him…

"If that's what you want, sweetheart."

"It is."

"Ok then."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You're the best, mom!"

I didn't feel like the best… I felt like my heart was being ripped out of me. I can't compete with Edward. On his days here, he picks her up from school in a Lamborghini. He takes her to the mall all the time- she and her friends get whatever they want. It's not that I don't have the money to do the same… But maybe I want to instill other things into my daughter… maybe I'm not just out to buy her love.

And what can I really say about it? Because every time I open my mouth I just close it right back… I don't want to start fighting with Edward again. It's so easy to do- it's all we ever did.

I've thought about it- over the years- what it would have been like if Edward and I would have stayed together… if we would have raised Rachel….

There is no way it would have ever lasted. That is for sure. Looking back… living with Edward… there was a lot of passion and with that passion came a lot of anger. God did we ever fight ALL the time. Over any and everything too… that is when he was actually around. He had this little habit of disappearing every now and then. It drove me up the wall.

That would have been no life for Rachel. Edward and I would have separated… I would have had to raise Rachel on my own while balancing a career. Could I have done it? Would I have given everything up? Would I have turned to Kate? Would I have ever met Charlie?

Some things are better left to not dwell on. The past is nothing more than the past. We can't change it, only learn from it.

"Wanna tell me why you're over here by yourself moping?" Charlie says sitting in the lawn chair next to me. We both look out over at Brent, Vanessa, Rachel, and Noah who are decorating the new treehouse Charlie had built for them. Noah has been coming around a lot more again. I still haven't decided if it's a good thing or not… but Rachel keeps reassuring me that 'it's not like that.' I think they currently fall under the 'it's complicated' realm on Facebook. Personally I think if they are going to date then they need to take things slowly and remain friends for now.

"I'm not being mopey… I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"Things."

"Shel-byyy."

"Charl-ieee."

He takes my hand into his and that is all it takes… it's all it ever takes.

"What if she chooses him over us? She spends so much time with him already and now weekends as well." I quickly swipe the tear threatening to fall. "I just got her back… and now I'm loosing her all over again."

"You aren't loosing her, Shel."

"Aren't I? It's always Edward this… Edward that."

"He's her father and it's new. That's all."

"So you're telling me, you don't feel the way she's pulling away?"

"Hey… Shel…" He says moving to hug me. I push him away though.

"No. I know. It's selfish. I'm just being selfish for wanting her to spend her time with me. For wanting a relationship we may never have…She may not want that with me and I- I have to accept that just because she calls me Mama… it doesn't mean she really thinks of me that way."

"No, Shelby, you can't think that."

It's too much for me… the emotions spill over and I know I need go compose myself before one of my kids sees that something is wrong. I get up squeezing Charlie's hand. "I think I'll go into the studio for a while." It's code for I need to be alone and I'm thankful when Charlie just nods and squeezes back regardless of the worry written all over his face.

The tears continue to threaten to fall. All I can think about is that I'm losing my daughter. I'm losing her and I have no idea how to keep her.

"Mama!" Rachel yells stopping me in my tracks. It's such a beautiful sound that hurts sooo much. I turn and she is all smiles. "Edward is almost in town so Noah and I are gonna head out so we can meet him ok?"

"Okay, honey, have fun." I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice, off of my face. I want to be genuinely happy for her- it just hurts so much right now.

"Mom? Are you ok?" Appears I didn't do such a good job of hiding it.

"Yeah." I lied. "Just gonna do some studio work I think." At least that part isn't a lie.

"You haven't been into the studio for a while, huh?"

"No, I guess I haven't."

She smiles. "Well I can't wait to hear what you come up with!" She says with more enthusiasm than I've heard in a while. It makes me genuinely smile.

She wraps me in what can only be described as a Rachel Barbra Berry hug. "I love you, Mama."

I hold her tightly not sure I want to ever let go. "I love you too, Rachel."

"Mom! I have to go!" She laughs as I keep her wrapped up.

"I know." I say still holding her close. I'm smiling but my emotions threaten to get the best of me again.

"Mama?" She's worried. I can't let her be worried about how I feel about this.

"I know. I know. Go have fun." I say releasing her with probably the most fake smile I have ever given her.

She doesn't seem to notice and smiles one of her mega watt smiles. "I will!" She yells running off after Noah who was yelling something about being late.

I turn and head towards the studio. Maybe if I can get these feelings out of me… I can focus on other things. Like my two youngest children… my husband.

* * *

After searching through some of my sheet music I pull out a notebook of some of my unfinished work. I flip through the pages and turn to a song I have been working on for longer than I would care to admit and sit down at the piano. For some reason I've never been able to finish it, but maybe today's the day…

I close my eyes letting the melody take over me. My hands become the extension of an instrument that compels me to sing.

"Don't know… just where I'm going… and tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming… and the air is cold… and I'm not the same- anymore…"

Instead of continuing I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I begin to play just the melody and before I know it- I'm singing something I've never sung before.

"All along… all I ever wanted… was to be the light… when your life was daunting. But I can't see mine… when I feel as though you're pushing me away…"

I stop what I'm doing and realize I should probably write this down… It's the biggest breakthrough on the song I've had in the last year. This might actually work. I jot down the notes and then play it all over again…

"All along… all I ever wanted, was to be the light… when your life was daunting. But I can't see mine, when I feel as though you're pushing me away… well… well…"

I pause.

"Well who's to blame, are we making the right choices? Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices…"

I write that down as well, but it seems that the song will continue to puzzle me because it's all I can seem to come up with. I spend an hour or two more writing down lyrics only to cross them out.

SO… maybe today's not the day that this song will be completed after all…

I decide hiding in the studio isn't what I need right now, what I need is an armful of family reminding me that I have the strength to get through what ever is ahead… a family that reminds me what families are… a family that reminds me that I will do what ever it is I can to never lose ANY of them.

"If I have to wait the rest of my life… I won't ever give up on wanting a mother-daughter relationship with you, Rachel. I wish I could make you stay. I wish you could see how I love you. But I'll wait… I'll wait and when you're ready- I'll be here. You were my angel from the moment I first held you in my arms and you will always be."

I flick off the lights and close the door to the studio and smile when I see that my children have yet to leave their new treehouse. A smile grazes my face when I notice that Charlie has now joined them and I think I just might as well.


	36. Family Portrait

**Rachel's POV**

"You look like shit." Santana said as I sat down at what had become our lunch table. 'Ours' meaning Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Noah and myself. I pulled out the vegan lunch I had prepared this morning before school, but honestly I wasn't very hungry. Too much had been happening and the stress was killing my appetite.

"I feel like shit." I said laying my head down on the table. I am often accused of over dramatics however this was not one of those cases. I had a legit reason this time. And so what if I am dramatic? I'm going to have a career in the theatre! It'll be my job to be dramatic!

Brittany suddenly reaches over and pokes my arm. "You don't feel like shit or look like shit. Trust me… I have to clean up after Lord Tubbington. He's still potty training."

I shook my head a little confused. "You're still teaching him to use the litter box, Britts?"

"Why would he use the trash can?" She asked back.

"You're right Brittany, silly me, cats don't use trash cans as a rest room." I am not completely crazy you know? Santana is sitting at the table and I really don't feel like explaining what I meant right now… it probably wouldn't come off the right way and then well… yeah I'll just leave this at that.

"Soooo…." Santana interrupts thankfully. "What's going on in Munchkin Land?"

I think I possibly just growled because suddenly Noah is sitting next to me rubbing my back trying to calm me down. It's working too. Feels so good. No… no Rachel. You are not thinking those thoughts.

"Mommy and Daddy dearest are in the middle of World War III." Quinn said sitting down on the other side of me and answering for me. She was fortunate enough to have to hear all about this this morning.

"Woah!" Santana says in shock. "Hold the fuck up! I thought Shelby and Charlie were like the perfect couple?! I mean it's a little sickening how well they fit together, are you telling me that's all down the drain?"

"No, Shelby and Chuck are still stupidly perfect… it's Shelby and Edward that are dropping the nukes." Noah said sadly. I spent most of the night on the phone venting to him. He's a really good listener you know? I curled up into his side. Not even pausing for a second thought. Technically we aren't back together, but who knows where this is going?

"Yikes… so the bio rents huh?" Santana said taking a bite out of her apple.

I nodded. "They had this huge argument last night when Mom came to pick me up. I don't think… I mean, I'm sure they didn't mean for me to hear, but it was kind of hard not too."

"What happened?" Brittany asked as Santana scooted closer to the table waiting to hear.

I sighed and geared up to tell my story, yet again. "Well it all started…."

* * *

_***Begin Flashback***_

_The doorbell rang and I knew instantly that my mom was here to pick me up. I had spent yet another weekend with my wonderful father, but unfortunately I had to go home for school tomorrow. _

_"Mama!" I yelled as I ran down the loft stairs in Edward's humongous New York City apartment. He has the entire top floor, including roof access! Coolest ever! "You are never gonna guess what Papa got me!" I yelled again with excitement, jingling a pair of keys. It was new that I was calling Edward, Papa. I decided to last week when he started teaching me French and well that does mean daddy so it works right? It doesn't feel completely right, but I think I'll get used to it in time and it makes him happy. I mean he is my father and Shelby hasn't said anything bad about it yet. Not that I think she will. _

_"Well hello! I missed you too baby. So glad you are happy to see me." Mom chastised playfully, roughing up my hair and pulling me into a hug._

_"Mom!" I whined pulling away. "You're killing my excitement!"_

_I watched as Shelby rolled her eyes still not noticing the keys in my hand. "Alright, what did Edward get you THIS time?" _

_It was my turn to roll my eyes. She wasn't doing much to hide the fact she hasn't been pleased with the amount of stuff I end up with via Edward. But I was determined not to let whatever her problem is ruin my excitement. "A car!" I squealed skipping up to my father who had been relatively quiet so far._

_"Not just any car though..." He said smiling down at me. I hugged him tightly. Seriously, he's the coolest ever._

_"Nope!" I spouted off, "A brand new Mini Cooper Roadster! It's blue and has white racing stripes and it's a convertible! Oh plus it's a hybrid! Right Papa?!" I spewed out quickly unable to suppress the joy. I was jumping up and down like I had received it today instead of yesterday, but it's a big deal! I now have my own car! _

_"Oui, whatever mon petit chéri wants, she gets!" Edward said with a grin. That is by far my favorite nickname. I most definitely like being his little darling. I like getting what I want too of course. _

_I grinned back up at my father and then turned only to watch as Shelby's eyes went wide in surprise. I knew she'd be shocked but what I didn't count on was her being less than thrilled about it. Hello! It's a car! Shouldn't she be happy for me?_

_"Baby, why don't you go upstairs and get your things?" She said calmly. Too calmly. All surprise had left her face. I knew exactly where this was headed._

_"Mom, please!" I panicked. She was going to start a fight over this and honestly I'm tired of all the fighting. It happens every time they see each other now. It's ridiculous. Not to mention, the fear that suddenly rose up in me at the chance she might actually not let me keep the car. I could see it in her eyes she was pissed._

_"Honey, upstairs now." She said again calmly._

_"Mama!" I whined._

_"Now, Rachel." Her voice hadn't changed, but I knew it was because she didn't want to direct her ire at me. No, she was saving it all for Edward. As soon as I leave the room though she's gonna blow up and thought she was dead serious in asking me to leave I still had to push. This couldn't happen. I looked to Edward hoping for some support. If I go upstairs they'll fight and I could lose my car. It had to be stopped._

_"I think it's best if you go upstairs, chéri. Don't worry." I pouted and looked up at him once more. "Go on, I'm sure the discussion won't be long." He should have known better than to think that. He should have known better than to call it a discussion. I'm not stupid you know. It's a yelling match where the two are just going to walk away even more mad without anything being "solved." Discussions were civilized- this? This was war. _

_I huffed and chose this as my opportune moment to storm up to my room. When I got up there I slammed the door just enough to let them know how unpleased I was with the situation and then quietly opened it back up. I knew I shouldn't be listening in but I couldn't help it._

_"A car!? Really Edward?!" Mom yelled after a moment._

_"She's sixteen, its a right of passage!" Edward yelled back._

_"She doesn't even have her license yet! God, did you not even think to consult me on this one?!" _

_"She's my daughter too, you know! I don't have to consult you on everything!"_

_"It's a fucking car, Edward! A car!" I don't think I have heard Shelby this mad in an argument yet. "You've really over done it this time." _

_"Can I help it if I want to give my daughter whatever she wants? I do have sixteen years to make up for!"_

_Shelby's laugh was cold. "You know damn well if you had wanted to be around you would've been! But instead you show up out of the blue and start trying to buy her love!"_

_"I'm not trying to buy her love!" It hurt that he didn't deny her earlier comments about him not being around. _

_"Oh, please, Edward! Rachel might fall for all your Parisian charms but I certainly will not! What's your angle Edward?! You sweep in, steal all my time with her, and then proceed to buy her everything within sight!"_

_Edward's laugh was just as cold as Shelby's had been and I started to notice just how ugly this was getting. "So that's what this is really about, Shelby?! You're upset that Rachel would rather spend more time with me than with you! Petty jealousies! That's all this is! She's had you her whole life! It's my turn now!" He spat with venom I had never heard from him before. _

_"Oh you think just because I've been around that we've really had a chance to be together? Kate made sure that didn't happen!"_

_"No! You made sure that didn't happen! You were more concerned with grandiose Broadway dreams than being a mother to your own daughter!"_

_"You wanted me to abort her! At least I wanted her alive!"_

_"Like I would've been able to raise a child and the teenager you were too! I was trying to make a responsible decision!"_

_"No Edward, you were trying to preserve your precious lifestyles of drug induced hazes and wandering whores!"_

_"Oh please! Like you weren't trying to sleep your way to the top!"_

_Slap! No fucking way!_

_Shelby had slapped Edward and if I thought that the argument had been bad before, it was only getting worse. It was when I started to hear slurs interchanging between French and Hebrew fluently that I decided I couldn't take it anymore._

_"Enough!" I yelled throwing open the door and running down the stairs with my bag. I almost tripped up but Shelby had been there to steady me. I jerked my arm away from her. "You two are impossible! All you ever do is fight and I'm done with it! Just stop!"_

_It seemed to get their attention. I wiped at my eyes before the tears could threaten to spill over. "Ugh! I hate this! I'll meet you at the elevator." I told my mom and turned to hug my dad goodbye. I handed him over the car keys. It didn't even matter anymore._

_***End Flashback***_

* * *

"Ouch Midge. That sounds rough. They really go for the jugular huh?" Santana said shaking her head. Brittany looked a bit sad, but then again, she hates conflict of any kind.

"You have no idea." I said snuggling back into Noah. I should've stayed away. I shouldn't be like this with him. This is going to get me in trouble. We aren't really a couple again. We are still just friends right?

"Ha!" Santana said making me jump a little. Did she know what I was thinking at the moment? "Oh I have plenty of an idea!" My eyes went wide. "Considering my parents have been divorced since I was 12." Oh yeah, of course, we were talking about my parents… She knows nothing about the fact that I was thinking of dating Noah again. No Rachel! Stop. Bad thoughts. For now?

A couple of guys shouted at Noah garnering his attention. I pouted realizing he would go over and talk to them.

"How do you deal with it all?" I asked pulling away from Noah reluctantly as he got up to go talk to some of his football buddies. He turned around and smiled at me before jogging over to them. That smile should not be doing these things to me right now. God, between him and my parents I'm doomed.

"Easy. I use it to my advantage." She states simply.

I looked at her more than slightly confused. Mainly because I haven't been really paying attention to what she is saying. I find my eyes waving over across the room at Noah.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Stop drooling over Puckerman and pay attention Berry!" She snapped.

"I'm not- I..." I was caught red handed. God, what's wrong with me? I keep trying to tell myself I need a break from relationships but…

"Save it for someone who cares. What you and Puck do or don't do in your relationship is your business. Believe me... That ship has long since sailed." Santana said wrapping her arm around Brittany who was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

I did not need to be reminded that Santana and Noah dated. In fact, I really don't need to be reminded of any of his past relationships. But here I was... Sitting with three of them.

"Listen up, Berry." She said as I tried to get all thoughts of Noah out of my head. "You can't stop your parents from fighting. Sometimes people just don't get along. But there is something you can do."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Play both sides." She said as if it had been obvious.

"What? I'm afraid I'm not following you, Santana." Obviously, it's not that obvious.

"Well duh! It's because you're still sitting!" Brittany said. Of course it's always obvious to her. Santana nodded at her girlfriend (yeah they were finally official) and then turned to me once again flustered.

"Ay dios mío! Do I have to spell everything out for you?! Geez midget! You got two parents fighting for your attention! Use it to get twice the stuff and twice the attention!"

"Oh."

"Oh?! That's it? Oh?! You get to have the best of both worlds! You would think you would be a little bit more happy, short stack!"

"I- I hadn't thought about it that way. I really just wanted them to stop arguing all the time. They're my family and I'd like them to try and get along." I ignored the name calling. Santana is Santana. The name calling isn't going to stop so why acknowledge it?

"Do you like the stuff long lost daddy buys you?" Santana asked as we got up from our lunch table and walked to the trash receptacles. She was ignoring what I had said. Typical.

"Of course I do! I just-"

"Then I don't see the problem."

"Don't you want your parents to get along though?" I asked her.

She just shrugs before tossing away her trash. "It's not going to happen so why bother?"

And just like that Brittany and Santana were out of the lunch room leaving Quinn and I behind.

"So I should just make the best of a bad situation? That's what she's telling me? Forget about trying to get everyone to get along and just be out for myself?" I asked Quinn.

She shrugs not really knowing herself. "My parents drown out their disagreements with alcohol. I don't know if there is such a thing as a good situation so whatever helps you cope I guess?" She says trailing off leaving me to think about it.

They're never going to stop fighting are they? I didn't need to voice the realization aloud for it to hit me like a ton of bricks.

"You ok, Jew Babe?" Noah says walking over with a concerned look on his face.

"I guess- I guess I have to be or will be... Idk."

He scooped me up in a bear hug and twirled me around causing me to squeal. "Thanks, Noah." I said looking up a him.

"I just wanted to make you smile. No thanks necessary."

"You've been hanging around me too much."

"You complaining?"

"Not in the least." I said as he walked me to my next class.

"Good cause, you're like my best friend and whatever so I wouldn't want it to stop."

"Best friend huh?"

"'S what I said." He smirks.

We're flirting and it's so obvious but neither of us can seem to bring it to a stop.

"Well then bestie, I think you should come over later. We could watch a movie?" We were inching closer and closer together. "Maybe even..."

"Maybe even what?" Noah husks and damn it! I said we weren't going to do this, but we are- its inevitable.

The bell rings and we jump apart. Fuck! We so almost kissed and I had wanted it to happen badly.

"I should- class..." My sentences are all jumbled and seriously? We were really about to kiss right? I know I shouldn't be in a relationship right now but I don't know if Noah and I can just be friends anymore. I'm not sure it would be enough... Then again, would dating be too much?

"Yeah. Um... I can't hang out anyways." I look up disappointedly at him. "I got plans." Ok, that hurts more than it should. Why am I just now hearing about these so called plans? What are these so called plans? Oh my god! Is he seeing someone! He's seeing someone and he didn't even tell me! Some best friend!

"Oh, yeah of course you do." Great now we get to go back to being awkward.

"Hey, don't be like that Rach."

"Like what?" I spat knowing it wasn't fair to him. He had plans and it's not like I'm his girlfriend anymore. He did break up with me. God, I'm so stupid!

"Like you're all mad that I'm not spending every waking moment with you!"

Low blow, Noah. You know I have issues with my clinginess. I huff, "I could care less if you hang out with me! It was just a suggestion!" It's a lie and we both know it.

"Well good because you won't have to worry about me hanging out with you all week!" He said as he walked away.

Shit. I leaned my head against the lockers outside my class and willed myself not to get upset over this. Seems like the fighting was contagious. Great, just great.


	37. Sweet Child O' Mine

**Charlie's POV**

I pulled up to the school and noticed that Rachel was standing alone on the sidewalk. She had been adamant about not calling Shelby to come pick her up even though it would have taken significantly less time. Shelby and Edward were currently getting the cold shoulder from her and honestly… they deserved it.

"Hey kiddo," I said rolling down the window as I pulled up next to her. "Need a lift?"

She smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, "Thanks for coming to get me, Charlie."

"No problem, but I thought Noah would be taking you home today?" It had become pretty commonplace for us to see Noah around the house again nowadays. The two had become quite inseparable… leading Shelby and I to believe that perhaps they were rekindling their relationship.

"He had plans." Rachel said shortly and I could tell she really didn't want to get into it.

"Ah, well then, I'm honored to be heading up your chariot of choice." I said hoping to make her laugh. Mission succeeded.

"You're so corny sometimes, ya know?" I smile and wink at the girl I had to come to think of as my own over the years… but she doesn't really know that now does she? Shelby and I have dropped the ball so many times… I wonder if it would ever make a difference?

"I aim to please, Miss." She smiles again at my stupidity and then looks out the window. My heart breaks for her… she's been through so much.

"Why do they have to fight so much?" She finally says without moving her gaze.

I think about it for a moment… because they're being selfish idiots.

"What?!" She says jerking her head towards me. Did I say that out loud? Oops… yeah I totally did that on purpose didn't I? Perhaps this conversation deserves more than half-assed attention, I think before pulling off the road into the parking lot of the Seven-Eleven.

"You heard me correct, Rachel. If you ask me, which you did, I think that both Shelby and Edward are being very selfish and idiotic with how they are handling this situation. All Shelby can think about is HER losing you and all Edward thinks of is ways HE can keep you. They haven't really ever sat you down and asked you what YOU want out of all this, now have they?" She seems to contemplate this for a moment.

"Why haven't YOU said anything then?"

"Oh, I tried, believe me. But it was made clear to me by both parties that it was none of my concern."

"Wait! Mom actually said that?" She seemed hurt. So was I kiddo, so was I.

"She was angry, she took it out on me."

"But still, I can't believe…"

"I'm going to stop you right there, kid. People say stupid things when they get angry and a lot of times those things hurt. Your mother and I are no strangers to that."

Rachel nods, "I guess it's just because I never see you fight… I kind of always thought the two of you just had this perfect relationship."

"Just because you've never seen us fight, doesn't mean that we don't. We just have a policy about not arguing in front of you guys. There is a time and a place… and all that."

"Jazzzzz." Rachel sang smiling.

"Who's the corny one now?" I say ruffling Rachel's hair. She shrieks and moves out of the way.

"There is nothing corny about Broadway!" And there's the Rachel Barbra Berry patented pout that's had me wrapped around her finger since she was a kid.

"You are absolutely right, kiddo." There may or may not have been some slight sarcasm in that statement. It's not lost on Rachel though and she rolls her eyes.

"Do you remember just after Vanessa was born, and you and Kate came to see all of us? We had just brought her home… Kate and Shelby were fussing all around the house?"

Rachel smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I was all upset because I wasn't getting any attention from either of them. You were the only one who noticed. You took me to the zoo."

"Most people would say that I should have spent that day at home, with my wife and daughter. But you needed me then, kid, and well… I couldn't think of anything better than spending the day with you. Not that I wasn't excited to be a new dad. I guess, I guess I just wanted to make you smile that day." I sighed trying to figure out where I was even going with this. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that… Rachel, I know your mom and I have dropped the ball big time with you. I- I'm so sorry I wasn't around to make you smile enough." I said trying to keep my tears at bay. Stupid emotions.

I heard Rachel unbuckle her seatbelt and the next thing I knew she was wrapping me in a hug, I felt a few tears prickle my neck as I hugged her back. All these years I wanted to be her dad and I let everything hold me back, but damn it…. "I hope you know, kiddo, it doesn't mean you weren't loved. You were always loved."

"I always wanted you to be my daddy." She whispered. I wondered for a moment if I had even heard that right.

"You did?" I asked deciding that it was what I had heard.

She nodded and I hugged her tighter.

"I was so jealous that B and Van had you and I didn't have anybody."

My heart felt like it was literally ripping in two. "Oh baby, girl. You've always had me. You'll always have me. I promise. From now until forever, you've got me, kid."

We stayed like that for a moment and then she pulled away drying her eyes. I dried mine as well. We should have had this conversation years ago. Hell, we should have never had to have this conversation at all.

"Well," I said breaking the silence that had befallen into the car. "What do you say we go into that store there, get us some sodas, and then maybe, if you want, I can start teaching you how to drive?"

Her head popped up at the last part and it made me chuckle. "Y-you want to teach me how to drive?"

"Well your father did buy you a car, didn't he?" She nodded enthusiastically. "Then I think, it's high time someone got this ball rolling so you can drive it!"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She yelled wrapping me up in another hug.

Anything to make you smile, kid, I thought to myself. Anything to make you smile.

* * *

"Ok so first things first!" I said sitting in the passenger's seat. I had driven us to a secluded parking lot where I thought it was a safer place for Rachel to start out rather than on the road.

"You give me the keys?" Rachel said trying to pull out her puppy dog eyes. Nice try kid.

"No." I said with a chuckle.

"We gotta go through the checklist."

Rachel groans and hits her head on the steering wheel lightly. I on the other hand just roll my eyes. Dramatics… sometimes Rachel is too much like her mother.

"Seatbelt?"

"Check." Rachel says clicking her seatbelt into place.

"Driving permit?"

"Check." She pulls it out of her purse and sits it in the center console.

"Seat adjusted?"

"Duh." She said giving me a pointed look. I just smirk back.

"Mirrors aligned?"

"Check, check… and check."

"Do you know where the blinker is located?"

"Yes." She says flipping the blinker up and then back down.

"How about the headlight knob?"

"They come on automatically." Rachel said in a matter of fact tone.

"Still…"

"Here." She says pointing and rolling her eyes.

"And you're aware of how to shift into drive, reverse, park and even neutral if need be?"

"Yes."

"And where is the speed dial located?"

"Charlie!" She whines.

"Okay, okay. I just wanted to make sure."

"So can I have the keys now?"

Reluctantly I handed them over. I watched as Rachel did a little victory dance and couldn't help but smile. I should have done this weeks ago, but until this past weekend Shelby has insisted on being the one to teach Rachel how to drive. I'm pretty sure if it were now solely up to my wife, Rachel would never learn to drive.

Rachel started the car with ease. She sighs as if she had been waiting for this moment her whole life. She then proceeds to plug in her iPod.

"I don't think so."

"Please Charlie?"

"It's a distraction."

"Music calms me."

"Distracts you."

"Test run?"

"Fine." She's absolutely too good at getting what she wants. She sets her iPod to shuffle and thankfully sets the music volume on low.

Besides she'll need to learn to deal with distracts on the road right? Please tell me I'm right.

Putting on her sun shades, Rachel then look over to me.

"You ready, kiddo?"

"I was born ready."

"I have no doubt about that." I say with a smile. "Ok, put your foot on the brake and then shift into reverse. I want you to back out of this space as if we were in a crowded lot."

"Okay." She says as she puts her foot on the break and shifts into reverse.

"Now I want you to check your mirrors, then put your right hand on my seat and turn so you can see behind you. Slowly… and I mean slowly, remove your foot off the break and give it just a little gas." I instruct. She nods and turns to look behind her only instead of giving it a little gas she guns it.

"Woah! Woah! WOAH!" I yell as she slams on the brakes, almost giving us both whiplash. She throws it into park and the next thing I know she is out the car. Ok, what just happened? I get out and go around to her side where she is leaning against the car, breathing heavily and on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm already screwing it all up."

"Hey Princess," I say putting my hand on her shoulder. "It's ok. Beginners mistake? You just gotta try it again."

"You mean the lesson isn't over?"

I laugh lightly. "No sweetheart. The lesson is just beginning. Why, if I quit now, you'd never learn! So what do ya say we jump back in and do this thing?"

She nods determinately and then we both get back into the car. As she puts on her seatbelt again she looks over at me, "You called me Princess." I give her a puzzled look that prompts her to explain further. "You only can Van, Princess."

"Actually, if I remember correctly, you were my first princess." This time she is the puzzled one. "Remember after Shelby and I started dating? We took you to see the Disney Princess' on Ice?" She smiles as it dawns on her.

"I do."

"Do you remember when I hoisted you up so you could see better?" She nods. "What did I say?"

Rachel thinks for a moment. "Up we go, Princess."

"You know you told me that day, you couldn't be a Princess. I asked you why and you said because you didn't have a Prince."

"But then you told me you'd be my Prince and I called you silly because you were Aunt Bee Bee's Prince." She finished for me.

"And I said, then I'll just have to be a Prince to both of ya." We laughed and I nudged her with my elbow. "So can I still have more than one Princess?" She nodded and gave me one of her mega watt smiles.

"Good. Now, pull back into the space slowly, and let's try again."

We practiced for a good hour before I felt we should be heading home. Rachel had been doing so good in the parking lot, I thought I'd let her drive home. Traffic shouldn't be too bad and we aren't that far.

Famous last words of a fool.

* * *

Rachel pulls into our driveway knocking over the garbage can and barely missing the mailbox.

"Why don't you just park it here. I'll pull it into the garage and we can tackle parking another day." I wipe my forehead where the sweat buildup had accumulated from shear panic while Rachel just shrugs like it's no big deal.

Soon the car is off and she is out the door and bounding happily into the house. I, on the other hand, am still tremendously shaken. Rachel was NOT road ready. Not in the slightest.

By the time I had gotten into the house, I'm sure a good fifteen minutes had passed. Shelby was standing in the kitchen mulling over take out menus again. She looked up at me and chuckled.

"Oh, it can't be that bad. Rachel seems delighted. Still not talking to me, but delighted."

"You. Have. No. Idea." I said collapsing on the stool across from her.

"Spill."

"Do you want the good, the bad, or the atrociously ugly?"

"Atrociously ugly? Seriously, Charlie? You've got to be over-reacting."

"Over-reacting?! How's this for 'over-reacting', One: she cut across three lanes of traffic WITHOUT using her blinker! Thus almost wrecking into every car imaginable." Shelby chuckled causing my further irritation. "Two: She took a wrong turn, therefore ending us up on the nightmare that is the interstate!" This time Shelby had the decency to look worried. "Three: She freaked out when Barbra came on the radio and let go of the wheel… SHE LET GO OF THE WHEEL, SHELBY!"

"Calm down, I don't want her to hear you and get a complex about it. Geez, Charlie, she's just learning." Shelby said as my voice had gotten a bit loud.

"I know that. And believe me, as hard as it was I think I did a fairly good job at remaining calm throughout the whole ordeal."

"Well that's good. Anything else I should know about?"

"Well there was this one instance where a car cut her off and she flipped them off proceeding to say, and I quote '_Watch where you're going, you meshungina! You drive like a shicker! Fucking ass hole._'"

Shelby blushed and then proceeded not to look me in the eyes. "She spoke yiddish?" Her gulp was audible.

"Yeah and then cursed… wonder wear she got that from?"

"No idea." Shelby said still refusing to look me in the eye and knowing full well Rachel got that from her.

"Anyways," I say deciding to spare Shelby a bit. "I decided to have her let me park the car in the garage for the sake of our garage door and your car. Didn't want it to be like the trash can where she just looks at me and goes 'oops.'"

Shelby sighs. "I should've started teaching her ages ago."

"Yeah, well, she'll learn. It was just a rough day all around."

"Something else happen?" Shelby asks looking up in worry.

"Yeah, we need to talk."

"Baby, I told you I'm sorry about suggesting you shouldn't have any say in Rachel's life. You know I've always considered you a father figure for her." Shelby started, but I stopped her.

"It's not about that."

"Is she ok? Did something else happen?" The worry was really starting to set in.

"Sit down for a minute, Shelbs."

"Just tell me Charlie! Is my baby ok?" Shelby said slamming her hand on the counter.

"No, she's not."

"What happened? She still isn't talking to me, if you don't tell me I'll never know. Please Charlie just tell me."

I sighed. I really didn't want to get Shelby all worked up, but I couldn't just stand by anymore. Someone had to start looking out for Rachel. "It's you Shelby."

"What?!" She blanched.

"You and Edward and this whole ordeal! Have you thought once about how this was affecting her?" Shelby looked down as tears began to well up in her eyes. I move around the table to pull her into a hug. "Babe, I love you, but you gotta stop this. You two are acting like children fighting over a toy."

"I just don't want to lose her, Charlie." She said pushing away from me.

"And where is that getting you? Huh, Shelby? You two are on such great speaking terms aren't you? She absolutely refused to let either one of you come pick her up from school today even though she had to wait twice as long for me to get there!"

"I know. I know, ok? I just…"

"Stop Shelby. Look, I hate to say this, ok, but we both know Edward isn't going to give on this one so in order to preserve your relationship with your daughter you are going to have to be the one to make the first move. You've gotta put aside your differences with Edward and you need to sit down with Rachel and ask her what she wants out of the two of you. This should be about her, but you two have turned it into a free for all."

"How can I sit down and talk with her if she isn't speaking to me?" Shelby asked weakly. I was certain at this point that I had gotten through to her.

"First you need to get Edward over here and settle whatever feud the two of you have going. Then once you can come to an agreement to be civil with each other, you bring Rachel down here and you talk all this out. Set up a plan and stick to it the best you can. And for God's sake, no more bringing up the past, name calling, or yelling. Settle this like the adults you are because that girl up there needs you." I gently say cupping her chin and bringing it up to look at me. Shelby wraps her arms around me again and kisses me.

"How did I ever get so lucky to find you?"

"Mmmm, I believe I am the one who, in fact, found you."

"Guess I'm just going to have to figure out a way to keep you around then."

"Food. Food works wonders." I say causing her to laugh. Maybe, just maybe, I can fix this family yet.

* * *

**A/N: **

**-meshungina is a crazy person**

**-shicker is a drunkard**


	38. Emergency

**Rachel's POV**

I watched as Shelby gulped. "You really feel that way?" She asked me quietly as she rubbed her face with her hands.

I sighed. "I love you, mom. I do, but you're not innocent in all of this either. At the end of the day you actively chose to lie to me for sixteen years." God, saying this was harder than I ever expected. "It's not fair that you are constantly on his case, he's trying." I said looking briefly at my father who was sitting across the table from Shelby and I.

"Oh and I'm not trying?" Shelby spat glaring dangers at Edward. Would she blame him for this too? I suppose she thinks that he has turned me against her. Whatever was going on, it was clear to me that she was hurt. Anger first, then sorrow. That's how Shelby Corcoran works. I knew hearing this wouldn't be easy for her, but it was her idea after all. She wanted this talk.

"No, I mean, you are! I just… You are both trying." I said trying to remain calm. It was frustrating and confusing. I felt like I wasn't saying things right. "I just want you to see that." I slumped back into my chair and heard my mother sigh.

"What do you want me to do?" I had never seen Shelby so broken before. That includes when my moth… the woman who… Kate died.

I bit my lip anxiously and then released it looking Shelby in the eye. "Give him a break. Stop fighting so much; the both of you. I love you, mom and I want a chance to learn to love my dad too. But the two of you are tearing me a apart." I directed the last part at Edward as well. I didn't want Shelby to think I was mainly attacking her. I wasn't, honestly. It just so happened that Edward had been relatively quiet and so it was coming off sounding like I was jumping Shelby. I wasn't.

Shelby got up from her seat and kissed my forehead. She lingered for a moment before backing away. "Okay, I'll back off. No more fighting. You figure out what days you want to see him and I'll make sure it happens, okay?" She sounded so defeated.

"Mama… I'm…" I began to say feeling like this was not a successful conversation at all. Sure I was getting was what I wanted, but at what cost?

"No. Don't worry about it baby," She said interrupting my apology and cradling my face in her hands, tears now adorning her cheeks. "I never meant to hurt you in all of this and I obviously have. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. The best I can do here is to try and not let it happen again. I'm so sorry, sweetheart." And with that Shelby kissed my forehead one more time and left the room.

I made a move to go after her, but Edward stopped me. He seemed to think about it for a long moment before he spoke. "Let her go, mon petit chéri. She just needs to process." I wasn't thoroughly convinced.

"But I hurt her. I didn't want…" I began.

"No. I think she is more hurt that she hurt you." Edward supplied as a finished thought.

I looked at him curiously, but he didn't elaborate. "For what it's worth chéri, I am sorry for my part in this as well." I nodded before hugging him, accepting his apology, but not lingering.

"Can I at least go tell her bye before we leave?" I asked meekly. I couldn't just leave things like this. Things between us were just starting to get good before I met Edward. I desperately wanted that back, but I just as desperately wanted a relationship with the man that now stood before me.

"Of course." Edward said. "I'll be waiting in the car." He walked over to where my bags sat, grabbed them, and then walked out the front door to the car.

I stood up from the kitchen table finally and made my way to Shelby's room. I knocked on her door twice before she answered. "Hey sweetheart, I'm sorry. I was coming right back out I just needed a minute."

"It's okay." I said as I wrapped my arms around her in a hug and buried my head into her shoulder trying to drawn enough comfort for the both of us. "I love you, Mama." I mumbled into her shirt.

"I know, baby. I love you too. I love you so much." She paused for a moment running her fingers through my hair. "You got everything packed for the weekend?" She finally said.

I nodded. "Papa's out in the car waiting."

"Well, I guess you should go huh?" She asked gently nudging me with her elbow, but all of a sudden I didn't want to leave. I wanted to spend the weekend, just like this, wrapped up in the comfort of my mother's arms.

"Five more minutes." I mumbled lamely.

Shelby chuckled and squeezed me tighter. "Always, baby girl, always."

* * *

The weekend had been mediocre at best so far. Once we made it safely into the city, Edward and I had to rush to get ready for an event he was a part of with the New York Philharmonic. It should have been more exciting, watching him play, but my emotions from earlier in the evening were still running high. We had spent the entire car ride in silence listening to Vivaldi and I wanted so badly just to go to his apartment and maybe watch a movie or read a book, something relaxing. I wasn't in the mood to be gallivanting around town all night and was becoming more grumpy by the minute. Maybe on a normal day I would have been thrilled, exhilarated even, instead I kept asking him when we could leave and was taken aback when he snapped at me after the third time. He of course apologized profusely later.

Saturday, to make up for the evening before, he took me to a driving course and tried to expand on what Charlie had already been teaching me. Let me just say one thing…. Charlie must have the patience of a saint. Edward surely did not. It wasn't as fun and I left feeling like I should probably never drive again. You know, I think Edward would be totally okay with that as well. The weekend just wasn't going as planned.

Saturday night was much better. We came home and Edward showed me his theater room for the first time. It was amazing! He had a screen that filled the entire wall and even movie theater seating! But what was most amazing were the collections of films he had. Oh, not the one's you could buy either.

_***Begin Flashback***_

_I let my fingers roll over the DVD cases. "You have every production Mom has ever been in? How?" I asked curiously. Were they black market or was he able to acquire the production's own footage? _

_"I have my ways, chéri." Was his elusive answer. I made a mental note to watch them one day and decide if the quality was professional or amateurish. _

_"What are these?" I asked looking at a row of cases just next to my mother's productions._

_"That, ma fille, is every production YOU have ever been in." He answered proudly. _

_What?! My eyes widened. "Seriously?!" I asked completely amazed._

_Edward nodded. "From age three up until your most recent Sectionals performance."_

_I turned to look him in the eye. "You were there? You've been to all performances?" My tone was hopeful. I wanted so badly to hear that he was. I don't know why, I just wanted it to be true I guess._

_But Edward's face fell and I tried not to let mine fall also as he answered. "Ah, no. Sadly I wasn't. But I did send my assistant so that I could see them on film." It should have been enough, but somehow I felt even more empty than before. "I wanted to be chéri, I just- I'm so busy all of the time. It's hard to get away." He said trying to explain. He didn't need to._

_"I understand." I said gathering up a smile. "It's not like I would have known if you were there, anyways." I offered up._

_"Your mother? She was at every performance?" He inquired._

_I nodded. "There were a couple of times I thought she wouldn't make it, but she always did. Even if she had to let an understudy go on. Charlie was always there too. And… and Kate of course. My own personal cheering squad." It wasn't my intention to make Edward feel guilty, but I could see that it was exactly the effect it had on him. "It really is ok, Papa. At least you're here now." I said tentatively hugging him. Hugging him still felt awkward sometimes, even though I know it shouldn't. I guess, maybe, I'm not quite as comfortable with him as I thought._

_***End Flashback***_

We had spent the rest of that night staying up and watching all my old performances together. Edward said that, maybe if we watched them at the same time, we could pretend that we were both there at the same time. In a way, it kind of worked. He seemed to really enjoy it when I would pause the disc and give commentary on what was going through my mind during each performance or whatever had just happened backstage. I was really a character in some of them… maybe just a tad embarrassing.

It was now Sunday, and after waiting around ALL morning for him to finally get up, we were now seated in the middle of central park having lunch. We had stopped at one of his favorite restaurants and he had ordered for me. I was a little apprehensive and asked him what was in the dish several times, but he wouldn't tell me.

"Just eat it, Rachel. My god you are worse than your mother." He joked poking fun at my pout.

"Hey! No fair!" I said pouting further, then threw a piece of bread at him which he caught and threw right back. Really? No fair!. I stuck out my tongue.

"Very mature, chéri." He laughed. "Now eat you're food. It's good. You will like it… trust me."

I reluctantly started to dig in and I had to admit the food was amazing. "This is REALLY good, Papa."

"See! I knew you would like it." Edward beamed. "It's my favorite. The sauce de poisson they use is superb!" Edward said kissing his fingers. I just laughed. I have no idea what poisson is, but it tasted delicious.

We were driving, shortly after, when my stomach began hurting.

"You alright, chéri?" Edward asked looking at me worriedly. "You look a little pale."

"Yeah." I said trying to shrug it off a little embarrassed. "I think I just ate too much for my own good." He chuckled but kept giving me side glances.

The vomiting started before we made it home. My stomach was twisting and turning in pain. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so sick.

"It hurts, Papa, it hurts." I said tears streaming down my face.

"I know, chéri, I know. I'm going to get you home as soon as I can." Edward said. I tried to nod, but it was a bad idea as the bile rose up in my throat again.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

I carried Rachel up to the apartment as fast as I could. We had to stop of a few times while she got sick. I felt so helpless. She must've contracted a stomach virus somehow. There were a lot of people in the park today, that can happen right? Wouldn't I be sick too, though? Shit. I don't know these things. Rachel was in such pain. I sat her down into the bathroom once we finally got there.

"I want my Mommy." She said pitifully clutching her stomach, tears welling up and spilling over.

"Okay, chéri, I'm going to go call her. It will just be a moment." I said grabbing a wash cloth, wetting it and wiping her brow. She held onto it for a moment, but dropped it once she started vomiting again. I pulled out my phone and dialed Shelby.

"Hello," She answered laughing on the third ring. I could hear her other children laughing as well.

"Shelby?!" I said urgently knowing I'm probably over reacting here, but I honestly have no idea what to do with a sick kid. It's not like I've ever spent much time around children much less one currently emptying out every last thing she's eaten in the last three days.

"Edward?" She questioned. "Edward? Is everything ok?" Her panic beginning to rise.

No! It's not okay!

"No. Tout ne va pas bien! Je flippe! Je ne sais pas quoi faire!"

I'm freaking out!

"Edward! English! Tell me what's wrong." Shelby asked all of the laughter completely gone.

"It's Rachel. S-she… she's sick." I said biting my thumb nail and looking back at the girl still draped over the toilet in the bathroom.

"Sick? What's happening?" Her tone was worried and I began to wonder if I now WASN'T over reacting. I could hear Rachel scream from the bathroom in pain. "Was, Was that her?! Edward talk to me!" Shelby said fully panicking now.

"Yes. That's her. Her stomach is hurting her, terribly. She's been vomiting for the last half hour." I answered running back towards the bathroom.

"Papa, it hurts. I want my mommy, please… God, make it stop." Rachel cried out before she began retching again.

"I know, chéri," I said bending down to her level on the floor. She could barely sit up anymore. "Papa's here. It's ok." I brushed my hand across her forehead. She was burning up.

"Edward? Edward?! EDWARD!" Shelby yelled calling my attention back through the phone.

"Sorry. She has a fever too. She's burning up, Shelby. I…" She cut me off quickly.

"Listen to me Edward. Has Rachel eaten any meat, milk, or eggs?" Her question was deadly serious. Oh my god, Rachel had food allergies! How could I have forgotten?! But wait… she didn't have meat… or milk… I don't think there were any eggs.

"No." I said racking my brain. "No, not that I can think of. The meal we ate had poisson sauce, but otherwise was completely vegan friendly."

"Edward, what's poisson sauce?" Shelby asked carefully.

"It's fish. It's a fish sauce." I supplied.

"Fuck!" Shelby yelled into the receiver. Fuck was right. Why on earth had I thought it would be okay for her to try fish… is that considered part of a meat allergy? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Mommmmy!" Rachel half groaned out.

"Oh, baby." Shelby said her voice breaking at hearing Rachel's cry. It was distressing enough to see before my very eyes, I couldn't imagine hearing it and not being able to be here. "Edward, listen to me. I need you to call 9-1-1. I think Rachel has had an allergic reaction to the fish, ok? Charlie is already in the city. I'm going to call him and he will meet you at the hospital. I'm on my way now."

"Okay, okay. I'm going to get the other phone." I said running out to grab the landline to dial 9-1-1. When I came back into the bathroom what I saw began to terrify me. "Something's not right." I said taking notice of some very visible swelling. "I think, she's swelling up, Shelby."

"Edward! Hang up and call 9-1-1, NOW!" Shelby yelled at me through her tears. I shook away my fears and tremors. What was I, stupid? I should have called 9-1-1 immediately, I thought as I finally dialed the numbers.

"9-1-1 Emergency services. What's your emergency?" I heard the operator say.

"It's my daughter, my daughter is having an allergic reaction. She had some fish…."

"Papa…" Rachel began to say.

"Sir. Sir." I could hear the operator trying to get my attention, but my eyes widened in horror as I dropped the phone and watched my daughter's eyes roll back into her head as her body began to violently shake on the tiled floor. She was having a seizure.


	39. Daddy's Girl

**EDWARD'S POV**

The ambulance pulled into the hospital and the back doors were thrown open as the EMTs worked to get Rachel into the emergency room. Rachel was awake and responsive, thank god, but the pain and vomiting had gotten worse. I followed the gurney out of the cab and noticed Charlie had run up to us.

"Sir, you need to step back." A nurse said shielding Charlie from Rachel.

"Please, she's my daughter." He begged the nurse who looked between us.

Rachel began to push away the mask the paramedics were pumping to help with her breathing so my attention deterred to her. "Cheri, you need to keep that on." I encouraged.

"Daddy!" She called out, reaching for Charlie, and my heart sank to the ground. I didn't know she called him that. Was it new? Did she just not tell me before?

"Hey Princess," Charlie said grabbing Rachel's outreached hand. He nodded to the paramedic to continue his job and Rachel didn't push the man away this time. "It's gonna be ok, kiddo. I'm here ok? Mommy's on the way too." Somehow his words were able to comfort her where mine earlier had not.

By now we were all inside the emergency room and a nurse had approached us. "Can both of you come with me?" She asked.

I looked over to Rachel and Charlie was already by her side whispering something into her ear then kissing her forehead. She nodded and we left following the nurse.

"Which one of you is Rachel's father?" The nurse asked leading us into a waiting room.

"I am." Charlie and I both stated at the same time. I glared at him. He wasn't her father. "I'm her biological father. He is just the step-father." My disdain was most likely uncalled for but I couldn't help to be bothered with it.

"Okay." The nurse said looking to me. Charlie rolled his eyes but didn't move from his stance. "I need to know if Rachel has any other medical conditions or history we should know about." My eyes widened. I… I don't know any of her medical history. How can I not know my own daughter's medical history?

Charlie stepped in, "She's allergic to eggs, milk, and most types of meat. She was never tested for a fish allergy because there are too many types of fish, but my wife was advised that it was a high probability. So Rachel's never had it before until today."

"Good grief!" The nurse exclaimed. "How in the hell does she get any nutrients?" She unprofessionally asked. She should be helping my daughter. "Does she have problems with malnutrition?"

Charlie just shakes his head no. "She drinks a vitamin and supplement infused protein shake every morning. We add other supplements as best we can and she has regular checkups to help maintain her health. To have so many red flags she is an extremely healthy girl."

"Alright, well, is there any other medical history I should know about?" The nurse asks.

As Charlie begins to recount every last detail of Rachel's medical history from memory I begin to feel a little inadequate. How does he know all of this information? I wasn't even aware he had had that much previous involvement. I thought he and Shelby mostly stood on the sidelines while Kate raised her.

"Excuse me." An orderly says running towards us. "Which one of you is Rachel Berry's father?"

Charlie looks at me, but doesn't say anything. "I am." I say looking to the man.

"She's asking for you, could you come with me please?" I nod and we make our way into the trauma center. He led me to the room where Rachel was being treated.

"Daddy? Where's my daddy? Please. I want my mommy. Is she here yet?" I heard Rachel ask one of the nurses.

"Rachel. I sent someone to get your father. You need to keep your oxygen mask on sweetie." The nurse said as Rachel began throwing up again. So much for the mask. "Are you her father?" I nodded entering the room. "See Rachel. Your father is here now."

Rachel looked up to me with tears in her eyes. I wasn't the person she wanted. It was so clearly written on her face. When she had asked for her father, she meant Charlie. Rachel pulled off her mask again, "Papa, where's daddy? I thought he was here? Is mommy here yet?" The nurse looked at me strangely, but had no time to question me or my daughter. The alarms beside Rachel's bed began to beep and, just as in the apartment, Rachel's eyes rolled back into her head as she began to seize.

"Sir, I need you to move out of the way." One of the doctor's said as she came into the room. When I didn't move I felt an orderly direct me out of the room. I didn't resist. I finally got my bearings and walked out into the ER waiting room.

"Edward!" Charlie said running up to me. "Shelby's on the way, but they're stuck in traffic. How's Rachel?"

"She- she's asking for you." I said feeling empty. "She's- she's just had another seizure." Charlie's eyes widened as he ran to the doors leading back into the trauma bay and pressed the buzzer to receive his entry.

I found an empty seat and collapsed. Rachel didn't even want me. She wanted Charlie. Perfect Charlie. Superman. He had the woman I've been in love with for the last seventeen years and the daughter I'd been missing for the last sixteen. I knew I had no chance of ever winning Shelby back, but I thought at least I could have something with Rachel. I am her father! I shook my head of the thoughts. My petty jealousies aren't needed now.

This was all my fault. I gave her the fish. Some fit father I am. Rachel was right to choose Charlie over me. Charlie wouldn't potentially kill his own kid. He was fucking superman for god's sake! And here I am Lex Luther trying to desperately get my hands on some kryptonite. I'm pathetic.

* * *

**CHARLIE'S POV**

I went back towards Rachel's room as quickly as I could and my heart wrenched at what I saw.

"Sir," The doctor said gaining my attention. "Are you related to Miss Berry?"

"Yes. Ah, I'm her step-father. Is she… what's going on?"

"We had to intubate. Her second seizure made it so that she was unable to breathe and in order to keep her airways open and clear; we sedated her and placed a tube in her throat."

I just nodded trying to keep myself together. All I wanted was to be able to hold her. She looked so…

"I've ordered a full CAT scan so we can make sure there was no internal damage from the seizures. She's also been started on anti-nausea, anti-inflammatory, anti-seizure, and pain medications in addition to the epinephrine shot she received from the paramedics."

"Okay." I said finally walking over to Rachel.

"I can give you a minute, but we need to get her back as soon as possible."

"No that's ok." I said brushing my hand through Rachel's hair and kissing her forehead. "I love you, baby girl." I backed away as the orderly began to push her out of the ER room.

Once she was gone, I slid down the wall until I was sitting and cried unable to hold in my emotions any longer. We could have lost Rachel.

Ten minutes later I found myself mostly composed, at least on the outside, and currently sitting in the waiting room with Edward. It felt like hours before Rachel was brought back from having her scans done and we were allowed to see her, even though it had only been about forty-five minutes. Edward and I were directed to the ICU and I made sure to thank the emergency staff for their assistance.

Shelby had called about four times. They were still stuck in traffic. When I had to tell her that Rachel wasn't able to breathe... My mom had to take the phone from her.

Thank God for my parents. Shelby had managed to drive to their place and they in turn decided to drive her along with the kids to the hospital. Shelby had originally planned just to drop the kids off, but my dad wouldn't have it. He didn't want her to have to be alone and I know they were worried about Rachel as well. So since Shelby's parents were on an Alaskan cruise this week, they were all on the way together. I actually felt a lot better about that. I didn't want Shelby to be alone through this either.

Rachel was still sedated. The doctor came in and told us they were going to give her another round of meds to get the swelling under control and were going to keep an eye on her vitals to make sure she would remain stabilized before waking her up.

Edward and I didn't say a word to each other. He paced the room constantly while I sat by Rachel's side. I couldn't leave her, not unless they made me. She looked so scared earlier coming out of the ambulance. I just wanted to make it better. Damn, it was terrifying. I can't imagine what Shelby and Kate went through when Rachel was little. The thought... the possibilities of losing her now were bad enough.

I don't know how much time had passed when the doctor came back. The nurses had me move back as the staff began to check her vitals.

"Vitals are stable. Her SPO2 is at 96%, which is good, so we are going to disconnect the tube and see if she'll stay there." The doctor stated looking to Edward and I.

Once they determined Rachel was able to breath on her own, they began the process of reversing the sedation. It took about ten minutes before Rachel started to wake up. Her eyes opened and I felt relief wash over me until Rachel started to panic.

"She's fighting the tube." One of the nurses said.

"Rachel, listen to me. I'm Dr. Rose. You need to calm down so that we can remove the tube." Dr. Rose said trying to get Rachel to stop thrashing. It wasn't working.

I looked to Edward who was like a deer caught in headlights and quickly without even a second guess made my way to Rachel's side again.

"Rach, Princess." I said grabbing her hand. She looked over at me and my heart broke. The fear in her eyes were substantial along with tears cascading down her cheek. "It's ok, baby girl. They are going to remove the tube, but you gotta let them first." She started to calm but when the doctor came near she jerked away and started panicking again. "Kiddo, hey, kiddo." I said trying to get her attention again. "Look at me. There you are." I said when her eyes looked to mine. "It's ok, baby. Everything's gonna be ok." She shook her head no and I tried to think of something that Shelby would do if she were here. It didn't take long to figure it out. I wasn't the best singer in the world. Sure I could hear talent from a mile away and manage the hell out of it, but my own skills were quite lacking. So I improvised.

Now I don't speak Yiddish... Not at all, but somehow I was able to remember the tune enough to hum it. I hummed the lullaby Shelby has always reserved for her first born and Rachel stayed calm long enough for them to remove the tube. She started coughing violently during the process but the doctor assured us it was normal. Once the tube was out they immediately put her on oxygen.

"Da..." She tried to say but her poor throat was just too hoarse.

"Ssh.. it's ok, kiddo. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. Don't try to speak ok?" She nodded. "Just rest, baby. Mommy will be here soon." I wiped away her tears and brushed her bangs away from her face. "Papa's here too." I thought to add having momentarily forgotten about Edward's presence before. She didn't move to look at him though. She kept her eyes on mine and my left hand in a vice grip until the exhaustion of it all finally kicked in and she fell asleep.

Shelby arrived fifteen minutes later. Since Rachel was still sleeping, and the nurse said she'd be out for a while, Edward and I both went out to meet her. I was immediately met with an armful of my wife once she saw me. When she started crying, I started crying and we both just stood there for a moment holding each other. I pulled away first and pecked her lips. I knew she needed a further moment to compose herself before she went back and Edward would be the one going with her anyways. They only allowed two people in her room at a time.

When Shelby moved to go back into the unit she was stopped by Edward. "Aren't you going to yell at me?" He said almost yelling himself. Is he serious right now?

"What are you talking about Edward?" Shelby asked exhaustedly. I knew she just wanted to get back to Rachel, but for some reason Edward wasn't having it.

"I almost kill our daughter and you don't say a fucking word about it?! Aren't you going to slap me again or something? Get mad Shelby! You should be!" Edward said his anger rising. Shelby's eyes widened as she looked over to the kids who were now being ushered away by my parents. I was about to jump in when what Shelby did next surprised me. She wrapped her arms around Edward and pulled him into a hug just as I had done before for her. For the first time since all of this began I watched the man completely break.

"I almost killed her." He said.

"Ssh, it's ok. Rachel's ok, Edward." Shelby soothed.

"You should hate me. I wanted you to abort her and now, now I do this."

"Edward stop." She said pulling away from the man and cradling his face in her hands. "It was an accident. You didn't know. Rachel's going to be just fine." He pulled away and turned placing his head on the wall. Shelby didn't relent. She placed her hand on his shoulder as he continued to break down. "Nobody hates you, Ed. Nobody hates you." She laid her head there on her hand and took her other hand and grabbed his. "Come on, let's go see our baby." Edward took a deep breath and nodded before both of them left for Rachel's room.

After watching it all go down… all I could think of was that Shelby Corcoran was, by far, the strongest person I knew.

* * *

**SHELBY'S POV**

***Begin Flashback***

_"Happy Birthday to you!" We sang it loud and proud, Rachel and I. It was my grandmother's 75th birthday. Rachel was four months away from turning three and she loved singing. I always liked to believe it was because of me. Of course by that time Kate had completely taken over and Rachel really wasn't mine… But she was always mine. Such a difficult and stupid situation. Rachel ran off after we sang laughing as I stared after the daughter I would most likely never have._

_"You keep thinking like that Bubbelah and your brain will go kaput." My grandmother, Esther Lawson, said to me. It was because of her I had taken on the stage name of Lawson. Her love for music was instilled in me from such a young age. She always said that she believed when I was born God sent one of his angels to take a piece of her soul and bind it to mine and that was why we were so close. _

_We spent so much time together singing and dancing. She was the one who taught me Yiddish. Of course, I picked up some from my parents, but I can remember times where my Bubbe absolutely refused the English language, so as children Kate and I had to learn fast. She always gravitated to Yiddish over modern Hebrew... The thought makes me smile._

_I don't know why Kate never really bonded with Bubbe… she was always a mommy's girl I guess and well… Ma wasn't too fond of Bubbe either._

_"Sorry, Bubbe, just got a lot on my mind lately."_

_"She's going to look just like you, Shelby Elise, and sound just like you too. I'll bet she even acts just like you." Bubbe whispered in my ear._

_"It hurts so much." I whispered back. "I'm such an idiot, Bubbe, if I could go back I would. I'd give up Broadway in a heart beat for her."_

_Bubbe didn't get to answer._

_"Happy Birthday, Bubbe." Kate said sweetly as she looked at me with questioning eyes. I know she saw me with Rachel… longing after her. Kate could've waited to speak with Bubbe… this was more about me. I could feel it. _

_"Thank you, dear." Bubbe said with a sad smile. _

_"Shelby can I talk to you for a minute?" _

_Hear it comes, I think. "Sure. Happy Birthday, Bubbe." I said again, this time kissing her cheek._

_Kate linked arms with me and pulled me into one of the spare bedrooms at Bubbe's house. _

_"Is everything ok?" I asked warily. _

_"No," Kate said. "It's not, Shelby."_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"I think, I think you being around so much is confusing Rachel."_

_"What?!" I most definitely hadn't seen this coming. _

_"Well, it's just while you were with the show, you were gone a lot, working and all. Now that you're between jobs, you are home all the time with the exception of an audition here or there."_

_"What are you getting at Kate?" I was hurt and angry. Why was Kate doing this to me?_

_"I'm worried that Rachel is getting overly attached to you and that, when you inevitably begin your next role, it will hurt her too much."_

_I was trying not to break. Not at Bubbe's party. "She's my daughter, Kate."_

_"No!" Kate yelled. "She's mine!'_

_Kate and I stared down each other for what seemed like ages. _

_"I want you to move out." Kate said._

_My eyes widened. "You're kicking me out?"_

_"You have money. You can find a place."_

_"I don't have a steady income! I'm an actress, but a currently unemployed one!"_

_"You'll find something I'm sure." Kate said walking away and ending the conversation._

_***End Flashback***_

I did eventually land another job about seven months later. It was in London. The thought of leaving Rachel completely behind killed me, but what was I to do? I had no where to go. I wish I would have moved in with Bubbe when she had offered… She passed while I was in London. Brain cancer. They diagnosed her and in three days she was gone. I shook the memory from me and looked at my daughter. We've come such a long way kiddo, but we have so far to go.

"Mommy?" Came the groggy voice. All sadness forgotten, I smiled bigger than I have in some time.

"Hey baby."

"S'daddy?"

I could tell the medications were still heavy in her system. She was slurring and seemed a little out of it.

"Papa's here, honey." I said pointing to Edward.

"No!" She whined. "No Pa-pa. Dad-dy." Rachel sounded them out trying to clarify.

"She means Charlie." Edward said sadly.

I was more than confused. When did she start calling Charlie, daddy?

"That's the one!" Rachel practically yelled.

"Inside voice, Rachel."

"Sorry, mommy." The girl whispered.

"It's ok, sweetheart; and Charlie is out in the lobby. Do you want me to get him?"

"Nah…" Rachel said yawning through the rest of her sentence making it incoherent. "Pretty voice." Rachel said patting my face suddenly. "Daddy just hums… I like humming… I like singing better… You sing good mommy."

"Thank you, baby." I said trying to stifle my laugh and placing my hand on the one still cupping my face. Rachel began to shut her eyes again and I told her to get some sleep… she just nodded and was out once again.

"I need to go." Edward says standing up after Rachel had fallen asleep.

"What? Why?" I ask.

"I have a business meeting in Morocco… Now that I know Rachel is ok, I see no reason to postpone it."

"Edward." I chastised.

"No, Shelby. It's obvious she doesn't need me here. I'll see her next weekend most likely."

"Please, don't do this." I begged quietly, not wanting to wake up our daughter.

"Do what, Shelby? I have to work."

"We both know that's not what you're doing."

He nods. "I was right all those years ago… not about everything." He said walking towards me. "You would have been an excellent mother had you allowed yourself the chance. I was never father material."

"It not too late, Ed." I said grabbing his hand. "She loves you, already. She needs you."

"Look, ah, I'm not going to be gone for forever. Most likely a week. But I can't justify canceling anymore. I'm sure Rachel will understand." He said letting go of my hand.

"You're making a mistake." I said as he reached for the door. He stopped momentarily.

"Tell her I love her and I'll call her soon."

Edward left and my heart ached. Rachel didn't need for him to abandon her… she's already been through so much. I could only hope that he was just going on a business trip and that he would come back to spend more time with her. As much as I hated this in the beginning, I always knew it was something that could potentially help Rachel.

'Just because he left you time and time again, Shelby,' I said to myself. 'Doesn't mean, he'll do the same to her. Have a little more faith in him than that.'

Rachel woke up, hours later, for good this time. When she realized where she was and saw me, she reached out for a hug. I complied.

"I was so scared, Mama." She said clutching to me.

"I know baby, me too."

"Daddy being here helped."

"So you remember calling Charlie, daddy?"

Rachel bit her lip. "It felt right at the time?" She questioned. "It feels wrong to go back on that? I have actually been thinking about it for a while."

"Oh, honey, no one is complaining. We just weren't sure if it was medically induced or not. You know that Charlie and I will be comfortable with whatever you choose."

Rachel nodded and looked around. "Charlie went to go get us some coffee."

"Where's papa?"

I sighed. "He had business in Morocco… It seemed urgent. Said he would call you soon though."

Rachel's face fell as she whispered something I almost didn't catch. "Did I scare him off?"

"No, baby, no. Of course you didn't. He just had business that's all." I tried to reassure her.

"Okay." It was a weak answer, but for once I decided not to push the issue and changed the subject.

"Puck was here."

"He was?" She said as her eyes widened.

"Yes, he came along with Quinn, Brittany, and Santana. I think he planned on staying, but his mother was worried about truancy issues. Charlie convinced him that you wouldn't be too happy if he were expelled because of you."

Rachel smiled. "I thought he was mad at me."

"Almost losing someone you love puts things into perspective."

"Did he say that?"

"He didn't have to, kiddo."

Rachel smiled. "I love him too… I'm just not certain if I am in love with him or if I can be right now." She looked as if it was possibly a new realization or at least one she finally accepted?

"That's ok you know?" I told her. "You're young. You don't have to have things figured out right now. You can be with him or you can wait. If you two are meant to be, then you are meant to be."

"Since when did you join Team Noah?" She joked.

"Hmmm… probably around the time I saw him completely breakdown over the thought of almost losing you. I don't know if he's in love with you or if he just loves you, but the fact remains that that boy cares a great deal for you. And who am I to stand in the way of such a thing? Who know's Puck might even be your Charlie."

Rachel smiled. "Maybe he is…" Rachel sat and thought to herself for a moment. "Hey mama?" She asked.

"Yeah baby?"

"I love you more than Barbra."

"Yeah?" I asked tears in my eyes. Rachel nodded. "I love you more than Barbra too, kiddo."

I hugged her and kissed her temple and we stayed embraced for a while. Nothing more needed to be done or said in that moment. We just needed each other and each other is exactly what we have.


	40. On Your Way

**Rachel's POV**

One Week. That's how long I have been out of the hospital. That's how long I've been totally smothered by Shelby. Now I'm not exactly complaining here… Having your mother's complete and undivided attention has it's perks. Like being waited on hand and foot or getting lots of extra cuddle time because your a ham and love attention. Eh, I could probably get that anytime now that I think about it.

What's not cool is the constant hovering especially when you want alone time with your friends, like now with Noah. Here we are sitting, no laying on the trampoline outside to escape Mom's constant worry and yet she is still pacing in front of the sliding glass door. Oy vey.

Sometime's I don't think it's worry. Sometimes I think it's just relief. I get it. I do. I could have died last week and I know it scared everyone. It scared me too. And Shelby, she isn't the only one smothering. I get to put up with dad and his parents, my grandparents, my siblings, my friends; all constantly worrying about me. Everyone it seems except Edward… he's doing a fantastic job of keeping his distance. Insert sarcasm here.

I've gone off on a tangent haven't I? Sorry I haven't exactly been the same since the incident. Where was I?

Oh yes, I've gone outside to try and escape my mother so that Noah and I could have this conversation. Only we aren't talking. We're just laying here staring at the clouds rolling by. I wonder if I should speak up first. He's the one that wanted to talk. I think I know what it's about… I think he's scared to tell me. BUT I'm his best friend, right? He shouldn't be afraid to tell me and if one more person complains about almost losing me…

"So," Noah says breaking the silence. FINALLY.

"So." I say back. Oh screw it. "Noah this is silly. Just tell me how your date went."

Noah's eyes widen. "You know about that?"

I soften. "You didn't want to tell me what your plans were that night. You've never had a problem telling me things before so… I guessed. And well, I guessed right?"

He nods. "I should have said something sooner. I feel… I feel like I'm playing you both because I know you still have feelings for me. Hell I still have feelings for you…"

"You just don't think it's an 'in love' kinda feeling?" I interrupt.

Noah turns to face me. "I want it to be. God, do I ever. I just… right now things are so messed up you know?"

I nod nudging him to go on.

"And you're my best friend. I don't want to lose that, Rae."

"You're my best friend too."

The silence that follows is deafening. Everything feels so… final. Like we really didn't break up before. Like this is our real break-up. And I feel… oddly relieved. I'm not 'in love' with him either. I love him, but…

"We can't seem to go back, but we can't seem to move forward either." I should be crying. This should hurt. I am much more emotional than this usually… is this what growing up feels like? Voids instead of raging hormone driven passion? Or… maybe… maybe it's just making a decision and accepting it for what it is in the here and now.

"We can't just be friends, can we?" He asks suddenly and the emotion I thought was null rears it's head.

"No." I choke out with a shake of my head. "But we can't force ourselves to feel more either." We're officially stuck. Stuck in some purgatory that lingers between friends and lovers…

"Well this just sucks major ass." He says after a while. The emotion in his voice causes me to look at him for the first time and I catch him discreetly wiping at his eyes. "Damn pollen."

"It's almost summer, Noah. The pollen's been washed away."

"Damn sunlight."

We laugh. We laugh because if we don't we'll both cry. I lean over and snuggle into him one last time kissing his cheek. "One day… when we're older, things will be different." I whisper. "The chaos of now will be replaced with new chaos of then, but maybe… just maybe… we can help each other that time. Maybe we don't fit together right now because we aren't yet who we are supposed to be."

"We fit, Jew Babe. We've always fit." Noah says taking my hand into his and lacing our fingers together. "But you're right… two pieces of a puzzle alone don't make a whole so we don't know if us fitting completes the puzzle or not yet."

"When did you get so smart, Noah?"

He laughs. "Oh about the time I started hanging out with you on a regular basis."

It wasn't a goodbye. I refuse to look at it that way. I'd rather think we were the lucky ones. That this was just see ya later. That Noah and I would one day find our way back to each other, whether it be as the friends we grew up with or whatever else fate might have in store.

But one thing is prevalent through all of this. I am going to miss my best friend terribly.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

When Rachel came in from outside I was a little more than worried. Okay, to be honest I haven't really stopped worrying about her lately. Ever. But that aside… I am really worried here. She's so quiet. Noah almost always stays for dinner, but he left.

"Mom?" My head jerks away from the kitchen table to the daughter in question.

"Yeah baby?"

"Can we watch Funny Girl?"

My heart wrenches, she's sad. Funny Girl is her go to feel good movie. It always has been. Chances are it always will be. I simply nod and she follows me down to our movie room. We curl up on the couch together and mime every word… every word until Barbra is about to sing People. Which is where Rachel suddenly pauses the movie.

"What is it, Rachel?"

"I… I need to say something."

"Ok." I'm not entirely sure where this is going. "I'm ready when you are?"

Rachel gets up from her position and begins to pace the floor. She stops pacing, opens her mouth and then closes it; then begins to pace the floor again. It's beginning to worry me more than I already am.

"Honey, I don't want to rush, whatever this is," I gesture to her pacing. "But you should know that my worry scale is going through the roof the longer you don't speak so just tell me you aren't pregnant or anything like that so I can calm myself a bit."

Rachel's looks at me before breaking out into laughter. "Oh god mom," She says in between gasps of air. "I am in no way pregnant."

I join in on the laughter relieved. I knew I was being irrational. But still… "Good. Not that I wouldn't support you or anything it's just all the pacing and the biting of the nails. Baby, you paused Barbra for God's sake!"

Rachel collapsed back onto the couch and curled into me again. I welcomed her with open arms. "A baby would totally ruin my career objectives, Mommy." She smiles up at me and my worry fades… well mostly. I don't think a parent ever really stops worrying.

"So this is about me, then?"

Rachel nods.

"Is it bad?"

"No. Stop worrying."

"I find it impossible not to worry about you." I kiss the top of her head.

"I know."

"So if it's not bad, then why do you seem so nervous about telling me?" I ask with a raised eye brow.

"I'm not nervous. I'm building the suspense." She giggles out and for a moment I'm reminded of a six year old Rachel spending weekends and days off school with me. Re-enacting Disney movies and stories from her fairy tale books; but my favorites were always the one's she came up with all on her own.

_***Begin Flashback***_

_"Now Aunt Bee Bee, you sit here and I'll tell you tale. Of far away places and imaginary things; of wonders and magic and creatures that sing!"_

She always started off with the same monologue. To this day I'm not sure where she got it from. She's always had such an amazing mind. She'd ruffle through her endless costumes and dress her part. She'd place out all her stuffed animals… they each had a role in the play after all.

_"How Mr. Bear Made a Friend by Rachel Barbra Berry. One day there was a bear named Mr. Bear. He lived in a shoe outside of the Bronx…"_

Like I said, an amazing mind. I can close my eyes and see it now. Rachel in her pink princess gown with her Tiara on her head holding a "magic wand" and pointing at her stuffed bear perched on top of the coffee table.

_"But Mr. Bear was sad cuz he had no friends. 'Poor Mr. Bear,' the fairy godmother said as she flied aboved Mr. Bear's shoe in the Bronx…"_

Rachel was the godmother in that role. She said it was because she liked making dreams come true.

"_I will give you a mouse friend. And her name shall be called Pipsqueak and it shall be good."_

_***End Flashback***_

God, why did my mother have to tell Rachel all those Biblical tales from the Torah? It infiltrated her creativity!

"Mama, what are you thinking about?" The six year old in my head said to me before I realized it was the sixteen year old next to me speaking.

"You." I said bopping her nose like I did when she was young. "Do you remember: How Mr. Bear Made a Friend?"

Rachel laughed. "Oh please no! Not one of my silly little plays."

"They weren't silly. They were cute." I corrected her. "Oh! We should pull out the recordings I have of them!" I said excitedly moving to get up.

"We will do so such thing, Mother!" Rachel said pulling at me to sit back down.

I sighed. "Are you ready to tell me what you wanted to then?"

"Yes."

"Well?"

She sighed. "I just wanted to prove to you that I love you more than Barbra."

"What?" I asked confused.

"I paused the movie because I wanted to remind you that I love you more than Barbra."

"So all the pacing and biting of the nails…?"

"Totally wanted to make you sweat… did it work? I am quite the superior actress you know." Rachel stated and then began laughing.

"Why you little rascal!" I said tickling her.

"Mooomm! No." She said trying to fight me off.

After a few minutes of torture I pulled her close kissing her forehead again. "I love you too, baby."

"More than Barbra?"

"Way more. Now I say we call our movie night to order and watch some of those famous Rachel Barbra Berry productions I have collected through the years." I pat Rachel's leg and go over to our DVD collection that contained our home made movies.

Rachel beamed. "Juilliard should have accepted my early admissions application. They are really going to kick themselves for that when I become the most famous star Broadway's ever seen."

I turn to face my daughter. "When did you apply to Juilliard?" I ask. This was certainly news to me. I didn't even know she was interested in the school. Come to think about it, I've never heard Rachel express any interest in any school.

"When I was seven." She said nonchalantly. "I wrote them a letter about why they should accept me immediately- in crayon of course. You should have seen mom's face when she got that response letter! Oh man… it was great." Rachel fell on the floor in a fit of giggles. I joined right in. Young Rachel was full of all kinds of antics, but Kate never told me about that one.

As we sat there on the floor laughing with each other, for the first time it didn't bother me hearing Rachel call Kate mom and it didn't bother her to say it. We were finally becoming truly accepting and comfortable with the past. The hurt was fading and we were building up our new relationship on love and understanding. Rachel could have more than one mother figure in her life, just as she could have more than one father figure. Maybe things didn't all happen the way we wanted them, but Rachel has always known she was loved. That's what was the most important.

The giggling died down as we were left there on the floor catching our breath and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders at this new realization. It felt good to know that we were going to be ok. Me and my kid, we were in a good place and it would only grow with time.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

After spending the evening with my family watching old home movies, I was surprised to find that I had two missed calls from Edward. I hadn't heard from him much since my hospital stay. Just a couple of texts to tell me he was thinking of me. As far as I knew he was still in Morocco on business, whatever that meant. Honestly I'm a little disappointed he left that day. I know I was being all clingy with Charlie, but Charlie is who I know. He is my daddy, at least he feels like he is. Sure, I called Edward Papa, but I didn't feel that same pull with him. At least not yet. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed things with him so soon? I don't know… Edward is very confusing territory for me. He's my father and I love him, but he's a stranger and maybe I don't. See? Confusing.

I call him back anyway. I do want to get to know the man. I want to have a father/daughter relationship with him. I'm just not so certain anymore that he wants one with me.

"Rachel?" He answers.

"Hey Papa. Sorry I missed your call. It's family movie night. No cell phones."

"I'm sorry, cheri, I can call you back tomorrow?"

"No, it's cool. We are done with the movies. Thus- I'm using my cell again."

"Of course, yes." He says awkwardly.

"How's Morocco?"

"Boring." He laughs humorously. "I… I should have put off my business, cheri. I'm sorry about that… I realized after I left perhaps I did not make a wise decision?" Was he asking me or telling me?

I shrug even though he couldn't see me. "You did what you thought you had to do right?"

"Right." I don't think he's so sure about that. I can't be moved to feel sorry for him though because I am upset he didn't stick around. I obviously wasn't important enough and- "But look, cheri, I want to make it up to you."

That caught me off guard. "You do?"

"Oui." Edward said more confidently this time. "I was thinking about how your school is almost out for the summer and perhaps… well providing your mother is ok with it and you want to… but perhaps you could spend the summer months with me in France?"

"You… you want me to go to France with you?" I ask not believing what I was hearing. France? France, France? Me?

"Yes, if you would want to?" He confirms.

I am silent for about five seconds before I drop my phone and apparently let out a loud enough scream to cause Shelby and Charlie to run up the stairs. I'm jumping on the bed when they burst through the open door into my room with faces as white as ghosts.

"Mommy! Did you know about this?! Oh my god! I can't believe it!" Shelby looks confused as I jump into her arms spinning her around with me, but it doesn't matter because I'm spending the summer in France!

Charlie picks up my phone from the bed and hands it to me. It's then I notice that Edward was trying to get my attention.

"Cheri? Rachel?"

"Oh Papa! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to drop you! I just got so excited and and and… "

"Does this mean you would like to go then, cheri, yes?" He says chuckling.

"Yes! Yes! I would love to go to France for the summer!" My smile is beyond mega watt as I look up to my mom and dad with excitement only to be greeted with shocked faces. I take it Edward hadn't talked to them yet. Oh no… this wasn't going to be good.


	41. Song For You Far Away

**Rachel's POV**

She let me go. I can barely believe it myself, but she let me go. Dad didn't like it. I know she didn't like it, but no one argued… well ok so she may have said a few choice words to Edward about not consulting her first but still… she let me go.

A whole summer in France… touring France… being in France… with Edward… getting to know Edward… getting to really know my father. At least that's how I thought it would go.

The first week was amazing. We were at his apartment in Paris and he took me to all the tourist sites you could ever dream of going to. I thought… I thought we would be spending more time like that together…I thought… I thought things would be different. We had me made all these plans to see all these sites across the country.

It's my second week in France and we have yet to leave his family home in Bordeaux. Correction… I have yet to leave his family home in Bordeaux. He's left… more business. Of course I'm allowed to go with him… but who wants to sit through lectures?

Even with the time difference mom calls daily and texts even more. I miss her. I miss dad. I miss Vanessa and Brent. They wouldn't leave me to wander this stupid vineyard all alone. Well… not all alone. Apparently I have family here, but they don't feel like family. I feel like a stranger here. Even when things were bad at home… it never felt like this.

My aunt, Edward's sister, is nice. Her name is Elise. She's been trying really hard to get to know me. She's perhaps over doing it a bit. She lives here at the vineyard with her husband and three boys. They all run it.

Edward didn't want any part of it. Elise says it's because his memories aren't too fond here. She mentioned their father being hard on him. That Edward just wanted music. Their father did not.

She gave me some of my grandmother's jewelry. Stemmed down from royalty. Though I wonder if it really is or if it's just a family legend. I'm a little too afraid to ask.

I can't believe he just left me here.

My cousin's are my age or older. They aren't really around all that much. It seems my aunt is the only one that even cares that I'm here.

Why did I agree to even come here? Oh yeah… because I thought maybe Edward actually wanted to spend time with me. What happened to the doting father of a couple of weeks ago? What happened to the guy who visited every day? Or the man that bought me a car? The one that has all my recitals on film?

I wanna go home.

"Rachel?"

I turn my head from the window over looking the front of the house. " I don't know why I even came here." I said aloud.

"Cheri…"

"No. You really suck, you know that? I've been trying so hard to get to know you, but then I get sick… and you… you… you disappear Edward!"

He's taken aback at the anger in my voice or maybe it's because I didn't call him Papa… I'm beginning to think that was a mistake after all.

"I take it you aren't having fun then?"

I roll my eyes. "Fun? You know the sad thing is… I didn't come to France to have fun. I came to France to spend time with my father. Guess it was just a little too much to ask."

I can't be in the same room with him right now so I leave. I go to the guest room I'm staying in and slam the door. I can't do this for the rest of the summer. I can't just sit around waiting to spend time with him only to keep finding out there are more important things for him to do.

It's just I begged mom to let me come. She was leery… I could tell, but I ignored it and I pushed for this. I wanted this.

She's called three times today and texted even more. I haven't answered. Is that wrong of me? It's just… I miss her so much. It hurts to talk to her knowing I want to come home, but also knowing I have to stay here. I'm almost an adult… I shouldn't want to run home to mommy right?

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

_***Begin Flashback***_

_"Aunt Bee Bee?"_

_"Yes baby."_

_"Who's your favorite princess?"_

_"You are."_

_Giggles fill the room. "No silly! Who's your favorite DISNEY PRINCESS?"_

_"Oh," I giggle back as we sit on the couch watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. "Well… let's see…"_

_"I like Belle." Rachel says affirmatively._

_"You do?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Why's that baby?"_

_"Because she's awesome. Duh." Rachel says with an eye roll. She's too young for that. God I can't believe how she's grown. "So…"_

_"So what, sweetheart?"_

_"Aunt Bee Bee!" She whines. "Who's your favorite Princess?"_

_"Oh, right… Princesses…" I smile. "I think I like Sleeping Beauty."_

_Rachel scrunches up her nose. "Aurora? Why?"_

_"Because she's awesome. Duh." I repeat Rachel's earlier words and proceed to tickle her. I let her escape long enough to start running around the apartment. I chase after her. I'm tired. I'm over worked and extremely exhausted but I don't care. I care about making my little girl happy._

_A knock on the door brings us both to a halt. When I answer it I see an impatient Kate staring back at me._

_"Mommy?!" Rachel says from behind me. "What are you doing here?!" She runs into Kate's arms filled with excitement._

_"I came to get you, you silly goose." Kate says with a smile. Rachel's face falls. Mine on the other hand knew this was coming as soon as I opened the door. _

_"But it's not Sunday yet." Rachel says with a frown wiggling out of Kate's arms. She was so happy just a minute ago._

_"I know honey, but Mommy likes to spend time with you too you know?"_

_"But I see you all the time!" Rachel says stomping her foot, tantrum building. "I wanna stay!"_

_"Rachel." Kate warns. _

_"No!" Rachel screams and runs to her room slamming her door._

_Kate rapidly turns to me. "Do you see what letting her stay here does, huh? What do you do Shelby? Let her do whatever she wants? You're turning her into a diva. She doesn't act like this at home." Kate follows Rachel's path to her room._

_It feels like there is a knife in my chest… or maybe it's my back… hell the damn thing has gone all the way through._

_"Rachel Barbra Berry! You get out here this instant!" Kate bangs on the door._

_"NO!" Is all we hear from the other side._

_"Rachel… if you don't… so help me God."_

_"Let me try, Kate." I finally say pushing back the tears I want to shed. "Please?"_

_Kate nods and goes to sit on the couch. "Do what you've got to do to get her to come home." There's an underlying threat hidden in her words. I don't think Kate would ever really take her away from me fully but… I'm afraid to chance it. She's going to hold the biggest mistake of my life over my head until Rachel is eighteen… then Rachel will hate me and…_

_I knock lightly on Rachel's door. "Hey baby. It's Aunt Bee Bee. Can you let me in?" I ask softly._

_"Is mommy with you?" She asks and I can tell she's upset._

_"No, baby, just me. K?" I try and reassure her._

_It works. The lock clicks. I open the door and step inside closing it behind me. Rachel's sitting on her bed frowning, little tears stream down her face._

_"I don't wanna go." She says as I sit next to her. She climbs on to my lap and cuddles into me._

_"I know, kiddo."_

_"Can I please stay? Pleeeeease?" She begs. _

_It kills me to say what I do next. "I'm sorry baby. Maybe another time?"_

_***End Flashback***_

"She still not answering?" Charlie asks, breaking me from my musings.

I sigh. "No. I guess she's having too much fun to be bothered at the moment." I try to smile. I don't think I'll last a whole summer without Rachel. Who am I kidding? I know I won't last.

"She'll answer eventually." He kisses the top of my head. "If it continues we can always call Edward."

I laugh, though still not whole heartedly. He gives me a smile and leaves the office so I can stare at the phone some more. I swear it hasn't been like this since she left. I've totally been able to function. The problem is she was answering me then… she's not now and I… I keep having all these memories surfacing…

Okay… so it's obvious I miss my baby? Sue me.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

I've made a terrible mistake. I don't know how I ever thought I could be a father. I never wanted this, but when I found out Shelby was keeping her… I don't know. Rachel is a part of me. But look at where we are?

It was so easy in the beginning, when we first met. I was enamored by her. I wanted to give her anything and everything she wanted. Then she got sick… on my watch none the less and…

I couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

But what am I doing now?

I'm pushing her away, aren't I? Believe me when I say… it's not my intention.

It's just… when I finally realized I could meet my daughter…

I didn't think about things. I didn't think about the fact that she's almost grown. That I've missed everything. I approached it all the wrong way. I tried to force too much too soon.

And look at us now?

She's stowed away in a room and I'm standing outside of said room wondering if I'm even allowed to knock.

I shouldn't be her father. I'm not father material. I never was.

Charlie. He's her father. He always has been.

So what do I do? I do the right thing. I call Shelby.

"Edward? Is everything ok? Is Rachel ok? Oh God, she didn't have another allergic reaction did she? We sent the epi pens… you have the epi pens right?" The sheer panic in her voice alerts me to the fact that maybe I should have texted first.

"Oui. I mean yes I have the epi pens but no Rachel doesn't need them. She's healthy. Sorry… I didn't mean to panic you."

I hear Shelby sigh in relief. "So everything's ok?"

"Well… not exactly."

"What's wrong?" She asks concerned.

"I think I… I think I made a mistake, Shelby."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I shouldn't have infiltrated myself into Rachel's life so quickly."

"Oh, Ed." She sounds like she actually feels sorry for me.

"She's mad at me. I had some business this week and…"

"Please tell me you didn't just leave her with your family…"

"…"

"Edward!"

"I know, I know, ok? I don't get father of the year award. It's not just that though, Shelby. She doesn't think I know but even when we were in Paris…"

"What?"

"She'd start whimpering her sleep… it was enough to wake me. It didn't happen the first couple of nights but the next and then Natalie says she hears it here too."

"Edward?"

"I think she's homesick. She hasn't said anything, but… She's not having a good time Shelby. Has she talked to you today?"

"No… I… I called but she hasn't been answering."

"Hold on a moment." I say and then prepare myself. I knock once and then turn the handle. It's unlocked.

"Edward?" Rachel says wiping at her face. No doubt trying to hide her tears from me.

"Your mother is on the phone. You should talk to her." I say handing her my cell and leaving the room.

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

After talking with my mom for two hours… I realized that I really needed to go home. Maybe if Edward and I were closer… things would be different. But things are weird… and I just need to be… home.

I went downstairs and found Edward.

"I wanna go home." I said handing him back his phone.

"Then I will take you home." He said with a faint smile.

"I'm sorry." I really did feel bad about all this. I thought… I thought we could make this work.

"No, Cheri, I am the one who is sorry. I shouldn't have brought you here yet. I should have taken, ah, more time to get to know you before all this. I, ah, skipped some important steps because I thought I could… just be your father. When in reality you already have a very good father. I, ah, I don't know what you feel but I think… it would perhaps be better if we, ah, tried to take it back a step? Get to know each other on your terms… rather than my own agenda? What do say, Cheri?"

"I think… I think that would be good." I say crossing my arms protectively over my chest. I don't know what to feel in the moment.

"I don't want you to feel like this could be a goodbye. But I don't think I can be what you want me to be. I, ah, am a very busy man. With a large, um, large load on my shoulders. I want to get to know you Rachel. But I can't just stop everything either. I thought maybe I could try that… but it isn't working for us and I think we just need to give it time."

"So, what does that mean?"

"It means… I am going to take you home to your mother and then I am going to come back to France. I have things here I need to take care of and I can not do them from the states."

"Are you going to come visit me?" The words come so vulnerably out of my mouth… I don't even recognize myself.

"I don't want to make you any promises I can't keep, Rachel. I don't know if I will be able to visit or not… my work is unpredictable. I teach. I write. I compose. I lecture. I play. It never ends."

"But you can end it?"

"I, ah… I think it's just better for us if we take things slowly from here on out. We can start with calls, texts, emails. I'll visit when I can… or you can visit me when you want. We may never have what you and your mother have… or what you and Charlie have. But make no mistake Rachel… we will have something. It sounds like it, but this is not me abandoning you. This is me… being the best father I know how be. I think it will hurt you more if we try to continue on this act of father/daughter before we are even aquatinted well."

"Ok." It's all I can say in the moment. Edward just nods and tells me that we can leave whenever I want. He rented a private jet.

It's after midnight when we actually take flight. I'm so exhausted from, well… everything, that I don't know when it was I fell asleep. But when I wake up I'm in my bed wrapped up in my mother's arms.

"Mama?" I ask groggily.

"Hey baby." She says smiling. Her hand running through my hair.

"What time is it?"

"Just after 10."

"How long have I been home?"

"A couple of hours."

"Have you been holding me the whole time?"

She nods and kisses my forehead. "I missed you and you've been crying in your sleep."

"I missed you too."

"Have you been having bad dreams, baby?" She's so worried I can tell.

I shrug. "I don't know. I don't seem to remember them lately." I snuggle into her. "I'm really glad to be home."

"I'm glad you're home too."

"I'm hungry." I say breaking the comfortable silence.

Mom laughs. "Well I would hope so. Edward said you didn't eat much before you left. How about we go downstairs and I whip you up something?"

I raise my eyebrow… "You been practicing right? I'm a highly cautious of food related accidents at the moment…"

Mom rolls her eyes and pushes my shoulder. "I'll have you know that I've been taking lessons for a while now from one of the best chefs I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. And she's a damn good teacher."

I smile knowing that she's talking about all of our time in the kitchen together. "She is pretty damn good."

"Ok, enough of the language. You and I both need to work on that." She winks.

"Eh, the kids aren't around."

"Says one of the kids."

It's my turn to roll my eyes. "Can we watch Summerstock too? I'm in the mood for some Judy and it is summer after all."

"I think that can be arranged." She smiles as we walk down the stairs.

"Hey mom?" I say once we reach the landing.

"Yeah baby?"

"I love you more than Judy too."

She laughs. "You sure know how to make a mom feel special, kid."

"I got a lot of years to make up for." I shrug and wrap her in a hug.

"I'm the one who should be doing the making up." Mom says quietly.

"We're in this together, Mama." I whisper back and kiss her cheek. "I don't want anything to ever hold us back again."

"Me and you verses the world, huh?"

"Well we can include Charlie, Pipsqueak and the Munchkin too." I smile. She smiles back and we enter the kitchen to make some food.

This was home. This was good. I don't know what's going to happen with Edward. I don't know what's going to happen in life. But I know that no matter where I go or what I do, I will always have somewhere I belong and that somewhere is right here.


	42. There's No Business Like Show Business 1

**Rachel's POV**

I was officially in ultimate Rachel Berry excitement mode. In my hands was a flyer for an audition. Broadway was officially turning the 1954 Ethel Merman movie "There's No Business Like Show Business" into a stage musical. O-M-G. Now some people would say that I would have no place in this musical… After all… I'm only sixteen. However… I beg to differ.

Sure Mitzi Gaynor was 23 when she played Katy Donahue. But I'm telling you people… I can do this. Katy isn't even a major role… I would be a supporting character. That's perfect for a starting role. So what am going to do about it you may ask? First I need a manager/agent… and I have the perfect person in mind.

I waltzed into the home office where Charlie was working and pulled up a seat across from his desk. Mom was at Vanessa and Brent's gymnastics summer class so the timing was absolutely perfect.

"Can I help you?" Charlie asks with a chuckle.

"Why thank you for asking, Mr. Corcoran." I said showing my uber professionalism. "You most certainly can!"

"Mr. Corcoran?"

"Yes. Now if I could have just a moment of your time, I'd like to present to you a PowerPoint."

"PowerPoint?"

"Yes, a PowerPoint. May I proceed?"

With a wave of his hand and a smile Charlie says, "Please do proceed."

"Thank you. Excellent." I say with even more excitement and determination. I pull out my iPhone and connect it to the mini projector I have, setting it on Charlie's desk facing the wall. With a flick of the lights and a laser pointer ready I begin.

**Ten Reasons Why Charlie Corcoran Should Take on Rachel Barbra Berry* as His Next Up and Coming Client. **

Under the title is a picture of me and my amazing show face aka the 'Mega-Watt.'

Before I am able to click over to the next title Charlie stops me. His voice is filled with amusement and it's quite annoying.

"Now wait a minute, kiddo." He says. "Don't you think your mother should be present for this? Because I am sure she would just LOVE to see this." He's laughing. This isn't funny.

"Daddy! This isn't a laughing matter. I'm being serious." I say stomping my foot. Do not storm out Rachel… no one… not even your own dad wants a high maintenance client.

"Oh, so I'm daddy now?" He chuckles some more.

I fold my arms over my chest in defiance. Pouting, I sit back down in the chair. This is not going my way.

"Ok, Princess, hey now. Don't pout. I'm sorry." Charlie says unable to resist the pout. He's always been wrapped around my finger… possibly more so than Mom. "Please, sweetheart, please carry on."

"Are you going to continue laughing at me?"

"No. I promise. I'll take this with the upmost seriousness from this point on."

I give him previously mentioned 'Mega-Watt' smile. Well played, Rachel, well played.

"Ok let's start this over. Ten Reasons Why Charlie Corcoran Should Take on Rachel Barbra Berry (Gold Star included) as His Next Up and Coming Client." I'm standing again so that I can present my presentation in the most professional way possible. "Reason number one."

**1. We Already Have an Outstanding Relationship That I Believe Would Transfer Well Into a Working Environment.**

"See, Mr. Corcoran. As my father, you and I have a pre-developed trust and I look to you as a confidant. For instance, take these pictures of the two of us." I click over to the next slide showing a collage of pictures featuring Charlie and I throughout the years. "You have been there for me since I was but seven years old. There is no man I trust more than you and no other person I would rather intrust with my future career."

"Rachel, I'm touched."

I simply nod to Charlie who is becoming a little emotional… I need to move on to the next point. Good thing I didn't end with that one… He would have only been able to focus on all we've been through.

"I'm glad you feel that way, daddy." I say running over to him and kissing him on the cheek… who says I can't suck up a bit? I click over to the next slide.

**2. I Already Have the Clout From Having a Famous Mother.**

"As you well know, Mr. Corcoran, my mother is Broadway extraordinaire, Shelby Corcoran. Professionally known as Shelby Lawson." Insert picture of Shelby accepting her Tony. "Some people might say that relying on one's parent's fame is just riding their coattails. And it may be but, I say, where is the shame in resourcing their contacts and experience in order to develop your own? If it gets me noticed along the way- all the better."

Charlie smiles with a shake of his head, but says nothing else so I move on.

**3. I, Myself, am Wildly Talented and Have Many Achievements in the Areas of Vocal Performance and Dance.**

"As you can see on the slide above… it's not just me who thinks I posses the means to make it on stage. I have won many local, regional, and national show choir competitions. I have been winning competitions for my talents since I was three months old." I pause to give Charlie time to read over the slide that contain some of my major accomplishments. "Obviously this particular slide does not hold all of my attainments. I have also prepared a print out with a more comprehensive list."

I grab the paper from the folder I had brought into the office and hand it to him. It's five pages long. "You may read that at a later time, should you wish to."

Charlie takes the report as his eyes grow wide. He knows of all these so why he seems surprised eludes me. Time for the next one.

**4. I am Already Aware of the Ins and Outs of the Business.**

"As a future Broadway star, I fully believe in being ultimately prepared. I have been watching my mother since the day I was born, following her career. I know not only the importance of talent and stage presence, but also the behind the scenes workings. I can do any job that there is to do in a theatre. I also have a vast knowledge of your business as well, Mr. Corcoran, so when we discuss my future you will not have to feel you are speaking with an incompetent person."

Charlie smiles. "I have no doubt in your intelligence, that is for certain."

"Noted. I very much appreciate that." I wink and then look at the time. Mom shouldn't be back for another hour so it looks like I am right on schedule.

**5. I Have Multiple Experiences Working on the Stage.**

"Albeit it right now purely in community theatre, you can see that I do posses quite a resume of performances. I believe that you have to start somewhere, no matter how small and well, experience is experience. I have played roles in Broadway greats such as Annie, Fiddler on the Roof, Les Miserables, and Mamma Mia! Not to mention my brief stint as Dorothy in a third grade production of The Wizard of Oz."

**6. I Have Previous Experience Dealing with the Paparazzi.**

"As you well know a few months ago I had to deal with the aftermath of the paparazzi finding out about my parentage. I believe as a star one has to be able to handle the press with grace. I believe that I am more than capable. Case in point, my performance and speech given to the press in the aftermath. The video is currently available on YouTube."

Charlie laughed but I didn't consider it to be making fun of me this time. It was more of an excited sort of laughter. You know… joy. Onward!

**7. I am Excruciatingly Driven and Willing to Work Towards My Future Career.**

"I have a professionalism seen only in seasoned veterans. I don't believe everything will be handed to me so I have developed my talents in order be able to show people that I am the best one for the job. I believe in stopping at nothing until I get what I want. If you choose to take me as your client, Mr. Corcoran, I promise you you will not have to worry about me giving up or slacking off. I can do this and am more importantly, willing to."

Charlie nodded. "I've seen evidence of your determination in the past. I assure you it isn't a concern."

"Very well." I say pleased. This is going rather well don't you think?

**8. I Have Built Up an Impressive Repertoire Throughout the Years.**

"You name the song and most likely I can sing it. I have memorized every major Broadway song book available. I am constantly adding new music. Even, if by chance, I do not know the song give me 30 minutes and I guarantee I can give it a hell of a go."

"Damn straight." Charlie says causing me to giggle. Ah! I'm so close to the end, just two more to go.

**9. We All Know That I am, in Fact, Your Favorite Non-Biological Child.**

"There is simply no point in denying it, Mr. Corcoran. You know you want to work with me. You love me."

He smiles greatly at a picture taken just last weekend of the two of us. Our family had a cookout with all the grandparents included to celebrate Independence Day. When it came time for family pictures, Charlie and I had decided to be silly in ALL our pictures thus aggravating mom who just wanted some nice new family pictures. I had jumped up on his back in surprise and covered his eyes in this one while putting my head on top of his and sticking out my tongue. It was a great picture and a great weekend.

Ok, Rachel, here is your selling point. The final slide.

**10. I Have Already Garnered the Perfect First Audition. **

"Rachel are you being serious?!" Charlie says suddenly after reading the slide.

"Daddy, hear me out." I say stopping the slide show and turning on the lights. "I know I should have consulted you and Mom but I really want to do this. My audition time is tomorrow and it would look so much better if I have representation. Otherwise, Mom will just have to go with me and well I am not even sure she would and…"

"Rachel. Stop."

My rambling stops immediately and I wait on baited breath for his response.

"First off, kiddo. That was one heck of a pitch. However…"

Great he is gonna say no.

"As much as I loved it. It was unwarranted. I am already your manager."

I looked up at him in surprise.

"Don't act so shocked. Do you honestly think I would let anyone else represent my little girl?"

I tackled him in a hug. "Thank you so much! I can't believe this. Ok, I have to tell you about this musical. Broadway producers are deciding to turn 'There's No Business Like Show Business' into a stage act. I'll be auditioning for the role of Katy Donahue which is probably meant for someone a tad bit older, but I am more than confident in my ability to portray the character." I say with excitement, ready to get down to business.

"Rachel, even though you are already a client. I really think your mother needs to be here."

"No! Dad, you know she'll be more critical." I whine. "She'll look at this from a mother's point of view and not professionally. You know it's true. She'll be worried it'll affect school and my relationships. She'll worry about how it'll affect me if I don't get the role. If we take all of that off the plate and show her I can do this- I have a better chance. She's been nothing but supportive concerning my dreams. I just don't know how she'll react when I tell her I want to start now. Not to mention, she's been pushing the college issue lately and I really would rather focus on my career instead."

"Rachel, I don't know about this."

"It's just an audition. If I don't get it, no harm done. But if I do… we can cross the Mom bridge when we get there. Please, dad. I need this. I want this. I can do this."

After about ten minutes of silence Charlie looked up from his desk, "Ok."

"Seriously?!"

"Yeah. Let's do this. Tell me more about the role."

* * *

**Charlie's POV**

Rachel wasn't kidding when she said she had everything planned out. She told me about the show and her plans for the role. She even made me watch the movie…

Honestly though? She's a long shot for it. She's got so much against her. I don't know how she even got them to look at her for this. She's a lot younger than what they want. Can she even convincingly play an adult if need be? Rachel seems to think so. Of course with this role Rachel's character goes from teenager to adult… maybe she can do it. Believe me, I'm not questioning her talent. That alone would get her far, but a lot of casting has to do with appearances as well.

GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY. I seriously hope I am making the right decision.

Rachel's audition is in 20 minutes. We successfully convinced Shelby that Rachel wanted to "shadow" me at work so that she could learn more about the business. It was way too easy. Seriously, if Rachel decided she didn't want to be on stage she would have a very successful career in being an agent. The girl gets what she wants.

I haven't seen one girl come from off that stage yet that's could even be close to Rachel's age. Though I doubt any of them have half the talent. Hell I doubt they even have half the drive.

Rachel's name is called and I take my place out in the audience. She's nervous. I don't think I've ever seen her this shaky before concerning a performance. She clears her throat.

"Hi, my name is Rachel Berry and I'll be singing 'On My Own' from the seminal Broadway classic Les Mis."

She's flawless. I swear to you… she's gonna take the world by storm one day with just the sound of her voice. The casting officials don't seem to be phased as they write their little notes. Of course, we should expect that… they usually appear apathetic towards performances. It isn't until she's almost done and throwing out all the stops that they seem to pause and be held captive by her. Good job, baby.

As soon as the song is over I stand and almost find myself clapping. I want to, but I stop myself and give her a thumbs up instead. She just smiles back.

"Miss Berry. Am I correct in seeing that you are only sixteen years of age?" One of the men asks.

"Yes Miss. I am." Damn it. I knew they were going to bring this up.

"And do you honestly think in your young years you can portray an adult?"

"Actually, with the role of Katy Donahue, I would be portraying a teenager who is coming into her adulthood and so forth. I know my role would end with me being an adult, but I do believe that since I am a teenager who is growing up into an adult I would have a special connection to the role that others may not be able to make."

The officials show no signs of being impressed but it's very good they are asking questions. It's a small hint that they liked her performance.

"Excuse me," A woman asks. "But the name Rachel Berry seems to ring a bell. Do you have an previous Broadway experience?"

Rachel smiles. She's about to drop the bomb on them… they clearly haven't read much of her profile.

"No sir. But I believe you might know my name from a press release that came out a few months ago when the media found out that I am the first born daughter of Tony award winning actress, Shelby Lawson." Don't you just love how she slipped 'Tony award winning' in there? That sly little devil… makes me so proud.

"Ah yes I remember that." The woman says trying to conceal a smile. "You gave the press quite a run for their money."

"Oh yes, I remember that as well. How is your mother doing? I worked once with her a few years back. Still enjoying her retirement I assume?" Now that last question has me a bit intrigued and my mind begins to race.

"She is doing very well. Though I must correct you that she doesn't consider this a retirement. She would probably ground me if I didn't tell you it's just a break."

The three at the table laugh light-heartedly. "Well that is very good to know." One says. "We will be in touch."

With that Rachel thanks them and walks off the stage. I race back there and when I get to her I wrap her up in a huge bear hug.

"You know… I don't wanna get your hopes up too much baby girl…. But I think you might actually have a chance." I say swinging her around in a circle.

"Was I good daddy?" All of that and she is more concerned with my opinion.

"You were great, princess. Simply great." I smile at her.

She smiles back and we leave the audition site. The fact that she is just happy that she actually did this is enough for me to know I made the right choice. Sure, it'll more than likely be a while before we hear anything, if at all… But if we don't hear from them before too long… I believe I have a little idea that might make 'the powers that be' a little more willing.


	43. There's No Business Like Show Business 2

**Rachel's POV**

"Please Quinn!" I beg.

"No, nuh uh, no way." She's shaking her head profusely but I will not be deterred.

"But…"

"No, I don't want any part of this. I'm on thin ice with Shelby as it is." Should there be a pun intended with that? Mom is certain Quinn is the one who slushied me that one time… how she knows is beyond me… and then there was the drinking thing… but that is neither here nor there. Like Shelby is really going to be upset with Quinn for this!

"I'll remember you when I'm famous." I sing-song trying to convince her.

Quinn smiles. "You couldn't forget me if you tried."

Well she's got me there. With Noah and I no longer speaking to each other, Quinn has easily become my best friend. Sure Santana and Brittany come around every now and then but Quinn and I have some how hit it off.

"Please?" I pout.

"Rachel!" She whines with a foot stomp. You can't put down your foot with me! I am the foot stomp! Please, Quinn. If I could roll my eyes in my head without rolling my eyes… that would totally be what I'm doing right now… Sigh, you have a mission Rachel. Don't let her get you off track.

"It's really important to me." I continue pouting… who can resist such a face?

"Fine." She caves.

Yay! I win! I dance around my room and Quinn laughs. NO ONE can resist the pout.

"Ok, first things first…" I say becoming very serious. "I have to talk to Charlie about it."

"You haven't even talked to him! Rachel!" Quinn likes for things to be planned with a little more order than I do… Sometimes I just like to jump right in head first… Like now.

"I know, I know, ok? You are here now…. So it was more logical to start with asking you." I reason as she rolls her eyes.

"You do realize your schemes never work out right?" She has a point….

"Yes, however, most of my schemes aren't as important as this one. This is my future we are talking about here." I have a point… it causes me to smile devilishly.

"You have a point." See… I have a point. This is going to be fantastic.

"Wait here." I tell her as I leave the privacy of my room bounding with excitement. It courses through my veins… Life is good.

At the top of the staircase I peer down. I can just see the sliding glass door and Shelby with her back turned to it. "Sweet!" I say fist pumping and proceed to slide down the banister. What? You can't tell me you wouldn't if you had the chance! Besides… it's the thrill of the rebellion, the chance at getting caught but actually getting away with it, that is the appealing part. If Mom was ok with it… none of us would try to do it.

I successfully don't get caught but for a moment there I had way too much momentum and thought I was going to fall. Damn shorts. I sneak around the corner to where Charlie is sitting at the TV watching some sporting event. I don't even bother to look at what it might be.

"Hello Daddy." I say startling Charlie.

"Jesus, Rachel!"

"Sorry." I pout. We both know I'm not really sorry. At this point it's all for show. Brent gets his sneakiness from somewhere you know. The thought makes me smile.

"Yeah… so what's up kiddo?" Charlie asks.

"Have you heard back from TNBLS yet?"

He pauses for a moment trying to think of… "Oh!" There it is. "No I haven't. It's only been a week though, Rach."

"I know…"

"But?"

"I have an idea." I say excitedly grabbing his hand and pulling him into the office.

"Hey I was watching that." He says pointing at the television but going along with me anyway.

"This is TOP SECRET, dad. I can't take any chances." I chastise in a whisper and looking both ways down the hall before closing the door.

"Okay. Okay. What's the idea?" He whispers back. Charlie is always good to go along with schemes… I love it.

"Well… I was thinking." I bite my lip and then release it. "I was thinking what if we somehow… we pitch Mom and I as a package deal?"

Charlie begins to laugh and I pout. Is that so ridiculous that I share a stage with my own mother?!"

"No, baby. You are getting the wrong idea." Charlie says laughter dying down as he notices my reaction. I raise my eyebrow in confusion. "I was actually thinking the same thing myself last week."

"You were?" I ask in surprise.

He nods. "Great minds think alike huh?" I smile back at him. "I just… I don't know how we can go about all this without talking to your mother and having her audition." He plops down on the loveseat with a shrug and then leans back putting his hands behind his head.

I smile even more devilishly than before. "Oh I have an idea."

He chuckles. "With a look like that? I don't doubt it…" He says before I begin to tell him the same plan I told Quinn upstairs. This just has to work- I want Broadway… and I want it now.

* * *

Everything is set and ready to go. I am sitting at the piano with scores of sheet music spread across it. Charlie is nonchalantly flipping through the channels on the tv, but still has full view of us. Quinn is off to the side with the video camera ready to film at any minute… well all know Shelby will ask. She'll be curious and she'll ask.

Right on cue. "Hey baby, whatcha doing?" Shelby inquires looking at all the sheet music.

"Oh this?" Don't lay it on so thick, Rae. "Well I was thinking maybe of uploading a video to YouTube or something. I wanted to do a duet, but QUINN doesn't want to." I say faking an indignant tone.

Shelby laughs. "She won't huh? Too bad you don't have someone else around with a stellar voice that could help you out huh?" Hook. Line. Sinker.

"You… you wouldn't want to sing with me would you, Mama?" I give her my puppy dog eyes like I really need to convince her… all I really had to do was ask… it was just more fun this way. I can see Quinn roll her eyes out of the corner of mine.

"Since when have I EVER turned down a duet with my lovely daughter?" My mom says smiling.

"Never."

"Exactly. Now which one of these are you think… Oh I love this song!" Shelby says picking up one from the top. It was the song I was hoping she would pick. This is just too easy.

"Yeah we could totally do that one!" I say excitedly. I don't even have to fake it anymore. I don't know where all my energy has come from lately but yeah… maybe it's because I have been sleeping a lot better? Maybe it's the Broadway buzz? Then the idea hits me! "Oh! Oh! What if we trade off on the piano with it? That would be so much cooler than just the same old same old."

Shelby agrees and we run through the song a couple of times before I nod to Quinn to let her know we are ready.

I begin playing out the melody on the piano. Five bars in and Shelby joins with her voice in perfect pitch. "You won't find him drinking under tables. Rolling dice or staying out 'til three. You won't ever find him being unfaithful. You will find him, you'll find him next to me."

Shelby takes over the piano with a slide of the keys allowing me to sing the next part. "You won't find him trying to chase the devil. For money, fame, for power, out of greed. You won't ever find him where the rest go. You will find him, you'll find him next to me."

We take turns and then join on the chorus. Our voices harmonize beautifully as we both play the piano. At the end of the chorus I twirl out from behind the piano and begin to sing the next verse. "When the money's spent and all my friends have vanished. And I can't seem to find no help or love for free."

I prance back over to the bass keys and take over as Shelby steps away with all the theatricality in her bones. " I know there's no need for me to panic. 'Cause I'll find him, I'll find him next to me."

She waltzes back over to the piano and takes over the bass line while I play the treble parts. "Oh, the skies are grey and all the doors are closing."

"And the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe."

"Hard to breathe."

Our voices join and we sing together again as Shelby nudges my shoulder with hers. "When all I need is a hand to stop the tears from falling. I will find him, I'll find him next to me."

We finish out the song in much of the same way. Just having fun together. It's exactly what I want the casting officials to see. You can't buy this kind of stage chemistry. Why hire two people to act like they are related, when they can have two people that actually are related?

Once the video is downloaded and edited, Dad sends it off. Now we wait… wait and see if they jump or not. Though, honestly and Quinn and Charlie both agree, they'd be insane not to take us up on this offer. Let's just hope, in the end, mom is actually ok with it all.

* * *

**Shelby's POV**

August is fast approaching and I can't believe how time has just flown by. It's been wonderful having all three of my babies home together… Well plus Quinn. She shows up every day after her cheerleading training and somehow has become apart of the family. I was worried at first. I know she was the one bullying Rachel before, but they've seemed to put their differences behind them and I have to trust Rachel's judgement here. Besides, Quinn isn't all that bad once she lets down her walls.

Rachel's been a little gloomy this week. Every time I ask her what's wrong, she says nothing. I'm not stupid. I know it's not nothing. I hope it's just boredom and that she would really talk to me if something was wrong. We've come far enough along after all.

"Ahhh!" I hear Rachel scream, though I know it's a scream of happiness I run to the office where she and Charlie are anyways. "I can't believe it!" Rachel says. "Oh, no wait. I can totally believe it! About time!" She's jumping around the room and Charlie… I laugh. Charlie, is jumping right along with her.

"What can't or can you believe?" I ask with a raised eyebrow causing both's movements to cease and desist.

"Mommy!" Rachel says eyes sparkling as she barrels us both into the wall with a hug.

"Ow." I say chuckling and hugging her back. "I love you too. Something you want to tell me?"

She smiles and nods looking to Charlie.

"Honey, I think you should sit down." He says moving a chair in front of his desk. Rachel grabs one and sits it beside mine. She sits though not still. She has so much excitement and energy she doesn't know what to do with herself. I find this all highly amusing.

I take a seat and Charlie follows before taking some papers off his desk and handing them to me. I look them over and… is this what I think it is? "Charlie?" I question.

"Read on." He says eyes shining as brightly as my daughter's.

I continue to read the email as my eyes widen. I put the paper down and look at the two larger stacks that were under it.

Contracts.

Rachel is gently rocking in her seat. Charlie is tapping a pen on his desk. Both impatiently waiting for my reaction.

"This… this is for real?" I ask.

"Very." Charlie says all smile.

A thousand things are running through my head. One makes it to the surface. Anger from betrayal. "You went behind my back?"

Rachel and Charlie's smiles drop. "Mama, it's the opportunity of a lifetime." Rachel buts in.

"Go to your room, Rachel." It's uncalled for, but I... it's just better this way.

"What?! Mama!" She's upset.

"I said… GO. TO. YOUR. ROOM." I emphasized each word. "I need to talk to Charlie, ALONE."

Tears spring to her eyes as Rachel runs from the room. I feel awful about it, but I really need to talk to my husband about this.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I ask him when Rachel is out of ear shot.

"I was thinking that it was a great fucking opportunity!" He says back with an equal anger that I wasn't prepared for. "And why the hell did you have to go and do that Shelby? Rachel did not deserve that! She's just following after her dream. Something you ONCE did too."

"CHARLES JOSEPH CORCORAN! Don't you lecture me about how I'm reacting! You two CHOSE to sneak around! You… you… How the fuck am I supposed to act?!"

"How about happy?! Ohh… there's a tuffy, huh Shel? Damn it. I'm giving you the chance to work with your daughter… to help with her career. She's actually thrilled about that part! I would think you would be too!"

I'm frustrated beyond belief but yelling is going to get us nowhere. I've learned enough of that in the past to know. I sit back down defeated. "You couldn't have just informed me? Included me in this, Charlie? I'm not ready to go back. I've barely been gone. And Rachel? Rachel's still in school." I stressed the last part as he deflates sitting back down.

"Look Shel, I know you wanted a longer break. I know with everything that's happened over the last year that you don't feel like you've had one at all. But this is a big deal. For the both of you. Rachel can handle school and work. She's more driven than anyone else I know in the business and if it's part of the rules; it's part of the rules. She can handle it. She will handle it."

"She'll miss out, Charlie. She'll get less time with her friends. Less time with the family. Her whole life will become schoolwork and this musical."

"You don't think I've thought about that? New York law states that she has to spend an average of three hours a school day in a classroom setting or with a private tutor. Not to mention she has to have satisfactory grades as well. Add in rehearsals and shows… Rachel knows this too. But it's her dream Shelby and God! She wants to share it with you. You have the chance to help make your daughter's dreams come true."

I let my head fall into my hands before mumbling a, "Let me think about."

"It's all I ask." Charlie says before getting up from his chair again. "I'm going to talk to Rachel."

I nod as my headache builds. This was the last thing I ever thought would be happening now.


	44. There's No Business Like Show Business 3

**Shelby's POV**

My reaction had been uncalled for. The more I thought about it the more I felt it. They had caught me off guard by going behind my back… sigh. No excuses. I had the chance to make my daughter's dreams come true. It's an offer I can't refuse.

I eventually went upstairs to talk with my husband and daughter. I walked through the door and watched as Charlie tried to comfort Rachel. The sight broke my heart.

"You have to promise me your grades won't fall behind. School is important." I say alerting them of my presence. My voice is still stern, but I need for Rachel to know I mean business.

Her eyes widen as Charlie smiles. "You mean?" She says.

"And we will still have family time. No shirking on hanging out all together! If your brother and sister want to do something. We do it. I don't want them to feel left out."

Rachel slowly starts to smile as she nods with enthusiasm.

"Try and keep your friendships. You are going to be tired, but friends are important too."

Rachel runs up to me and wraps her arms around my waste. I wrap mine around her too.

"Thank you, Mommy! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." She says eyes shining now with tears of joy.

My voice softens. I'm a little mentally exhausted after all that. "Don't thank me baby. We've both got our work cut out for us."

* * *

**Rachel's POV**

Shelby wasn't wrong when she said we had a lot of work to do. Sure I got to enjoy the end of my summer but once it came time for the school year to start, it was workshop time. I chose after much deliberation to have a tutor rather than continue going to school. It wasn't that I didn't want to see my friends it was just that I knew this would be the best way for me in the end. I could get a hell of a lot more done when the teacher only had me to focus on.

We started early in the morning with one hour of "class." Then I worked with the production until lunch, upon which I would have two more hours of study and a one hour break. Because my character was minor I ended up getting most afternoons off. I usually spent those watching the rest of the cast and crew pour their heart and soul into their work. I took notes and learned how to improve my technique further. It was beautiful.

Watching Mom in her element was by far the best. She proved she belonged on the stage with every line, every move, and she did it all with out stepping on anyone's toes. Every person on that stage got to see both Shelby Lawson and Shelby Corcoran. It was amazing. She was a natural as they say. She was born for this just as I too felt the same pull.

Evenings were reserved for family time. We watched movies together, went out to eat, and had family game nights. We spent every week night together knowing that once we went live… our time would be limited.

Weekends I spent with my friends. I didn't care what Brittany, Quinn, or Santana wanted to do, just as long as we did it together. It often got me into loads of trouble with mom, but it was totally worth it.

Soon we were performing live shows off-broadway. Every night and every audience offered us an opportunity to perfect the show in order to get us all where we desperately desired. The Great White Way.

Weekend friend time ended up turning into family time. Luckily for me, my family welcomed my friends with arms wide open. We no longer had to differentiate between the two; Quinn, Santana, and Brittany were family.

The media took to the show with rave reviews mostly centered around Mom's EPIC return to the stage. Some chose to focus on our relationship and how Shelby's return was merely a ploy to launch me into the realm of the big time. It didn't matter if it was a little true. Once people saw how talented I was, it was like I had finally earned my spot. One article even read: LOOK OUT BROADWAY! RACHEL BERRY IS ON HER WAY AND HERE TO STAY PROVING THERE REALLY IS NO BUSINESS LIKE SHOW BUSINESS. I clipped out the article and put it in front of my elliptical. What better motivation could I have than the affirmation I was getting?

Soon the buzz around the show was too big and we were moved to Broadway. The Imperial Theatre to be exact. We had made it.

* * *

_Opening night. It's what every young aspiring Broadway actor dreams of: Opening night on Broadway. I couldn't believe we were finally here. My dreams were coming true. My dreams were coming true tonight. Soon the stage would be set for the lights to go down and it would begin. The biggest moment in my life to date._

"Ready for the big time, kiddo?" Shelby said walking into my dressing room.

I looked up into her shining eyes and I lost it. I could see how proud she was… not just of the production and all that we were accomplishing… but of me. I completely and utterly broke down, but in such a good way. My dreams were coming true… all because of her. The most important person in my life.

"Aww baby, are you nervous? What's wrong?" Shelby said cupping my face and bringing me back over to the table. It caused me to chuckle. Couldn't ruin my makeup now could I?

"Nothings wrong." I said with a smile. "Actually everything's right. So very right."

Mom smiled at me, but didn't say anything.

"I guess I just got a little overwhelmed with the excitement of it all. And… and… the gratefulness I feel for having you in my life."

Shelby pulled me into a hug. "You were always gonna be on the stage, baby. With or with out my help."

I shook my head no. "I couldn't have done it with out you, Mama. I wouldn't have done it with out you."

We spent the next five minutes simply holding each other. Shelby continuously whispering in my ear how proud she was of me and how much she loved me. Gone was the awkwardness. Gone was the doubt. Gone was the sting of the betrayal. The past was the past and we were fully living in the present.

_As my mom and I filtered towards the rest of the cast awaiting the curtain lift, I smiled at those around us. We were a family, our troupe of cast and crew, and I had learned so much from them already. I was excited of how much more I would learn over the course of the production. I was excited for the moments we would share. I was also excited for the ten people sitting front and center out in the audience. _

_Out there among the masses sat Quinn, Brittany, Santana, both sets of grandparents, Charlie, Vanessa, and Brent. Each had come to support mom and I. Each there waiting for us to shine. I hadn't expected all of this to happen a year ago when my adoptive mother/biological aunt had passed. I thought I would spend the rest of my life… searching for that feeling again. A feeling of truly belonging to someone._

_And now look at me… I had two families. Two groups of people that infiltrated themselves in to my life in one way shape or form. Two groups of people, despite where life may lead, would only be a call away. I didn't expect it with either group… but I got it none-the-less. _

_As I watched the curtain ope,n and Shelby took the stage, I found my heart bursting with joy. That woman out their was my mom. That spectacular, fabulous, talented, driven, amazing woman, not only gave birth to me, but had been there for me my entire life even when I couldn't see it. She had fed me and clothed me. She had nurtured my personality and dreams. She inadvertently had been my everything._

_I don't know if I would change things if I could. It's a question I get asked more and more. "Would you have been with Shelby your entire life?" It's not as simple as that. Kate may have done horrible things, but she still loved me. She still raised me. She wasn't cruel so why make her out to be a villain? I guess some people just need somebody to blame…_

_I think, though, I think we are all to blame in a way. The little things added up and well… things happened the way they happened. I'm still me. Shelby is still Shelby. Had she been alive… mom would still be mom. I don't harbor any hurt feelings towards them. My life is what it is and I'm happy. I'm happy, I'm healthy and I am living my dream._

_Well… it's time to go on stage now… don't wish me luck. With this much talent I never needed it anyway. ;)_

_Love always, Rachel Barbra Berry*_

I posted my new blog and then put my phone away. I didn't need to wait any longer for the comments. They could come later. All I needed now was to focus on the bright lights ahead and my future.

And as I ran out towards my mother's direction on stage… I couldn't wait to see what that future would bring.

* * *

**A/N: That's it folks. All that's left now is the epilogue. It'll show glimpses of the next ten years. Hope you've enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.**


	45. Epilogue: Homeward Bound Home

Over the course of the next four months, Shelby, poured her heart and soul into the role of Molly Donahue along side her daughter. Every night the show sold out and was deemed a success. When her contract ran out, Shelby left the show instead of renewing. She knew that her baby couldn't really shine in the shadows so she stepped away.

Doing so allowed Rachel to take more of a center stage and it catapulted her into success. Of course, Shelby wasn't too far away as she sat front row many nights of the week to see her kid perform. Rachel found people waiting at the stage door mainly for her and not just as a plus to seeing her mother. She was thrilled.

During the course of the show, Rachel completed her school work allowing for an early graduation. She, however, declined to walk in favor of attending the Tony Awards, where not only was she nominated, but her mother as well. The two were quite the pair on the carpet and seemed to have the sole attention of the media present.

When it came time for Rachel's category, she wasn't surprised to find out she didn't win. The role of Katy Donahue just wasn't enough when it came down to it. She knew she had been nominated, partially, because of who she was.

It was a completely different ball game when the category for Best Actress in a Musical was announced. Just before the winner was revealed, Rachel leaned over to her mother and whispered in her ear as she handed her a piece of paper, "You've got it in the bag. You're gonna need this when you go up there." Shelby laughed in response, that is, until her name was called.

Rachel squealed at the announcement while the shock was clear on her mother's face. Rachel knew Shelby didn't think she would win. That's why Rachel wrote what she did.

Shelby walked shakily up the aisle with the folded piece of paper clutched in her hand. She made it in front of the microphone and looked out at all the smiling faces of her colleagues in the business. "I wasn't prepared for this if you couldn't tell, but apparently my daughter was." Shelby said showing the crowd the piece of paper and garnering a laugh.

She unfolded it and unsuccessfully tried to hold back her tear filled laughter as she began to read not an acceptance speech per say but a letter, "Dear Mom, First and foremost I think an apology is in order for stealing my thunder on my would be graduation day." The crowd responded again with another laugh. "Though it was my complete and utter choice to attend the awards show, I feel this formal apology is still warranted."

Shelby shook her head as she looked at her daughter with a fond smile. "We'll talk about this later." Rachel giggled in her seat with excitement as the crowd chuckled.

"Seriously though, make sure to thank the director, writers, producers, cast, and everyone else who have made our project possible. We have worked hard and no one could have done any of this without everyone involved." Shelby heard some of the members of the production yell out their excitement but continued reading knowing she was on a time limit.

"You probably want to thank our family as well. Your parents, Charlie's parents… they've all played a big role themselves over the last year and well, they deserve the thanks. Next, for heaven's sake don't forget Charlie and the kids. Family is everything after all. It's one of the most important life lessons I've learned from you."

Shelby's breath hitched as she skimmed the last bit of writing on the paper before she continued on. "You know mom, it's hard to believe sometimes just how far the both of us have come throughout the years. But you should always know that there is NO ONE that I look up to more than you. You deserve this award Mommy and I am so so very proud of all you've accomplished. I still love you more than Barbra & Judy, Rachel."

Shelby quickly ran down the stairs towards her daughter, who met her in the aisle, and wrapped her in a hug. The crowd gave them a standing ovation as the show went to a commercial break. Rachel quickly ushered her mother back stage as she didn't want to interrupt the ceremony further.

"Sorry for springing that on you." She said once they were clear of the stage.

"No need to apologize baby. That was beautiful. Thank you so much." They hugged again before Shelby had to take pictures with the press.

Shelby allowed for Rachel to go to one after party to "make up" for missing graduation. It turned out to be one of the best decisions Shelby had ever made as Rachel was approached about headlining a new musical.

When her contract expired a year after "There's No Business Like Show Business" began, Rachel abdicated her role to sign a new contract to star in a brand new musical about a high school glee club. The role couldn't have been more perfect for her.

* * *

Glee: the musical was an instantaneous hit. Rachel played young high school loser, Monica Liza Anderson, who had over dramatic tendencies and horrible fashion sense, but a voice like none other. Those who knew Rachel and came to see the show couldn't help but laugh at how much Rachel's character was like Rachel. In fact, change a few details and it was pretty much Rachel on stage being Rachel.

"You might laugh because every time I sign my name, I put a gold star after it. But it's a metaphor and metaphors are important. My gold stars are a metaphor for me being a star." Rachel said each night and then was proceeded to be stuffed into a locker. She was proud of suggesting her gold star habit to the writers. She had put so much of herself into the role and she was surely reaping the benefits.

No one was surprised when she DID win the Tony this time around. Shelby was more proud of Rachel in that moment than of her own entire career life combined. Something about seeing your child succeed… Well it just brings more happiness than your own success ever could doesn't it?

* * *

Rachel stayed with Glee: the musical for two years until she received her biggest offer to date. Barbra Streisand herself wanted Rachel to play Gypsy Rose Lee opposite her Mama Rose in the movie remake of Gypsy. She cried for an hour in her mother's arms when Charlie told her the news. Winning the Tony was big… being asked by Babs herself to co-star with her in a movie was life affirming.

The biggest speed bump was that the eighteen year old would have to move to Los Angeles for six months leaving behind her family. Without her being just a ride away, Shelby (and the rest of the family for that matter) began to show symptoms of separation anxiety. Roughly 3,000 miles was more than any of them could handle. They ended up spending hours upon hours of time on planes to go visit her. Though it didn't matter as long as they got to visit. Maybe if Rachel had lived as Shelby's daughter her entire life, Shelby would have found it easier to let her go. Maybe not. Shelby just considered herself lucky that Rachel enjoyed the visits as much as she did.

Rachel learned a lot in that six months. She learned that her 'Streisand Worship' was completely justified. That working on a project with Barbra and learning from her made her a better actress. The first time she watched Barbra perform a scene she was in awe. The first time she had lunch with her she was amazed. She, of course, learned to hide her inner fangirl but it wasn't without much struggle.

Rachel also learned that her family was the ultimate driving factor behind her success. She had always thought before it was something she was born with… but she was wrong. It was in every time Shelby told her she believed in her or when Charlie said he was proud of her. It was in every time her brother and sister told her they loved her. Deep down her family was the key to it. It just took being away from them to realize it.

* * *

With Barbra's return to a musical role, the hype for Gypsy was at an all time high. The movie made record breaking sales and was proclaimed as the best movie musical in a decade. Rachel's fame grew and she was soon getting the call that she had received an Oscar nomination.

Her excitement couldn't be contained as she jumped around the living room with Shelby, Charlie, Vanessa and Brent at her side. That was until later that day when it was announced that she was up against Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Gwyneth Paltrow, and yes, Barbra Streisand. Instead of nominating one of them in the Supporting Actress category they were up against each other for Best Actress.

It was Shelby who told her to be proud of her accomplishment. A feat she herself hadn't even gained. She told Rachel that the nomination itself was amazing. It would take her career to places that she wouldn't have been able to go before. Not to mention the fact that they chose to honor her at all. It just showed how much talent she had.

Rachel was all smiles when Barbra's name was called and led the crowd with a standing ovation. When Barbra got on stage she shook her head and looked from the Oscar to Rachel. "You were good kid. I can't help but think they made a mistake." Rachel cried. Babs said she was good.

After the Oscar buzz died down and the press tours that followed the dvd release of the movie, Rachel decided she needed a vacation or two of them. The first one she spent with Charlie, Shelby and the kids in Hawaii. Two weeks of pure heaven. The second one was an extended trip to France to visit Edward.

She stayed in France for two months and, though it was hard being away from her family again, she knew it was something that she needed. She found herself truly connecting with her father this time around. There wasn't an afterglow of newness to get over anymore. No fight over time spent. No more worry over past mistakes. There was just a man and his daughter getting to know each other for who they really were.

Because of her extended stay and her efforts to learn more about Edward, Rachel discovered that he was a large supporter and volunteer at a children's home in Paris. She found herself going with him to visit the children and her heart leapt when they welcomed her with open arms.

On the walk back home she asked him when he had started coming there. "When things changed between us, Cheri… I found myself left with a hole in my heart and an incessant need to fill the void."

"But you were the one that backed away from me first." Rachel said confused. "You pulled away, Edward… I was just a kid… I didn't know how to stop it so I just let it happen."

"I needed to learn how to be a father so that I could feel worthy of you." Edward said in his tear filled confession. "I figured the only people that could teach me, besides you, were other children." Rachel embraced him immediately telling him he never had to learn… she just wanted him to be there. The talk was a long time coming. For the first time in his life, Edward felt what it was like to feel truly forgiven.

* * *

When Rachel returned to the states her first order of business was a scheduled meeting with Charlie about her next career move. Whether she wanted to go back to Broadway or pursue other Hollywood endeavors she wasn't sure. As she walked out onto the thirteenth floor and into her dad's office she wasn't surprised that some of the secretaries refused to make eye contact. She may have garnered a small reputation with them for being a diva… she was thankful though that, despite that, they chalked it up to her relationship with her dad rather than being the high maintenance person she actually was. She had tried her best to keep that personality flaw under wraps as much as possible.

"Nancy," She said to Charlie's secretary. "I'm here for my meeting with Daddy. Is he ready?" The secretary nodded her head yes without looking up at Rachel. The action made Rachel chuckle internally. She thought maybe they would have gotten over the last tantrum she threw in the office. Guess not.

She waltzed into the office where Charlie was sitting at his desk, feet propped up and talking on the phone. "Yeah mom. Ok mom. I love you too mom. I'll be sure to tell her. Alright mom. I gotta go, my client just walked in." He said hanging up the phone.

"Client?" Rachel stated with a raised eyebrow.

"She doesn't need to know semantics."

"Poor Nanny Ev." Rachel laughed. "How are she and Poppy Joe doing?"

"They are doing well. She sends her love. They miss you something terrible. If you can work it in, how about going and visiting your grandparents?"

Rachel nodded. She had come to love Charlie's parents more than she thought imaginable. They had never treated her any different from Vanessa and Brent. She was forever grateful to have them in her life. "Will do, so what's so important that I had to come straight from JFK to here?" She asks motioning to her luggage.

"Sorry, I know it wasn't convenient but it is, however, very important." Charlie said apologizing to his daughter. "You may have heard from your mother that I recently hired a new partner here."

Rachel nodded curiously. She had heard there was a new partner, but that was as far as her intel went.

"This may come as a bit of a shock to you, Princess, but the more the kids grow up the more I just wish I was around. It's kind of hard to do with your career as booming as it is right now, not that I don't love being your manager…"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Rachel said stopping Charlie's ramblings. "Are you handing me over?!"

"Now Pumpkin, please, I wouldn't trust anyone else with my highest profile client if I wasn't sure he could handle this…"

"This is absolutely unacceptable, Daddy!" The 21 year old yelled standing and stomping her foot as her tantrum built.

Charlie leaned over his buzzer and quietly called for his secretary to send in the new partner while Rachel ranted dramatically about Charlie "throwing her over a cliff."

When he walked into the room Rachel looked up stunned for a minute before uttering a, "Hell no." And marching out of the room and as far away from Noah Puckerman as she could get. She hadn't counted on him chasing after her.

"Oh come on Jew Babe, I know it's been a while…"

"A while? A while! It's been five years Noah! You haven't spoken to me in five fucking years!" She yelled at him while impatiently waiting for the elevator to open. Noah was fast approaching and if her heels weren't custom made Louboutin's the designer had given her personally in France, she would be throwing them at her ex boyfriend and once best friend.

"And you have made multiple attempts to contact me? Huh! God, you are such a fucking hypocrite!" He yelled back at her as the elevator opened and they both walked in. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"As if, I only ended things because you had to go after that hussy, Lauren and confuse me about how you felt!" It wasn't completely true but Rachel was out for blood.

Suddenly Rachel found herself pinned up against the elevator wall. "I only went after Zizes because you deserved better than who I was at the time." Rachel's breath hitched as her gaze flickered to his lips. For a split second, she was certain he was going to kiss her. She was minutely disappointed when he didn't and it fueled her earlier anger.

Noah moved away as the elevator dinged opening on the bottom floor. "Luici's at 8. Be there and on time, we have business to discuss." He said leaving a brooding Rachel in the elevator. She didn't know whether to feel indignant or insanely turned on.

Dinner went much like the elevator meeting with tempers and underlying passion. Whatever business should have been accomplished wasn't at all. In an effort to regain some of her pride, Rachel stormed out of the restaurant early and went home to her apartment.

She only conversed with her new management over emails for weeks before Shelby convinced her to give him a real try. She told her that Charlie had taken Noah under his wing and that Noah really did know what he was doing. Rachel refused to comment when Shelby asked if she had lingering feelings for her ex boyfriend. Shelby knew it wasn't like Rachel hadn't been seeing people. It was just that nothing ever seemed to work out.

Rachel finally ended up insisting that she felt nothing for the man and that she was just upset that Charlie had discarded her so easily. It was a partial lie that Rachel would one day have to recount to her parents, but for now she accepted their doting on her in efforts to "make up for their error."

She eventually set aside her feelings as long as Noah promised to remain purely professional. She didn't know why she was so afraid of her feelings for him. She just was. Noah agreed even though he had admitted to himself long ago that Rachel Berry was the love of his life. Still, he refused to let her have the upper hand by knowing that little piece of information. They were both insanely stubborn leaving Shelby to wonder if her and Charlie trying to play matchmaker was a bad idea.

* * *

It turns out Noah really was a good management choice for Rachel as she soon found her home office littered with scripts from people that now wanted to work with her. She liked the idea of going back to Broadway, but Noah pushed a television opportunity he felt like she would be an idiot to pass up.

The role was a new drama series called _Clandestine. _Rachel would play CIA operative, Michelle Roman, and chronicled her life as an undercover agent. It also would mean Rachel would have to move Los Angeles permanently and she became apprehensive at the thought. She felt like she had spent too much time away from her family recently and now he wanted her to move for good? Noah explained that he knew it would be hard, but he himself intended to make the move with her should she take the role. Ultimately, it was the better choice for her career and she accepted.

During the filming of the pilot Rachel found herself learning to lean more on Noah as the two became closer. The show was quickly picked up for a full 24 episode season by the Fox network. Noah and Rachel found themselves spending all of their down time together and over the course of filming they made their relationship official.

_Clandestine_ was a hit, drawing in millions of people every Thursday night at 9pm EST. They watched as Rachel infiltrated herself into the most notorious terrorist organization to date hidden away in the country of Belarus. As the first season came to an end, most viewers were left on the fence as to whether Rachel's loyalty lied with the United States or with her Communist counterparts who had ties to her past. The season finale was a huge cliffhanger with the audience finding out Rachel's last name had derived from the Belarusian surname Romanchuk and some how that small detail had eluded the CIA.

The show wins five Emmy awards after the close of it's premiere season including a Best Actress in a Television Drama Series for Rachel. When accepting her award Rachel chuckled in front of the audience and said "You know the question I get asked most is how do I keep up with playing a double agent? I simply tell them that my mother spent most of my life being my mother while being called my aunt… I guess I get it honest?" It wasn't a jab at Shelby like the media played it out to be… Rachel called her crying wanting to convince her that they were wrong and she was just trying to make a joke.

Shelby told her the press were idiots and that she had laughed her ass off when she heard it. "Some people will never get the fact that our relationship works, baby. They think there should be more drama. I say we've had enough drama." Rachel agreed and so did her fans as the show grew in popularity mainly because of her. She would go on to win two more consecutive Emmy's for the role.

* * *

Another year passed and Shelby found herself performing at the Grammy Awards. She had completed writing her song "Brave" over the last seven years and it was featured in the most talked about movie of the year: _The Legacy of a Dreamer: The Story of Jonathan Larson. _"Brave" had more to do with Shelby's life story and her family than it did with her time working on _Rent_. But the Larson family had fallen in love with the song when she performed it at a charity event they attended and asked if it could be used in the film. It was the least she could do for them after all Jon had done early on in her career.

In the middle of the song the original cast of Rent came out on stage and performed their respective lines from Angel's funeral while pictures of Jonathan were displayed across a jumbo screen behind them and music played softly in the background. Soon Shelby's song morphed into the "I'll Cover You" reprise and the crowd erupted in tear filled applause.

Shelby didn't win the Grammy she was up for, but it didn't matter to her. The song was about her life's journey. Her's and her parents. Her's and Kate's. Her's and Rachel's. She didn't need a statue to remind her how far they had all come or how far they might still need to go.

Rachel, who was unable to be at the event to support her mother, sent Shelby a text: "_You always said how lucky you were that we were all friends. But it was us, baby, who were the lucky ones." I get chills every time you say that line. Despite everything, I'm glad you were apart of RENT. Proud of you tonight. Sorry you didn't win, Mama. Love you! Miss you!_

Shelby smiled as she read the text. _Love and miss you too, baby girl._

* * *

_Clandestine_ was now an international phenomenon and along with it, Rachel. Sometimes she enjoyed the media attention. Most of them didn't bother her at all… just took pictures as she went about her business. It was the people that wrote the stories that went along with some of the pictures that upset the actress. Currently the media was convinced her boyfriend/manager was cheating on her with some of his new cliental. Maybe it wouldn't have bothered her so much if she had actually seen Noah over the course of the last three weeks, but she hadn't. At least not in person.

She walked into her LA bungalow and found her senses assaulted with an aroma of lilacs and a thousand candles flickering in her view. She looked to the middle of the candles and there down on one knee was the love of her life. "Marry me? I simply couldn't wait a moment longer, babe."

Rachel pulled Noah from his knees and kissed him soundly. "What about all those floozies in the paper?"

"They can't hold a candle to my Jewish American Princess." He shrugged with a smile. "I tried to light a candle in honor of every one, but I ran out of room."

"Oh, shut up you ass." Rachel said as she began to laugh.

They were to be married later that year back in New York. A week before the ceremony, Rachel squealed as she was met by three people she hadn't seen in far too long. They had kept contact through Facebook but it just wasn't the same as being in each other's presence.

"Well, well, if it isn't the Hobbit come back to the Shire." Santana said as Rachel ushered them into the bridal boutique.

"Satan. Glad to see some thing's never change." Rachel said with a smile.

"Please, I work on Wall Street. It's dog eat dog out there. If anything it only feeds my malice. I fucking love it." Santana said giving her favorite pint sized diva a hug. "Congrats, on finally roping in the Puckasaurus. For a while I thought the two of you were going to spend the rest of your lives pining after each other."

Rachel smiled as then looked over to the bouncy blonde next to Santana and gave her a hug. "It's so good to see you Britt. How's the preschool class?"

"It's going great, Rae. I'm taking them to the zoo tomorrow."

Rachel looked over as the final piece of the Unholy Trinity sashed her way into the shop. "Berry." She nodded.

"Fabray." The two seemed to playfully stare each other down for a moment before Rachel spoke up with a smirk. "So what's it like working for the enemy?"

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Rachel. I'm a CNN news anchor. I report REAL news. I could care less what you eat for breakfast."

Rachel opened her arms to embrace her old friend. "I've missed you , Q."

"I've missed you too, Rae."

"Stop groping the Berries, Fabray!" Santana yelled breaking the moment. "We gots some dresses to try on!" The room was filled with laughter and soon they got down to business. They were there for a reason after all.

Noah and Rachel ended up having a traditional Jewish wedding. It was more for the Bubbes then anything else, but honestly it didn't matter to the two how they got married. Just that it happened.

After the reception, as Noah and Rachel entered the limo that would take them to the airport, Shelby leaned in through the window. "You know it's not too late to change your destination."

It caused the young couple to laugh. "Mama, Noah's never been to Vegas. I'm perfectly ok with it."

Shelby narrowed her eyes. "If I hear anything about being locked on a roof or police chases or…"

"Bye mom." Noah said cheekily as began to roll up the window.

"I'm serious, Noah Puckerman! Don't you go getting my baby into any trouble!" She yelled after the limo that was driving away.

Shelby slumped her shoulders. Her baby was all grown up and married.

"They'll be fine." Charlie whispered in her ear while hugging her from behind. "Just fine." Shelby hugged Charlie back. She knew it was true.

* * *

When Rachel and Noah got back from their short honeymoon they were right back to business. Rachel had another half of the current season of _Clandestine_ to film and Noah was also trying to renegotiate her contract. Just when they thought the deal was set and done with Rachel about to sign herself into becoming the highest paid small screen actress in Hollywood, tragedy struck.

Rachel had just walked off set after filming the final episode, when she received the call. Her 13 year old little brother Brent had woken up that morning paralyzed from the waste down and felt it was rapidly moving further up. The family was currently at the hospital as the doctor's worked trying to figure out what had happened.

Rachel and Noah left for New York immediately. By the time they had arrived at Mt. Sinai, Brent had been diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome. He had contracted it after having the flu. Two weeks prior he has started to feel numbness and tingling in his feet and legs but thought nothing of it. The doctor's said he was lucky they came in when they did.

Brent remained in the hospital for four agonizing weeks before he was finally released with a clean bill of health. He would be bound to a wheelchair, but with time and therapy could learn to walk again.

"I'm not going back." Rachel said to her husband as they pulled the car around for her brother.

"Babe…"

"No, Noah. Brent could have died! I belong here with my family and that's that."

Noah simply nodded. When he called the producers to let them know that Rachel wouldn't be renewing her contract per personal reasons, they were heartbroken. The entire show centered around Rachel's character. What were they supposed to do now?

"Look man." Noah told one of the big wigs. "Rachel almost lost her brother. Time is just too precious to spend it away from her family any longer."

Two weeks later the studio called back and offered to move the entire production to New York. After encouragement from Brent and the rest of her family, Rachel accepts the offer. Brent was able fully recover later that year. Rachel and Shelby had been the ones to work with him at therapy the most. When he took his first steps again, Rachel hugged him and told him that he was the bravest person she knew. "My brother, my hero." She whispered as they were both taken back to a time that seemed so long ago.

* * *

Being back in New York brought a breath of fresh air to Rachel. She not only was still getting to work at a job she loved, but was also spending more time with her family. Something she had greatly missed over the years in Los Angeles.

One Sunday as Rachel and Vanessa, were sitting in Rachel's high rise apartment, Vanessa confessed to her sister that she now wanted to be a doctor.

Rachel raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I thought you wanted to be a dancer?" She said to the fifteen year old who had dreamt her entire life of ballet.

"I did it's just.." Vanessa said moving from the couch to the large window overlooking the Manhattan skyline.

"Van, talk to me." Rachel says after noticing a change in the girl.

"You know, I think the hardest thing in the world is watching someone you love suffer." Vanessa began after a pause. "It's not just the whole thing with Brent." She sighs. "I remember when you almost died too, you know? I was so scared, Rae… I could hear what mom was saying to Nanny and Poppy but I didn't understand it. All I knew was that you were really sick and it was enough to make Mama cry." Rachel put a hand on her sister's shoulder as the younger girl continued. "There wasn't anything I could do. And then this whole thing with Brent happened…" Vanessa took a deep shaky breath as Rachel intently listened. "I don't want to ever feel that helpless again. I don't want to have to just stand by and wait… I want to be able to do something about it."

Rachel pulled her little sister into a hug. "I think you'll make a great doctor, Pipsqueak." Rachel whispered into Vanessa's ear.

It caused the girl to giggle as she pulled away from one of the people she looked up to most in life. "You haven't called me that in years."

Rachel hummed in response as she walked over to her kitchen. "Doesn't mean you aren't still my Pip," She flashes the girl a grin. "Just means I don't torture you with it as much."

Vanessa matched Rachel's smile, but it soon morphed into disgust as Rachel pulled out a jar of Zesty Garlic Spear pickles. "Ok, what is wrong with you? You hate those things. You complain every time Puck buys a jar."

The older sister shrugs in response before taking out a fork and fishing for her snack.

"You aren't pregnant are you?" Vanessa asks jokingly.

Rachel's laughs at the absurdity of the statement until her eyes widen. She abandons her food and runs over to her phone and flipping through her tracking calendar. "Shit."

* * *

It was three weeks before Rachel could get confirmed what three home tests had already suggested. She was pregnant. It wasn't planned. Her scheduled didn't really allow for it at the moment. It's not that she and Noah hadn't talked about having children… they both really wanted kids… but they had both wanted to wait. Still, Rachel couldn't help but see this as a blessing. If they had tried to plan it, would she have ever slowed down enough?

She shook the possibility out of her head. They were gonna have a baby and being a firm believer in there is no time like the present, Rachel decided to make a pit stop at the office to tell Noah the good news. She steeled her features and waltzed into the thirteenth floor office like she owned it… well at least by proxy. She laughed inwardly as the office girls got suddenly busy as she entered and she didn't even bother to ask if her husband was in a meeting or not. This was more important. Funny enough, none of the girls tried to stop her… anymore.

"Hey babe." Puck said greeting Rachel as she entered closing the door behind her. They could wait and tell Charlie later with the rest of the family. Of course… Vanessa knew and Brent somehow, but that was ok. Rachel trusted her little secret with them. Maybe when they were all kids it was hard to keep such truths from their parents, but now they had learned the true joy of adolescence. Rachel was very proud.

"Hey yourself." Rachel says lightheartedly.

"Didn't expect a visit from you today, but I'm not complaining." Noah says getting up from his chair and making his way around his desk to kiss his wife. It's hard for him to believe they've been married almost two years now.

"Just got back from my doctor's visit and thought I'd stop by." Rachel says as Noah releases her and goes back over to his desk. She follows.

"Oh yeah. Nutritionalist? General practitioner?"

"OB/GYN."

"Well I know everything is good to go there." He says waggling his eyebrows and glancing quickly below her waste line. He only does it to get a rise out of her. It works.

"Noah! Must you be so crass?" She asks sitting in front of him on his desk.

"You know me, babe." He says leaning in to kiss her again.

Rachel hums as she breaks away this time. "Yes I do."

Puck chuckles. "Not that I'm not loving the view, Rach, but I can't get any work done with you sitting on my desk."

Rachel smiles coyly. "And I can't tell you I'm pregnant with you concentrated on working."

Puck laughs not really processing what his wife has said. He gets up to move her himself and in the midst of picking her up it hits him. "Did you say?"

"I did."

"Fuck me."

"I believe that's what got us here." Rachel says wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waste in a full body hug.

"Who's crass now?" Noah says before kissing her soundly.

"I learned from the best." They both chuckle at that.

"We're gonna…" Kiss. "Have a…" Kiss. "Baby." Kiss. Noah says causing Rachel to giggle.

"Yeah, we're gonna have a baby."

Puck can't seem to wipe the smile off his face as he kisses Rachel once more. He's gonna be a dad. They are going to be parents. This is one of the happiest days of his life. Right next to the day Rachel said I do. He's kissing her with more purpose with every intent of celebrating right now in his favorite way. That is until Charlie walks into the previously closed office ruining their private moment.

"Oh fucking hell. I don't need that image burned into my head." He says covering his eyes and trying to blindly back track out of the room.

"Dude, we are fully clothed."

"Hello! She's my daughter! Besides, isn't the honeymoon stage supposed to be over!?" Charlie then hits his knee on the edge of the coffee table next to the couch.

"Dad!" Rachel says unhooking herself from her husband and running over to Charlie. "Are you ok?" She asks concerned as Charlie rubs his knee.

"Fine." He scowls and then turns to look at his business partner and son-in-law. "There is a no sex policy in the office." He states firmly and gestures in a circle trying to convey that he means everywhere.

Noah smirks. "Really? Because I have this feeling that Shelby doesn't have lunch with you everyday just to eat… Unless…"

"Gross!" Rachel yells feeling sick. "Don't you dare say anymore Noah Puckerman or I'm cutting you off for a month!"

"What are we talking about?" Shelby says entering the office.

"Nothing!" The three shout simultaneously.

Once everyone was informed of the pregnancy Rachel found herself the center of everyone's attention. She loved it, but it didn't mean she had an easy pregnancy. The opposite by far. Her weight and stature, mixed with her allergies to certain foods proved to be quite a challenge. She felt like no matter how much she ate she was still underweight and it was scary. Eventually she was ordered to be put on bed rest as well. The possibility of losing their little one weighed heavy on everybody's mind.

When she went into labor, Rachel was terrified. Shelby ended up being the one to step up to the plate and get her daughter through it though.

"You can do this baby. You are a Tony and Emmy award winning actress. You've worked under Barbra Streisand. You've been through more in your life than anyone ever should. You can have this baby."

"What if I'm not good enough?" Rachel said her fears weighing her down heavily.

"You'll make mistakes. It's a part of being a parent. But when that baby is in your arms for the first time…" Shelby pauses. "There is gonna be nothing more important to you on this earth. Trust me baby. You can do this."

"Promise me." Rachel says as the doctor gets ready for her to start pushing. "Promise me, you'll be there every step of the way."

Shelby smiles. "I promise."

Rachel gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. They name him Levi Noah Puckerman. Brent asks them what the baby's nickname will be since he is Buck, Charlie is Chuck and Noah is Puck.

"That's easy." Noah says. "This little guy is Luck. Cause we are the luckiest people alive to have him." Everyone agrees. It was a perfect nickname.

Rachel watched as Noah handed their son over to Shelby who was now cradling Levi in her arms for the first time. Memories flashed before her one by one. Each year of support. Each year of love. She couldn't believe it had been ten years since her life had drastically changed. But she knew it in her heart… Shelby may not have always been known as her mother but she had always been there. And Rachel? Rachel may not have gotten to spend every day with Shelby, but she had always felt that unbreakable connection. Though she still felt the loss of Kate, Rachel couldn't imagine it any other way. She somehow felt like this was always how it was supposed to be. There was no why or reason. Just two souls forever lined together no matter what circumstances were thrown at them.

The mother and daughter shared a tear filled gaze as both mouthed "I love you." No one said anything audible. They just let them have their moment. Shelby kissed her grandson's head as she handed him back over to Rachel. She put her arm around her daughter in a half hug as they both looked from Levi to the others in the room. They couldn't help but feel what they had learned in their long struggle together. Family really was everything.

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**A/N: Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing; for following and favoriting. This was my first attempt at FanFiction and I feel I have grown so much in my writing over the last year. Your support throughout the process has meant the world to me. An extra special thanks to Melissa and Andrea for encouraging me to write this story in the first place and thanks for inspiring me with your stories. Thanks to Kailey, Venna, Elizabeth, and Lori. Whether by encouragement or ideas, you helped in keeping me going. And thanks to all those that reviewed after every update. You will forever have a special place in my heart.**


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